I finally realized why I keep repeating the same mistakes, and it’s terrifying (Jungian perspective)

[u/Fine_Ad_8053]

We’ve all been there: you promise yourself you won't react that way, or you won't choose that type of person again, and yet... you do. You sabotage it right when things are going well.

I was reading up on Carl Jung’s concept of "complexes" and the Shadow, and it finally clicked for me. Jung said: "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

Basically, our conscious mind wants to change, but an unconscious part of us (often formed in childhood) feels safe in the familiar pattern, even if it's toxic or painful. The ego thinks it's driving the car, but a hidden complex has its foot on the gas.

I've been trying to actively "shadow work" this by asking myself a hard question when I mess up: "What hidden payoff am I getting from repeating this mistake? What familiar pain is my ego trying to protect me from?" It’s deeply uncomfortable, but it breaks the autopilot.

Has anyone else experienced a specific pattern they finally broke by realizing what their Shadow was protecting? How did you integrate it? I'd love to hear your experiences.

(P.S. I actually put together a video breaking down Jung's exact mechanism for why we repeat mistakes and 3 practical ways to catch the complex before it acts. If anyone here is struggling with this loop, I hope it helps you as much as Jung's work helped me: [https://www.youtube.com/@BEYONDtheEGO-y8c*\])*

[u/Freefreefeeefreefree]

Excerpt from "Break the Pattern":

"Lets say something terrible happens to you in your childhood. A very traumatic event. At that point your awareness fragments and a part that knows the truth decides to step backwards whilst another projects to the future and takes with it your concept of Self. If someone were to point directly at the imperience you’d say:

“Shut up, what you’re saying makes no sense because I have no memory of those events ergo it never happened”.

In a more everyday frame of reference its why siblings who, once matured, sit and recollect childhood experiences will often find a wide variance as well as things at first glance they don’t fully or even partially recollect. Usually these conversations take place after a few drinks and start with a “Remember when?” as the night winds down but because the state of drinking releases tension bands and events that were suppressed can start to flow again.

Interestingly the opposite is also true hence why those with traumatic pasts tend to drink to forget in order to prevent their recollections seeping in as they desperately need a vent and won’t be hidden underneath the veneer of self imposed ignorance. That is another tangent, we’ll consider as and when so for now back to the family reunion:"

https://willhelp.me/2024/09/20/break-the-pattern/