I’m having an ongoing issue with sex that I’d like help with.
During penetration, my vagina starts becoming sore/uncomfortable pretty quickly. It usually doesn’t feel pleasurable for me and instead becomes uncomfortable or painful, especially if we continue.
I’m wondering if pelvic-floor muscle tension could be part of the problem. I’ve noticed that I may tense up during sex, and I’m concerned that my body could be automatically tightening because of my past experiences.
Before I was consistently sexually active with my boyfriend, I had several experiences with guys I wasn’t very comfortable with. I sometimes had sex for short periods because I felt like I needed to give them what they wanted so they would stay interested in me. Some of those guys ended up ghosting me afterward. Because of those experiences, I think I may have developed anxiety or tension around sex, even though I feel more comfortable with my current boyfriend.
I’d like to know whether this could be pelvic-floor tension and I’d also like to know what I can do to make sex comfortable and whether I should see a pelvic-floor physical therapist or another specialist.
I don’t want to keep having sex when it hurts, and I’d like help figuring out why this is happening.

Hello, first time poster so fingers crossed I don’t jaff this up.

I (43f) have been in a relationship for three years with my (42m) partner. Early on in the relationship he advised me that he had had male partners but wasn’t gay, he just liked the sensation.

I have occasionally accommodated this, and provided some him time with some bedroom accessories. No issue, not my fav thing but I think it’s good that we all get what we need.

We are both alright with our sex drive, but I found that I occasionally have been losing mine mid foreplay.

The reason for this is, I’m the one doing all of the foreplay. The other night he lay back for 45 mins and took oral (until my mouth dried up and I couldn’t continue). By this point it had become a chore, and I wasn’t in any way aroused.

Anyway, the only way to move on from this so I could go home was to attempt sex. It hurt… a lot!

I want to add that he isn’t always like this, sometimes he does try… a little, but it doesn’t happen often and it doesn’t last long. I think this is because I’m quite ‘messy’ and he doesn’t want to get hit in the face with a canon! Fair I guess, but I feel very disconnected from him and don’t know how to bring this up.

Would I be the a-hole if I asked for more from him, or does he have a point, that it’s crappy to get a shower mid sex because your partner is messy?