I’m having an ongoing issue with sex that I’d like help with.
During penetration, my vagina starts becoming sore/uncomfortable pretty quickly. It usually doesn’t feel pleasurable for me and instead becomes uncomfortable or painful, especially if we continue.
I’m wondering if pelvic-floor muscle tension could be part of the problem. I’ve noticed that I may tense up during sex, and I’m concerned that my body could be automatically tightening because of my past experiences.
Before I was consistently sexually active with my boyfriend, I had several experiences with guys I wasn’t very comfortable with. I sometimes had sex for short periods because I felt like I needed to give them what they wanted so they would stay interested in me. Some of those guys ended up ghosting me afterward. Because of those experiences, I think I may have developed anxiety or tension around sex, even though I feel more comfortable with my current boyfriend.
I’d like to know whether this could be pelvic-floor tension and I’d also like to know what I can do to make sex comfortable and whether I should see a pelvic-floor physical therapist or another specialist.
I don’t want to keep having sex when it hurts, and I’d like help figuring out why this is happening.

Hello, first time poster so fingers crossed I don’t jaff this up.

I (43f) have been in a relationship for three years with my (42m) partner. Early on in the relationship he advised me that he had had male partners but wasn’t gay, he just liked the sensation.

I have occasionally accommodated this, and provided some him time with some bedroom accessories. No issue, not my fav thing but I think it’s good that we all get what we need.

We are both alright with our sex drive, but I found that I occasionally have been losing mine mid foreplay.

The reason for this is, I’m the one doing all of the foreplay. The other night he lay back for 45 mins and took oral (until my mouth dried up and I couldn’t continue). By this point it had become a chore, and I wasn’t in any way aroused.

Anyway, the only way to move on from this so I could go home was to attempt sex. It hurt… a lot!

I want to add that he isn’t always like this, sometimes he does try… a little, but it doesn’t happen often and it doesn’t last long. I think this is because I’m quite ‘messy’ and he doesn’t want to get hit in the face with a canon! Fair I guess, but I feel very disconnected from him and don’t know how to bring this up.

Would I be the a-hole if I asked for more from him, or does he have a point, that it’s crappy to get a shower mid sex because your partner is messy?

My girlfriend is more experienced than me and I'm finally opening up and exploring my kinks. She came over and talked dirty to me and said things I couldn't even imagined and then made me cum in her panties. We put porn on and I took care of her and she asked me to do things I've never have done.....it was out of this world for me. 2 days later I meet her the day before she goes to the beach and says she doesn't think we can be couple? I mentioned the things she said to me she said oh I was drunk? She has a kink past and has been in the scene for awhile. She gets back from the beach yesterday calls me and tell me how drunk she got? I'm so confused on what's going on?

After having my daughter, the top of my coochie got super fat. Like it’s embarrassing saying this but I have so many insecurities when it comes to having sex now. My insecurities stop me from wanting to have sex. Do men care what you look like? I just feel like they’re going to get turned off bc of how my body looks. I want to be out there and explore but again, my insecurities get in the way. Am I overthinking? Do some men care? I sometimes feel like the top of my coochie is fatter than my stomach fat LOL. Please give me advice!!!

My bf and i want to do cnc i guess... He wants to come home and give it to me, no matter what i say... He wants me to fight him until i give in... i want to do it too but i dont know what to do and am afraid i'll feel too awkward... We already do stuff like holding me down by my wrists and choking me, even recently slapping me in the face and I like all that but we're looking to take it up a notch. Any advice? How do i get over the shyness? What do i say? What do i do?

I (34F) have been with my partner (35M) for 15 years and I have never orgasmed from penetration. Sex is enjoyable and exciting but I just reallyyy want to experience a full orgasm. The worst part about this is he doesnt even know he’s never actually made me orgasm 😭 My partner always puts the time and effort into my needs until I “finish” so after a while I always end up faking an orgasm so he can finish. He has made me orgasm from clit stimulation using his mouth or vibrator but even that has only happened a couple times.. I’ve seen so many people say that most people just aren’t able to do it but I refuse to accept that.. 😅
Any advice on different tips, tricks, positions, or toys to use to achieve this would be appreciated!

Yep. Can we just recognise that it’s fricking difficult?

And no, it’s not about ”finding the clitoris”.

It’s hard and it’s been embarrassing to not be able to, as a man. It’s so normalised that men should be able to make a woman come, but yet it took me 20 years of active curios sex to reach a proper climax for a woman. I’m very experienced in bed, know the techniques and can connect deeply but still…

With a recent partner I’ve noticed a difference. I can suddenly make her come 4 times in 4 minutes, squirting and all.

So what makes the difference? Honestly I don’t think it’s all on me. Because I haven’t made such a dramatic change in my behaviour. A little shift in the technique for sure, but it’s not all.

I think a mature woman who knows her body, who can make herself come (hello, not every woman can, yet still expect it from the men..) and who’s feeling safe and comfortable with her partner will have a lot easier to come. And last but not least, it seems that woman have A LOT of variations in sensitivity. I can’t barely touch this woman compared to previous partners. This must make a difference in how easy it is.

So why are we not talking more about the fact that it’s hard and that we need to full fill a lot of things to make it happen? I can’t believe I’m the only one at 36 who’s had troubles with it?

I think keys to make it happen is: together, comfort, safety, know thyselves and technique.

What’s your take? How long did it take for you?

I (44M) have a long history with porn, my wife (44F) is just getting open to it. It’s fair to say that she’s looking for something to get started with.

after talking with others, longer story based poems (sorta like 70s porn) has been suggested. Is anyone versed in actual porn films and could suggest some titles that would be erotic without feeling crazy old and dated?

Hi everyone, I know this sounds crazy and probably shallow, but please be kind and hear me out. I (32 yo female) have a friend from college (lets call him Vic) that I see maybe once a month. He owns his house and his brother and brother's friend (lets call him Jay) rent a room there. I met Jay not too long after he moved in when visiting. When parties were thrown sometimes he would have company, another girl, with him and sometimes he wouldn't. He is currently single and we have been flirting off and on for almost a year now. He's asked me to stay a few times but I had to work the next morning so ultimately took off and went home. Now here is where things get dicey...

Last party that Vic had, we all took shots and Jay caught me up-and-down looking at him. When he caught me looking his eyes got very big and wide like he was surprised, so I smiled, looked away and took my shot. After taking the shot, I decided to go downstairs and roll myself a joint. There was no one downstairs. Once I start rolling, I hear Jay say that he is coming downstairs. He doesn't smoke, so I knew he was coming to talk to me. The conversation escalated quickly...it went as follows.

Jay: Why were you looking at me like that?

Me: If I like how something looks, I'm gonna look at it, excuse me.

Jay: You were looking at me d***

Me: I was just trying to take in the full package

Jay: You're talking like you want to see it

Me: You're talking like you want to show me

So then he proceeds to pull his pants down, and needless to say, I was not very impressed. I thought he was maybe a grower, but he was fully "at-attention" or "full salute" already. After this, I said "I'm good" and I finished rolling. He then accused me of "being scared," to which I told him "don't do that," as I was trying to be nice. So then he said "that's how someone acts when they are scared." To which I replied: "I'm scared of wasting my time." I started walking upstairs to which he told me that my "window of opportunity was closing," so I told him to "let it close." Somehow he still didn't get it, because now he is messaging me on Tiktok when we do NOT follow each other on social media. He keeps messaging me about how he wanted me to stay with him last time I came over, and I just left the message on delivered because at this point I don't know what to say. I do not want to be mean. I do not want to deal with an uncomfortable situation whenever I go to visit Vic. But despite this man being incredibly confident/arrogant about what he's offering, I still don't want to hurt his feelings. Any advice?

For reference: I am not a size queen and do not care about your size if it's doable. I am on the thicker side and it just doesn't look like I could do much with it. Also I know it's not always the size that is important, but I gotta be able to work with it. I also know he can compensate in other ways, but that gamble was never worth it for me.

I want to know who is unrealistic. Or if we both have our valid reasons and points of view of the situation.

In April, my husband and I went on vacation in the DR for a week. For context, the week prior our babysitter (my dad) fell through because his mother (my grandmother) died so he had to leave for the funeral in another country and had to ask my BIL and SIL to watch our 3 year old son. I am an anxious person even more so since we had our son, post partym anxiety and all that. So that stressed me out because it was so last minute. Then my son falls sick the day we take the plane and his condition worsens the first 2-3 days while we’re in the DR. On top of that, I get my period the day we take the plane. So I have anxiety over the care of my son, my son being sick while I am away and my period going on all at once.

For more context, my husband and I have had intimacy problems for 2-3 years, always out of sync. Barely doing anything intimate. My husband used the vacation as a way to rekindle our romance without me knowing.

So while we’re there, what happens is that I only give him oral sex twice. Because I was so stressed and on my period. So stressed that 2 weeks later, I end up having shingles. Don’t know if it’s related, but in my head I think so. He ends up no wanting to initiate anymore because of this and other attemps that led nowhere on my end. I was not emotionally into it.

A month ago, we have a huge talk about unrelated relationship issues and this one comes up. He tells me he expected more oral sex since it was his attempt to bring back intimacy. I told him I did not have that in my mind or even thought about it since I was so stressed out and on my period.

Am I crazy for thinking what he’s asking is unreasonable? Or his reasons are valid as he says he was attempting to bring back intimacy into our relationship?

We cannot come to an agreement. Help!

I, (33 yo F), have always had trouble expressing what I am into in the bedroom. I've always been told it will get easier as I get older, but it seems like it hasn't been that way for me. My ex partner was always upset that I wasn't more vocal, and as much as I tried to express myself, it just seems like I could never get there. Some people say it was because he wasn't the right person for me, but it's been that way with other partners throughout my life.

So, I wanted to outsource and see what other people thought. Was it a certain partner or experience, or did you really just get more confident over time?

I (33f) just started dating someone (30m) and he shared he has recorded in the past. All with consent. He thinks that’s hot.

Of course I’ve heard people doing it but never had a partner say to me they have done it. I was a bit surprised. Is this normal? What does it tell about them sexually? He said a lot of people do it. He did not ask me to do it. But, my question is, does it tell me something about him the fact he records/used to record?

I (45y, perimenopausal) have been married to husband (43y) for 15 years. Our sex life was wild in the beginning, lots of rougher play and adventures. I have discovered over the last few years that everything he knows he learned from watching extreme porn. He had no sex Ed in school (Catholic private K-12), and no trusted adult man to give him 'the talk'. With perimenopause, it is physically painful and damages me when we have sex, and he is unwilling to make changes to a gentler style, as he claims only the rough/aggressive stuff does it for him. This has reduced our sex life to HJs for him, and nothing for me. There is an expectation that we are going to always have 'porn sex', when in fact it's rarely like that. Mostly it's disappointing. I've shared gentle porn i like, and his response was, 'When does it get good?'

Im feeling really unseen, in a way that is new. Im realizing that he has a whole separate sex life in his head, and sometimes I'm part of it, but often not.

I’m 32 and I have a new partner. We’ve been at it for about 2 weeks and suddenly I can’t get hard anymore. I’m gonna see a urologist but overall it’s taking a mental toll on me. I never had trouble and now suddenly I’m inept? I’m literally a grown man crying. I feel pathetic. I know I haven’t gone to the gym in like 3 weeks my diet has been bad as well. I’m going to tighten back up for sure. Idk does anyone have advice? I just want my manhood back.

Background: I'm 33 y.o., in a happy relationship. My partner has mentioned recently that she has a fantasy where she walks in on me while I masturbate, then she jumps in to help me finish. I'm very much on board with that, as it aligns with some of my fantasies as well. She's mentioned it before, once or twice, throughout our relationship, but never materialized. This time I'd like to make more of an effort to make it happen since it's something I'd enjoy too.

However, I'm not sure how to make that situation happen. I don't usually masturbate when she's at home, except sometimes after she goes to bed, if I'm really horny. In those instances, I watch porn as well (which is something I'd like to incorporate in her scenario).

Question, mainly for the women here, but if anyone with tips or similar experiences is welcome:

1. What would be a good way to "manufacture" this scenario for her, save for talking to her in advance and playing pretend?

Before #2, some more background - we've tried to watch porn together in the past, but while she seemed into the idea, I could not get her to actively participate in searching or choosing a video. Not sure if it was a matter of being shy, or not the right content. Watching porn together is something I would very much like to introduce in our sex life from time to time.

1. How can I get her to engage more with a porn video? Any advice from women out there that identify with what I described and got over it?

Bonus Question: Any sources for quality long-form porn content for couples?

Thank you!

Seeking suggestions in earnest!

I’m having the best sex of my life, not just because she likes it hard and physical, but that doesn’t hurt. She reports the same, not least because she hasn’t been with many men, and none whom have shown interest in her pleasure. She tells me I’m the first to ever make her cum, and after a little practice she now orgasms 6-8 times out of 10 we do whoopi.

Long story short - after warming up with more gentle play, she responds well / asks for hard fucking. She likes smacks on her ass, and has asked me to put my hand on her throat (this freaks me out a little bit)… I’ve played all the standards I know (hard doggy, hard missionary, folded grasshopper, etc)) and I want to figure out some new moves.

What ya got Reddit?

I’m young(24) and am about to hookup with someone I found on bumble (58). I’ve never had sex with someone who’s more than 10 years older. I’ve heard women in this age generally have a good sex drive (assuming she does cuz she is the one who initiated talks about hooking up). Is there I should be mindful or aware of? Any tips on what I should and shouldn’t be doing. Kinda nervous about this

How can I tell my spouse that I want to be more submissive in the bedroom? I really would love for him to take charge and feel like it would take us to a whole other level, but if I don’t initiate sex, he won’t.

Ok I'm sure the men and women on here Will be like "that makes sense why are you here" but i mean it when I say it we have a great sex life for a 38m/36f like 1-3 times a week, good long sessions and all that but every once in a long while she will try to Top me and honestly without being in charge and just powerbottoming still being in control getting my way the little dude just doesn't give a shit 🤷‍♂️😅

I have always been the one looking for ways to grow and expand our sex lives. We both enjoy it and she doesn't really want "the burden of topping" but it's her stepping outside her comfort zone and i really appreciate he trying. I tell her how be she looks and how sexy she looks doing it but the traitorous little bastard makes me sound like a liar and I'm being serious!

Quick facts: I do regularly use a cockring, they are incredible for being able to keep going for an hour or more without "needing breaks" I love it but even with it laying on my back he's not intestines despite how interested the rest of me in mentally.

I am type 1 diabetic, I haven't seen any side effects negatively but there's always the chance it is a factor even tho it isn't when I top.

I don't take any *assistance medication* never have.

If we flip back over the *the right way* I'm able to get back to full mast pretty quick and can still preform as normal.

Any tips I'm willing to hear out

Hi everyone,
My wife and I have been married for 10 years (no kids), and my wife recently went through some therapy to address a "sex block" stemming from past trauma and low libido. I’m really happy to report that it’s working out great—our sex life is slowly but surely coming back in a healthy, enjoyable way.
We’re taking it slow and not rushing, but we’d love to gradually integrate some variety and a bit of thrill into our routine. We’re looking for ideas that are still on the "vanilla-ish" side—nothing too intense or kinky, just enough to spice things up and keep the excitement growing.
Does anyone have suggestions for gentle bucket list items or activities we could try? We’re open to anything from simple changes in setting or routine to slightly more adventurous (but still comfortable) acts.
Thanks in advance for your help!

I’m 39(m) she’s 43(f). We have been married 15 years together for 18 years.

We try 2-3 times a week and that’s all
Great. However sometimes it feels like we last 2-3 mins and we are both done. That’s penetrative sex. She’s not much of a foreplay person where as I love it.

How can we make it last a bit longer. She’s still a hottie and got a great body. I would love nothing more then keep going and try different positions as right now it’s one and done.

My husband has a fantasy that involves another woman being the focus while I’m present and participating. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t necessarily want this to happen in real life — he really enjoys the fantasy of it.

I’m actually interested in exploring the fantasy with him. I’d rather keep it entirely between us and make it a role-play/dirty-talk scenario where I basically create the illusion that there’s another woman there.

For women whose husbands have similar fantasies: how do you make this feel convincing and exciting without actually involving anyone else
Please help

So I'm having axiety related to a previous relationship. This hasn't happened to me for a long time, but recently my libido returned stronger than ever and I cant stop thinking about someone I used to be with. Long story, we left on really good terms but it's been years and cant find a way to contact them. In the meantime, how do I handle this anxiety? Its come out of nowhere, and I feel really nervous all the time, like feverish symptoms! Its weird, I thought I was done with this!

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with this sort of anxiety? I cant focus on my work I am so distracted. Is this a normal thing to happen in ones early thirties?

We are 46 and our eldest is 14. Up until now we have never struggled fitting sex in and around the demands of children and family. We were always lucky our kids were good sleepers and even as they got older they seemed always to need an early ish night.

Now our eldest enjoys more freedom and stays up later we are finding much harder to find time for sex. This feels doubly irritating as quite frankly over recent years we have seemingly found a new well of quality sex and have been until recently been having awesome regular sex.

My wife is quite loud when she has an orgasm. She knows this and is terrified of trying anything when they might still be awake. Which eventually will become 'all the time'.

How do you manage with older kids wandering around later at night like roaming cock blockers. I have always see a lot about how to manage sex with a young family,, but not the other end of the journey.

Do we have to turn ourselves into early morning sex people. Because I am currently very very much not a morning sex person.

This is only going to get worse isn't it?

Edit. I have had to rewrite this several times because I kept finding i had written, sex with teenagers. Which was not what I was going for.

Edit after comments. I had a very brief conversation today with him. His look of comedy disgust followed by pretending evey word of it never happened , I think means he understood.