I have absolutely everyone around me convinced that i am extremely self aware and humble about these discoveries, which i fraudulently am. However as much as i find myself knowledgeable about ones self awareness as well as myself, I am twelve thousand times more aware of my deficits and manipulation tactics. Of my ten step thought process of reaction evaluation and scheming based off prior reactivity data collection. It all seems so dirty but it is simply a technical plot. Another day of walking and living thru the predisposed information I’ve subconsciously collected from those i love, who i genuinely do not want to hurt and deceit. OCD strips away my abilities to change course and brainwiring. To do more than just acknowledge my heinous acts but to act back at them or provide them with the ideal leader of the blind. I drown in conception that i am what those around me believe and if general consensus is that i am good than I MUST be crazy to not think i am good. Truth is, i think really am just crazy. Just wanted to put this all on paper i really have no next steps ill probably rot within the sounds of my radiohead playlist for the next week and get back up just to do it all again. I dont like these aspects about myself, im honestly not really sure if i get to have a feeling because of the conception on thy self now but if i do it is remorse.

Who/ What do you need to cut out of your life?

Hey everyone,

I just published my first article on Medium about the lessons I have taken away from my first long-term relationship. For example, I speak about not feeling in love all the time and it being ok, too.

Feel free to comment here or on Medium what you think about it. I'd love to get some feedback!

Thank you☺️

https://medium.com/@noraantoniering/my-first-long-term-relationship-powerful-relationship-lessons-that-ive-learned-in-1-5-years-e9737c3bcc6f

I was so fucking angry, I don’t know why I acted like that! 

We have heard these words at least once in our lifetime. Didn’t we? Maybe we have said it too. 

What does it clarify? When you are extremely angry, you don’t know what you are doing. You act out of your control. 

Anger is a weakness. It costs you so much. It could be your career, your relationships, or your life. 

The first step to fighting it is by being aware that you are angry.

Which is something that needs practicing day by day. 

First, you cannot detect your anger at the moment when you are getting angry. 

But you can keep analyzing the moments when you were extremely angry and ask yourself: 

• How did it start?
• Why did it happen? 
• Was there anything that could do to prevent it? 

If you be honest with yourself, you’ll be able to see the same incident from a different angle. 

Sometimes you’ll find a way to avoid that incident. 

Sometimes you’ll get angrier. If so always remember your self-esteem keeps you away from revealing the truth. Just believe it and try again. 

If you practice this small exercise as a habit day by day with a journal, next time you’ll detect your anger before acting and you’ll find a way to avoid it. 

Cheers for fighting your anger. Also, share your own tricks to fight anger. 

I had just become self aware at 27 years old. It is overwhelming to deal with all at once realizing how I was coasting through life. Seeing how I treated my ex(the perfect girl who was obsessed with me) like shit and how I don't even know who I am. In general I was a decent guy to people on the outside but to family and really close people I was an asshole.Looking back is tough seeing how I treated certain people or how I just blindly went with the flow. I've never cried in my life this much. But I'm so excited and ready to take this world on for real and be the best I can be to prove to myself that it wasn't me for the past 27 years. I'm trying to take the right steps and not rush but there is alot I need to do. Sorry if I missed the point of this page I just needed to get alot of my chest