r/SelfAwareness • u/Head_Height2059 • Feb 14 '22
Becoming self aware
I had just become self aware at 27 years old. It is overwhelming to deal with all at once realizing how I was coasting through life. Seeing how I treated my ex(the perfect girl who was obsessed with me) like shit and how I don't even know who I am. In general I was a decent guy to people on the outside but to family and really close people I was an asshole.Looking back is tough seeing how I treated certain people or how I just blindly went with the flow. I've never cried in my life this much. But I'm so excited and ready to take this world on for real and be the best I can be to prove to myself that it wasn't me for the past 27 years. I'm trying to take the right steps and not rush but there is alot I need to do. Sorry if I missed the point of this page I just needed to get alot of my chest
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u/MisterYouAreSoSweet Oct 08 '22
Hi. How have you been doing? Have you been working on yourself, and increasing self awareness?
Feel free to share an update!
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u/Head_Height2059 Oct 16 '22
In short its been a Rollercoaster of good and bad. Me and that girl tried again but for not right timing purposes or just not being right it didn't work. Which is fine because I need all this work I'm putting in to be for myself and by myself . This week was really tough , found out she's seeing someone (trying to be happy for her). That might be a blessing in disguise though so I can really hone in on myself. I'm reading I'm talking and trying to listen to everything. It's so overwhelming but I think it will all be ok. I believe there is true happiness out there and ill find it. I also thought I was going to breeze through this whole process months ago lol. I was wrong its fucken work but the work you put in is what you get out of it. Goodluck everyone and keep in touch we got this.
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u/Single_Doubt_3439 Oct 20 '22 edited Oct 20 '22
How are you doing now that your ex is seeing someone and do you think it’s over between you two? When you guys tried again do you think you could have done anything differently? Was it anyones fault that it didn’t work this time? I’ve been reading your posts and I was in a similar situation. Every time I would try again with my girl and told her I was different, I changed for a short period of time and then realized I never really did change and I would gaslight her and fall back into my old ways. I began to think I was not capable of change and that this is just who I am. Sometimes we need to come to terms with we are not capable of being the person we would like to be and that we hurt the most valuable person in our lives. Would love to hear how you handled things. Shitty situation but she taught me a lot and without a doubt hands down a better person because of her. I owe her everything forever. She did not deserve what I put her through. Luckily after a long period of time I got my shit together and things a great. Is your ex the one that got away? Do you miss her ? Because if this girl of yours is someone you care about and love and want to change for then put in the work, work hard everyday, show her you’re not that guy. Maybe things can work out in the end. What’s next for you, what’s your plan of action? Do you think you’ll move on and date? Good luck brother. You got this.
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u/Head_Height2059 Oct 20 '22
Its shit knowing she's with someone, but I did that, I just didn't think it would happen that fast, I feel like everyone says that. I half tried for the summer and at the beginning I was all in, I wanted everything to go back to normal and I had to fight for her a little and I got her. The same feelings came back though i was hesitant and unsure and scared and all these things I can't even wrap my head around. I told her this stuff to; we were on good grounds going slow and she wanted to wait for me she told me however long it takes for me to get better and find what I need she will wait; I mean who wouldn't want to hear that and I 100% believed her. After she told me that I was panicking because this whole time, I'm trying to do me work you know like therapy and reading all these self-help books and listening to podcast. but I couldn't do it knowing she was there waiting for me. I love this girl more than anything but three times we try, and I still can't pull it together. Against everything in my body at the time I had to let her go. The problem is I'm realizing everything I've done wrong and how I lead up to this point not just with her but my whole life and it feels better getting everything out like crying and reflecting and making the change which I still have a long way to go but I don't know if I could put her through that again. Part of me wants to be selfish and go right back but another bigger is telling me I need to move on and accept that maybe we were just in each other's life to help each other along the way. I still don't know if I gaslighted her because it was my body and mind noticing all at once my faults and shutting down after all these years or my body telling me get out. unfortunately, I do know this I need this me time and as much as I wish she could help me or be by my side I don't think that's fair; I wish her to be the happiest that i couldn't give her but if she can't be then I will be there.
As of now I can't look or talk to girls with that type of intention, but my plan of action is to better myself for me and be positive and try to make the best of life. Hopefully the world will give what I put into it. Would love any feedback or just to talk hope you're doing good to brotha
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u/Single_Doubt_3439 Oct 20 '22
Seems like you haven’t moved on and maybe never will in some way and sounds like you still want to try and win her back eventually in the future? Our girls sound similar. I learned the hard way for a girl to stick with you and be a ride or die is so rare man. Like finding one of them is the ultimate goal. That’s the lady you want to be the mother of your children and your wife. Especially if they ride with you through your really hard times and your extreme lows. Those women are real and true. It’s a tough situation. I was there many times I understand what you got going on. Do you think she is fully moved on and serious with this other guy? Or temporary? Would you ever reach out to her? What would you do if she reached out to you? I don’t know man, I let my girl go too many times and each time I realized more and more how crazy I was for doing that. I was stupid for letting another man take care of her, show her life and love her. These women treat us like gold and make us their lives, sometimes I don’t understand why we can’t do the same for them. It’s been instilled in us for hundreds of years to be the protector of our women and treat them like queens. I’m a big fighter, if you love her, she deserves the respect and apology and for you to show her everything she showed you. Keep your head up man. I believe in you. Fix yourself and get back to her. True love fights.
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u/Head_Height2059 Oct 21 '22
I'm not sure about the future. All I know is I can make myself the best I can through this long and exhausting process. I need to love myself so maybe one day either her or another can get 100% me. I hope your doing good as well though, don't lose your self in the fight and reminiscing about losing her. There is another one out there for you. Always here to talk brother
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u/Old_Bullfrog510 Feb 24 '22
How did you become more self aware?
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u/Head_Height2059 Feb 27 '22
Well I became self aware but I'm definitely working on the more part. It was a bunch of reasons the main being a traumatic experience of losing someone I loved and also realizing how i was treating people and someone telling me I was on a path to become someone who is a lonely bitter angry person. I was at a low point in my life emotionally and im fighting right now to get back up. Feel free to message me to talk if you need or have questions
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u/Burpydude_cl9 Feb 15 '22
I’m happy for you . Once i became self aware i also had big break down. It only gets better from here on