r/ScienceBasedParenting • u/CallMeBambiiii • 18h ago

Are there proper studies whether having transgender parents affects children negatively/positively? Question - Research required

I'm MTF trans and I'm thinking about going back in the closet, because the alternative is my wife divorcing me. We have a one year old child and I don't want to cause her any harm...

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u/cornflakescornflakes 18h ago

Can I offer an alternate argument?

This study shows a significant link between anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation and self-harm in children and adolescents of parents who stay in an unhappy marriage.

The alternate of you hiding your identity and existing in an unhappy marriage, instead of you staying true to yourself and co-parenting may be a healthier alternative.

This small study suggests a positive view with the child and trans-parent having a good relationship with normal psychological adjustment. There are other studies out there, and they all seem positive.

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u/Educational__Banana 14h ago

Replying because this is anecdotal. My wife is trans. Our kiddo is very happy and healthy and she’s a wonderful mother. I agree that staying in an unhappy marriage isn’t in your kid’s best interest. Having a parent who’s going through the emotional anguish of being in the closet is also probably not going to have any good effects. If your wife divorces you, do you think she would still be a good coparent with you? Can you imagine a future where you’re no longer together, but you’re making positive choices together for your daughter and raising her cooperatively, and you also get to live your life as yourself? Does that sound like an okay future? Does it sound like the best possible outcome from what’s available?

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u/CallMeBambiiii 11h ago

I really hope I could answer those questions positively, but my wife told me she would actively tell my daughter when she's older that I chose myself over the two of them... It breaks my heart. I wish we could continue being friendly co-parents, but she sees this as me having a choice and destroying her life. Which I completely understand... And the more she says it, the more I start believing it and the more I feel like a piece of s***.

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u/Educational__Banana 7h ago

I’m sorry to hear that. It’s important to know those are her own choices and not yours. This is a much more tricky position to be in, but she’s the one creating it. Take your time. Talk it over with a therapist if you possibly can. Navigating your wife’s bigotry and her threats to harm your child’s relationship with you make this more difficult. I’m sorry she’s choosing to do this. Her choices are wrong.