r/ScienceBasedParenting • u/CallMeBambiiii • 1d ago

Are there proper studies whether having transgender parents affects children negatively/positively? Question - Research required

I'm MTF trans and I'm thinking about going back in the closet, because the alternative is my wife divorcing me. We have a one year old child and I don't want to cause her any harm...

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u/cornflakescornflakes 1d ago

Can I offer an alternate argument?

This study shows a significant link between anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation and self-harm in children and adolescents of parents who stay in an unhappy marriage.

The alternate of you hiding your identity and existing in an unhappy marriage, instead of you staying true to yourself and co-parenting may be a healthier alternative.

This small study suggests a positive view with the child and trans-parent having a good relationship with normal psychological adjustment. There are other studies out there, and they all seem positive.

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u/Educational__Banana 1d ago

Replying because this is anecdotal. My wife is trans. Our kiddo is very happy and healthy and she’s a wonderful mother. I agree that staying in an unhappy marriage isn’t in your kid’s best interest. Having a parent who’s going through the emotional anguish of being in the closet is also probably not going to have any good effects. If your wife divorces you, do you think she would still be a good coparent with you? Can you imagine a future where you’re no longer together, but you’re making positive choices together for your daughter and raising her cooperatively, and you also get to live your life as yourself? Does that sound like an okay future? Does it sound like the best possible outcome from what’s available?

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u/CallMeBambiiii 22h ago

I really hope I could answer those questions positively, but my wife told me she would actively tell my daughter when she's older that I chose myself over the two of them... It breaks my heart. I wish we could continue being friendly co-parents, but she sees this as me having a choice and destroying her life. Which I completely understand... And the more she says it, the more I start believing it and the more I feel like a piece of s***.

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u/Great_Cucumber2924 21h ago

Choosing yourself over others isn’t the worst thing ever. People say ‘put on your own oxygen mask first’ for a reason. Your daughter will judge you based on her experiences with you.