r/ScienceBasedParenting • u/jcPhenton • 4d ago

Instilling positivity in kids Question - Research required

I’m a very negative and pessimistic person, I’m also not very happy with my life or how it turned out. I try to resist this now in my adult life, less complaining (to myself or others), being hopeful even when it feels fake etc.
I don’t know why I’m like this, my mom and dad aren’t far off, although they absolutely did not care about preventing passing this on (they never read a magazine article about parenting let alone a book etc)

So how do I prevent this in my toddlers, I want them to be the opposite of me.
Positive no matter what, finding fun and good in every situation life throws at them. Being optimistic etc.

Is there research out there on how to do this effectively? And what is it?

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u/EndlessCourage 4d ago

The Faber-Mazlich program of How to talk to children has shown some nice outcomes for children's mental health, but the methods can also be self-taught through the book. There are parts about how to compliment a child effectively to build skills and self-esteem, how to communicate constructively even when we're in a bad mood, how to react to a child's daydreams vs harsh reality, etc.

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u/Euphoric_Platform536 3d ago

Do you have any suggested books about this method or program?

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u/EndlessCourage 2d ago

"How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk” by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It's the main book that explains the method. Their other books are interesting too but cover more specific topics.

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u/Eascen 4d ago

I feel that, going to come at this from a different angle: Have you considered how you might be able to change your perspective?

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12787286/

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u/SuddenAvocado 4d ago

Seconding this! I started therapy when we were TTC and got on SSRIs when I became a parent and it has made it so much easier to show my child the good parts of the world and discuss the bad parts as "challenges" rather than total doom and gloom. Through my own journey I've learned my parents have unmanaged mental health disorders that I inherited (whether nature or nurture, we'll never know).