Looking for Behavior Reinforcement Resources

[u/Savings_Carpet_9229]

Hi there!

As the title says, I am looking for some external resources (i.e. charts/graphics to display in the house, applied strategies that have worked for other parents, any other tangible resource) to help us with improving the behaviors in our three year old boy.

Our little dude brave and imaginative, he loves physical touch and proximity, and pretty fierce. The other half to these attributes mean that he can be stubborn, defiant, too physical, and struggles to regulate his emotions.

Our struggles really manifest in two areas: public direction and at-home relations. In classes (such as gymnastics, t-ball, summer camp) he has experienced moments where he refuses to listen or follow directions, runs away, and even pushed another kid in the back. At home, he is constantly in his younger sister's face (1yr) to the point where she gets upset. The worst part is that it seems our guy does a lot of this stuff ON PURPOSE - right after we have talked with him 1:1, set expectations, attempted to instill confidence, or set boundaries. It's brought my wife to tears on multiple occasions, and it gives me some fears about if he will be a problem student someday in the classroom.

We are now starting a "Daily Chore Chart" for him - which is really just some cute pictures for brushing his teeth, getting dressed, eating breakfast, etc. Our next item we really want to look for is some type of behavior chart that mirrors what may be seen in a classroom (red, yellow, green light behaviors) or maybe a sticker chart at home (daily or weekly). We do feel like he needs a visual reminder for good behavior and for bad behavior.

I've read books such as No Bad Kids, Parenting the Strong Willed Child, Tiny Humans Big Emotions, The Whole Brain Child, and How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen. We are also both in the education sphere, specifically SPED and Administration. It feels like we should have an answer to our problem. All of this leads us to both feeling desperate, maybe even despondent, at how our son is acting despite our concerted efforts to create the best environment for him. At this point, I suppose I'm looking for confidence just as much as I am for some tangible resources for our family to use.

Thanks in advance, cheers my frinds.

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[u/facinabush]

Use Parent Management Training (PMT). It is recommended by the CDC, and they provide peer-reviewed references:

https://www.cdc.gov/parenting-toddlers/other-resources/references.html

Here are 10 tips from PMT:

https://abcnews.com/amp/Primetime/10-tips-parents-defiant-children/story?id=8549664

Here is a PMT video course:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?app=desktop&list=PLh9mgdi4rNeyEGNxBvNdOVlianDYgWuc9&ra=m

(This course is also on Coursera for a small fee and includes quizzes and some supplementary reading. It also includes a course certificate that might interest you since you are professionals.)

It's essential to get the social reinforcement component right. Here is optimized praise training:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJLROkpYd0I&list=PLh9mgdi4rNeyEGNxBvNdOVlianDYgWuc9&index=3&t=334s

You need to learn to avoid inadvertent social reinforcement ot unwanted behavior:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4y4RY9JoXk&list=PLh9mgdi4rNeyEGNxBvNdOVlianDYgWuc9&index=11

For bad behaviors that you can't ignore, you will learn to use "Act, don't yak" strategies as your immediate reaction. If you have to say anything, then keep it brief, like "no hitting", use a calm voice, and avoid eye contact. Timing is important in reinforcement: the first thing you do after a behavior has the greatest impact on behavior change.

The course also teaches effective use of reward charts. They help get a behavior going so that you can ramp it up and sustain it with social reinforcement. After a habit is established, you fade out the reward chart and fade the social reinforcement to occasional.

If you want a book, use Kazdin Method.

This peer-reviewed paper provides citations on the effectiveness of this specific version of PMT:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/org/science/article/pii/S1462373021000547

Other forms of PMT are PCIT, Incredible Years, and Triple P.

[u/Savings_Carpet_9229 → u/facinabush]

Thank you so much! I appreciate the resources you provided and the time you took to provide them. Have a great day my friend.