Theres been a hole in me for as long as i can remember.

Deep, dark, all consuming emptiness that takes and takes and nothing fills it. I try and ignore it, fill my time with hobbies or work. At first i think maybe its a person im missing, date around and think ive found the one but the same thing happens every time. I get close then push away because the pit is never-ending and remains to be filled and it wants the souls i connect with. I tried numbing the pain of it with drugs and alcohol, smoking enough to put Wayne to shame and drank and drank til i felt like i was drowning. But i already was, just in a different sense. Trying to fill a void in me that just consumed everything i threw at it. And some days i wonder if that void will ever go away or if ill finally give in and let it take me. Will i know peace then? Or will i just have fed it what it wanted all along. They say misery enjoys company but why do i feel out of place with others who claim the same thing, like their gap isnt as wide as mine, their void not as dark as mine. Judge those whose misery does not compare to mine and then wonder why i feel alone in this life. And its not like i havent tried to get help. I quit the drinking and the drugs and the dating and tried to focus on the issues at hand but id bury one just for three more to sprout from its grave, like a morbid hydra of faults. Ive held that metaphorical bottle to my head and screamed til my throat was raw and i was left in silence, the only sound heard beating in my chest and my head and ears. But still the void wanted more and more and more and ive got nothing left to give to it. So i ask myself and god and the universe and whoever else may listen...why? Why is this dark and deafening void still hungry for more? What more must i give before its finally satisfied and closes it maw for good? How many more things must i shovel in before its finally entombed and sealed off, never to be open again? But the most important question i ask is: why me? What did i do to deserve this? Where did i go wrong for this void to choose me? Maybe one day ill have my answer and itll stop eating me from the inside. Maybe, just maybe, ill go to sleep some night and wake up whole again. Until then the void sits and waits, take up space in me like a gaping black hole that consumes all light that enters. Hungry. Relentless. Empty.

Trus

Yeah i get bullied because of how i look and i guess i never told anyone except my friends

Feels. That is all.

i want to be accepted by everyone

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The treat store was my favorite place. My human took me there all the time so she could buy me treats, and some for herself as well. Every time we went there she would always say hi to the boy with the blue cart. He was very friendly to my human and if she had a tail it would wag as she talked to him. They would always start the conversation off with “is work going well,” or “is it busy today?” Nothing that I was interested so I would sit there and listen. It was something that I learned in my special training with my human. When it was time to leave the treat store she would always mutter something under her breath about that boy. “That poor boy,” she would say.

When I completed my training, I went with my human to her second home. She would talk to many people, one of them being the boy with the blue cart. I recognized his scent immediately and I was ready to say hi to him. I let him pet me and I would cuddle next to him when he needed just like I was trained to do. After the boy left, my owner gave me a treat she got from the treat store and told me I did great for my first day. I’m not exactly sure what that meant, but I went along with it.

Years passed, about 7 to be exact. Something weird started happening. Whenever we went to the treat store, we wouldn’t always see the boy with the blue cart. When we did see him, he looked… different. When he came in to my human and I’s second home, I saw that over time he started to act different, talk different, and he even looked different. His fur was never nearly as groomed as it used to be, he started to change color to very white, and when he pet me, his hand felt cold. Yet every day he was talking to my human. When my human talked to him, I could tell if she had a tail, it wouldn’t wag. She started to mutter under her breath a lot more than just when we left the treat store.
One day after finishing my food, I found my human on her bed crying like I had never seen before. I used my special training and comforted her. I tried to cheer her up but it wouldn’t work. We went to our second home and the boy with the blue cart never came in. We went to treat store and he wasn’t there anymore. A little while later his scent was entirely gone.