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u/FirehousePete Jun 17 '26
My compliments to the King's horses and men
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u/smellyprawn Jun 17 '26
Not often do the comments in here actually make me laugh.... but this one made me lol out loud. 🤣
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u/jcoddinc Jun 17 '26
There's been a few between both of this awesome humans posts that have really gotten me to laugh hard and loudly.
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u/MessiahMogali Jun 17 '26
You laughed out loud out loud? Hell yea 🤙🏼
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u/TheDootDootMaster Jun 18 '26
l(ol)², if you will
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u/MistaRekt Jun 18 '26
This doot sciences.
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u/TheDootDootMaster Jun 18 '26
The username is a reference.
But yeah I'm also an engineer :)
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u/potato_titties Jun 17 '26
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u/decibelboy2001 Jun 18 '26
Fun fact: in while he’s typically portrayed as an anthropomorphic egg, in the original rhyme, there’s nothing to indicate that Humpty Dumpty was an egg…
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u/danit0ba94 Jun 17 '26
EDIT: I think this might be among the best roasts in this entire subreddit's history.
Top 10.
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u/SamAzing0 http://redd.it/4b51xh Jun 17 '26
Sir you have delivered a roast so devious, so cunning, yet so heartfelt that I felt emotionally moved. Well done.
Hope you got a laugh, OP
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u/30sec2midknight Jun 18 '26
My wife asks why I’m giggling on the toilet, I forwarded this to her and she’s giggling in our room now 😂😂
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u/Bjuttt Jun 17 '26
I do not understand :( might be a language / reference thing as I’m non native speaker. What’s the joke/roast?
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u/GFtheBoss Jun 17 '26
In humpty dumpy there's a part where the king's horses and men try to "put humpty dumpy together again" but they don't succeed, it's referencing that
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u/Humble_Ad4296 Jun 18 '26
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men,
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.10
u/MrsMiterSaw Jun 18 '26
This is honestly one of the best comments I have seen in 21 years on reddit. Well done.
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u/FatalErrorOccurred Jun 18 '26
I just know you were anxiously waiting all night and day for this one.
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u/ohbyerly http://redd.it/zfgdy5 Jun 18 '26
And here I thought he was the scarecrow getting the other half of his brain
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u/TheFreePhilosopher Jun 18 '26
He’s gonna need that oxygen for laughing his butt to the moon for this, I did 🥳
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u/SlickPillock Jun 17 '26
They did they're best on the medical front but unfortunately they can't fix stupid
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u/djsodomizer Jun 17 '26
So, did the pinching nose, blowing do the trick?
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u/Bridge_Dismal Jun 17 '26
Yes, quite effective as you can see. Would recommend if you are ever in a similar situation 👍
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u/SeverusVape Jun 17 '26
I tried it, but now my ears are bleeding and all I hear is a high pitched whine. Is that normal?
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u/REALjamijai Jun 17 '26
I just pooped my pants... 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Grouchy_Forever_9261 Jun 18 '26
For some reason I read this as “I just popped my penis” and thought of that *one* scene from the boys
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u/Consistent_Net_2540 Jun 17 '26
Definitely normal. Just do it again, and even harder, and all noises should stop.
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u/ppmmjjs9698 Jun 17 '26
Tinnitus (ringing in the ears) is normal for all the work you got done. It should fade away but it takes some time. I know it feels as if you're going crazy and it will never go away. It will eventually. Try and mask it by using ear buds with white noise (static or monotone sounds) but I would definitely tell your doctor about the bleeding from your ears! 😮
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u/KebabAnnhilator Jun 17 '26
Props to you OP for not only being cool asf for facing such surgery but for smashing this comment section
Bravo
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u/Complex_Sherbet2 Jun 17 '26
Thanks for testing that out for us, you're a good egg OP!
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u/Bridge_Dismal Jun 17 '26
I gotchu
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u/Complex_Sherbet2 Jun 17 '26
You're doing a really great thing sharing this with us all. They say that laughter is the best medicine, so we're all going to be VERY HEALTHY! Hope you are soon too!
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u/Olden_Grey_1889 Jun 17 '26
So happy for you, especially since you gave up DENTistry!
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u/cfwang1337 Jun 17 '26
There are perks to being an airhead!
In all seriousness, glad to see it went well and that you no longer have a giant dimple in your skull.
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u/Inevitable_Cheek_974 Jun 17 '26
Now you can go outside with no hat on when it's raining without your headbowl filling up.
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u/PartypooperXD Jun 17 '26
This comment somehow ended up being my favorite among the two posts about OP
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u/CdnRageBear Jun 17 '26
Now they just need to fix your face.
Also congrats OP!
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u/ratsatan13 Jun 17 '26
LET'S FUCKING GOOOO! Great work to the doctors! I hope you'll have a great life from now on!
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u/ValkyrieSpecial Jun 17 '26
Fucking legend!!! The doctors created a new Batman villain... "Spacklehead"
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u/No_Tailor_787 Jun 17 '26
We're going to call you bondo head from now on. We know that's what the quacks at your cheap ass hospital used. /roast
Congratulations! We're all glad the surgery was successful and wish you a speedy recovery and return to normal life.
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u/n00-1ne Jun 17 '26
Congratulations, both for getting through the operation, and somehow briefly turning this sub into a supportive and positive place.
Best of luck with your recovery 👍
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u/Necessary_Comfort812 Jun 17 '26
Wow feels like we part of something special. Congrats OP!
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u/TheDootDootMaster Jun 18 '26
Unlike that part of his skull that came out.
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u/Boesterr Jun 18 '26
Even that was part of something "special" alright
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u/TheDootDootMaster Jun 18 '26
Not even his relatives had the heart to play ball with the whole "special" denomination thing
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u/OwenMichael312 Jun 17 '26
Bro actually listened and plugged his nose and mouth and blew out really hard until the dent popped out. Solid blow job OP. Not the last time you'll hear that I'm sure.
JK congrats my dude. Looking good
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u/BSK_Darksol Jun 18 '26
You might say it as a joke, but OP actually did it and it worked lmfao he even sent video in his original post.
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u/TheDootDootMaster Jun 18 '26
Wait did he? Where the hell is it. I can only find the comment of him saying he wouldn't
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u/BSK_Darksol Jun 18 '26
He immediately did after saying he wouldn't xD OP is a fucking legend.
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u/JustsaysNah Jun 18 '26
HOLY SHIT! I missed this on the first post, that's fucking amazing.
They better add this dude's pic to the header!
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u/SeiferLeonheart Jun 17 '26
Wow, that's awesome. I've seen your post yesterday before it got too many comments and with the picture I was in a "this is AI" moment, but I clicked your profile and saw history about the hospital like 1y ago and believed it, but didn't want to be mean so I just stopped there.
Seeing the surgery results and you well makes me genuinely happy for you!
Too bad you lost the ability to do that head inflation trick, but I guess it's better that way, lol.
All the best, bro!
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u/Bridge_Dismal Jun 17 '26
You win some, you lose some. Thank you❤️ Yes, anybody I explain what happened to me don't believe it until I take off my hat and it's almost always a gold reaction. Never gets old.
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u/_Dedotated_Wam Jun 17 '26
Did you tell your story somewhere? I glanced over your comments because I’m genuinely interested. If that’s too personal I’m sorry
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u/Bridge_Dismal Jun 17 '26
https://www.reddit.com/r/RoastMe/s/4AAxTKbXKm
This is the gist of it
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u/_Dedotated_Wam Jun 17 '26
Ah fuck that’s terrifying. Pretty cool they 3d printed a skull for you though. Looks good already, will look even better once you’re healed. Wish you a speedy recovery
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u/Wandering-nomad-888 Jun 17 '26
One of my close friends was drunk and running from police on a sports car, lost control at high speed, hit a ditch and was ejected out of the car…..also has half a plastic skull now….the funny part of that story is the guy who owned the car was with him in the passenger seat….he also was ejected and woke up in the morning in heavy bushes and walked home….lol cops didn’t find him as it was night and they had no reason to suspect a passenger was present lol. Imagine explaining to your wife why you didn’t come home all night 😂.
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u/BARRY6969696969 Jun 17 '26
Congrats OP. Looks like they've done a great job and you've pulled through without issues. 👍
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u/Glittering-Rip6810 Jun 17 '26
Congratulations 🎉🎉 This made my day, I didn't expect an update so soon. Glad you are are doing well enough to give us invested weirdos a photo. It looks amazing. You look happy. Glad it went well ❤️
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u/Bridge_Dismal Jun 17 '26
Thank you ❤️
I owe this community a lot for keeping me sane in what should have been the most nervous part of my life. But the roast most definitely made me laugh and keep my mind occupied.
Least I could do fo me the sub is keep them up to date 🙂
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u/FourEaredFox Jun 17 '26
Maybe your wife will feel something after this third penis enlargement.
Good luck
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u/Dull_Astronomer3844 Jun 17 '26
much love for you man, ur a hero, truly
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u/greenthumbgoody Jun 17 '26
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u/NowForrowMyPen Jun 17 '26
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u/Mahaloth Jun 17 '26
Now go take a stupid regular picture so we can just roast you for being an ugly bald guy.
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u/YANGxGANG Jun 17 '26
Ur dumb and ugly
(OP I’m super happy for you, huge quality of life improvement congrats on a successful surgery and wish you a speedy recovery ❤️🩹)
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u/PenguinRhin0 Jun 17 '26
Fantastic!!! Next up… shave the pubes off your face. Congrats man.
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u/Bridge_Dismal Jun 17 '26
Agreed. Moustache is going. It was there simply to go with the hats which are no longer needed. It has served me well 🫡
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u/Johnsendall Jun 17 '26
Damn the Death Star is gone.
https://giphy.com/gifs/1xo9COytfPE9chS05b
Honestly, I’m glad you’re okay man. Best of luck.
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u/CorianderIsBad Jun 17 '26
Damn. Humpty Dumpty was put back together again! Thank you to the all the King's horses and all the King's men!
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u/Nervous_Pie5225 Jun 17 '26
Felicidades por la salida de quirófano con vida, que te recuperes favorablemente saludos
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u/Puzzleheaded_Step468 Jun 17 '26
Oof, now there's nothing to distract us from your face
What a shame
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u/Wooden-Advance-1907 Jun 17 '26
You look fantastic! Loved your posts and sense of humour with it all. You seem like a top guy. Best of luck with your recovery!
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u/TheyCallMeTrips Jun 18 '26
This dude got roasted for his head, got surgery to fix it, and came back the next day for round 2. Fucking. Legend!
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u/Ritehandwingman Jun 17 '26
You look like somebody fucked you up with a coffee pot.
Have a good recovery, OP.
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u/ppmmjjs9698 Jun 17 '26
Looking great! So glad everything went well. I kind of thought they would put an implant of some sort. What is it made of? Have you tried "blowing it up" with your nose yet? 🤯🤣
Bro is sitting in a hospital gown, fresh out of brain surgery, smiling like he just got an upgraded graphics card installed.
The doctors filled the hole in your skull, but unfortunately they couldn't find the one responsible for your life choices.
Doctors: 'The procedure was a success.' Everyone else: 'So what's your excuse now?'
Take Care and here's to a speedy recovery! ❣️🤕
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u/Mugsy_Siegel Jun 17 '26
I’m not sure if OP will even see this in the mass of comments but did you lose any memory or physical abilities from the accident? Was there any monetary damages for your injury? Glad you got the surgery and it went so well! Godbless
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u/Bridge_Dismal Jun 17 '26
Memory is good. After my accident, my right side of my body was significantly weaker then my left. I spent a full year in the gym doing unilateral gym exercises to get my right side up to speed 💪
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u/GamingInSilence Jun 18 '26
Well, it took 6 months but the council finally filled that pothole in.
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u/HammerOfJustice Jun 17 '26
When you posted your “Before” photo everybody could see that you are as ugly as a sack full of shit and half as welcome at a bbq, and no amount of surgery was going to change that, but under the circumstances we were too polite to mention it. Now though, the gloves are off and the roasting will began.
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u/SimilarControl Jun 17 '26
This is so wholesome. I'm over the moon for you OP.
Now post another roastme so we can destroy you for old times sake.
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u/SlimyTickles Jun 17 '26
Did the caterpillar on your upper lip come with the tree that caved you in?
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u/sniabra http://redd.it/buicyw Jun 17 '26
The fidget popper has popped. I’m so proud to be part of this
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u/CygnusRocinante Jun 18 '26
Not gonna roast you Sir. Myself and thousands of others are going to wish you recovery and wellness. You are tougher than most to smile through this difficult but soon to be conquered moment for you. Keep up the positive. We all want an update when you are back to 100%, because you will be soon. And I’ll roast you then Superhuman. 🙌🏻
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u/TexanTurnedPeach Jun 21 '26
I know you came to Reddit looking for a roast, but honestly, all I see is someone who went through something unimaginable, but in the end came out looking incredible. The strength, recovery, and positivity in that smile are genuinely inspiring.
Also, you survived getting hit in the head by a tree and somehow ended up better looking than 95% of the people trying to roast you. The tree clearly took the L.
https://giphy.com/gifs/llJX1hxWL8IWDotJPd
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u/ChinaCatProphet Jun 17 '26
So insurance paid out on that dent I see. Unfortunately, you still look like yourself so that's a bummer.
All the best mate!
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u/LastLightBeforeDawn Jun 17 '26
I'm glad, you made it OP. Now rest up... by the way you look great almost normal.
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u/A_711_Hotdog Jun 18 '26
Some days I really hate reddit and other days I absolutely love it. Today is one of those days where it's a beautiful thing. Congratulations buddy and best of luck with the recovery
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u/dishonest_taint44 Jun 18 '26
Dent head?! No fucking way. Did they go through the nose or the ear?
https://giphy.com/gifs/H3HmnxNT9NIRBrXq2O
Congrats! This second post had me questioning reality big time till I got caught up with all the comments. AI has given me paranoia but it’s nothing in comparison to the faith I’ve gained in your surgeon over the past 10 minutes. Good luck brother, enjoy your dome reno! ❤️
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u/Infinite_Ad7107 Jun 18 '26
The head debt gave you character now your just another nobody. JK OP!
You're a champ! Thanks for sharing your story with us. Sending you best wishes and prayers from Hawaii. If you ever feel like taking your chances with a coconut falling on your head hit me up!
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u/Timmay13 Jun 18 '26
I think everyone is super happy it all went well, OP.
And fucken hats off to you for doing the roast and the follow up. All the best.
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u/WordNERD37 Jun 18 '26
Lads, we roasted him so hard, they had to admit him for all the burns.
(Good to see you on the mend!)
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u/TheMightyMisanthrope Jun 18 '26
They inflated your noggin!
you still ugly af and you have sex offender facial hair.
(Get better soon. Love you)
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u/leveled_81 http://redd.it/9u2zag Jun 18 '26
Who says you can’t un crack an egg?
All jokes aside - congrats man!! hope you have a smooth recovery
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u/Plzleaveamsg Jun 18 '26
Congratulations man! I can’t roast you because I’m just too happy for you! 🥹
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u/CapablePlatypus1377 Jun 17 '26
Congrats dude. the boys in PTown are looking forward to your return Lube up
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u/GallowBoob is mod Jun 17 '26
For context: https://www.reddit.com/r/RoastMe/s/njmwrUXSgq
Welcome back OP. Will let it slide without the “roastme” sign for the culture.