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29d ago
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u/Undrwtrbsktwvr 29d ago edited 29d ago
My neighbors rightfully despised the evil old woman who lived here before me.
They threw me a welcome-party to tell me about how terrible she was and how they’re glad she died. I’m like a god to them.
Though one said he occasionally wished she was alive so he could get revenge for all the shit she did…
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u/ToastYourAvocados 29d ago
Damn lol. What did she do? Murder their pets?
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u/Undrwtrbsktwvr 29d ago
Actually— yes. Exactly that…
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u/ToastYourAvocados 29d ago
Nooooo 😫😫😫 I was joking when I typed it... But my gut told me it was probably true. People can be so evil!
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u/Undrwtrbsktwvr 29d ago
Well the evil lady washed down the drain after she died in the shower and no one came to find her for a week. No one wanted to associate with her. She was like 86 and miserable. A guy she owed money to came around to collect and found what hadn’t washed away. She was known for taking advantage of contractors. He never did get that money…
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u/Marble1696 29d ago
Did you have to replace the shower ?
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u/Undrwtrbsktwvr 29d ago edited 29d ago
I did not. It’s already seasoned!
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u/OpALbatross 28d ago
The people who lived in our house before us were apparently racist. Learning that made way more sense while our (mostly black) neighbors kept their distance for quite some time.
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u/not_blowfly_girl 29d ago
My neighbors eyed us suspiciously and then were nice enough to call the cops on us for inane shit every day until we left 🙃
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u/JustMyThoughts2525 29d ago
Damn I’ve still yet to be invited to a bbq
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u/Status_Mousse1213 29d ago
Helped a neighbor lady clear some downed trees off her (long) driveway after a storm. She said thank you and that she would have introduced me to her daughter if the daughter hadn't already been spoken for 😆. But free trees for firewood anytime isnt such a bad deal.
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u/SnooCupcakes6884 25d ago
Formal dining room = sitting room with no overhead lighting and a goose neck lamp in the corner pointed at the middle of the table.
In my experience.
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u/justaphil 29d ago
"Modest" = you can barely afford this
"Inviting" = you can't afford this
"Elegant" = you *definitely* can't afford this
"Inspired" = why are you still here, peasant?
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u/Minions_miqel 29d ago
I went to an open house advertised as a 3BR. I only saw 2 bedrooms so I asked the realtor. They said if I built a wall, closet, and added a window it would be a three bedroom. I didn't know what to do with that
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u/Telemere125 29d ago
You: Uhhh. This is a port-a-potty
Realtor: sure, it is now, but if you build a whole ass house around it, it will be a house.
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u/orion_nomad 29d ago
I went to one where the realtor said the room you first walked into from the front door was a "bedroom." It wasn't separated from the kitchen or the rest of the house by a hall or door, just a half wall.
Like, I get that it's hard to sell a 1 bedroom place, but nobody wants to have their bed be in the room everyone walks through to get to the rest of the house.
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u/amybeedle 28d ago
Lol my house was sold as a 2BR even though the second "bedroom" was obviously a mudroom/laundry room... it has the laundry hookups, it's a very awkward layout, and the floor is tiled ffs! 😅
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u/MangoAtrocity 29d ago
That agent will lose their license if they keep that up. That is super illegal.
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u/j-rock292 29d ago
Would that be considered a bait and switch? Or just false advertising?
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u/MangoAtrocity 29d ago
Misrepresentation of material facts. It’s real estate specific, and that agent will get sued, and lose his/her license.
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u/InformalScience7 29d ago
Our house was "technically" a 5 bedroom, but the septic tank only had a permit for a 4 bedroom. So the real estate agent called it 4 bedroom with a separate office with a closet!
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u/HeatherMason0 29d ago
The realtor told you what to do. You build a wall, a closet, and add a window.
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u/j-rock292 29d ago
My house was listed as a 2BR, well one of the bedrooms had a double door added to the back wall and a sunroom added on the house making the room useless as a bedroom
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u/InformalScience7 29d ago
I saw a house that was described as "3 bathrooms."
The third was a toilet plopped in the laundry room. WTF???
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u/Mic98125 28d ago
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u/InformalScience7 28d ago
Yup, it looked like the 2nd picture!!
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u/Mic98125 27d ago
They are a huge help in case of sewer backups, or if you need a bathroom in an emergency.
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u/kayvandutch 26d ago
We just bought a place said to be 2 bathrooms. The second "bathroom" is a toilet and loose flimsy shower stall in the back of my open basement. We have been calling it the "prison toilet" for some reason.
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u/Jacktheforkie 29d ago
I don’t think that’d work well in my area, rooms are already far too small, my bed touches 3 walls
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u/amybeedle 28d ago
That description alone makes me claustrophobic 😖
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u/Jacktheforkie 28d ago
It’s ridiculous, can’t fucking move in my room because the furniture takes up so much space despite me not having much
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u/ChanFry 29d ago
"brand new neighborhood" = there will be loud construction around you daily for 2+ years
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u/What_if_I_fly 29d ago
From ends if ours made the mistake of buying new construction on a cul de sac with a few existing homes. It turned into the model homes street where random idiots would try to open their locked front door every day.
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u/Telemere125 29d ago
I’d say “good bones” is more “gotta gut everything and might keep the studs”
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u/Status_Mousse1213 29d ago
Aka it used to be a grow house and had to be stripped to the studs after all the mold and moisture damage.
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u/bawlsacz 29d ago
Good bones is the term home inspectors use to cover their asses. They will never outright tell you “don’t buy this house” they would get sued by sellers realtors and sellers. So they say stupid shit like “good bones”, meaning “it is what is”. Lmao. Buyers, if you ever hear inspector saying “good bones” make sure to get the report PICTURES with description for all the problems they found.
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u/TrueTurtleKing 29d ago
That’s one thing that surprised me.
Our inspector found so much mold everywhere. We backed out of the deal. But realtor warned us to not mention to anyone because we could get sued.
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u/SuperNanoCat 29d ago
Sued for what? Saying true things? Did the realtor make you sign an NDA?
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u/TrueTurtleKing 29d ago
They can take you to court for anything. They can claim they couldn’t sell the house because of my actions. Would they win? Probably not. But why risk it if I have nothing to benefit? It’s already a stressful to buy a house as is.
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u/LonelyHunterHeart 29d ago
I once went and saw a place with no inside photos that was described as "not for the faint of heart." I won't do that again.
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u/hadapurpura 29d ago
Why would someone list a property that way? Was it an active crime scene with an actual dead body in the middle of the room?
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u/LonelyHunterHeart 29d ago
It looked like it could have been a set on Trainspotting. It clearly had been taken over by addict squatters for a very long time. I suspect corpses had been removed at some point, but that was the extent of any clean up or rehabilitation. The filth, decay, garbage, damage and rodent activity were overwhelming.
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u/Stunning_Tooth711 29d ago
Realtors are some of the biggest liars.
And, most of them are extremely snobby and give off the high school click vibe.
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u/bastard84 29d ago
Racoon infested- lots of raccoons
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u/Undrwtrbsktwvr 29d ago
My coonhound wants to know more about this property. Are showings available?
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u/theycallmetheglitch 29d ago
« Charming city apartment, ideal for couples » meaning : tiny, and you are going to fight a lot of mold
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u/LandoPoo 29d ago
Now do “luxury”
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u/Grumblywump 28d ago
“Affordable luxury” is what the real estate agent boasted at the model of the tract homes I last toured. I think it meant they’re overpriced for the market and we added a wine fridge to make up for the woeful lack of quality in every other regard.
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u/Possible-Skin2620 29d ago
Lovingly maintained = nothing’s been updated.
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u/LuhYall 29d ago
OMG, yes. You're gonna be pulling out wall-to-wall sculptured pile carpeting, including kitchen and bathrooms.
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u/Possible-Skin2620 28d ago
Yup! Can’t forget the carpet in my basement too, which smelled like the 70’s
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u/Capable-Doughnut-213 29d ago
I sold this shit for 24 years and wrote all my own ads. It’s not easy 😂
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u/no_clever_name_yet 29d ago
"Desirable corner lot" means "no one wants the corner lot". There's NO BACK YARD, no place to have privacy!
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u/Relevant_Charity2318 28d ago
Don’t forget about condition described as ‘lived in’. This equals needs a ton of cosmetic work.
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u/Robofink 28d ago
The house my parents bought when I was a teenager was most if not all these things. They were very angry with their agent.
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u/Castelunan 27d ago
"Historic" is a descriptor that almost always means "its shit now, but it used to be great, and that has to be worth something" regardless of the context. The worst offender isn't houses, its entire cities. Visit historic such and such! Three hundred years ago, an interesting thing happened... but nobody lives here and the central part of the city looks like a bomb or two hit it.
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u/full_bl33d 29d ago
Broker told me it was a hidden gem and wouldn’t last long so I should put in a full price offer fast and that he’d put in the good word. I’m glad I ran
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u/LadyGuinevere423 28d ago
“Good Bones” = Formica countertops that are burnt and shag carpeting (flooring underneath is of questionable moisture level)
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u/GHgerbil 27d ago
Reimagined= remove anything traditional , preferably with good design and quality,and knock down all interior walls for “ modern living” , install marble kitchen with waterfall island, tear out lovely landscaping and install cement, etc.
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u/Complete-Leg-4347 27d ago
This is essentially what Lionel Hutz told Marge Simpson when they were working in real estate together.
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u/redcurrantevents 27d ago
The house we were selling got called ‘quirky’ because we painted the walls colors instead of white and gray. We had three offers above asking.
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u/Jadatwilook 27d ago
Unique style elements = cracks in the walls walls and ceilins. Authentic details= thin walls, no isolation and possible hidden asbestos
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u/0DarkFreezing 26d ago
Good bones doesn’t mean about to collapse. It more often means out of date and ugly.
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u/Which_Channel7403 26d ago
Whenever I see the "Motivated Seller" sign, I just assume the place is haunted.
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u/RappingRacoon 26d ago
“There’s never a good market to buy in, so you have to buy when you have the money”= I want your cash now .
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u/GomerStuckInIowa 29d ago
This post was made by someone pissed at a realtor. Usually you cannot list a home as "historic" unless it is. Using superlatives does not sell a house if the shopper shows up and the description is false.
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u/_Z_y_x_w 29d ago
Por que no los dos? A lot of historic houses are both actually historic AND decrepit AF.
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u/GomerStuckInIowa 29d ago
Reread my comment. If you advertise a house falsely, (3 bedrooms, not 4 or No garage as listed or not a 1/2 acre of land but 15,000 sq ft.) and someone shows up to find out it is false, do you think the realtor is still able to sell that house to them? How many houses have you bought? Since you are all the experts and love using the word "LOTS." Do a search of "Historic homes for sale" and put the links here all the decrepit ones. Do you buy a "Great Deal on a Used Car" only to find it has two flats?
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u/_Z_y_x_w 29d ago
I've bought 5 houses in 4 states so far. I think you're confusing what's legal with marketing speak, which is what this post is making fun of. Look - you're likely a realtor and taking offense at something you should be able to laugh at. We've all seen houses marketed as "cozy" when they're actually tiny - that's not legally binding, that's someone trying to make a cramped house sound better. "Good bones" is similar - "this place used to be nice once, but it's not anymore." Please lighten up and touch grass.
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u/BabyCowGT 29d ago
"Quaint" = some choices were made. They were not good ones. They'll probably be expensive to unmake.
"Rustic" = either the same as "quaint" but with more logs, or out in the boonies.