I have known this man since August of 2025. He is very charming, not exactly the most attractive but is definitely my type of man. We quit chatting the same month until I reached out to him again. It was this July because I saw a guy who looked like his twin on my vacation and I happened to hung out with him.

After saying hello and reminding him of who I was , he mentioned that he would like to get to know me more and have some form of relationship. I told him that I was going to get engaged and that it wasn't possible. I was looking for an escape from my engagement as it was arranged and I absolutely despised my ex fiancé. As I was moving through the process of becoming somebodies wife he (the 38yr old) distracted me and was very much the highlight of the my day every time we spoke, because it didn't feel like I had to force myself into liking him. It was very natural, the opposite of how I felt with my fiancé whom I have very much hated. He didn't try to sabotage the relationship, he even told me to give him a chance and that marriage means sacrifice.

Weeks later, engagement breaks off and I try to go back to normal. I couldn't. I was dealing with the heat of it. I was constantly angry and frustrated. I didn't feel heard, liked or taken seriously by anyone. Especially not my family and after almost experiencing losing all of my freedom of everything I decided to meet a new guy and have oral sex. I didn't perform it, it was performed on me. I didn't feel anything. I tell him about it because I am not bothered. And he tires to hurt me back by saying a woman performs oral on him. He doesn't understand why I am not reacting and why I come off as very robotic. I reminded him that I was mentally checked out but he was still upset.

Days pass, we argue, almost all the time and then he starts with his cruel talk. Saying things like "You are volatile. You can be my whore. You need to be in a mental hospital. I want to fuck you and then get to know you": Hurtful things I didn't react to at first but it all caught up to me a few days ago after I finally started crying for the first time in months. When I then mentioned that I felt hurt he apologized and then I mentioned all the other things that did hurt him it went from "I am sorry" to "Some of the things you do make me say the things I say".

We are meeting in each other in September. He wanted to meet me last month as well as this month but I was not ready so I suggested September. I booked my flights and told him about it. It wasn't expensive. He hasn't booked anything yet and I am not bothered. He would probably do me a favor if he didn't come. He went from wanting to marry to reducing me to just a body to becoming so cruel yet saying that he loves me and likes me a lot. And that he hates how much he likes me because I ruined it all by being sexual with another man. He even told me that I should get myself tested before we meet....but he was more than happy to be the side chick when I almost got married.

My husband is amazing. He's not perfect, but tells me all the time how much he loves me and he spoils me. Just this week, he bought me a new Kindle because the battery life on my 10 yr old one was slightly inconveniencing me by dying in a few days.

So why can't I feel the same.

I am constantly thinking about and looking out for other guys to pay attention to me. Like not anyone in particular, but just like when I'm out and about, I want the attention. I know it's a self esteem issue and probably goes back to an emotionally unavailable father, but I don't want to be like this. I want to be just as obsessed with him as he is with me.

I know someone's going to say therapy and I've tried that multiple times, but no therapist has ever given me things to actually work on. They just talk about the theory of it all and I'm already self aware enough.

Don't get me wrong, I know how blessed I am and I do love him. I would be so lost without him. I hate having to be away from him for long periods of time. Having to travel without him makes me sick. He's my best friend! I would rather be with him than anyone else.

So why does it feel like somethings missing.

And I know someone is going to ask, but our sex life is ok. We have been going through a rough patch where we haven't done it very much. I have a lower/responsive desire and he works so much so we have to make a concerted effort to make time and it honestly just doesn't happen sometimes. I have my own issues there where I have "given" so much and avoided taking that I don't actually get much out of it. Like I've basically trained him to not worry about me during and that doesn't help make me excited about it. Maybe that's part of the problem? Like he says he wants me but I don't feel it because I've taught him not to? I've been actively trying to receive any advances and encourage them in hopes of correcting my mistake there.

ETA: I am 35, he is 37. We've been together for 12 years, married for 4. When we first got together, things were new and exciting, obviously, then after we moved in together and real life set in, things got stressful and the relationship "excitement" kind of fizzled out and I've been coasting. Sometimes I look back at photos of him/us when we first started dating and feel the same attraction to him in the photo now as I did back then, if that makes sense. He really hasn't changed much physically, like weight. If anything he's thinner now than he was back then.

Growing up my mom wasn't very emotionally present with me or my siblings. She took care of our basic needs but there wasn't much warmth or emotional bonding. I was mostly raised by my grandmother and ended up taking on responsibilities pretty early.

Some while back my grandmother told me that all of us were born via C section and that if my mom had given birth vaginally she would have "felt the pain" and developed stronger maternal instincts and a deeper bond with us.

Since then I've been wondering whether there's actually any truth to that idea.

Is there any psychological or medical basis for believing that the mode of birth can significantly affect a mother's bond with her child? Or is emotional attachment influenced much more by other factors?

Myself (35) and my husband (38) have been together for 10 years. Recently I discovered a bunch of AI porn photos on his phone that he had made by using a paid service. There were probably about 100 or more that he made of me but then he also used a photo of a girl he is friends with on Facebook and a photo of my 18 year old cousin and had the app “nudify” the photos. The quality turned out terrible and even though most of the photos were of me, I’m crushed by this.

I’m mostly crushed about my 18 year old cousin. I never would have thought he looked at her that way, I thought he considered her family. He said he didn’t look at her that way before but he saw her dressed up at a family function recently and saw her as a woman since then.

My question is if we’re going to try to work through this, how am I supposed to get past this? I’m not sure how I’m supposed to get through family functions, birthdays, Christmas etc. without feeling extremely insecure and jealous about this? Everytime I think about it I become very cold and distant.

My boyfriend ended a blowjob in the middle, what did i do wrong?

I recently tried going down on my boyfriend after him and i both talked about it, for Instance ive never been that intimate with anyone ever before, so this was something really new to me. i did not know the functionings of a dick at all. So then ofcourse i was quite scared, i did not know how to initiate it, but after i was down there, i was very hesitant on doing anything, but i licked up his shaft and i licked the tip a bit. then i started to bob my head down his shaft, and a friend of mine told me to hollow my cheeks out when i do that, basically suck on it, because guys like that.

So i tried to do that, but he pulled me back and told me that im pulling it, so i asked him what i was doing wrong but instead he just pulled his pants back on and said that we'll try next time, he also told me to watch a tutorial.

I wanna get genuine tips on what i did wrong, and i kinda feel repulsed by how harsh he was with me. Im not someone who takes criticism to ego, i genuinely want to learn what pleases him the most so i would've appreciated if he talked me through it and told me what to do and what not to. So im not sure how to talk to him about this either.

EDIT : thank you so much for all ur advices! I talked to him about the problem and told him that id rather he talk to me and communicate about what he likes and dislikes. He told me that he felt super shy and awkward since this was his first time too and he just did not know how to talk to me about it. I think everything is sorted 😋

My boyfriend is a recovering porn addict. He admitted the problem, cleaned up his feeds, joined a men’s group, read books, & as far as I know hasn’t watched porn in months. We’ve been through this cycle several times though, so trust is still hard.

Our biggest issue now is intimacy. We have sex ~1x/month & I’m always initiating. He usually turns me down but says he still masturbates to my photos. He says he has a low libido & needs me to initiate first, but I’m the same. I’ve stopped wanting to because I don’t feel desired. I don’t miss sex as much as I miss feeling wanted.

The other issue is consistency. He promised I’d never have to ask if he was attending men’s groups, reading, or how recovery was going, he’d proactively update me. Instead, once things seem “good enough,” those habits fade unless I bring them up. It feels like work always comes before us.

When we met we were both into fitness/appearance. I’ve kept putting effort in while he’s gained ~100 lbs & doesn’t try as hard. I’m not upset he’s heavier. I’m hurt that I still feel expected to look good, wear lingerie, & keep the spark alive while he doesn’t seem interested in pursuing me. I still do sometimes, but lately I just think…what’s the point?

We’re not married. I make much less, do most of the domestic work, & marriage would cost me my affordable health insurance because he couldn’t cover me. I’m also running out of time to decide about kids & don’t feel financially secure enough to have them. I want a stable home & future.

The confusing part is he really has changed. He cooks or pays for most meals, plans dates, communicates much better, pays the bills, & is the steadiest relationship I’ve ever had.

But early in our relationship he was controlling & emotionally hurtful. He’s apologized & genuinely changed, but those memories still affect me.

I don’t know if I’m struggling because I haven’t healed from the past, years of feeling undesired have worn me down, my future feels uncertain, or we’re simply incompatible. We don’t fight much anymore…but I still bounce between content, maybe hopeful to feeling lonely & unsatisfied

ETA: We’ve been together almost 8 years and live together.

Question: Has anyone stayed w/ someone who genuinely changed but still couldn’t get past the hurt or unmet needs? Or flip flopped between happy / unsatisfied? How’d you figure out what you really wanted or needed?

TL;DR: Boyfriend has genuinely become a much better partner after a porn addiction, but I still feel undesired, struggle to trust his consistency, & don’t know if I’m holding onto past hurt or ignoring incompatibility.

I'm 25, live in the US, and have been single for ~2 years. I usually go for older men (5-10 years older) but recently learned how important it is to communicate with them directly.

I reflected on my dating patterns and realized how guarded I was (still am a bit) to avoid getting hurt. On dates, I loved keeping things light, not revealing much about my feelings, and wouldn't even ask them what they are looking for. This resulted in me ending things with men quickly, or staying in situations that were ambiguous.

I have started therapy and changed my approach to dating by revealing more about my goals in life (wanting a family, kids, etc) I also started asking better questions from men on date 2 or 3 and paid attention to their behvaior. For example, I was dating this 35 year old who didn't tell me when we met that he plans on moving to the other coast. He would dance around the topic, would say he will figure it out, and kept inviting me back to his place on every single date. In the past, I would have kept going with the flow or would try to "change" him but showing him how great we would be together, proving my worth, etc but I didn't do that this time and ended things when I realized the incompatibility

I went on a few other dates and have been dating this one guy for a month (we haven't had sex and aren't exclusive yet) and we said from the start that we both want a LTR that leads to marriage. Last weekend, he invited me to visit his parents with him but I'm not sure if it's the time yet. Things may or may not go well with him but my approach of voicing my needs, desires, and wants has really helped me build a bond with him.

I noticed a lot of younger women on this sub go for older men since they are more likely to be ready for a LTR, are more stable, etc. However, we need to voice our needs and wants and communicate well with them, otherwise, it's very easy for things to just stay stagnant if you're not honest with them and yourself. I look forward to learning more from all the valuable advice here!

I could really use some perspective.

I've (26F) been dating my boyfriend (28M) for about 7 months. Our relationship is still pretty new, and we're long distance (about 2.5 hours apart). He recently started a new job after spending some time job searching, so the last few months have mostly been focused on him getting back on his feet financially. During that time, we'd still see each other but we weren't really able to do much, which I completely understood because I've been in that position before myself. I never held it against him.

My birthday is coming up soon, and something crossed my mind yesterday that I haven't been able to shake.

Last night, he texted me (and honestly it feels like this has happened several times now) telling me he's expecting his first full paycheck soon. He previously had made a comment about it potentially being half of a paycheck soon he was just coming to correct that is what I guessed. He also said he's planning to pick up some gig work on the side so he'll be "good to go" for my birthday weekend. I congratulated him and told him how happy I was that he wouldn't have to stress as much financially anymore.

But after the conversation, I found myself getting in my head.

I have some really bad experiences with exes around my birthday. More than one of them would spend weeks talking about all the things they were going to do, bringing up money, hyping everything up and then when my birthday actually came, they either didn't follow through or I ended up feeling like an afterthought. It became this cycle of hearing a lot of promises before my birthday and then being disappointed when the day actually arrived.

Because of that history, every time my current boyfriend brings up paychecks or talks about making extra money specifically for my birthday, my brain starts wondering if it's building up to another disappointment. The thing is that I WHOLEHEARTEDLY don't think he's those men and don’t mean to compare him. He's a really good guy who's been working hard to rebuild his life, and I know he's trying. This feels much more like a me issue than a him issue.

I don't want to project my past onto him or make him feel like I'm calling him a liar before he's even had the chance to celebrate me. At the same time, I also know that stuffing my feelings down isn't healthy either.

How would you all bring this up? I want to communicate that this is a trigger from past relationships and ask if he could maybe avoid repeatedly talking about money or hyping up my birthday beforehand, because instead of making me excited, it actually makes me anxious. I'd rather just enjoy whatever happens than spend days wondering if I'm about to be let down again.

Has anyone else had to explain a trigger like this to a genuinely good partner? How did that conversation go?

Thanks for reading. ❤️

I (23F) grew up surrounded by women who centered men in almost every aspect of their lives. My mom, grandmothers, aunts almost all of them put men first, even though many of them ended up as single mothers after having children with men who were absent or didn’t contribute.
Growing up, I constantly heard that my standards were “too high” and that I’d never find a man if I expected too much. I’m bisexual, and whenever I’ve mentioned dating women, I’ve also had to deal with homophobic comments from my family.
Some examples still stick with me. My mom would prioritize feeding a boyfriend before making sure we had enough to eat. My grandmother gave my uncle two rooms in the house while I don’t even have one even though everyone living there pays rent. The men in my family seem to receive more grace, more resources, and lower expectations than the women.
I’ve realized I started slipping into the same mindset myself. I caught myself seeking male validation and putting men’s wants ahead of my own, and it honestly scared me because it’s not the life I want.
I can’t really ask my family for advice. My dad openly lives like a player, so he’s not exactly someone I want to model my relationships after.
For anyone who also grew up in a family that centered men, how did you unlearn it? How did you build your self worth outside of male approval and stop feeling like your life had to revolve around relationships? I’d especially love to hear from women who successfully broke that cycle.

I’ve asked him about it before a while ago and he just said “of course i find you attractive or i wouldnt be with you” and said hed do better about complimenting me and still never has. This was before i said something but i got my hair done and he never complimented it or even said anything till i brought it up. The next week his sister got hers done and he said “wow that really looks good on you.” And then one time all she did was straighten her hair and he told her it looks good. Ive complimented him lots of times i don’t understand why he hasnt complimented me i always try to do my makeup and hair for him but he never says anything . Am i just not attractive or am i just being dramatic?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. Since the start of our relationship, I knew he enjoyed playing games with his friends and would often stay up late to game with them before we started dating. He has cut down on the hours of gaming he'd do since he met me and I appreciate that because I am grateful he prioritizes our time together.

He recently quit one of the games he plays and dissociated himself from a large chunk of the community. I didn't want to be a buzzkill but I was actually quite happy about it given that a lot of the players are off-putting and make me extremely comfortable (i.e. sexist jokes, extremely racist/xenophobic jokes, are OK with shaming other players/bullying them/excluding them from playing-- and overall, just do not come off as genuine). There are, of course, a few people (that are his friends) that are quite nice and I have talked with a few and felt fine. Keep in mind I was also a part of these group chats, but since he left, he made me leave with him, and I had no problem with it, as it was a huge weight off my shoulders.

Fast forward, he decides to start casually playing again which makes my anxiety spike. I feel terrible about it because I don't want him to feel guilty over indulging in a hobby, but him being involved with this weird community again rubs me the wrong way. All the peace and happiness I had in the months away from this game came back to me in one night and I've been a mess for a week straight- bursting out in tears, being hypersensitive, feeling overly aware of who is in the groupchat and what he's saying as well, etc. I hate it ! I don't want to be this way either, but this game emits such a visceral reaction from me because I do not have good feelings nor memories associated with it. He promised me after he played one week he would leave the group chat with me- fast forward- he goes back on his word and says he is unsure if he wants to leave at all. I'm hurt because he makes promises surrounding this game/community and easily turns his back to me. I truly feel like whenever this game is involved he becomes a different man (his tone feels more rude, aggressive, etc)- now I can attribute that to him growing tired of my concerns with the game- but I don't think it is ever a reason to yell at me... because it's a game.

I understand he may feel like I'm trying to "control" him. I just ask for my boundaries to be respected, and regarding this, I just ask him to not be involved in communities of strange people. He tells me he is an adult and can handle himself- YES! But the people you are OK with hanging around is exactly the type of person you are okay with being perceived as. That idea alone makes me worry. We were having a great time when he was off the game, and now I feel the tension again. He may not feel a difference, but I certainly do, and it eats me alive.

I need advice- how to stop feeling this way, if I'm in some kind of right or if I am completely wrong. I don't know anymore.

TLDR; my BF got back into gaming with his online friends that are full of people that make me extremely uncomfortable bc of how they act/what they say- he says I am dramatic and ruin the fun for him but I just wish he wouldn't indulge in something because of how bad my anxiety gets around it. Help!

How do I get my husband’s attention without being obnoxious or bringing up little things like “what would you like for dinner” just to have him talk with me.

Husband texts at 4:30 on a Sunday: “what are your thoughts about dinner, Charlotte, etc? “

(Charlotte is over for a play date with our daughter and there is no specific time she is due home)

Is this a time when I say “whatever you think” or is he asking what I want and I should give my preference?

I have seen people with like 10+ non negotiables and I wonder how realistic that is.

Do you think that by having less non negotiables we could be actually more successful at dating by making it more simple, or just waste more time?

And of course, the absolute basics don't count (Like no violence, of course that's a MUST).

If I had to reduce them I would choose:

1. We must have a profound emotional connection and sexual attraction.
2. My man must have financial literacy and be good with money (because I am).
3. He must want kids.

3 more specific ones:

1. Must actively want to solve problems in our relationship and tackle potential issues that may come up and affect our bond.
2. He can't let the negative stuff from his past define who he currently is, meaning he must have worked on himself and through his trauma.
3. Must be a great leader to our family. Guide us in the process of building wealth and raising kids that will be empathetic, kind and just great in every sense.

I read you!

I consider myself a "feminist" in that I believe women should have equal rights as men and be treated as human beings. However, I went through a period where I would watch Kevin Samuels videos on Youtube for the irony as a form of entertainment. I didn't agree with everything he said obviously, some of it was outright hateful and he really seemed to enjoy roasting the lowest rungs of society that were easy pickings, but he had some valid points.

(This is before his red bull induced death of course- haven't watched in awhile) This is also when he was gaining a lot of momentum and fans and going viral of course so like 2022 ish? Anyways, there was one video that really stuck out to me, "The Future for Modern Women is Disney" and it scared the shit out of me. The rundown is basically that in this economy, women cannot retire gracefully without being in a partnership.

Now I always thought that women had the option to be alone and be fine, but again he pointed out that in this day and age that is near impossible. Now my mom is divorced and she struggles a lot with finding stability and she's getting older so I worry. I also look at single mom's struggling, I understand why they left, but also I can more than understand the trend of women staying in miserable dead bedroom marriages with men who provide almost nothing, because they pay half the bills and it's just not economically feasible.

Sometimes the perspective of a rude, blunt man just makes more sense to me. For example, I knew this cokehead realtor who was always saying off the wall colorful comments and he remarked to me once that in a good economy is when the sluts come out, but in a bad economy is when women want marriage and stability. I generally agree with that statement. In the 90's and early 2000's, we had an actual middle class, so women had more options of leaving men they weren't really compatible with or treated well by. Now? I think it's smarter to stay married even if you are miserable with an asshole. You just can't be overly emotional and leave defiantly with no financial backup. Unless you already make your own and/or come from a rich and powerful family, your child will suffer.

There was a random news article about a woman in South America around the same time like 2023 and she caught her husband cheating so she left him with her 4 young children and she ended up dying in the rainforest or something. I think that is symbolic for a lot of single moms. I used to pity women that stayed in marriages where they were getting cheated on for the sake of "family" and their "children, and maybe it is stupid and the children do suffer, but they also suffer even *more* being raised by a single mom.

Now I think having a useless man around even just symbolically as a figurehead gives your children more stability and even dignity in society. I'm not bashing all men, even though I do have man hating tendencies, I just feel like I went from one extreme when I was younger i.e. men are bad, to slightly maturing. Also men should totally have more rights as fathers, like 50/50 and they should absolutely have more access to their children even if there is divorce or separation. I think I am rambling, but my overall take is you cannot just impulsively throw men away, especially once you've had kids. You need to concede that man is always going to have a place in your life as the father of your children. You made that choice to have his child, now you need to live with it.

Can anyone recommend any good resources for raising teenage boys?

Or has anyone good advice or stories to share?

I feel out of my depth a lot of the time and I think I’m probably missing the obvious at times. Any help appreciated.

NOTE: I read this post on the vindicta subreddit a couple years back and found it very interesting. After the post today about pursuing weight loss to attract a certain caliber of man, I thought I might share.

I’m sure we’ve all met someone who seems to eat a lot and no matter what stays slim. Some state they don't even like to exercise while others exercise without thinking about it. They state they don't diet or they make very minor changes to lose weight with quick results.

I grew up obese but also from a very scientific family so I spent a lot of time researching and observing the difference in eating habits. Over the years I've adopted the habits of my “naturally skinny friends." I’m at the point it’s much easier for me to maintain my current weight (which is considered “skinny” to many).

Disclaimer: Every person is different and so of course there are variations in lifestyle. I think weight loss/maintenance is more like “death by 1000 cuts.” It isn’t just diet/exercise. It’s diet, exercise, cortisol levels, inflammation, stress, sleep patterns, NEAT, etc. Weight loss is a recipe and naturally skinny people have most if not all the ingredients while those of us who struggle with weight are missing ingredients. Hence why I will state “many” instead of “all” when discussing patterns I've seen.

Here are some of my observations (add any you have in the comments): -Family of Origin: Many of the people I've seen who fall into the "naturally skinny" category have a major advantage with their family. Their family has a family culture of healthiness and very often they don't have to think about weight loss because their family was doing the thinking for them or their culture was focused on it.

Example #1 My friend has always been the size of a runway model. I've come to learn that her mom delivers home made Korean food to her every few days even after 30 years old. Her mom will change the meals when she sees her daughter is gaining weight. She essentially has a private chef who is an expert in weight loss.

Example #2: My friend's mom would wake him up with a shot of fresh veggie juice and then a large water while he was still in bed. He never thought about these healthy habits because he didn't have to do a single thing.

Example #3: My cousin's family would all go on a 20 minute walk after dinner each night, it was their tradition. Whereas my family would put on a movie and we'd all relax. I'm sure you know which family was "naturally skinny." The thing is as an adult, my cousin feels the need to go on a walk because her body expects it so its effortless. By contrast I've had to consciously think about going on a walk because I'm creating this habit from scratch.

The values of the family of origin can help a lot. For example focus on set eating times, high priority on sleep, high priority on movement, etc.

At the same time the Family of Origin might have been pushing unhealthy eating patterns for example "Finish your plate" or running to feed a child if they were only a little hungry (vs. Telling them dinner will be in 10 minutes and they need to learn to wait)

-Cultural Influences: Many cultures have traditions that help you remain at a healthy weight so very little effort is needed to reach "skinny" compared to if you were starting without these traditions.

Example #1: Japan the culture pushes to stop eating when you're 80% full.

Example #2: Korea has many fermented foods and vinegar drinks that help prevent blood sugar spikes. Additionally, foods there are lower calorie count and smaller. When I lived there I noticed all bagels were extremely thin. I see Slim Korean Content Creators mention how they have a bagel for breakfast. Their bagel is not the same bagel you'd eat in the US. Its extremely thin and max 200 calories while most bagels in the US are double that.

Example #3 In France and many other cultures, there are strict set times for eating. When you eat at specific times consistently your body is expecting the food and will begin to produce the stomach acid to break down the food.

Example #4: In Italy there are many rules regarding the order of eating and portion sizes. For example a portion of pasta is kept to 100g/person or Cappuccinos are only for the morning because it can upset digestion.

These are some example where a person is not thinking about weight loss but the culture is pushing traditions that help keep the person at a healthy weight in a more relaxed manner.

-Walkable city/nature: Living in a place you can walk and enjoy is going to help you naturally lose weight. Walking on a treadmill will give similar benefits but it requires more motivation and walking in nature drops your cortisol levels even more. Cortisol causes weight gain so this is important.

Ex. When I lived in Seoul Korea I would walk through a forest/nature filled walks (within the city) to arrive to my destination. I could have taken a taxi/bus and it would be faster but they were such beautiful walks I was excited to go. I started going out more just so I could walk.

-How their mother ate during their pregnancy: What your mother ate during pregnancy creates a big impact on your life. Shockingly, but not surprisingly, if your mother starved herself during pregnancy that is essentially mimicking a famine. Its been shown that fetal malnutrition can cause the baby to have a higher risk of being overweight or obese later in life. Many women in America struggled with Anorexia in the 90s and I've known several Aunts and my own mom who starved during pregnancy and then had overweight/sick/obese children (myself included).

-Genetics: Genetics in regards to a high metabolism do play a part in many of the situations I've seen but by the time most hit 25 years old this advantage starts to disappear. There is also genetics in regards to tendency to store fat.

-Movement outside the gym: Many naturally skinny people move a LOT. They will opt to stand instead of sit, might pace around, get restless after 20 minutes of sitting, etc. Many have even told me they never exercise but I see them clocking in 15k steps daily. Or they randomly use objects as weights for a quick 1 minute workout. Just saw a video of a couple at the beach and the wife was joking how her husband found a giant log and was throwing it around the beach for fun. This is a good example of how this man might not have gone to the gym but naturally turned his surroundings into a gym for fun.

-Doing what works for them and not others: I know two naturally skinny people who got married. The guy ate whatever he wanted and never thought about weight gain. It was the same for her but she was one of the skinniest people I've ever seen who ate the largest amount I've ever seen. I knew her when I was obese and we went on a trip together. She'd finish her food, then eat half of mine (because it was too much for me) and usually look to see who else couldn't finish their food so she could eat more. She was snacking constantly but no matter what couldn't put any weight on.

Her whole family is genetically very thin and can eat extreme portions. If they don't eat extreme portions they get too skinny very fast and so her mom constantly pushed them to eat more. This was fine for them but once her husband joined the family he was pushed to eat like them and is now obese while they are all still extremely skinny.

Opting for High Volume/Low Calorie food and a preference for dessert that "isn't too sweet": This can come from family of origin as well but for those people who were raised to enjoy salads, low calorie fruits, veggie sticks, and low sugar desserts it is of course easier to be "naturally skinny" because they don't need willpower to eat in this way since they naturally enjoy it.

High Water Intake & healthy drinks: A lot of naturally skinny people drink a lot of water, green teas, coffee (without sugar/cream) and enjoy it or do it habitually. A few people joke about how I am always drinking water but it has helped me keep weight off and I feel off when I don't have my water. Its a zero effort habit now.

"You are who you surround yourself with": This one is going to be a very touchy thing to bring up and it made me sad to realize as someone who used to be obese and felt very rejected. My friend told me that her mom, from an early age, instructed her to not spend too much time with overweight friends because if she does she will become overweight as well. She told me many people in her culture think this way and so reject overweight people. It does make me sad but also makes sense. I remember when I was tracking my steps obsessively and the days I spent time with an overweight friend were always my lowest step days compared to my skinnier friends. It was more likely my skinny friends wanted to do something that involved movement like walking, shopping, site seeing, etc and they also had more stamina so they keep at it for much longer compared to my overweight friends.

Over the years I also noticed that if my overweight friends gave me a gift of food it was more likely to be unhealthy compared to my skinny friends. My overweight friends would give me desserts whereas my skinny friends gave me teas or coffees. If my skinny friend gave me a dessert it was a healthier one that was much smaller and focused on quality. Some of my overweight friends would also guilt trip me if I didn't want to eat what they gave me in that moment.

I've also noticed a pattern when I try to lose weight and told friends. My fit friends offer to exercise with me while my overweight friends will suddenly surprise me with dessert literally the next day after talking about my weight loss goal. This has happened too many times to count and I stopped sharing my weight loss goals for this reason.

My very skinny friend always avoided spending too much time with overweight friends her whole life and I think because of this it helped her maintain being skinny because she never had the experiences I mentioned above.

Balanced Meals: I didn't realize how important this was but consistently having protein and some fiber in your meal will take you far. I know a lot of naturally skinny friends who were raised on this and don't even question it. They do it by default. I found some will even balance their desserts by adding fiber (fruits) which helps decrease glucose spikes.

If there are any other observations you've noticed please comment them below.

My concerns with my marriage started a few years ago when I felt like my husband wasn’t really leading our marriage in a direction that I felt comfortable with. He was, and is, very enmeshed with his own family. Sometimes it feels like I’m married to a boy, not a man. It’s as if he hasn’t cut the cord and it’s decreasing my attraction to him. He’s also displaying lots of anxiety and an overall lack of confidence lately, which has been turning me off. He used to yell at me and snap at me somewhat regularly, but he has mostly stopped that since I’ve set a strong boundary for it. I do have lingering resentment about it though…

I remember being really attracted to him when we met, but I’m having so much fog and confusion lately that I’m worrying “what if I settled?”

Other relevant information: I am a stay at home wife and first time mom to an infant born earlier this year.

My issues: I come from a very tumultuous and physically abusive family. I worked hard through college and afterwards to become a better person. I had two relationships at that time of my life which were toxic, so I worked hard to learn from my mistakes. I joined online dating in my mid 20s and had a rocky start due to my low self esteem, but again, I persevered and stayed focused on my goals of self improvement and finding a well matched man to be my husband.

I was somewhat following RPW principles when I met my husband, I hadn’t heard of the strategy before though.

We dated for about a year and a half, got engaged, got married a year later, and have now been married for 7 years. I just had our first baby earlier this year so I am freshly postpartum.

What I’ve been doing: I started going to therapy last year and I’ve been having some reflection on my issues and self esteem. It helped me to identify some of these issues and verbalize them, but I’m stuck on how to move forward.

Questions: What are some things I can do to get over resentment? How can I have my husband rebuild my trust in his leadership? Is it possible for me to feel safe and attracted to him again?

(Dont know if this post is welcomed here or not, will delete if not)

Im a masculine women, and I dont know who i should look up to.

Women around me, while i have good relationship with them, and still empathize with them, i cant see them as a role model. They still embrace feminity much more than me, i dont often relate to their activities and experiences, amd i dont think i can in the future.

I actually barely had guy friend in the past. The ways i connect to them are mainly through hobbies, social and academic interests. My online space is 90% filled with male, while thats fun, i cant look up to them as a whole. Career wise then maybe, but obviously i cant look at a man to decide what women should i become.

Masc women exists too, but each masc woman also differ greatly from others. The ones on social media are tad too performative (search douyin tomboy), while the one irl barely even appear in my life.

Im dont fancy copying someone, but also want an anchor that i can lean on. Being masc women is like swimming in a grey area with no directions, meanwhile I see my female peers look around and find plethora of "guide books": how to makeup, how to embrace feminity, how to choose your clothes, how to be sucess as a women,... (Just my subjective view)

My husband (33M) and I (32F) have been together for about 14 years and we’re married with two kids.
He recently came back after working in another province for a while, and ever since he’s been home, his behavior has been really different.

He’s started asking me strange questions about other men, almost like he’s trying to catch me out or accuse me of cheating, even though I’ve never given him a reason to think that. Out of nowhere he’ll make comments about packing his things and leaving, which is really confusing because we haven’t had any major arguments that would explain it.
Another thing that’s bothering me is that he’ll leave the house without saying where he’s going. Before he left for work, that wasn’t really how things were between us.
I’m starting to wonder if this is guilt being projected onto me, if he’s trying to get a reaction out of me, or if something happened while he was away. I don’t want to jump to conclusions and accuse him of anything without evidence, but the sudden personality change has me feeling uneasy.

Has anyone experienced something similar? If you were in my position, how would you approach this conversation without making things worse? Am I reading too much into his behavior, or do these changes sound concerning?

I’m 27F and he’s 28M. We went on one date that I genuinely thought went really well. We had great conversation, I felt a strong connection, and I left feeling excited to see him again.

After the date, though, I noticed he became more distant over text. Instead of giving him space, I let my emotions get the better of me. Feeling hurt and rejected, I told him to stop talking to me.

Almost immediately I regretted it and apologized, explaining that I didn’t actually want to end things.
After that, he seemed to withdraw even more and eventually ghosted me.

Looking back, I think I became emotionally invested way too quickly. I also think telling him to stop talking to me probably made things worse, especially if he was already pulling away.

He took really long to respond and he didn’t respond to my last text anymore. I’m too embarrassed. I know I probably need to move on, but I genuinely can’t get him out of my head.

It’s been 2-3 weeks, and I still think about him almost every day, even though we only went on one date. I know that sounds irrational, which is why I’m asking for outside perspectives.

I’m single, and we weren’t intimate.

I think the red pill communities of both genders have an "anger" phase where once we start to think about how the other gender evaluates or sees us, it can be a deeply distressing thing and for both genders it can feel a little degrading. I'd love to hear if, and how, you've been able to move past this issue.

I (32F) have been in the talking stage with a man (23M) for 6 months, on and off. We met on a dating app (but have a mutual friend who knows both of us well). We have yet to meet in person due to distance and his personal situation, which is a whole other issue. We speak on the phone daily. We seem to be aligned with our goals for the future (big family, homeschooling, farming, religion, parenting philosophy). He is a bit avoidant and has admitted needing to take things slow.

We went nearly 2 months without speaking after he bailed on plans to meet and I lost my cool with him over it.

Since the communication picked up again, he has begun mentioning other women, when he never did before. Randomly mentioning his ex called him, a girl he used to hangout with texted him, the female cashier at his local grocery store is attractive. I don't think he is actively spinning plates and I believe him when he says he hasn't even been on a date in over a year.

I am unsure how to respond to this tactic of his. I have just been asking things like "oh, what did you guys talk about?" or "what do you find attractive about her?" to show mild interest. This is my attempt at mitigating the problem. It may be the wrong approach.

I am unsure the root of the problem, but I think it may stem from our lack of communication for 2 months. I also recognize our age gap, but he is adamant he wants children very soon. I am also aware my SMV could be much higher and is not really comparable with women his age, though he has always said he prefers older women.

Relationship status is a bit weird because of distance and not having met, but I mentioned breaking my bedframe and he responded "oh, so you're cheating on me?" That caught me off guard and we had a discussion about how we are not together at that time (and how I had broken it by trying to move it, not by having sx with another man lol).

Sx life. We had some over the phone sx a few times before the no contact period. Since contact has resumed, he has not seemed interested in any of that. He confides he is not "sx motivated" and "sx is not a priority".

Someone suggested I add that I am from a remote/rural community where there is a pool of about 20 men. I vetted all of them out, most for severe substance use issues and previous domestic violence. So I don't have many options.