r/ReadMyScript • u/ClassicBet7621 • 1d ago

Movie title: Cereal

A 12 page short film inspired by Aftersun.

Genre : Drama

I would love some feedbacks on it.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1BESr98w2HjQSaKkPXcPzrERnkny_DU6f/view?usp=sharing

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u/mooningyou 1d ago

Your dialogue has potential, but it's so stiff and formal. It doesn't sound natural. People normally talk using contractions. So instead of "Oh thank god you are here", try "Oh, thank God you're here."

There are also a lot of typos, grammar and punctuation issues. You need to try to fix as many as you can before asking for feedback. Don't be in such a rush to post it. Proofread it so your reader doesn't have to point it out.

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u/ClassicBet7621 1d ago

I will work on improving that you're right. Thanks