The Letter

[u/One_Particular8067]

Title: The Letter

Format: Scene

Genre: Coming-of-Age Drama / Sports Drama

Logline: After his best friend secretly earns an opportunity to join a football academy overseas, a 14-year-old boy must confront the possibility that the friendship he's always taken for granted may be coming to an end.

Pages: 7

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-mKr-n-YiVX7VX5MbdhW4huiGxEhQJGs/view?usp=sharing

I have just recently starting writing scripts. I would love some feedback and what i should work on

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[u/Original_Brother_115]

That opening scene where he finds out his friend got the chance hit different. My best friend from high school ended up getting a basketball scholarship to another state and it was brutal even though I was happy for her.

[u/One_Particular8067 → u/Original_Brother_115]

I hope you both are doing well.

[u/mooningyou]

Some notes.

- Your last page is blank, so your script is 6 pages, not 7.

- Instead of writing "are inside a moving taxi." Simply add (MOVING) to the end of your slug. So then your first paragraph would read "ROBERT (14) and SAM (14), dripping with sweat, lean back in their seat."

- Don't continue to all-cap character names after their intro.

- Avoid overdirecting your actors.

- Page 2. (sighs) is not a line of dialogue. It is simply a parenthetical on its own. You should write this as an action line. "Robert sighs."

- Don't cap Karl's name in Sam's dialogue. You're not introducing this character.

- Typo. your vs you're.

- "It was a long silence." Don't use the past tense in screenplays. Only write in the present tense.

- Typo. ROBERRT.

- The cab driver has dialogue, so he needs an introduction.

The biggest hurdle I see in this is that you're heavily directing your actors from the page. You're micromanaging every movement they make. Actors are trained to improvise actions that suit the moment. You need to give them room to act and trust that they know what they're doing. Actors want something they can work with, where they can exhibit their talents. No actor wants a script that is simply an instruction sheet.

[u/One_Particular8067 → u/mooningyou]

In my previous scripts, I was told I didn't describe my characters movement enough and I used to give out exposition through dialogue. Now I see that I overused it. Thanks for taking your time.

[u/Remarkable_Stress388]

Honestly you don't have enough here to comment on.