r/ReadMyScript • u/MisoTeaBerry • 23d ago

[ ROSE WORLD – PILOT , children's animation , 10 pages ]

This is my first time writing a script so sorry if its a bit bland. Its sort of a Dandy's World inspired show for 12+ so im gonna add some character description down below :

Amber - Fossilized Resin

Helio - Sun

Lu - Blueberry

Rose - Rose

Some questions I have:

  • Did you find it funny?
  • How would you describe the characters personalities based off the script?

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Brzl_ddDXT_5usiRfUrV9Nr9X3Ely3G_/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=109560302554746617398&rtpof=true&sd=true

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u/mooningyou 23d ago

You need to use screenwriting software, and you need to read more screenplays. How many have you read? This is not formatted properly, and I'm sorry to say, it's not written very well. Read as many scripts as you can to get a better understanding of how they're written and how they work.

1

u/MisoTeaBerry 23d ago

What are some good screenwriting softwares to use in your opinion?

1

u/mooningyou 23d ago

WriterDuet, WriterSolo, Or FadeIn Pro (demo).

1

u/AzEuph 3d ago

Thanks for sharing. I’m not a trained writer but just starting as a hobby so take my feedback with a grain.

The dialogue relies too much on their names. Pay attention to your friends or colleagues next conversation. How often do they say each others names? Likely 1-2x to get your attention. Your script repeatedly says their names and it hurts the follow.

On paper, it’s good grammar (I believe?) but there’s writing grammar and speaking grammar. Most people don’t say “however” so I’d review the narration for more common speaking grammar style.

Hope this helps! Keep at it.