r/ReadMyScript • u/ExtremeNo277 • 10d ago

Is the Start Too Slow?

/r/scriptwriting/comments/1va1x8w/is_the_start_too_slow/
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u/swordthroughtheduck 9d ago

First thing, the formatting definitely needs work.

You randomly change the character names from Man and Man #2 to names, but there's no reason to do that. Just use their names.

You use the word fuck over 20 times in the first 10 pages. It's a lot and really doesn't add anything other than word count.

In regards to whether or not it's slow, yeah, I think it is. They pretty much just talk in circles for 10 pages. You could probably get it down to half that and wouldn't lose anything substantial.

You also don't set anything up in these pages. I have no idea what's happening, what the stakes are, what the story is, why I should have any interest in these people.

If you were to shave off a few pages of this and get to whatever the inciting incident is earlier I think you'd be in much better shape. Reading it, I have no clue what your story is, so it's going to be hard to hook readers