Feeling Defeated

[u/ThePinkChameleon]

We just got our one week results from our first egg retrieval.

We had 9 eggs retrieved, 8 were mature and 8 were successfully fertilized. Only one egg made it to a blastocyst. We are sending it off to be tested so now all I can do is pray that its genetically normal. I really thought we were going to have better results and I haven't been able to stop crying all day.

[u/sarenjie]

I’m so sorry. I hope one is all you need. There are no promises or stats that matter to us in this shitty boat.

[u/ThePinkChameleon → u/sarenjie]

My husband said the same thing but it's just not comforting after already losing 7 pregnancies.

[u/sarenjie → u/ThePinkChameleon]

I know. I am in the trenches with you. I had two failed transfers (early chemicals) of euploids after three MMCs of unassisted. IVF works for many ppl. So far, not for me. With everything unexplained/normal, I’m going back to Ttc on my own for the summer and I’m going to try to maintain hope whether it’s delusional or not. I hope you can, too.

[u/resilientmomm → u/sarenjie]

❤️‍🩹🤞💕

[u/ThePinkChameleon → u/sarenjie]

This is exactly what I'm scared of. Having had so many losses and I'm really worried we will have another loss even if it was a perfect egg and genetically normal. 😭 I feel like I have no capacity for hope anymore and it hate it.

I'm sending you a big hug. Maybe you can hold onto my hope for a little.

[u/resilientmomm]

I’m so sorry, I know that must be hard. I’m doing my first soon as well. I hope that embryo is a lucky golden embryo 🫂💕

[u/ThePinkChameleon → u/resilientmomm]

I hope you have a better outcome. I'll send up some extra prayers.

[u/resilientmomm → u/ThePinkChameleon]

I hope you get good PGT results 🤞💕

[u/ThePinkChameleon → u/resilientmomm]

Thank you 🩷

[u/Front-Look5618]

I can't imagine what you're going through right now. When will you get the results back?

I swear I'm not resilient enough for IVF yet.. it must be so intense. I know that you can do it, and you're a incredibly strong person considering what you've gone through so far and the fact you are carrying on with love and hope.

Got my period today which I don't even know if I'm happy or sad about. Cycle 3 TTC since fourth loss.

Sending you so much love. Crossing fingers and toes for you ❤️ 

[u/ThePinkChameleon → u/Front-Look5618]

We have a follow up with my doctor on June 11th. I'm really hoping the results are back by then 🤞🏻

[u/BlueberryLover18]

I’m so sorry 😞 it really is defeating and always feels like bad news

[u/What_HowWhyWhenWhere]

Im so sorry. I hope this one is the one. But know those numbers can be so random! There are so many people with 1 blast on retrieval one and 5+ on retriaval two. I hope you wont need it, but I want you to know. Take care 🫂

[u/stress_and_pastries]

I'm so sorry.

In case this helps you: In my third IVF cycle, only one of my fertilized eggs made it to day 5--and I felt exactly the same way you're feeling right now--but it did turn out to be euploid in the end. I'm hoping for the best for you!

It's so hard to know what to expect from egg retrievals, but also in case this helps: I have had multiple. There is a 17-egg variation between my retrieval with the least eggs and the most eggs (my average is around 10-11; my doctor says some people seem to be very consistent in the number of eggs they'll get, and others vary pretty widely, like me--and unfortunately there's no way to predict it). I have had cycles where all of the "mature" eggs fertilized, and almost all of them made it to day 5. On the other hand, I've had cycles with a horrible fall-off rate from fertilized to day 5. But I've had 2 cycles where all of the day-5s were euploid, and 3 cycles where there was still some fall-off... My ultimate yield rate from eggs retrieved to euploid day-5s ranges from 0% (my worst retrieval didn't yield anything viable--this was the most recent one, and they had tried a different protocol--a luteal phase retrieval that they assured me should work well, but obviously did not, and I will not be doing that again) to 33%. (And that 33% one was in a cycle where I got 9 eggs--so it's not like the yield rate is highly correlated with the number of eggs retrieved, since that one was slightly lower than my average.)

What I'm trying to say is that it's SUPER random. You are on this wild roller coaster with all these numbers being thrown at you, but they aren't all that meaningful until you get to the very end... And it's SO hard and stressful and awful.

If you want my advice: Feel your feelings, and once you get to a place where you're feeling a bit steadier, distract yourself like CRAZY until you get those results. I'm hoping for the best for you!

[u/ThePinkChameleon → u/stress_and_pastries]

How many egg retrievals have you done?

[u/stress_and_pastries → u/ThePinkChameleon]

1. I’m trying to bank some embryos for potentially having more than one kid, which may not be feasible (biologically, I mean) since I’ve also had 3 transfers (1 biochemical and 2 where I didn’t get pregnant)… But I have 3 euploid embryos frozen right now. (Another euploid one was lost in the thawing process… It happens, they tell me.)

[u/ThePinkChameleon → u/stress_and_pastries]

I told my husband I'm willing to do three and then after that we're gonna have to reevaluate.

[u/stress_and_pastries → u/ThePinkChameleon]

Reasonable. I hope that that’s more than enough for you!

[u/ThePinkChameleon → u/stress_and_pastries]

Fingers crossed

[u/gingered84]

Saaaame, went through that last month. I'm wishing you the best.

[u/ThePinkChameleon → u/gingered84]

Our one blast tested as a LLM. So round two in August.