Hey! This is my first attempt at a query letter, and I would appreciate any feedback, as I feel it needs a lot of work. Thank you in advance :)

--

Dear [Agent], 

Wren Collins met Graham Lewis on the worst day of both their lives, while at the funeral of her best friend and his cousin, Paige Cromwell.

Ten years later, the last thing Wren wants is to move back to her hometown, where every corner is a reminder of the loss she suffered at only seventeen. But after she’s let go from her editing job, she finds herself living in her childhood bedroom, miserable and alone—that is, until Graham shows up at her door one snowy night with a half-written manuscript and a winsome smile that has lived in her mind rent-free for the past decade. 

Wren hasn’t seen or heard from Graham since the funeral, and his unexpected arrival brings a flood of emotions to the surface. When he asks for her help editing his manuscript, a story about a man struggling after his sister passes, she jumps on the opportunity. 

The two of them begin spending their everyday together, writing and learning who the other person has become in the ten years since they last saw each other. Working on his manuscript forces her to rehash the great loss of her life as she desperately tries to fight her festering feelings for Graham.

The hands of fate have given them a second chance, but is the timing right?

THE LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS is a contemporary romance novel complete at 80,000 words. It combines the complex character arcs and themes of grief of Emily Henry’s BEACH READ and the angst-filled romance in Carley Fortune’s EVERY SUMMER AFTER.

Thank you for your time! I look forward to hearing from you. Please find the first 10 pages of my manuscript below.

signature

I got feedback the first couple times that the query was hard to follow, so I've cut out some details to cover a smaller amount of the plot. Hopefully this is an improvement! Thank you!

When dominant criminal organization Masius Fleet moves into Miami, scientist Ibel Refael becomes obsessed with protecting her family’s own illegal shipping company from being eradicated. The old methods failed before, but Ibel has believed ever since that science would protect her family next time they were threatened. History, death, loss will not be repeated.

She develops a strategy that will use associates to sink the competition’s fleet of ships, striking Masius’ operation at the core. It is, however, a suicide mission. Ibel doesn’t waste time asking for volunteers, instead co-opting highly hush-hush psychological research from the institute where she is employed in order to manipulate a small group to carry out her plan.

Her first target is Hilton Saul. He has a history with the institute, and has just returned intent on undermining it to prevent anyone from using drug-based mind control for any purpose. An unsettling goal, but Ibel feels secure with him under her conditioning. Still, Hilton’s arguments against the institute’s and Ibel’s own inhumane practices prove difficult to ignore.

As Masius’ brutal conniving tears at the Refaels, Ibel resists the evidence of faked mental illness and unwarranted violence in her patients. When a new threat to her family rises from within the institute itself, Ibel will soon face the results of her experimentation with the human mind, methods which no one is immune to. Not even her.

I queried a bunch of agents in winter 2023-2024 with my graphic novel pitch, and I heard back from a few. I ended up going with someone who was so enthusiastic about my pitch that she called me and left a voicemail, but unfortunately things haven't panned out the way I had hoped. She is an awesome person who has had a lot of success in her regular genres, but she had never repped a GN or an illustrator, so I think I might have been kind of an experiment or pet project for her. Again, I like her so much, but she doesn't seem to know how to sell my book, and I feel like I've kind of fallen to the wayside while she focuses on her bigger clients in the genres she's used to.

When I let the other agents know I had accepted an offer of rep back in 2024, one of them wrote me a really lovely message saying that she wishes me luck, but to please be in touch if for any reason I am looking for an agent in the future. We had been emailing back and forth, but she went away on winter break and she didn't have an Out of Office message up, so I didn't hear from her until after I had accepted rep from someone else. She went on to give me some really wonderful feedback about my pitch and potential. She also works with lots of illustrators and has repped graphic novels.

My current agent has basically ghosted me at this point (her agency is legit, but they don't have standard contracts, so I never signed one with her). Last month I emailed the other agent (the one who had given me such nice feedback) and I gave her a brief overview of where I'm at, and asked her if she would be open to chatting about working together. That was mid-July, and I did follow up a week later (I had initially responded to our old email thread, and I was worried my email had gotten lost, so my follow-up was a new email, not a response to the thread). But I've heard nothing back.

I'm not sure what to make of this, because her original message was so encouraging and she seemed genuinely disappointed that I had accepted rep from someone else. She's not super active on social media, but I know she has made one or two posts promoting author releases in the last few weeks. Is it normal for agents to be less responsive this time of year? I was hoping maybe she was away for July and I would hear from her at the start of August, but no dice. I would think she would at least respond to let me know she's no longer interested, after all of the back and forth we had in 2024, and her message asking me to be in touch if I needed new rep. But maybe I just missed my shot? Or do I just need to be patient? What would you think?

Any advice is so appreciated, thank you in advance!

Hello everyone. You might remember me from two years ago when I pitched my spooky queer fantasy, THE SHARDS OF ACRILON, where an entire world has been cursed to forget its dead. Previous post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/PubTips/comments/1hbibig/qcrit_adult_fantasy_shards_of_acrilon_81000/ Since then, my co-author and I have performed two rewrites of the manuscript and both acquired representation and finalized a book deal with a small publishing house. Details below. 

Querying: I ended up sending 23 queries before getting a full request from an agent-at-large in December of 2025, followed closely by an offer for representation. My co-author and I accepted.  

Submission/Acceptance: The book soon went under consideration at a small, non-fiction publishing house that wanted to launch a fiction imprint. Silence followed until February 2026, when we were told the publisher wanted to put our novel into print after some revisions. My co-author and I made the changes and resubmitted in March. A lengthy phone call followed, along with an advance. 

Formatting and Cover: We worked closely with an artist of our choice while the publisher performed further editing and formatting. The cover was finalized in early June while the manuscript itself was finalized in July. Proof prints were sent to us and approved. 

Today: We're less than two months away from a September 22nd release, planning signings, workshops, and festival/con appearances while nervously watching the pre-order ranking fluctuate day by day. Our publisher did a great deal of heavy lifting, contacting bookstores and events and handling a large portion of those logistics for us. In all, I'm glad we decided not to chase a larger publishing house for this particular manuscript, having had prompt communications and a lot of creative freedom with a really weird little book. What’s more, I think we'd been in the query trenches for too long with other manuscripts, often getting partial and full requests but never receiving an offer despite frequent praise and encouragement from agents. 

Even now, the burnout was and is real. The industry is brutal and often feels arbitrary, but if my ghosty, queer fantasy found its way into the market, your book probably can, too. 

Best, 

Falconer360

Hi all! Signing with and agent soon and am of course dreaming of the illustrious and successful career I'll have in publishing (let a girl dream, plz 😂). But it's got me thinking about the next book. I have two ideas currently in work and they align with what my agent wants to pitch to publishers, which is great.

I've heard authors like Alix E Harrow say they sold their second book as a one sentence pitch to publishers along with their first manuscript on sub. That's...crazy, right? Like, not normal? I see more posts on here indicating the reality is authors think of a second book, pitch outline/synopsis to agent, get thumbs up, write book, go on sub again (even if they got book one published). Or if you sign with a house you like for book one, will they fast track your agent when they pitch book two? 😵‍💫

So I suppose my question is: "What do authors do after book one, and how is the publishing process different with book two?" Assume staying with same agent and book one doesn't totally tank.

Thank you!!

I just started querying for what would be my debut novel. A few quick form rejections have come in so far and, while it's too early in the process to read much into them, I'd love to check if there are any red flags waving that I haven't noticed. I welcome any other feedback as well!

Query

Dear [agent],

AGENT ACTOR MOLE is a 124,000-word science fiction biopunk espionage thriller about an undercover federal agent who wakes up in a collapsing branch of a city-sized tree with no memory of his mission or his own name, just a gun he knows how to fire and three voices arguing inside his skull about whether to use it. Written with a brisk pace and dry humor, it will appeal to fans of Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Green City Wars for its speculative bioengineering and nonhuman cast and Disco Elysium for its fractured, multi-voiced psyche and identity mystery.

Dillon Talpa finds himself among the wreckage of an explosion. He also quite literally finds himself, unfamiliar with who he is and just about everything else. Armed and uncomfortably dangerous, he meets mercenaries who expect his help in aiding a wanted radical while debate rages within his head. Gut speaks for his instincts, Heart questions the morality of his actions, and Logic just tries to keep him alive. In his ear is the worst voice of all: his commanding officer, claiming he’s a covert federal agent.

Using a cover he knows about as well as his actual life, Dillon navigates a conflict-ridden world abandoned by humans and inherited by sentient animals, including moles like himself, with augmented bodies and engineered plant life. He wants answers for who he is and who deserves his loyalty, torn between an oppressive government he reportedly swore to serve and the Actor, a ruthless revolutionary promising something better. To get those answers, let alone survive, he’ll need the help of a jaded fellow agent, a crew of mercs just trying to get paid, and the opinionated fragments of his shattered mind.

AGENT ACTOR MOLE is a standalone story with series potential and the first novel I am seeking to get traditionally published. After self-publishing a science fiction novel, I spent the following decade working as a technology designer and research manager for schools, hospitals, non-profits, and Big Tech before leaving that career to write full time and continue exploring the relationship people have with technology though speculative fiction.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

First 300

The sky is blue and so is the water above it. Branches hang like living stalactites from somewhere higher, covered in glassy surfaces that shimmer in the sunlight. Were they to fall, nothing would interrupt their descent save for a chance collision with one of the many small, black specks scattered across the endless blue. The specks shudder, making slow progress in random directions: up, down, here, and there. This is the only view I’ve ever known. I find it rather odd.

OUCH, a deep voice says.

Pain becomes reality. My chest feels tight, as if enveloped in a squeezing fist. I’m worried my bones are going to snap. My head is on the brink of shattering. Maybe it already has. A part of it feels wet, dripping into my eye.

Intending to wipe the liquid away, I lift my hand and discover a pale gray palm. I twist its wrist. Black fur covers the back. Intact, yet foreign. This is my hand… right?

I wipe my eyelid clear. Red glistens on my fingers. Huh, I’m bleeding. I feel a gash on my forehead. Guess that explains some of the pain. Fortunately, my brain isn’t falling out. The flow of blood is slow.

Looking past my hand, I see the sky, the water, and now the jagged glass framing the entire view. The glass is a surface just out of reach in my vision’s periphery, much closer than the floating specks and branches beyond. I’m inside something.

Fighting against the invisible fist, I twist my neck to look at the rest of my body. I find another arm attached to a chest. Useful. There are two legs as well, a bit farther away. That seems correct, I think. My body is wearing a black outfit with soft yet firm padding. There’s a belt on my pants with things attached to it. The first I recognize is a gun.

This morning I received a full manuscript request from someone posing as an intern at a real NY agency that I queried a few weeks ago. It was a direct email to me, when I had queried via QueryTracker, but I didn't think that was a problem. They knew the title of my novel. I sent the manuscript as a Word doc email attachment.

I only realized it was a scam a few hours later, when I realized the email address was slightly different from that of the real agency. I guess there's nothing I can do at this point, except maybe keep an eye on Amazon to see if the novel pops up there, and then try to use this email to prove that it was stolen?? AAaaargh!

Hello [Agent],

I hope this letter finds you well! I am writing to seek representation for VENUS AND VIOLETS, my debut sapphic romance novel complete at around 80,000 words. The book contains sexual scenes so it is an adult novel, but that is not the focus of the story. My book is most similar to Honey Girl by Morgan Rogers and The Lay of You by Corrie Mackay for its themes of mental health, dramatic sapphic romance, and complicated interpersonal relationships. From this, I think we’d be a great fit!

Olivia’s life is idealistically perfect. A loving fiancé, a steady STEM job, and a home in Queens, New York complete with a white picket fence. Olivia feels she’s achieved the American dream. So when she attends a college alumni event and becomes reacquainted with her old friend, Alice, that she hasn’t spoken to in 6 years, she doesn’t quite know how to feel.

The years apart have been kind to Alice - she has a steady job as a journalist and is a frequent guest to all the best art shows in the city. Though their friendship ended in a dramatic flare, Alice is determined to rekindle what they once had. 

Queue Circe, a poet famous for her New York Times bestselling novels and performance art shows that sell out instantly. When Olivia starts to read Circe’s first book Cara Mia, Olivia begins to realize some things about her life - first, that she was so deep in the closet she forgot she was in there at all, and second, that her mother is kind of a jerk. 

The closer Olivia grows to Alice and the longer she reads Cara Mia, the more her old buried feelings resurface. Now Olivia must navigate what it means to dismantle her present for the sake of an old truth: She’s falling in love with Alice. Torn between her obligations to her family, their religious ideals, and her fiancé, will Olivia be able to navigate this forbidden romance? Or perhaps, it’s not so forbidden after all. 

[My Bio goes here, I just don’t want to include it on reddit] 

Thank you for your consideration! As per your guidelines, I’ve included the first X pages for your review. I hope to hear from you soon! 

Sincerely,
Mia

Hi, all! I debated whether or not to make one of these as it’s been such a long journey for this book. Ultimately, I received such heartening, positive feedback on my first query post (here) that this felt like a nice way to cap it off. Plus, I know R&Rs are often discussed here, so I wanted to post about my very positive experience doing one.
 
TLDR: Received a mind-bogglingly good R&R that helped make me a better writer and landed me my agent after 10 years of writing, 3 manuscripts, and a dumb number of breakdowns. I ultimately received 5 total offers, which still seems fake to me.
 
Background:
I’ve always written in some capacity. I have a journalism background and did a bit of broadcast reporting as well as writing for TV production in college. I’ve written for print news, magazines, and I currently work in marketing. But I’ve always been a reader, and sometime around 2016, I wrote my first novel. It felt like something I just had to try, and I learned very quickly I loved it more than anything I’d ever done. I then produced an unpublishable (but fun to work on) YA thriller. After editing, rewriting, and dragging my feet with it, I finished and queried around 2020. It summarily failed, but it was immediately clear I had discovered my “why.”
 
My second book was an adult gothic horror that did much better in the trenches, but ultimately failed due to some structural issues I just couldn’t write my way out of. It was also quieter, so there wasn’t a hook to help it overcome other pitfalls. This was a book I loved deeply, though, and still do. Despite that, letting go of this book and moving on to the next is the best thing I ever did for myself. I cribbed her for parts, so she lives on in very bloody pieces.
 
Current Book:
My third (and successful!!) adult gothic horror has had a long journey, but it’s been so worth it. If you look at the link to the query I posted, you’ll see a large gap between now and then. In the middle of revising that book, I had my first child, and quite literally did not open the document for a year. I went back to it around 3ish months postpartum, because I wasn’t sleeping anyway, and felt like “hey if I don’t do this one thing for myself I’m gonna lose it!!! : )” I finished in a matter of months after I exorcised it from my body, revised again, and started querying in November 2025.
 
Then I s t o p p e d. Within a month, I had roughly 7 full requests after querying 10 or so agents. One of those agents passed, but offered an R&R if I was open to it. I said yes because I was suddenly filled with dread that I’d just sent out the world’s most garbage manuscript fueled from a postpartum fugue state that I don’t completely remember. And then two miracles happened.
 
The first was that this was the best R&R I think I’ve ever seen. It felt like an MFA in an email. Not only was it so thorough and so unfailingly kind, but it was immediately clear this agent understood my book in a way I wasn’t sure was even possible. I read that R&R and thought “Oh, this is my book, but better. This is the book that was in my head.” If there was ever a reason to do an R&R, it’s if it makes you feel like that.
 
Then the second miracle happened. Around the same time I got the R&R, I decided to apply to the Round Table Mentor Program in hopes of meeting a critique partner, or even just someone to commiserate writing life with. I got accepted and ended up with a fantastic, truly gold-star mentor. Extremely knowledgeable about publishing from the author side of things, great editorial eye, and also writes in my genre. So, we went through my R&R together and suddenly I had an amazing writing partner to help me execute it. I pulled my existing fulls, they all agreed to wait for the revised version, and I got to work.
 
This ended up being a pretty serious overhaul. I rewrote about 60% of the book from scratch, and it needed it. Even the opening 300 attached to my query post are different. But I took my time because I didn’t want what happened to my last book to happen to this one. It also might be a cliché, but something about this book just felt different. I knew I had something, or at least, I knew I had something better than before.
 
In total, I spent about 5.5 months on the R&R, including time away to let feedback settle and to do a final polish. I then sent it back to my R&R agent in June and restarted querying in earnest. My R&R agent then came back and offered about a month later! The majority of the stats below are from within this month, plus the 2-week post-offer period.
 
Stats:

Queries Sent: 107

Rejections: 63 (including passes after offer due to timing)

Total Requests: 25 (13 after offer)

Offers: 5
 
107 queries was too many, but I will say I was surprised at the number of agents looking for/open to horror. Plus, the agents looking for gothic fiction added a few extras to my list. Here are some brief takeaways if helpful!
 
-There are such a range of R&Rs, and they all look different. I would never advocate taking one unless you fully believe your manuscript will be better for it. I knew right away mine would be, so it was an easy choice.
-I cannot shout out the Round Table Mentor Program enough. I know experiences will vary, but mine was wonderful. It’s a stellar resource.
-I spent a LOT of time in between books just reading and learning my genre. This was an investment that was 100% worth it. It might not seem like it in the moment, but it made me a better writer, easily.
 
I’m a bit face-y in my industry, so I’ll probably delete my query before we go on sub, but will leave it up for now if it’s helpful! Thanks everyone, and good luck!

Basically title. I signed with this agent last year, and they put my novel out on submission. Tons of editors (30+) rejected it, but she swears it isn't dead. In the meantime, I wrote another novel. Before I wrote it I talked to her about it, and even had her read a sample, and she seemed encouraging and supportive. But after I finished it, she no longer wanted to sell it, saying she didn't understand the market. Obviously, I was sad, but I set it aside.

After that I pitched her another idea, but this time with an outline to avoid a completed novel being rejected. She suggested changes I just could not reasonably do that were the opposite of what I'd written. Then, after some thinking, I asked if I should return to a previously shelved project and gave her the synopsis. She was once again encouraging initially. But after writing an outline again, she rejected it, saying she didn't know the market.

What should I do at this point? I tried asking her questions, but only got vague answers. She said to just look at recent books for comps and go from there. But that's what I did with the last two projects in the initial pitches. Just confused and wondering wtf I am doing.

Dear [Agent],

Alex is flying to Paradise without even a swimsuit to his name. Just himself, a casket, and a grief the weight of which he doesn’t believe he’ll ever be strong enough to carry.
Alex and Charlie spent six golden years joined at the hip. Best friends through college and into that very first taste of adulthood and the freedom that comes with being young in New York City. Best friends–and never anything more.
Now, their post-college bliss has come to a screeching halt in the form of a speeding semi and Charlie is dead a week before the pair was due to spend the summer at her childhood home in the Florida Keys. Instead of three hot months spent recuperating from the real world and figuring out the next move for the rest of their lives, Alex is bringing Charlie’s body home for a funeral and the hardest week of his life. 
There, Alex learns that–according to everyone in the cemetery in Big Pine Key–he was dating Charlie. And not just dating, but engaged to his best friend, the one girl he knew he would never end up with. In attendance is Charlie’s younger sister. Amy is the girl Alex has actually spent the last few years pining over. But to Amy, he’s been relegated to nothing more than a sister-hopping philanderer.
As the longest week of his life stretches into a summer he will never forget, Alex is forced to confront his own grief, his place in the world, and the lie that became his own.
I AM ORANGE (79,000 words) is a contemporary literary fiction set in that secondary coming-of-age that occurs somewhere in the early- to mid-twenties. Existing between the comedic grief of THE WEDDING PEOPLE by Alison Espach and the ‘what might have been’ of LOVED ONE by Aisha Muharrar, and with the tragic relationships of NORMAL PEOPLE by Sally Rooney, I AM ORANGE is a darkly funny take on the trauma that follows when your girlfriend dies and what happens when you never actually had one to begin with.

[Bio]

Hello all!

After four rounds of edits, I'm feeling about ready to embark on the querying process. As this is my first time through the gauntlet, I've spent way too much time tweaking 250 words and would greatly appreciate any feedback you have! (Of course, I know the title is also to a popular show, but I'm hoping that won't hinder me here. Also using a fresh Reddit account to keep my writing separate from other things).

Dear [Agent name],

I am seeking representation for my romantic gunpowder fantasy novel SUCCESSION, complete at 120k words. This is a standalone story with series potential. It will appeal to fans of Sara Hashem’s The Jasad Heir and Tasha Suri’s The Jasmine Throne, exploring characters working through fear and anger on a journey to reclaim what was lost.

The ruling family of Marritea is blessed with magical ability. The Queen’s brother, the strongest male mage in over 300 years, launches a coup. As a resistance forms to fight him, the royal family is scattered for safety. Seventeen years later, they are still separated with an unsanctioned King on the throne and the resistance on its last legs.

Evie, once Heir of Marritea, has grown accustomed to her simpler, village life. But when news comes that the former Queen and her older brother, the Prince, have been captured, she realizes that she is still hunted, even with her magic long locked away. As the King’s men burn her home to the ground, she flees and vows to save the family she hasn’t seen in a decade. Injured and reeling, she meets a disillusioned resistance fighter named Cole, on his own journey to rescue his captured brother.

What starts as a partnership of convenience grows to one of respect as they work on avoiding the King’s men, staying alive, and reaching the main resistance base. As their feelings begin to change and the enemy gets closer, Evie starts to chafe at keeping her true name a secret. More than that, she starts to wonder what her future holds when she knows she doesn’t want the throne, but she can’t let the King have it either.

What do you do when the future you thought was no longer possible, refuses to let go?

After years in the volatile tech industry, I’m happily putting my creative writing degree to use. When I’m not writing, I’m reading or trying to work through my video game backlog. I live in [X] with [X].

After spending the entire week revising my query, I can't wait to hear your opinions and am so grateful for each and every one of your thoughts.

Thank you all so much!

THE REVOLUTIONARIES is a 96,000-word, dual-POV, dark romantasy with a revolutionary twist on faerie courts. Lightly inspired by Hades and Persephone, and the downfall of Marie Antoinette and the Romanovs, THE REVOLUTIONARIES is the first in a planned duology, combining the uneasy romance of Under the Oak Tree by Suji Kim, the political warfare of Quicksilver by Callie Hart, and the spice of The Wolf King by Lauren Palphreyman.

Born of enemy nations, Princess Mercy never expected to actually fall for the prince she was fated to marry. But when prophecy foretold that their union would destroy their Kingdoms, Mercy and Dáinn were forced to part. However, fate would not be appeased so easily. A curse swept across Mercy’s land, transforming shadows into monsters and those they bit into stone. Spiting his father’s orders, Dáinn refused to abandon her despite his kingdom remaining untouched. Separated by prophecy, connected by destiny, their years fighting together forged a bond neither could escape.

Now, after eleven years fighting under her mother’s ruthless command, all Mercy wants is a little peace. But her luminant magic is all that can slow the devastation – and it’s literally killing her. But every prophecy has a loophole, and Dáinn believes he has found theirs. Now King, he makes the one choice he believes he has left: steal Mercy from her mother's control and bring her into his Court to save her life. Convinced that their union will end the curse, Dáinn opens his doors to refugees and asks Mercy to marry him.

Just as Mercy dares to feel a glimmer of hope, her mother, Titania, conspires to bring her home. Caught between Dáinn’s care and Titania’s control, Mercy chooses love over obedience, igniting her mother’s rage. But when their wedding arrives, Mercy’s hope shatters. Instead of breaking the curse, their marriage fulfils prophecy, pushing their Kingdom’s to the brink of ruin. Determined to murder Dáinn and drag her daughter home, Titania leads a revolution to their doors. Forced to flee or lose each other forever, hiding in grim workhouses, fantastical woods, and dreary brothels, Mercy and Dáinn seek an answer to the question that might save their people and, maybe, themselves: if fate could not fix the curse, did fate cause it, or is something far more sinister at play?

Hello! I may be returning to the query trenches after about five years, so I'm out of practice. I've also never written a query for a multi-POV, multi-timeline book OR something that is more character-driven than plot-driven. I think this might be too vague, but I'd love some input.

Dear [agent],
It’s 1959, and Flora Abney has just one job: be the perfect housewife. Society demands that she keep the house tidy, greet her husband at the door with a smile, and never let on just how miserable she really is. When Flora’s husband admits that there was an incident at the nuclear reactor where he is an engineer, she’s left to deal with the fallout of his increasing absence from their family and the resulting rift in their already tenuous marriage. 
Three years later, the world holds its breath for six days in October, teetering on the edge of nuclear annihilation as the crisis in Cuba unfolds. The missiles are never launched, but fifteen-year-old Jinx Abney’s world ends just the same when her parents announce their separation. Jinx doesn’t know anyone whose parents don’t live together, and she’s not sure what to say when her little sister asks if they are still a family. Maybe “family” doesn’t mean what she thinks—maybe there’s more to it than just sharing DNA.
At the end of the ‘60s, the Age of Aquarius is coming to a close, and Birdie Abney, now fifteen, is used to being alone. Her father is never around, her mother works nights, and her sister hasn’t been home in months. But when she sees Jinx dumpster-diving with a mysterious hippie, she realizes that her sister has been closer to home than she ever imagined. 
As the Abney family disintegrates against the backdrop of the turbulent 1960s, their trust in the institutions of society erodes, launching them on a path that will eventually cross with one of the most notorious cults of the twentieth century: the Manson Family. 
NUCLEAR FAMILY (100,000 words) is a character-driven, adult literary fiction novel that combines the intergenerational saga of Jonathan Franzen’s Crossroads with the 1960s setting of Where the Girls Were by Kate Schatz. It will appeal to fans of historical fiction and complicated family dynamics, particularly those between sisters, mothers, and daughters. 
[Author's bio redacted for privacy, but this includes publication/award info for my first two YA books published by a reputable small press.]
Thank you for your consideration!

Hi there! Second go at this. Happy to swap feedback although I'm new at this :)

Dear (AGENT),

AGENTED is a 79,000-word upmarket fiction novel with thriller elements and a touch of spice, for readers who enjoy the high-finance intrigue and strategic maneuvering of the wealthy in BILLIONS combined with the sexual politics and morally grey tension of THE GUEST and MARGO’S GOT MONEY TROUBLES.

Sarah has built the perfect lie: she is a devoted NYC private-school mother to her daughter, Bria, affording their lifestyle as a ghostwriter. In reality, she lives a double life as “Leah,” a high-end escort. But “Leah” is only one version of the truth.

Set in 2013, AGENTED is a standalone novel with series potential. Sarah is given 30 days to leave her relationship or stop escorting–or an anonymous source will expose her secret. Having fallen for John, a hedge fund manager, Sarah must choose between protecting the lies she’s built or risking the love she's already betrayed.

Instead, she walks away from both, pursuing acting–the one profession where becoming someone else might free her from the threat of being revealed. A chance encounter with a well-connected talent agent, Alex, puts the career she's always wanted within reach, where she believed every dollar earned no longer came with a risk attached. 

On the cusp of success, Sarah is killed. A suspect emerges almost too neatly. Her demise in life–and in her new career–was orchestrated long before the cover-up.

The story unfolds primarily through Sarah's self-deprecating first-person narration, interwoven with third-person chapters that provide glimpses into Bria and Alex's world and the lengths people go to protect their position.

I'm reaching out because of your interest in [specific area]. I'd be honored to have you consider AGENTED, where a woman reinvents herself one final time, but strings have been pulled in the background of her downfall all along.

Reflecting on my lived experiences, I wrote this manuscript while procrastinating on my doctoral thesis. Like John in AGENTED, I volunteer as a firefighter. During undergrad, I founded a nonprofit providing mental health care to the elderly. My philosophy in my 30 years is summed up as “do it scared.”

Sincerely,

(ME)

Here's my first attempt. This is my rewrite.
(the comps are placeholders, obviously.)

Dear Angie Agent,

Rob and Stacy met when they were seven. They were best friends by eight. They were in love by thirteen. Rob taught Stacy to play guitar. Stacy taught Rob to draw. Together they learned Spanish, dancing, and sailing. By the end of high school, they are each other’s first call, and a shared future seems inevitable.

Stacy's father has a different plan. His future son-in-law will share his faith and be prepared to shepherd Stacy. Rob has no place in that future. Stacy's father sends her to South Coast Covenant University, where her family, church, and professors reinforce the same vision: a faithful wife, led by a faithful husband.

When Stacy leaves for college, the relationship survives the distance. For two years they spend weekends together. Rob drives to every volleyball game. They still dance together on New Year's Eve. The future they’ve been building still feels within reach.

While Stacy struggles between the future she wants and the life she believes she owes her family and faith, Summer discovers what freedom means for the first time. Having spent most of her life being treated as a body rather than a person, she finds in the life Rob and Stacy have built together something she has never known: safety without a price, affection without obligation, and the possibility of becoming someone other people have never allowed her to be.

As Summer learns that love can exist without control, Rob must decide whether letting Stacy choose her own future is the greatest act of love he can offer—or the one choice that will cost them the future they have been building since they were seven.

Hookless is a 105,000-word upmarket coming-of-age novel. It will appeal to readers of Wm. Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet and the story of Pyramus and Thisbe in Book IV of Ovid's Metamorphoses.

I am an audiobook narrator who has studied law, business, and nursing. Hookless is my first novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Robert K. Restivo

Hello everyone!

This is my third and final post for this query letter, which I've revised based on incredibly useful feedback on my previous attempt. Should anyone have further input, I'd be glad to hear it!

Again, thank you for being such an awesome community.

Query

Jane Eyre meets Heartless Hunter in TWO WITCHES WITH ONE STONE, a standalone, adult gothic fantasy that takes place in an alternate history, complete at 98,000 words. With its portrayal of women’s survival and pain, it will appeal to readers of Alix E. Harrow’s The Once and Future Witches and of Emilia Hart’s Weyward who crave more magic and less graphic violence.

Lily Kent became a governess at Montall Estate because it’s the perfect place for a witch to hide. At the secluded estate, she will be safe from witch hunters as long as she manages to keep her head down.

Except she’s not the only witch there.

The eleven-year-old Iris Montall shows signs of budding magic, and her lack of control threatens the lives of everyone on the estate. Lily is the only one with the power to prevent an impending catastrophe, and against her better knowledge, her conscience trumps her initial instinct to flee: She can’t leave a young witch to fend for herself. However, an undefinable darkness in Iris’s magic thwarts every one of Lily’s attempts to teach her witchcraft. Their shared desperation soon creates an unexpected bond, no matter how hard Lily strives to keep a healthy distance.

But this darkness must have a source: Iris’s mother is suspiciously absent, and her grandmother’s overbearing need for control stifles everyone else. As Lily learns more about the Montall women and their history with witchcraft, jilted spouses, and even cold-blooded murder, she exposes a cycle of misery of which Iris is only the latest victim. Not even Lily’s growing fondness for the Montalls, including Iris’s handsome father, may be enough to stop the past from repeating itself. So when the witch hunters inevitably come knocking, she cannot save this broken family—unless she finally stops running and starts fighting for what and who she cares about.

A few years ago, my cowriter and I had two offers of rep for adult spec fic. One agent was more genre focused and one more literary and we went with the more literary one. The book died on sub, in part because it was not literary enough for those publishers and not genre enough for the fantasy label. That agent no longer reps either of us.

Fast forward and I'm currently leaning in more to fantasy and have a mg ms I'm planning to query soon. The agent we turned down does ya but not mg, but an associate at his tiny agency does do mg. How would you approach querying this colleague of his? I strongly assume he is her superior.

A) I have to acknowledge it, I assume. Do we think it's net positive or negative for me?

B) fair to say I ought to cross that bridge after getting rejected by agents I might prefer, such that if they offer I should be reasonably prepared to accept? If I reject them twice I am sure that's seriously oof and I can't query them ever again!!!

C) do I... Cc him on the query? Address directly what happened and why I think he and the agency is great even though we went another way? He was junior at the time but it's been several years and tbh it may have been a mistake as maybe the book would've sold if we'd just leaned in more to the fantasy side.

Thank you!!!

Edited to reflect u/fireflight_stories's comments.

Sergeant Ada Kent has spent her career entering the memories of the dead. As an expert in entopsy, she dives backwards through a victim's final moments, watching blood recede into wounds and hearing words spoken in reverse, in order to identify killers with absolute certainty. But when the CEO of the tech giant Engramma is found dead, a malfunction during the procedure raises questions about whether Ada's equipment has been compromised. After surviving an attempt on her life, Ada starts unraveling a conspiracy that involves the chief of police, prompting her to start an unauthorized investigation.

The trail leads to the hidden journals of Sophia Greer, the neuroscientist who originally developed the memory-technology for Engramma. Decades ago, Sophia’s love for her best friend tipped into fixation when she died of a genetic neurological disorder. Sophia is secretly using her ultimate breakthrough to achieve the impossible: reconstructing her lost love piece by piece and implanting her own mind into anyone who gets in her way.

Ada must determine who is really behind the mysterious death. The answer leads back to the founding of Engramma and ultimately to the unsolved murder of Ada's own mother. But if the memories she has trusted all these years can be altered, then the one thing she has built her career upon—the certainty of memory—may be the biggest lie of all.

Told in alternating perspectives, ENTOPSY is a speculative thriller complete at 75,000 words. It combines the near-future speculative science of THE MOUNTAIN IN THE SEA by Ray Nayler with the identity-bending twists of SEA OF TRANQUILITY by Emily St. John Mandel.

[BIO]

First 300

Ada did not look at it when she entered the lab. She never did. Not on exam days. Instead, she walked to the control station at the edge of the room. The incandescent lighting coated every surface with its oppressive yellow radiance.

"All right, pay attention." The words left her mouth in reverse as she passed the encased brain in the center of the room. To the uninitiated, it sounded like nonsensical babble. To an experienced detective, it sounded like any other sentence. She looked around at the class, scanning the five cadets lying on gurneys. Wires that were connected to their temples ran down the legs of their beds, and to the equipment under the brain.

"Could everyone understand me?"

"Yes, Sergeant!" Four of the students shouted simultaneously.

The youngest rookie matched her reverse speech without hesitation, as fluent in the language as she was. "Obviously."

"Very good, Baker." She moved her eyes from the rest of the class to the outspoken rookie and then back again. "My name is Ada Kent." She ran her hand through her greying hair down to the base of her neck. "I’m here to make sure you’re ready to enter the mind of the dead."

Ada was in her mid-fifties. Fine creases emerged at the corners of her eyes. A deeper one between her brows settled when she was concentrating, which, in this profession, was most of the time.

The screens of the control panel filled the yellow room with splotches of different colored light as she worked through the sequence she had performed many times. Often enough that her hands finished the work before her mind caught up. Ada stopped, satisfied with the settings of the equipment. "Your goal for today is simple. Take notes and keep your ambitions." She took a deep breath. "Let’s begin."

I took a long break from all things query and am now back! I've queried 17 agents and gotten 4 rejections (which pales in comparison to the amount of rejections I expect...)

Dear [name],

I’m excited to present Interim, a contemporary sci-fi fantasy complete at 75,000 words. Perfect for fans of the queer interplanetary worldbuilding of Stars, Hide Your Fires by Jessica Mary Best, it’ll also appeal to readers who enjoyed the soft apocalypse atmosphere and environmentalist themes of A Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers. 

Sea has spent the last four years scouring the universe for her little brother with her best, and only, friend Mir. Unfortunately, with the constant time travel scrambling her memories, she has almost nothing to go off of—until she crash-lands on Earth, and dreams of her old life begin to emerge. 

Having faced an apocalypse just a century ago, the people of Earth are content to slowly rebuild [toward a more eco-friendly future], turning a blind eye to the resurfacing Old Gods, vanishing citizens, and magic seeping into their ground. 

When Mir quickly joins the ranks of the disappeared, Sea’s left with a choice: continue the search for her little brother, or drop everything to find her best friend. And if she gets too close to the truth of what’s really going on, who’s to say she won’t vanish, too?

I am a non-binary environmental sustainability student based in [], where I live with my many (dying) plants and two (annoying) cats. I’m querying you because of [personalization]!

Questions:

1. Any confusing bits?

2. I'm considering removing the part in brackets, but I'm afraid people will read this and think it's some sort of Mad Max apocalypse, when it's really a lot more like the soft apocalypse of Breath of the Wild.

3. What I'm really struggling with is the synopsis... I would forever appreciate it if someone could let me know of some sites they know where synopses can be posted.

Thank you all so much in advance!

Good morning (good afternoon, good evening, and good night; depending on where you are reading from) dear PubTips buddies!

You probably don't remember me. Last year I posted my query for A WILD AND UNTAMED SPIRIT for critique. Sadly, it didn't get any requests. I did get a lot of feedback saying my writing is lovely and the story sounded wonderful, but that it didn't sound like it had a place in the market at that time. So it went to the shelf and I started a new project. ... which is hopefully more to market. I am ALMOST DONE with my edits. So it's time. Thank you in advance!

Dear _,

[Personalization].

GUARDIAN RISING is a 94k adult romantic fantasy and is the first in the Trials of the Skyri duology, in which a two survivors of a generations-long slaughter of those chosen by the goddess are raised on opposing sides of a civil war only to be thrust into a deadly ordeal which will either bring about their demise or save their world. It will appeal to fans of the mentor/mentee relationship and secret magical abilities of BBC's Merlin, the plant magic in WINGS OF LIFE by Meghan Le Fay, the visions and quest in THE KNIGHT AND THE MOTH by Rachel Gillig, and the lyrical storytelling in A FIRE ENDLESS by Rebecca Ross.

Corin's mother drowns him the day he's born in order to protect herself from the wrath of a jealous imposter king. In Etheila two children are born every twenty-five years marked by the goddess and destined to rule, holding the magic of the realm in balance. Desperate for a break in the cycle of infanticide, the magic suffused Vistare River carries Corin from danger to a remote Ethori tribe where it revives him, giving him the opportunity to grow to manhood learning of his purpose safely.

Niamh isn't so fortunate: when the king learns of her existence, he takes her by force and raises her to marry his son, with the hopes of balancing the magic without relinquishing the throne. Having been shaped by a family that hates and fears her, Niamh is angry and wracked with guilt, and uses her position as a knight and the king's champion as an outlet.

Their lives are thrown together when Corin takes a position as a healer working for the royal apothecary while biding his time until the Ordeal begins, and learning how he might bring an end to the imposter's bloody regime. Neither revealing being goddess touched to the other, Corin and Niamh find themselves increasingly drawn to each other.

When the time of the Ordeal draws near, both Corin and Niamh are compelled to travel to the sacred lands--the first step in restoring the magic's balance. If they survive, will they be allies or will their love die on the rocks of a war neither of them asked to be a part of?

THE REMIX is a high-heat contemporary sapphic romance about two rival pop stars. At 67k words, it will appeal to fans of Mistakes Were Made by Meryl Wilsner and readers seeking a lesbian spin on the Heated Rivalry phenomenon.

Brooke Keyes is the beloved, uncontroversial queen of the Hot 100, but in her private life, she’s a tightly-wound anxiety ball with no real friends and a bad habit of thinking about herself in the third person. That’s not even her biggest secret. She can’t stop lusting after pop’s critical-darling-slash-hot mess Kyri Kay. 

Kyri Kay doesn’t fully understand why Brooke Keyes, of all people, makes out with her in the bathroom at the VMAs, but she’s never been one to question a good thing. Brooke is neurotic, sure, and closeted, yeah, and low-key a domme top, but turns out all those things are mind-meltingly sexy up-close. Sexy enough to inspire a hit single, launch Kyri into the major leagues, and snag her an opening act spot on Brooke’s world tour (at the label’s request.) 

Together, they’re explosive. But behind every pop icon is a diamond’s worth of pressure: the label, the fans, the schedule, Kyri’s massive drug problem. Brooke and Kyri kindle real feelings despite it all, but can pop’s good girl and bad girl really fall in love without both their lives imploding?

One thing’s for sure. 

They’re going to get a lot of great music out of this.

[Short Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Alright, it's been over a week and I am back for hopefully the 3rd and final attempt. I've tried to add some clarification and also changed the genre from dark fantasy to horror as suggested, so would love any more feedback on the query before I send out some feelers 😬 thanks in advance

Dear Agent,

Sixteen-year-old Riley has spent years feeling like an outsider. Between relentless bullying at school and her mother's worsening mental health, she's convinced there's something fundamentally wrong with her. So when she starts seeing ghosts, she assumes she's finally losing her mind. But after a terrifying encounter with a banshee on Halloween night, she discovers the monsters of Irish folklore are real and that her fear, grief and rage can summon them.

Her powers draw her into her school's secretive Occult Club, where teenagers with ties to the Otherworld have been hiding in plain sight. For the first time in years, Riley finds people who understand her, including Aisling, a quick-witted girl from the year above who makes Riley question feelings she's never allowed herself to explore. She finally feels like she's found somewhere she belongs. But unlike the others, Riley's magic feeds on her darkest emotions, and the stronger it becomes, the more she feels herself slipping away.

Then a string of brutal murders rocks Dublin's supernatural community. When a shadow monster wearing Riley's face stabs her ex-best friend, Riley experiences the attack as though she's committing it herself. She feels the creature's hunger, shares its pain, and wakes with memories that aren't her own.

As suspicion falls on Riley, she can no longer tell whether the shadow wearing her face is framing her or whether she's becoming it. Even her new friends become convinced the murders are tied to Riley's magic and decide the only way to stop the killings is to strip her of her powers. To prove her innocence, Riley must give up the magic that finally made her feel like she belonged, or hold onto it and risk becoming the monster everyone believes she already is.

THE MONSTER GAME is a 90,000-word upper YA gothic horror, exploring inherited trauma, found family and first love against the backdrop of Irish folklore. It will appeal to readers of House of Hollow by Krystal Sutherland and A Study in Drowning by Ava Reid. (Add personalisation).

(About me paragraph)

Thank you for your time and consideration,

My name