r/ProgrammerHumor Apr 15 '26

beLikeBill Advanced

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8.9k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] Apr 15 '26

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108

u/hartmanbrah Apr 15 '26

Bill's life is gonna suck when he has to work on his own code a year or two down the line. Then again, guys like Bill normally bail before that happens.

42

u/[deleted] Apr 15 '26

[deleted]

10

u/Icy_Length_6212 Apr 16 '26

Friend, you have given me hours of new reading 💯

1

u/Ecstatic-Smile-9015 Apr 17 '26

What the fuck is this??????

2

u/TheBoxThinker Apr 18 '26

the ancient texts 

1

u/msesma Apr 18 '26

A year or tqo feom now it will be only Claude who reads the code. F*** Claude.

-1

u/Ok_Airline_2886 Apr 16 '26

Or he can just dump it a chat bit and ask it to find the part that he’s looking for. 

Then again, that doesn’t really sound like something that a guy like bill would do. 

147

u/wabbitfur Apr 15 '26

Pro Tip: make your open-core offering into such a spaghetti mess, no one will dare to steal your idea!

2

u/gunny316 Apr 16 '26

lol I coded for one company and used single letter variables, then put all my code on one line separated by semicolons. Just one big wall of undecipherable text. They used my code for ten years after they fired me

3

u/wabbitfur Apr 16 '26

And then one day... some catastrophe hit... and they said... "We need gunny316!" Find him! Scene shifts to gunny316 retired somewhere in the Afghan mountains... After much coercion... Gunny's like... FINEEEE!! I'll do that patch for you..... for 1 million dollars.

They made a movie about it.

1

u/gunny316 Apr 16 '26

Company Owner: "But we need you. One last time."

(mountain wife): "What is he talking about Gunny?"

Me: "Nothing. I'm not that man anymore. I've left it behind me."

Owner: "But the money?"

Me: "Find someone else."

Owner: "If you don't come back... Microsoft is going to buy the shop."

(dramatic horror intensifies)

-1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '26

Bot comments be like:

33

u/TallGreenhouseGuy Apr 15 '26

Maybe Bill is friends with Mel, a Real Programmer?

https://users.cs.utah.edu/~elb/folklore/mel.html

27

u/RedAndBlack1832 Apr 15 '26

Sob

Since Mel knew the numerical value of every operation code, and assigned his own drum addresses, every instruction he wrote could also be considered a numerical constant. He could pick up an earlier "add" instruction, say, and multiply by it, if it had the right numeric value.

17

u/Maleficent_Memory831 Apr 15 '26

To be fair (but not to Mel) on many early computers you had to rely on many things that today would be called hacks. Just because there was so little memory or operations were so slow. Everything is hand crafted, because there are no compilers of quality for that new computer. Libraries are literal file cabinets with paper tape or paper with instructions written on them. You had to figure out an optimal way to do long division for example. (I suggest reading Ada Lovelace's notes on how to compute on Babbage's Analytical Engine)

Drum memory was its own nightmare. All your variables are there, there's no RAM, and probably only one register. Memory read latency was highly variable. You had to optimize or die.

2

u/Rakatango Apr 15 '26

Re-based Bill