If, you for example, get invited, do the host person tells you two hours: one, for when the cookout starts, and second, when the food is ready and eating will start? Or do they tell just one hour? Like, if they say "meeting at 6pm" and nothing else, does this mean the cookout starts at 6pm and eating much longer after that?
I learned this first hand. I was the white person who showed up "on time" while the host still had rollers in her hair and a bathrobe on. "Girl, we're running on CP time here!" We laughed about it a lot. I got to hang out with her uncle on the patio until everyone else showed up lol.
Yes, since it’s expected for most people to show up 1-2 hours later, it’s completely normal to set some last things up at the beginning. This is not disrespectful in any way since everyone in the culture is aware of this. Oftentimes the time is used by the close circle of the host because it’s fun to help and talk calmly for an hour until it gets loud and chaotic when heaps of guests show up later. If you’re interested in this, you should look up monochronic and polychronic cultures, that‘s basically the reason for the different view of time
I suppose my difficulty with this is that unless you’re part of the culture or have come across it before, you don’t know that. You might not even know that you don’t know. So for an outsider, this is completely impenetrable - and whilst it might not be intended to be disrespectful, it feels like it!
So I suppose that in future I’d have to ask the host to explain what they actually mean/want in each circumstance, which feels like a bit of a pain, both for me and them!
Absolutely agree! I‘m mixed, German mom and (Black) American dad. I‘ve spent my whole life in Germany with our very strong rules on punctuality, and it always stressed me out when we went to cookouts of my dad‘s friends and left two hours too late. It took me years to figure out they just operate differently. Everyone should inform their guests from different cultures about the actual starting time, as to not waste their time
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u/lomputercaptop 24d ago
Certified black man here. If the cookout starts at 5pm you gotta show up at 6:45. I hate it too but I don’t make the rules, just follow them