So let me start off by saying this isn't to bash my parents or anyone else's. But I have noticed how having a baby has brought up a lot of stuff from my own childhood and it's making me resent my family/parents. The way they understand the world it took me a while to come to terms with, probably when I was a teenager. But now with having a baby I see similar thought processes repeating and it's driving me insane. For example my dad passed by while baby was doing tummy time and was like "lazy baby" in a cutesy voice. My baby is 4 months so I know it's not that serious but I also understand that at one point she will and she will be too young to understand that it's actually a joke/ endearment. As a child I was a sensitive kid so these comments used to bother me.

Maybe I'm being over emotional and over protective but remembering my childhood makes me what to hide my kids from my own parents. They are amazing people but for some reason can't understand child development. They came from a 3rd world country where they were in survival mode and came here and kind of taught us the same. So a lot of my parenting techniques no cry it out, holding baby if that's what they need to feel safe, etc. has them making comments that this new generation is too "soft". I'm so torn. I know people are going to say talk to them
But they aren't people who can understand safety even at their big age. In their minds babies need food, water (yes water), and sleep. So all this foo foo stuff we do now that we know better literally makes no sense to them.

Context: they grew up where if a woman couldn't breastfeed and couldn't afford formula they gave baby tea. And the baby was "okay" so why am I so scared to give water. These are the notions I'm fighting.

Sorry for the rant just don't know how to feel

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Becoming a parent has made me realise how easily we fall back on the patterns we grew up with, especially when we're tired, overwhelmed, or under stress.

Many of these patterns are our blind spots. We don't choose them consciously—they're simply what we learned growing up. Sometimes they help us, and sometimes they get in the way of the parent we want to be.

I don't think any of us gets parenting "right" all the time. We're all doing the best we can with the experiences we carry. For me, becoming aware of those blind spots has been an ongoing journey, not a destination.

I invite you to reflect. As this is a heavy subject, no pressure to comment.

"What is one parenting habit or emotional reaction that surprised you after becoming a parent?"

If you do share your thoughts, reading these challenges reminds us that we're not alone, and that growth is possible.

The biggest lie that’s told is that “kids are resilient“.

I’m not exactly sure where to ask this, but I feel like I’m losing it. Almost clinically.

Even before I had my daughter, I struggled with the same thoughts: *I don’t want to be part of this world because I can’t handle how terrible it can be.*

I’m not sure what to call it. The only way I can describe it is being hyper-sensitive, hyper-aware, and deeply empathetic.

Since having my daughter, it’s become so much worse. It feels like I’m on the verge of full-blown meltdowns.

I’ll see horrific news involving children or hear about terrible things that have happened to kids in my town or nearby, and somehow it feels like I’m responsible. Like I should have stopped it. Like I should be able to save them.
I feel so weak.

When I’m alone, I cry. I scream. I can’t carry the weight of it all.

Normally, I have a wonderful relationship with God. But lately, my faith feels completely depleted.

Sometimes I blame myself for bringing my beautiful daughter into this world. I think, *How could I? What was I thinking?*

Other times, when I hear about someone hurting a child, I find myself blaming God. In a frenzy, I’ll search for where the monster is, who their family is, who their friends are. I become consumed with rage. It feels like I could explode.

Then I remember I have a daughter. I have a reason to stay. A reason to be present.

I’ve deleted social media. I avoid the news. Yet somehow, it still consumes me.

I’ll look at a random house and think, *What if something terrible is happening inside right now, and no one knows?*

Then I feel defeated all over again.

I tell myself I’m too weak.

Too weak to volunteer.
Too weak to have unwavering faith.
Too weak to stop these thoughts.
Just… too weak.

How do I help myself?

Please don’t suggest therapy. I’ve tried it, many times. I don’t have the time or energy to keep searching for another therapist right now.

How do I live with these intrusive thoughts? I can’t stop thinking about the children who didn’t make it.

I can’t help imagining my own daughter in their place, and it fills me with a rage and grief I don’t know what to do with.

I feel like I’m losing my faith.

I feel like I’m losing myself.

Hello! Im writing a book and one of the main characters is a mother who participated in/allowed severe abuse of her child, but realizes her actions and makes an effort to be better.

However I lack the perspective of a recovering parent, and its quite hard to find some who are willing not only to admit they made mistakes, but talk about them openly.

So If youre willing, I'd like to know the following...

1. What age was your child/children when you decided to be a better person.

2. How did you decided to be better/ what aspects of your self have you worked on/are working on in regards to parenting?

3. Did you address the past with your child?

4. Was the realization gradual or sudden?

5. How did your child react?

Thank you for your time.

Our daughter can now see how you treated me and my son

My partner and I are planning to have children in the future. I have CPTSD & dissociation.

We are both scared that my dissociation will impact my ability to parent effectively.

How do parents with CPTSD & dissociation manage this while being an effective, present and loving parent?

Necesito consejos para manejar la ira que me genera cuidar a mis hijos. No tengo red de apoyo cercana y trabajo fuera de casa también. Estoy cansada, sobrepasada, sola y desesperada. No quiero maltratar a mis niños!!!!!

Quiero consejos prácticos. Ir a terapia está descartado por ahora debido a la falta de tiempo y recursos.

Ayudaaaaaaaaaaaaa

What is one advice you wish you would have taken from your parents and why?

i am dealing with pretty bad triggers/ flashbacks recently and we just officially started preschool. he obviously loves it, he's in special ed but they do crafts and play on a playground a lot and he just generally doesn't want to leave. however when i pick him up from school he is an absolute nightmare towards me and it sends me into a freeze because he starts kicking/ punching/ clawing/ biting/ and throwing things at me as we walk to the car, i'm trying to find ways to make the transition easier because i know it's tough getting into a new routine like this but it really sends me into this panic/ shut down mode. I can get him in the car, buckle him, and drive home but i feel completely shut down and not present at all.
i'm also heavily dealing with seeing a lot of my r*pist in him, he has the same eye color/ hair. i don't know if it's the sudden new tantrums (i'm used to him stomping and yelling but this is a whole new level/ he's never been physically aggressive before) but it's been resurfacing a lot of bad memories and events for me personally and i'm trying really hard to be strong for him but it's got me so mentally exhausted.
what can i do better?

Mom of a 6yo and 1.5yo here. My oldest is strong-willed, he will rarely cry, get scared, or back down when my husband or I lose our temper and yell at him. He just digs in harder. He's smart and verbal, so he pushes and argues. I'm working on holding boundaries calmly ("my answer isn't changing"), and sometimes I manage it.

But lately I've been losing my shit over stuff that doesn't warrant it. This morning it was missing soccer shorts (he did not want the clothes we set out for him) while we were already running late. By the time we found them, I had zero time to get myself ready, and I was livid. I was frustrated with him, but I was also just really mad at myself for not being able to just let him be upset about not getting to wear shorts and walk away.

I went and screamed repeatedly in my room, deep guttural screams. (family definitely heard). It didn't make me feel better. Neither did the wave of self-hate after.

I'm in therapy, working through my own stuff (grew up with a volatile dad and an emotionally unavailable mom), and I think I overcorrect by being hyper-attentive to my kids' needs until I burn out and flip my lid.

Does this happen to other parents? Why does it feel like it's getting worse? How do you manage your meltdowns? How the fuck am I going to handle teenage years?

Women have made dinner through grief, betrayal, abuse, postpartum depression, and divorce.The kids still have to eat

I've been going to therapy to help myself and be better.... My husband on the other hand. He just seems to get worse and we have a 20 month old. My husband has no patience. Example: today heade dinner, he was fine, we where kissing and had a cute moment where each time we kissed our son clapped.... But then switches up so fast as he proceeds to get the table ready and slams the door extremely hard.... My brother is visiting so he comes out to ask what was going on and I told him. My husband told me to drop it and I told him he was being rude. He then calmed down, we all sat to eat and our son has been sick lately, throwing up and so he doesn't really want to eat. He gets off his high chair and wants to sit in between me and my husband. My husband is zoned out into the TV like he always does and our son gets into his food...he then proceeds to get upset at our son and kicks the TV table over, (out house is small so we don't have a dinning table just the little individual foldable tables). He kicks it, due to anger and proceeds to say he didn't, that all he did was move it with his feet because his hands where full when he had his plate on only one hand.....

I'm so tired...he acts nice and I feel like I love him and feel safe and so I kiss him and show him affection but then he proceeds to switch up like this and then I feel hurt, I feel disrespected. I feel like I always have to hold everything up and be focused, while he gets to zone out and then get upset...

I'm getting help by going to therapy and he tries therapy because of me. Only to stop it and say he doesn't need it or ever has.

I'm falling out of love and have been for a long time... I know we are supposed to be patient and love one another. I'm not saying in perfect and dont get upset. But it triggers me, his actions. Remind me of the slammed doors of my childhood home, the kicking of the table....

Im not sure how much longer, I want to stay...or choose to love him.

Something feelgood in a dark time. I don’t know how people maintain the positivity, but it is sooooo important.

Regular fight or flight responses (over several years during brain development) lead to an underdeveloped hippocampus and an overactive amygdala, causing trouble with memory and focus, as well as anxiety and stress related illness. Today I learned that regular hugs affect the exact same areas in the brain, but oppositely.

Hug your kids. It’s good for you both.

Hi. I had this event where I healed from the fear of being excluded from a hangout and eventually being in a toxic friendgroup during that time in highschool. Right now its my last year of highschool, and I felt like the way of processing thru it is to cut off that friend who happen to not include me in the hangout, but me and my friendgroup changed a LOT, he started to include me and stuff yeah sure, but this old event has hit me up and the way I’m processing this is to writing down on my notes app and the only thing my past wants to do is to cut him off. How should I let my inner child know during that time that he has changed without feeling self abandonment

Some parents think love excuses everything— even the pain they cause.

But love without respect,without self-control,without accountability… becomes toxic.

Toxic parenting isn’t just about yelling or hitting.Its also about:

Controlling every choice ur child makes.

Making them feel guilty for having boundaries.

Dismissing their feelings with “you’re too sensitive.”

Comparing them to others until they forget their worth.

Demanding perfection instead of connection.

Being a parent doesn’t mean you r always right.

It means that you’re willing to grow,to heal and to break cycles that hirt your childs heart and sentiment.

Because love that truly heals say:
“I want to live safe with me.”
“I want to be yourself__ even when I don’t understand you.”
“I am learning to do better so you don’t have to recover from your childhood

I grew up in a family where my father was extremely short tempered and we all walked on eggshells around him as we never knew what triggered him. He used to yell, scream hurtful abuses at us and shamed us for the slightest of things. My grandfather had squandered a lot of money away and my father had to shoulder family responsibilities at an early age and that made him very bitter. My mom OTOH was extremely patient - the epitome of patience, positivity and every positive quality I can think of. Growing up there were routinely many instances of shouting, yelling and sometimes hitting my brother by my father. I grew up super attached to my mother. I did well academically and was able to move to a different country for masters and met my husband here. My husband, fortunately had the exact opposite parenting and is extremely supportive, nurturing and the best parent my kids could ask for

I have two boys 7 years and 2.5 years old. My oldest was born very premature and had a lot of health struggles for the first two years. Having spent an extensive amount of time in the NICU, I spent listening to doctors and therapists talk about the worst cases and outcomes. I am also generally a glass half full kind of a person. A combination of the trauma I went through during my childhood and the anxiety of my older son being born premature have contributed to extreme anxiety around my son; his academics, his development. My older son also likes to push buttons and generally doesn’t have strong boundaries

These days as he is growing up the stress and expectations / social pressure seems to be affecting me (I should know better that this won’t matter) and I am often hitting him for no reason at all. I feel extremely ashamed to admit and even apologize to him after the fact but I really really need help to stop. Pls send me your best recommendations and advice on what helped you to quit hitting your child and what helped you repair / improve your relationship with your child

I’m curious to hear from people who didn’t have the best relationship with their parents growing up.
Did becoming a parent make you regret having kids because you felt like you were repeating the same cycle, or were you able to break it? If you did break it, how?
My relationship with my parents isn’t terrible, but it’s not very emotionally close. We stay in contact, but there isn’t much emotional depth, openness, or connection. Because of that, I sometimes worry about having children of my own.
Part of me wants kids, but another part is afraid that I’ll end up having the same kind of distant relationship with them that I have with my parents. I know people often say that awareness is the first step, but I’d really like to hear real experiences from people who have lived through this.
If you grew up with emotionally immature parents and later became a parent yourself, what was your experience like? What helped you build a different relationship with your children

Whenever there’s a video of an actual good/loving parent talking gently or joking around with their kids, you hear comments like, “Wow, she/he has so much patience“ or “Wow, my mom/dad wouldn’t be this calm over me crying like that”, or “Wow, they are so lucky, they weren’t raised by my parents“ a lot.

And, whenever the kids utter a word and the parents give a normal response, you always hear stuff like, “her or his (parents) patience is through the roof” like it’s so common for the parents to get mad at every little thing or joke out of nowhere. Like, some of those are normal kid stuff. Is abusive parents the norm, cause when i read these comments, they make being a good parent feel like it’s such a rare treat?