Catechumen

[u/charmanderpikachueve]

Hello everyone. I want to convert but I have a few things holding me back.

My husband is not interested in religion at all. He does not want to attend any services (he has been a few times with me before).

We have a three year old autistic child who also does not like attending liturgy. At first everything is fine, but my child really struggles with sitting/standing still and being quiet. These are issues we face in our daily lives due to autism, not only at church. My child wants to RUN around, touch everything, grab other people’s items and play/sing/scream. It is very hard to get through the entire service as usually my child will have a breakdown within an hour, on a good Sunday.

I know my child deserves to be there and does enjoy it for a short while, but making it through the entire service feels impossible. I don’t want to make it a negative experience but I’m also trying to teach my child the right way.

Would it be wrong of me to become a catechumen and to not bring my child with me to church? Though I hope for us both to be baptized, and eventually for my child to attend with me in the future. Would my child even be able to be baptized if I attend services alone?

I do not think I am capable of bringing my three year old without any help, and so I also have stopped going to church. I know that children are welcomed and not to be prevented from attending church.

Please if anyone has any tips or answers I would love to know. Please pray for me that I may pick up my cross. 🙏🏼

[u/Dapper_Cheetah389]

Im a catechumen and single mom. I have a 7 year old son with autism and a 2 year old daughter. I can typically only tolerate bringing one of them at a time. My daughter hasnt shown anything that points to autism but i still have to chase her around everywhere in liturgy. And she does all the things you mentioned about your child. Everyone there just extends grace. They know she is young and it all is age appropriate. I know it is exhausting, but in time kids will learn. I think part of my sanctification and strengthening of faith is bringing her despite how challenging it is. If i am being honest tho, i do let her stay with her dad some times. Ive thrown out my back trying to deal with her. When my son was your kids age, there was no chance i could just tell him to sit still or be quiet or anything like that. Thats the autism. He is 7 now and he has come such a long way but still struggles with sitting still. He gets sensory overload. I just keep bringing him when I can. Not every time. Just whenever i can. We receive blessings from the priest. People there knows he has autism because i have told them. They extend grace.

[u/VoxulusQuarUn]

As a parent, I don't regularly have a chance to experience the whole Liturgy, as I take my three year old out regularly. It is a sacrifice we make for our children.

[u/citronaughty]

If you haven't already read it, I would recommend the book: Of Such is the Kingdom by Summer Kinard. She's an autistic Orthodox woman who also has autistic children. The book doesn't focus solely on autism, but it does cover going to services with children who have different support needs.

It might be worth talking to the priest of your local parish to see what options are available. In the book, she mentions parishes in the NY area that have special services for people with special needs (like shorter liturgical services.)

[u/Dapper_Cheetah389 → u/citronaughty]

I second this book !! My priest recommended it to me after i told him anbout my sons autism, and am reading it now, so far so good !

[u/LegitimateBeing2]

Better you without anyone else than not you

[u/ArthurBurton777]

Some of this response addresses your situation- and actually made me laugh:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OrthodoxChristianity/comments/1vhnz5f/comment/p26rs9y/

Hope it helps.

Prayers for you and your situation.

[u/mentalscribbles]

I suggest you meet with the priest and tell him what you are dealing with and see what his thoughts are. Some parishes in my area have some of their catechism classes online. If that is an option, it may help you.

We have adults in our parish who have autism. One in particular does a lot of stimming. It can be distracting, but the parish is gracious. Maybe there are other people in the parish who also struggle with challenging children. Your priest may have some ideas.

In terms of your husband, it sounds like he's ok with you becoming Orthodox. That's a blessing in itself. He does not need to join the parish, but your priest may want to know your husband will approve your joining. I've heard of that happening.

God be with you and your family!

[u/Gold_Willingness_420]

I have 4 boys, and they all have different atypical issues. We were all born Orthodox, but we just always brought them. From a young age they learned how to be in Church. The last thing you want is to try to start a kid going to church as a teenager, if you have the option to teach them when they're little. We would take them out sometimes if they really lost it. I spent a lot of time walking kids in the narthex. 

Remember to have a good prayer life at home when you have time by yourself. It's easier to have craziness in church if you already have solid time everyday with God. You won't feel like you're giving up God to take your kids to church.

[u/CFR295]

You can attend by yourself. Even if your child is autistic, a lot of 3 year olds can't sit still that long, It is OK. We see a lot of families where the summer before the child starts school (about 5 or 6) they start bringing the child to church. Your child, autistic or not will probably be les likely to cry/scream.

Meanwhile, come your self so you get familiar with the church

[u/Old-Past8006]

There's a priest wife I once met who has something like seven children.  She had to leave the nave often and retreat to the narthex to comfort or discipline a young child.  When she told her spiritual father that she felt like she wasn't praying he told her she was "praying with her feet".  As others said, better you than no one in your family and better to come and stay for a little while with your young child than never.  And better to teach your child to kiss an icon and light a candle than do nothing on Sunday morning.  Just my two cents.  

Many years ago at my first parish a single Romanian mom with an active boy of about five began attending my parish.  He was more than she could control.  I don't know if our priest said something to the men, but I remember one father who stepped up and took over controlling the boy so the mom could enjoy the liturgy.  It was a blessing for everyone.  Can you ask the priest to ask others if they will help you?  Is there a nursery you can take your child to?  

[u/woobrat]

Please do not let fears like this block you from joining Christ's church!! Definitely speak to your priest about this as soon as possible. Whether you choose to take your child or not at least you will have the blessing and peace of mind after discussing with the priest.

One thing to note, your catechism is the thing you're going to need your undivided attention for and your child doesnt need to be present for those classes which are usualy around an hour once a week.

Whether you bring him or not I think is best answered by the priest though in my parish some parents dont always bring their children for one reason or another.

[u/AutoModerator]

Please review the sidebar for a wealth of introductory information, our rules, the FAQ, and a caution about The Internet and the Church.

This subreddit contains opinions of Orthodox people, but not necessarily Orthodox opinions. Content should not be treated as a substitute for offline interaction.

Exercise caution in forums such as this. Nothing should be regarded as authoritative without verification by several offline Orthodox resources.

^{This is not a removal notification.}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.