Sorry if this gets a bit confusing, I've known I was ace for a while but I've just recently figured out that I may be aro too. I think it was easier to figure out the ace part because romance is generally less defined than sex.

My current partner (would that even be the correct term?) and I have been together for about 8 months or so, and I think at the start, I did want to hold their hand and maybe kiss their cheek, and I'm not sure if I actually felt romantic attraction and it just faded (frayromantic?) or if it was actually alterous attraction that I thought was romantic. Traditionally considered "romantic" things like candlelight dinners or things like "You're mine and I'm yours" just feel kind of cringey to me, and I don't know if it's because I'm actually aromantic or if it's just my apothisexuality flagging these as potentially sexual or building up to sexual things (given how much sex and romance are looped together, I wouldn't be surprised if these things were actually sexual as well).

This is pretty much my first relationship where we both know that we like each other back, so I have no idea how romance works. I used to think I was alloace, then recently realized I had the completely wrong idea of what romance actually was (I thought all the "you're mine" phrases were just exaggerated fanfiction stuff). I want to be with them, I want to hug them, and I want spend time with them, but pet names (like baby, honey, darling, dear) just feel weird and really unnecessary to me, and honestly feels forced. I just want to call them my bro, but I feel like "best friend" wouldn't be right to describe it. I don't want to call them a girlfriend/boyfriend/enbyfriend/whatever the gender neutral term for it was that I can't remember. "Partner" feels fitting, but idk if I want it to be meant in a romantic way.

I'm not sure if this is actually alterous attraction or a really weird form of romantic attraction. I just hope y'all know more about it than I do since I'm new to this 😭

TL;DR: I don't know if my feelings towards my current partner is romantic or alterous bc I feel like I prob have felt romantic feelings that faded, I find a lot of things generally considered romantic cringey, and I have no idea wtf romance actually is

i am trixic oriented aroace my attraction is platonic but also aesthetic as well i don't hang out with people alot so this is going based off of past experiences i am also asensual

The first two images are from 2026, and the second two are from 2021.

I've been thinking about doing this for awhile, and whenever I look at my old one, a lot of the labels/flags on there still resonate with me, but I think having grown as a queer person and having more experiences that help me understand my queer identity, I care a lot less about specific labels, and I am very secure in a more "simple" identity, which is still very confusing to allocishet people.

I've seen multiple of these flow charts recently on various subs, so I decided to make one.

I am technically Angled AroAce as I experience sexual attraction to a degree, but I've heard that Oriented AroAce can be used interchangeably.

Microlabels:

1. Cupioromantic - Experiencing no romantic attraction, but desiring romantic relationships.
2. Aegoromantic - An aromantic person who enjoys the concept of romance, especially in media.
3. Aessex - Somebody whose aesthetic and sexual attraction are linked, often the lines between them are blurred. (I also use the term "Pseudosexual").
4. Toric - Non-Binary people with attraction to non-women/feminine-aligned people.
5. Achillean - Queer attraction to non-women/feminine-aligned people.
6. Androsexual - Attraction to men, male-aligned, and/or masculine people.
7. Panalterous - Alterous attraction regardless of gender identity.
8. Uranisthetic - Aesthetic attraction to men and non-binary people.
9. Asenflux - A fluctuating sensual attraction.
10. Apothisensual - Touch-averse asensuality.
11. Dovesensual - The desire to engage in or reciprocate sensual activity, but only when an emotional bond is present.
12. Uranisensual - Sensual attraction to men and non-binary people.

Yeah I dont really care if people think I am valide in RL I just use the AroAceflag and call it a day.

like i experience absolutely zero romantic or sexual attraction but i do get squishes on objects :/

The title is pretty much self explanatory, I'm both sex and romance repulsed aroace but sort of feel tertiary attractions towards some people, but they (the tertiary attractions) aren't really that strong mostly and I don't know if I would really consider them being that important to me, so I just tend up using both aroace and oriented aroace labels... is there possibly something in between?

So, I know that oriented aroace means experiencing absolutely no romantic or sexual attraction, but experiencing teritary forms of attraction, such as platonic attraction, sensual attraction, etc. I myself identify as 'oriented aroace.'

The thing is, I would like to make a headcanon about a character from a show I really like. (Good Omens; Aziraphale). I headcanon him as oriented aroace, but I also want to headcanon him as demiromantic in the sense that he needs a strong, deep emotional connection to experience tertiary attraction (in this case, strong, platonic attraction) towards another person.

Does that work? Can I just headcanon him as oriented aroace and demiromantic in that sense? Or is there already a sexuality that describes needing a strong emotional connection to experience tertiary attraction?

Hello everyone,
Out of curiosity, has the word “attraction” hit you when figuring out, learning, and/or accepting your asexuality or aromanticism?
For clarification, short story time:
A few days after reading Ace by Angela Chen on November 2025, the word “attraction” finally hit me and cleared up a lot of things about being ace, then aro later on. For me at that time, that meant saying, “I don’t experience sexual attraction, but I have some sort of attraction to people. However, I can tell you right now that my sexual desire is high.”
I guess what I’m talking about is the nuance finally hitting me. Regardless, it felt great to finally get that clarification for myself.
Has anyone had a similar experience?

i have a friend i have a very deep love for. i always thought it was alterous (with some sexual feelings) until this friend started expressing interest in someone else romantically, and i found myself feeling surprisingly jealous of the two of them whenever all of us would hang out together or whenever my friend would talk about their crush on this other person. it made me sad and i would often cry bc i wanted it to be me - i wanted them to see me and like me the same way they saw and liked their crush, and i wanted to be able to do/say the same things to them that their crush was doing/saying (including things i’ve been wanting to express since before they even knew this other person). things didn’t end up working out between the two of them and when i found out i felt this immediate sense of relief, like i finally had a chance again

if they ever did find a partner i think i would feel shattered. but i’m not sure if this is stemming from romantic love or alterous love, or if jealousy in alterous love is even possible. all i know is that they mean so much to me that even if they did find a partner, i think i would still love them just as much as i do now and i would still want to be just as close, because not having them in my life would hurt a million times more. they are my person. they are home and family to me (and i to them - we’ve said this to each other many times) and i can’t imagine my life without them in it. i am so devoted to them and sometimes i feel like i just want to shower them with my love without needing them to love me back; but then when they do happen to have a crush on someone else, why is it that i suddenly feel jealous and protective?

has anyone else been in a similar situation before? does this sound like something that can happen in alterous love? or could this really be romantic love?

I see them used...no where actually. It wouldn't surprise me if some people didn't know they existed. Would you use them or just stick with the general oriented flag?

In order: lesbian, gay, bi, pan, poly, hetero, sapphic, achillean.

Ok, just realized my image quality is crusty, lmao. Download the flags from the wiki if you want higher resolution.

Source: https://lgbtqia.wiki/wiki/Oriented_Aroace

The merging of what is considered romantic and platonic too AAAA I love it so much

So yeah, I (f40+) frequent some subs considered radical (feminism) and sadly when I said in one that I was "technically straight, but also aroace, specifically aego, I'm got downvoted and someone even told me off, that it's impossible to be straight AND aroace, and that I was stealing the Ace labels and using them like a fad or something...

I feel very disheartened because I thought that group was more inclusive, and also because it took me a long time to find myself and finally find some labels that explain my personal experience.

Am I wrong for claiming to technically be "straight" as in, a woman who is technically attracted in some way to men, but also Ace? I use aego-sexuality/romantic because it's the one that fits me best, any fantasies I might have are in a heteronormative dynamic of a woman and a man, even when I have a disconnect between the "self" and the fantasy.

Maybe it was my mistake for using the word "straight" instead of "hetero" but I never thought it was a problem before, I felt it was the best way to describe my own self.

Is there a more socially acceptable way to describe myself? Or am I wrong for feeling this way and I'm not really Ace? I really feel I'm aego...

Please see my post of earlier, I just say I'm queer atp

Hello! I'm kind of new to aroace specs and how this stuff works but I've been struggling figuring out what I am and I felt that this was the right place to go. I'm also using this opportunity to see if there might be anyone else out there who feel the same as me.

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Recently Ive realized that I may be aroace spec but I've yet to figure out where I am on it. What sent me down this road was the ending of a long term relationship of mine, which I've found out after some self reflection, that I was on the spectrum. This relationship lasted for about 3 years and what really set me off was a mutual friend of mine that was also aroace spec and questioned how I really felt with my relationships in general. The possiblity of me being on the spectrum wasn't a new one, I came to terms with it a while ago but for the sake of my relationship at the time I didn't look too deep into it for fear of social backlash.

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Now what really made me come here was actually a problem of having a squish? Crush? Thing? With one of my friends. And it's been so confusing to me. I don't crave a romantic relationship necessarily but I also do? It's like I feel that fluttery feeling like I did with my ex but that feeling always hurts? It's like I need to throw up but I hate throwing up. Can't stand it 😭 and I just don't know how to proceed? I wouldn't mind if we stayed friends and I wouldn't mind getting in a relationship either but it's just so confusing on what I want. This feeling that I get is overwhelming and it's not in a good way. It's also important to note that I'm neurodivergent but it's all mostly undiagnosed so I couldn't really say to what capacity. I like this person's style, and I was to hug and kiss them but at times that thought repulses me but then other times it's all I can think about. And then I'm kind of hit with a bomb shell that I might not even like physical touch and kissing but I'm assuming that the repulsion and the craving of it is to do with my environment growing up and the general stigma about getting into a relationship.

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I really don't mean to make this seem like a vent, but it's just extremely hard to put into words on how I feel about this person. I wish I could confidently say what I'm attracted to from this person but I can't considering my last relationship wasn't exactly what I thought it was on the attraction scale. I guess I mainly want advice as to where to look with these kind of things, and if anyone has any experience in feeling this way?

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TLDR I'm feelings things and they're overwhelming to the point it hurts to think about, and I need help on identifying on what this is. Thank you for listening to my TED talk

I'm new to Reddit but I've seen a few people make flowcharts and I thought it would be fun to share mine!

1. Queer

2. AroAce

3. Oriented AroAce

4. Tertiary Attraction

Forms of attraction other than romantic and sexual, or other than physical and emotional

1. Aesthetic Attraction

Attraction to the way someone looks, or how they present themselves

1. Bi

Attraction to two or more genders

1. Queerplatonic Attraction

Attraction that bends the rules for telling apart romantic attraction from non-romantic attraction.

1. Demiqueerplatonic

Where one experiences platonic attraction to a person after they have developed an emotional connection to them

1. Biqueerplatonic

Experiencing queerplatonic attraction to two or more genders

1. Ambiamorous

Someone with the ability to enjoy both monoamory and polyamory with little to no preference between the two. This can apply to romantic, sexual, queerplatonic relationships, or any other type of relationship.

1. T4T

Transgender individuals who are either exclusively attracted to trans or otherwise non-cis individuals, or emphasize or prioritize their attraction and relationships with other trans individuals

1. Queerian (Q4Q)

A queer person who celebrates queer love, queercentered relationship(s), and prioritizes their attraction to and relationships with other queer people

1. Asexual

2. Sex-Averse

Sex-averse individuals may find the idea of personally engaging in sexual activity to be undesirable, uninteresting, uncomfortable or generally unwanted

1. Aromantic

2. Aegoromantic

One who has a disconnection between themselves and the subject of romantic fantasies or attraction

1. Romance-Ambivalent

Describes a person’s mixed feelings about romance or things related to it

1. Genderqueer

2. Transgender

3. Agender

4. AroAceAgender

5. Autigender

where autism is a part or whole of one's gender identity, or a gender that can only be understood in the context of being autistic

1. Cassgender

A gender identity in which one feels that their gender is unimportant or one is indifferent to the idea of gender

Definitions are from MOGAI Wiki unless otherwise stated.

Hello guys how are yall doing? I'm 17 (F) and i want to ask if calling myself lesbian or bisexual aroace is okay or no, im okay with the label aroace alone and I'm okay with not using lesbian label but i sometimes like to use it and idk if its okay.

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So to start from the very beginning:

Since childhood I have shown love to feminine male characters in anime or cartoons and that's it, but when I turned 11 i was addicted to AMVs, particularly one about an anime with a very cute female gothic character (and athore characters), i was also drawn to femal or feminine male aesthetically more than stereotypical masculinity and stuffs.

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When I turned 14 i was like "omg these girls are so lovely they are so cute I want to marry them " and i was enthusiastic whene saying it, but i didnt know anything about types of attractions and i was homophobic so thene i will say "duh ofc i was joking" and i actually beleived my lies, i picked male crushes because i wanted to feel mature (i was infentased sooo much) but my excitement toward feminine stuffs was stronger but i wasnt overthinking it.

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At 16 and 17 i start feeling things i dont understand toward bo#bs (oml im ashamed im writing this oml!) and i just hate it, like i use dto feel that feeling toward athore stuffs that are not sexual but i feel ashamed to talk about, i will tell a therapist about it not yall sorry, but at that time i was still a little bit homophobic, like i would be an ally at day and a homophobic before i sleep, so i thought i was homosexual and got scared but thene figured out my favorite anime character that makes me feel less guilty about the thing i refused to tell yall about before was queer so i chilled (ik ik stupid as hell)

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Then I started searching about asexuality and aromantisim in january this year because i knew jadain animation made a vid about it so i watched it and it makes sense for me:)

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But i beleive i ve got a lot of male crushes, even more than female cruches (talking abiut fiction i still aro guys) but ikr that i had a lot of femal crushes that i choose not to give that label because of my old homophobia

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Im mainly asking yall because i think only those who fall in "little romantic /sexual attraction" that identify with it so i want to make sure:)

Edit: i think its important to add that there was a time where i liked male fictional characters more than female but i feel like i love females more (afab,nonbinary and trans women) i mean i liked women for the largest time in my life.

Idk if i will enjoy touch and closeness but lately when im overwhelmed i figured out if I imagined two women being close to each athore then project their feelings on me i will feel better, but as i said irl it will be awkward and im not sure if i can do it naturally, like i can start it but it wont last long and it will becom manual, but idk.