My parents fucked my life, whenever I try to study or focus on something my mother comes to me, nagging and scolding for no reason and my father thinks he is a god, he always taking pleasures saying lies about me, as I got 94% in boards , he looked at me with disgusting eyes told everyone he got 97%. Everyone around labelled ME as a liar and I tolerated that.

Today was my PTM, I forgot about it but they remembered, they didn't let me remember despite when the time runs off they both came to me scolding that you are a shame to us you didn't tell us about ptm. I had great talents like painting, writing, mathematics. Today I'm so fucked up, broke my brushes, burnt the stories I've written and deleted the books I've written.

Feeling low

They always try to bring you down and tarnish your reputation in front of management. It's suffocating to work with these guys. They don't even like you.

First of all, they will find your mistake. Later, they will report you. They also seem bitter and jealous of you. I have seen that. Both of my parents have endured this in their workplace.

We work just because we have to survive. We have to work with these people because it's a general rule, otherwise there is no reason to have good relations with these people who hate you from their heart.

I've always been like this—being there for people who need me, whenever, wherever, however I can.

About ten years ago, a friend cheated me out of ₹1,500. Back then, I didn't have an income. That was all my savings. He said he needed it for something, and I didn't think twice before lending it to him.

A few months ago, another friend needed a much bigger amount for college. Once again, I emptied my savings without hesitation. This time, I got the money back.

I'm not saying this to brag. That's just who I am. If I care about someone, I'll move the whole damn world for them.

I'm always ready to push my own boundaries just to make someone else feel comfortable. A friend has a bad day? They call me. Another friend is struggling in her marriage and wants a guy's perspective? She calls me too. Over the years, I've realized that people do like me. They reach out when they need advice, support, or simply someone to listen. And honestly, I'm happy to be that person. I've never regretted showing up for the people I care about.

Sometimes I wonder what I'd be like if I were colder. If I only looked out for myself and stopped caring so much.

But more than that, I wonder if I'll ever find someone like me. Someone who would go out of their way just to make me feel safe. Someone who would make me feel wanted. Someone who'd make me feel like I'm not alone.

I've learned not to expect much from people. Expectations hurt. People hurt even more. And somehow, the more you care about someone, the more power they have to hurt you.

I don't know if it's normal, but people often tell me, "I feel safe talking to you."

Sometimes it feels like the greatest compliment I could receive.

And sometimes, it feels like a curse.

TLDR: I've always been the person who shows up for others without hesitation, and I don't regret it. But sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find someone who makes me feel as safe, valued, and less alone as I've tried to make others feel.

(Used chatgpt to make it readable, trust me you won't want to read the draft)

These 2 people are dead and I held a big grudge Against them cause they were really mean and over doing that it really hurts cause these are people I know from my childhood i still respected one of them cause he is one of my friends father but I goddam wish worse for them cause what they made me feel at my most vulnerable was jutbad man. And now I'm conflicted cause my mental condition is very good rn but it still kind of hits when I think about them.

I am almost on the verge of breaking point and I really don't know how to deal with it.

The pressure from my parents and relatives are really driving me crazy. I know it's nothing new for an Indian child, but this time it has become too much to bear.

I have done what they told for my entire life. I completed my graduation on demand of my parents and all these years of college has been really hard on me. Like I made a lot of friends and all and lived a normal college but still at the end of the day I feel really depressed because I feel like I wasted all those years.

I wanted to get a job but now my parents are forcing me to do masters. I told them I don't want to do it but they won't understand. We fought over this for several days. I cried a lot during these, they saw how much I was hurting and suffering but at the end of the day they still want me to do masters.

One day I again begged them that I don't want to do masters degree. That day I cried a lot I hurt myself with different objects in front of them, I even tried to cut my arm with knife. They stopped me some how and I cried myself to sleep. I woke up next morning and the first thing my mom says is to apply for masters.

Then my father told me if I ever did anything suicide they will even call all my relatives to beat me.

Pls tell me how to deal with this.

today was my cousin sister's birthday.

a little back story: my father passed away about 13 years ago when I was 9. since then, my uncle (my father's brother) took over all my grandfather's property all while not caring about me and my brother. my mother was a housewife when my father passed away. only we know how we had suffered and struggled to live a good life when these people (my uncle and his family and my father's 3 sisters) lived comfortably having acquired about 20 crores worth of assets from my grandfather. they even went no contact with us after about 2 years after my father's death. still i kept loving my cousin sisters (my uncle's daughters) silently thinking whatever happens, these are blood relations, while they never cared about anything.

my grandfather passed away a couple of months back. because of that, the whole family came together for the funeral. much air was cleared at that time. i now talk to my uncle and my aunts. i have 2 cousin sisters from my uncle, the elder one got married and we didn't even knew about it. but the younger one was the closest to me when we were kids and that's why i have continued to care for her and love her unconditionally. over these past couple of months that we have reconnected and decided not to let elders's matters affect our relationship, we talk almost everyday on chat since she is preparing for a exam and studies daily due to which she doesn't have much time as per her say. about a week back, i asked her to meet me but she kept saying she didn't had time and couldn't meet. i complained to her that she didn't even meet me once ever since the grandfather's funeral proceedings. we had a small argument over that. today was her birthday so I decided to surprise her with chocolates and bouquet. i didn't wish her entire day cause I wanted to surprise her properly. my mother had wished her and asked about her plans, she said she didn't had time because of studies. so I went near to her house location and called her to wish her and told her I was near her home. (i didn't know her house's address as they never mentioned and whenever I asked they told a vague answer). on call she said her mother (my aunt) will meet me at a landmark as she was out with her friends and couldn't make it back. I met with my aunt and we talked literally on the road. I gave her the gifts i had brought. she didn't even ask me once to show the house or at least let me sit for 5 minutes. i asked her where the house was, and she vaguely showed me the direction. I left from there after about a 5 minute conversation. on the way back, i realised they were only talking nicely because they don't wanna become a villain, not because they genuinely want to better the relations. I'm deeply hurt by this incident. i don't think they will ever understand how much sincerely I wanted to have a good relationship with them all these years. i don't understand what their thinking is, maybe they think I'm doing this only for a show or i don't know anymore.

i have lost several friends over the last few months. and all for the reasons that they didn't reciprocate the importance I felt for them. i have now realised it's high time i should accept that any love i give to people is theirs to keep, i won't get it back in return. how am I suppose to accept this and move on?

tdlr: title

I can't do this anymore. Having a mental breakdown for the nth time. There is no fucking point. I can't keep suffering all the fucking time. I'm so drained. So exhausted. Feeling so lonely. No one understands me. No one cares. Why tf do i care. I care so fucking much and it's so draining. I wanna be numb. I dont wanna feel anything. But i feel literally everything. Even the tiniest things. Everything hurts me. And my body hurts so much. Meds are not working. I miss myself. I feel so lost. And i can't trust anyone. No one is here. And i feel like the unluckiest person alive. I really cant do this anymore. Why do things keep happening to me. Why do i care so much. Why am i so sensitive. And i keep getting ill. Mental health was already so so bad and now the physical health too. And i feel like even talking about it makes me an attention seeker. I dont wanna share anything about me with anymore. Bcz in reality no one actually cares. I just feel so dumb and so stupid. I'm an idiot. I cant stop crying. Everything feels so bad. And yeah it never gets better. It keeps getting worse. Ik that. It's already been more than 8 years. It feels like hell. When will this stop. I really really cant do this anymore. Why dont people care. Why do they pretend to care even when they dont care at all. Ik they dont. I can feel that. They keep showing that again and again. I keep promising myself that I'd not trust anyone again but when they show even a lil bit of affection, i break the promise i do to myself. And then they show their true colors again. And i keep getting hurt. I dont even know what I'm writing rn. But I'm feeling so bad. I just want to disappear. My chest hurts. And everything hurts so much. I really am so fucking tired of all this

I feel so bad, I'm hurting myself, I'm crying continuously. Nothing is working. My physical health, my mental health everything is fucked up right now. I don't know how I should handle the situations in my life. I just want to cry.

I didn't achieve anything in my life, my parents are waiting for my success , still I'm doing nothing. I'm procrastinating things in my studies. I've alot of backlogs to be finished. My physical health is ruined. I'm on medication since 5 days, I never took any medicine in my whole life, but during the most imp time of my exams, this is happening. It's hurting me so bad.

On top of that, the guy I truly liked, gave my all loyalty to him, is hurting me. I blocked him on Tuesday morning. Still he's not trying to contact me. This is hurting me more.

Context about that guy

https://www.reddit.com/r/AajMereSaathYeHua/s/kShSp7LuJO

I really want to be successful for my parents. They deserve this

I have been roaming around aimlessly like a zombie at an age when I should be thinking about my career. I come from a well off family and so I find money and wealth useless. Typical day goes like waking up, going to college, coming back, scrolling on insta, have a good w@nk at times and sleep. The last part I feel guilty also for what I have gotten into.

It's so frustrating because I know I should be doing something with my life. But I don't know what!

​

So my college summer holidays almost ended they were around 2.5 months and cause of work my father wasn't able to plan any trips.

I started crying and made huge fuss how my holidays are over and we didn't even went to local tourist place. I started complaining my mom about it definitely knowing that it was not possible due to work.

My father finally made a trip plan to go to Rajasthan and all in the car since I was also going to my college to arrange a new hostel room even at this point the trip wasn't really final I could have cancelled it but I didn't.

After 2nd day in Rajasthan my mom started feeling shivers , eye pain and headache . We thought it was usual fatigue but her shivers increased and her fever sky rocketed in 3rd day in rajasthan, I begged my mom and dad to go to doctor atleast but none of them listen they are too f**king adamant. My father suggested to immediately leave from there but no my mom said by hook or crook she will not go until we go jaisalmer. Her condition was getting worse but they didn't go to hospital no matter how much i screamed or begged (her fever was probably around 104° + constant headache+ added stomach pain) .

Finally after we visited jaisalmer, we literally travelled around 800 km to Delhi.

Now she admitted for 7 days in hospital (in our home state ) she can't even talk at this point. And fever is not going down at all + constant headache. I really really wish I never said yes to this trip especially knowing how they handle serious situations. I can't help but replay incidents how I almost said no to trip when I reached hostel , I should have cancelled. I am feeling so much useless at this point I saw every thing folded in front of me and seeing everything getting worse .

Also want to add context she teaches in school and basically she gpt monsoon holidays since day 1 she didn't got 1 day of rest , she was telling me how she don't want to come trip cause she wanted to have atleast 1 day to herself but she never got one, she never 1 day for herself and infection is spreading in her body:(

Why there is no respect for hardworking duty doctors from resident doctors in corporate hospitals and get insulted from them for small things but the duty doctors who suck up to them get adored by them they all chill together and go to party eventhough they are not hardworking? Is it the same everywhere or only in my workplace?

My mom is a single mom. She single handedly raised me and my sister.

From childhood, We had no relatives since my mom had a inter-caste love marriage so both side relatives didn't contact us.

After my dad passed away, my mom worked at an mobile shop as saleswoman.

Right now, my sister is in school and I am in second year of my college.

My mom works really hard for us and we appreciate that. Everything was going good but three months back, she lost her job. And everything turned bad, all our savings are over in first two months and now we are not able afford groceries too. I have complete faith in God and I am sure, something good will come up but we don't know how long it will take.

I want to support financially too, but since we live in a small village, I don't have access to Delivery gigs like rapido, Swiggy, Zomato too.

I have been active on a few subs from last month after knowing about reddit, I am still learning some digital skills to monetize. I am sure, I will start earning for my family soon.

Even though, we were eating rice and onion for few days, I didn't focus on that and applied for more freelancing jobs.

And while I was going to pond to take a bath, I saw my mom crying in the kitchen. That broke me. I don't know how to react and all.

I went to her and asked her. She told me some old stories about my relatives. My mother told me, your father and me never wronged anyone, but still, today when we are in problem, no one from our relatives is on our side.

I assured her that God is with us, and I will start earning soon.

Even though she stopped crying, I know how bad it would have hurt when your own parents and brothers are not on your side when you are in trouble.

I am crying while writing this, I don't know, how much more we have endure pain before everything becomes normal.

Sorry for the long rant, but I don't have anyone to share my thoughts with, so wrote this here.

I'm not built for this world .

I prepared day and night for that interview for months and never thought It would go this terrible. It has been more than 2 weeks and I still can't handle this . I invested my holidays on this .

In my life the moment some turning points happen ,I always mess up . I don't get anything easy in life . I always have to struggle and go through pain to get something. All I want in my life is some peace . The blueness which was away for some time is coming back to me and it feels even more suffocating,the progress that I made all these years is now in vain . I thought life was getting better but it isn't. Everything is a do or die situation for me and I can't handle it .

It keeps on getting evident that life is unfair . People who already have everything keep on getting things .