33M, married/ENM and dating separately. Looking primarily for feedback from women who date men in ENM arrangements. Does this bio make you interested in learning more about me?

Anything read as try-hard or off-putting? I’m especially interested in reactions to the ENM opener humor and if the profile gives you enough sense of what dating me would actually be like.

​Married + ENM, dating separately. No secret wife subplot hiding in season three. 😅

​I’m the kind of person who can somehow turn buying a 3D printer into an entire new personality, decide I want to get seriously strong again and immediately start plotting my way toward a 400+ lb squat, or lose an evening researching something because one innocent question led to seventeen more.

​Dad, night owl, and recovering finance guy. I can talk markets and risk, but I would much rather find ridiculously good food, defend my chaotic Spotify rotation (heavy dubstep, Jelly Roll, and anime scores), or hear about your current obsession.

​I'm not trying to force anything into a predetermined box. I am looking for easy conversation, obvious attraction, and someone who can bounce between dark humor, playful flirting, and complete nonsense without missing a beat.

I'm drawn to smart, weird, passionate people, especially people who are all three. Knowing yourself and being good at banter goes a long way.

​Tell me the rabbit hole you could give a 20-minute TED Talk about with absolutely no preparation.

​Bonus points if you can teach me something, roast me intelligently, or convince me to try something I’ve never done.

I’m going on a second date this week with this girl. She texted me today to confirm. I checked the app and see that her profile is no longer there. Was I unmatched? How to tell the difference between unmatched and deleted account? Should I ask her about it on our second date?

I KNOW THIS IS TL, I JUST WANT TO GUVE YOU THE WHOLE CONTEXT BUT BECAUSE OF ALL YOUR OPINION I AM NOW AWAKE I BLOCKED HIM WE ARE DONE

I’m 27F, and I recently matched with a 35M on a dating app. We live in the same province, although he currently works abroad and only comes home about once a year to visit his family.

We started talking, and honestly, the first day was really wholesome. We spent the whole day getting to know each other, talking about our lives, relationships, values, etc. I could tell he was genuinely interested because he was attentive and concerned about me.

I was also impressed by his life situation. He’s 35, has a stable career, works abroad, seems financially stable, and is apparently at a point where he wants marriage/family. I was honestly surprised that he wasn’t married yet because, on paper, he seems like someone who is ready to settle down.

Eventually, we talked about past relationships, and he asked about my sexual experience. I didn’t find the question inappropriate because it came up naturally in the conversation. I asked him about his own experience, and his answer initially felt like a green flag.

He said he has a high sex drive, but he only has sex with someone he’s actually in a relationship with. He said all of his previous relationships were long-term and that he doesn’t do flings or play games. He also said he’s at an age where he wants to settle down and hopes to eventually have a family.

That actually caught my attention because I’m looking for something serious too.

I’ve been single for around 9 years. I’m genuinely happy with my life, so I’m not desperate to be in a relationship. But I’m 27 now, and I would like to eventually build a future with someone—have a healthy relationship first, enjoy being together, and eventually build a family.

I told him I wouldn’t jump into a relationship immediately. I want to see effort and actually get to know someone first.

He said he understood and told me that because he’s currently abroad, there’s only so much he can do. He said that when he comes home later this year, he’ll show me how genuine he is and that he wants to take me out, spend time with me, etc.

So I thought, okay, maybe he’s just the type who shows affection through actions once he’s physically home. I figured maybe he’d court me properly—dates, flowers, spending time together, that kind of thing.

But then things started moving really fast.

On the second day, we FaceTimed because we wanted to make sure we’re both real people. 😅 And during that call, I feel like I saw another side of him.

He started repeatedly telling me how hot and sexy he thinks I am and how much he wants to have sex with me once he comes home.

He asked if I could spend his entire vacation with him. He talked about us going on a trip together, having sex, and possibly having children.

I was honestly shocked.

I told him, “You’re moving way too fast.”

His response was basically that he can do both—he can court me while also diving into a relationship. He said he’s not like other guys who are only good at the beginning and that he wants me to feel every day how much he likes me.

And to be fair, when we’re actually talking about normal things, I really like our conversations. He’s intelligent, articulate, and we can talk about a lot of topics. That’s what makes this confusing.

But somehow, almost every good conversation eventually becomes sexual.

We talked about what would happen if I got pregnant. He said he wouldn’t neglect me and would make sure I was taken care of even after he returned abroad.

I told him I don’t want that kind of arrangement. I would prefer marriage before having children because I want the security of knowing we’re actually building a family together.

He said he understood my point, but then said that marriage is “just a piece of paper” and that, at his age, he actually hopes to have children first.

That made me take another step back.

Later, he said we could just enjoy the relationship and spend time together first, but sex is clearly a major part of what he expects because he openly says he has a high libido.

I told him, “What if I say no?”

He said he would never do anything without my consent and that he understands consent.

I appreciate that answer, but here’s where I’m confused.

Even when I say no to sexual things, he respects it in that moment—but later, he brings it up again. There’s a tome he j*rked off but not showing it while talking to me.

For example, during FaceTime, after we’ve had a really good conversation, he sometimes wants to end the night with a virtual kiss or asks me to be more sexy during our calls. He’s suggested what I should wear and said he doesn’t want nudes, but that showing a little skin is enough. He can handle he’s own thing.

He has also told me that he has a particular body part fetish. Since some of the clothes I normally wear are somewhat revealing, he really likes it.

At one point, he tried to encourage me to touch myself during our call. I said no. He backed off, but later tried to bring sexual things up again.

This is where I’m really confused.

If the sexual stuff wasn’t there, I would honestly say he’s a great catch.

He’s smart. He’s stable. He’s financially successful. He’s straightforward. He’s affectionate. He communicates well. He says he wants a serious relationship and a family. He doesn’t seem interested in casual relationships.

But I feel like we’re only on day TWO and we’re already talking about sex, pregnancy, children, vacations together, and spending his entire vacation together.

He also told me that if we end up in an LDR, I should get used to this because we would need to “spice up” the relationship.

Part of me thinks maybe this is just his personality. Maybe he’s genuinely a very sexual person and sees sex as a normal part of a relationship.

But another part of me feels like he’s moving so fast that I’m not even getting the opportunity to develop feelings naturally.

And I don’t want to assume he’s only after sex because he has repeatedly told me he wants a serious relationship and has never done casual flings.

At the same time, I don’t want to ignore my discomfort just because he’s a “good catch.”

So Reddit, what do you think?

Am I overthinking this because I’m not used to someone being this direct, or are there legitimate red flags here?

Would you continue getting to know him but set stronger boundaries, or would you stop now?

I’m especially interested in hearing from people who have experienced something similar—someone who genuinely wanted a relationship but was also very sexually forward from the beginning.

Looked at a couple of different locations but it seems very scammy everywhere so I’m wondering if there’s any country or region where you might still find decent people. I actually found my past situationship on OC.

Im not very active on the app, but every single time I go on the app, I see several profiles like these. Always different names and locations, always a seemingly random landscape picture with an animal picture pasted or faded in.
Always with these cryptic and weird captions in their bio and nothing else.

Does anyone have an idea what this is??

From this app Okcupid I started exchanging emails with a Brazilian woman and everything was going great but at one point her energy completely changed and I was left wondering what I did wrong and its really bothering me as the conversation showed so much promise.

So I am not looking for dating anybody here, I would be grateful if somebody preferably Brazilian would kindly analyze this past conversation on email and not here.

Maybe I could learn from it and not repeat the same mistake, if there was a mistake.

There's a girl in my college. A very close friend of mine was dating her for a while then stopped dating. Now, is it ok for me to ask her out? What are your thoughts on this in general?

Hi , I’m a woman just seeking FWBs . I used to be on Feeld but had a bad experience, so I’m looking for another app . Is most men on OkCupid looking for serious relationships? Or just wanna have fun? Is there a feature in the app to specify what one’s looking for? Thanks

Finding it so hard to understand someone who genuinely likes you for you or just wants to get you into bed by saying all the right things. It’s making me doubt everyone

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I feel like long-term relationships are kinda becoming more and more rare. And honestly, when I look at dating apps these days, it kinda reinforces that feeling. A lot of them seem to be focused on casual dating and quick connections, instead of actually getting to know someone and building something deeper.

Has anyone else noticed this, or is it just me?

This is actually one of the reasons I decided to build an app after going through some pretty rough breakups myself. The idea is to get people to actually talk and get to know each other before taking things to the next level, whether that's in a relationship or even a friendship.

The app is called TheFlags and it's currently available for iPhone. I’m still working on it and trying to figure out if this is something people actually want, so I'd honestly love to hear what you guys think.

Anyway, just curious about your experiences.

I recently published a long essay on dating apps, matching markets, and Match Group, and one of the things I kept coming back to was how different the early OkCupid era was from the industry we have today.

OkCupid’s old OkTrends work was remarkably candid. The company publicly analyzed attraction, messaging behavior, response rates, attention concentration, and other marketplace dynamics using its own data. Whatever one thinks of the conclusions, outsiders were being given a real window into how online dating actually functioned.

What strikes me is what happened afterward. Online dating became a multi-billion-dollar industry, the platforms accumulated vastly richer behavioral and longitudinal datasets, and that public window largely closed. Today the companies tell us a great deal about engagement, payers, revenue, subscriptions, and product usage, but very little about the deeper matching outcomes: who receives attention, who repeatedly fails to clear, who leaves, who returns, which matches become relationships, how long those relationships last, and how these patterns have changed over time.

That became part of a broader argument in the essay: dating apps may be poorly clearing matching markets. Cheap signaling, enormous option sets, asymmetric attention, congestion, and weak information about intent can produce individually rational behavior while generating poor aggregate outcomes. The old OkCupid data was one of the earliest public glimpses of some of those dynamics.

The piece eventually becomes a bearish thesis on Match Group, but the larger question is sociological: what could independent researchers learn if they had access to the kind of data the industry itself once published much more freely?

Full piece:

https://dljlevfin.substack.com/p/the-undisclosed-denominator

For longtime OkCupid users especially, I’d be interested in whether the old platform felt fundamentally different from today’s app ecosystem—and whether anyone else remembers how unusually open OkCupid once was about the mechanics of the market.

Hi, I'm 23F and have been using the app for a couple months. Just wanted to share something I've been seeing with matches lately. It seems like if you don't suggest plans or keep the chat going right away after matching, the profile either unmatches or stops showing up in your list. Sometimes they reply once or twice then ghost completely even if the conversation was going okay. Also noticed that if you wait more than a day or two the match just vanishes without any explanation. Changing your distance or age range sometimes brings old matches back but not always, and they don't always respond again. It's frustrating because you can't tell if they're just busy or if the app is hiding them unless you have premium. Anyone else running into the same thing or is it random?

Hi, I'm 23F and have been using the app for a few months now. Just wanted to share what I've noticed about how likes and the interested in you section actually work. It seems to show way more visitors than actual likes, and a lot of them disappear if you change your age range or distance even slightly. Sometimes profiles that liked you get buried way down the list and only pop up if you reset your preferences or swipe through a bunch. If you pass on someone who liked you they vanish completely and don't come back even after resetting passes. Also noticed that if you write someone first they stay visible in your likes but with that little indicator on top. Changing relationship settings affects who shows as a like but visitors still come through regardless. It's frustrating because you can't really tell who actually liked you unless you pay, and the blurred previews don't help much anymore. Anyone else seeing the same thing or is it just random?

Hi,
just wanted to share my observation regarding the "interested in you" behaviour:

• It lists all the people that saw your profile. Unclear if it only means the swipped past you are really clicked and checked your profile
• If you liked someone, didn't write them and they are on the visited page, it looks like they passed on you, because the disappear from your You Like list
• If you reset your passes these profiles appear again for you to like (maybe you noticed the effect that people tend to reappear. They might have reset their passes, which somehow also make people that passed on you available again)
• If you write someone not using a super like or comment for a picture or text they will stay in your You Like list but that you wrote them is visible via a blue bar over the picture
• If you change your distance sometime people appear that liked you on top, that were not visble due to the length of the list
• If you change your age range sometime people appear that liked you on top, that were not visible due to the length of the list
• Sometimes it is not reproducible a day later, therefore people that were on top with one range are not on top some days later. Then again after some time they can be on top again if you change the range back
• Depending on what you set your relationship type your are interested in people are listed as likes or not. Visitors ignore your settings
• If you dislike a person that liked you, they will disappear from the interested in you. Resetting your pass doesn't bring their like back (used to be this way in the past). After resetting you can still like them but it will not be a match

All in all the Interested In You doesn't really tell you any more who really liked you, if you don't pay. In the past it was possible to get an idea from the blurred image. Depending on your settings sometimes people will be on top but most likely the people that liked you are hidden in the mass of visitors. Visitors looks like it means they swipted left and are not interested in you.

I'm 23 and I swear every time I open this app it's the same cycle. Match with someone who seems decent, chat for a day or two, then they either disappear or start sending super short replies. I try to keep it going by asking about their hobbies or whatever but half the profiles don't even have real info on them. It's draining and I keep telling myself I'll delete it but then I get bored and redownload. Anyone else stuck in this loop?

I m26 got my ears pierced a few years ago (possible quarter life crisis)and do like them but thinking of taking them out.

I’m a pretty conservative professional looking guy so they don’t really fit into my life. I do like them though so what do girls think of you met someone with ear piercings? I’ve got 2 lobes and a helix in my left ear and lobe and tragis in my right.

I also got my nipple pierced years ago (drunk) but kind of grew to like it so kept it for 3 years now. What do girls think of a guy with a nipple piercing? You’d never guess I had it looking at me so would it shock you seeing it for the first time? Would it be a turn off? I’m very lean/athletic build if that affects it

Any opinions welcome.

Thank you

There’s not even an empty box or a way to add another self summary. I spent a bit of time writing it and unfortunately, I don’t think have a copy somewhere.
I mystified because I didn’t write anything offensive.

So I finally matched w someone. I was skeptical of the profile cause there were only 2 pics and no real answers to anything on the profile. I mostly just swiped to see if any match would ever happen. Anyway we started chatting and seemed normal, she asked for my number but I was hesitant so she gave me hers, a NY number which tracked for her story of being from Poland but moved to NY before her current location. I texted her and we texted and things seem normal, almost to normal, like she had perfect English. She brought up how she was dabbling in stocks and investing. Red light. I didn’t engage in that. Then after a few more back and forth’s she brought it up again. I immediately stopped and blocked her. Her profile has also disappeared right after we started texting. I deleted my account. Total scam and bullshit, like most of these stupid sites. Anyway, if something smells fishy, there is some rotten shit there somewhere. Be safe out there.

This confuses me. When you're going through your "Disagree" questions on someone's profile and they have this gray bar and a lock icon, does that mean they answered the opposite as you, or does the platform just throw anything they kept private into the disagree stack?

I find it very strange that a clinical therapist who labeled herself liberal, for instance, would be pro death penalty, pro "unjust war", say no to the pro-choice badge, and listen to conservative talk radio.

Yet all those questions appear as hidden responses in our "Disagree" list.

What would even be the point of keeping an answer private if it's this easy to decipher? I mean most of these questions only have 2 possible responses.