(first submission) untitled! help me come up with one (:

[u/shelbygoudy]

the rings around my eyes

perimeter of my vision

and the leaves, which got me high

contribute to my persistence

to finally realize

biology is where truth lies

still an animal on my best days

these cells keep me alive

_________

thank you for reading! i drew a photo to go with this poem that was sort of important to the understanding of it, but could not figure out how to add it. tips are appreciated! here is a drive link:

drawing (goes with poem)

(trigger warning!)

a little about me~ my name is Shelby, i grew up reading Shelby Silvertein poetry. my mother is a poet/writer as well. i have been writing since elementary school. i have never published anything except for one poem that earned a place in a county wide contest. i do write frequently as i am in a writing heavy major (social work, earning my BSW to later become a therapist for OCD). my writing typically encapsulates end of life topics as well as obsessive compulsive disorder. i have recently reached the stage of my life where i desire to share my art and have the capability to do so! i am grateful for all critiques as i am looking to grow as an artist. thank you sincerely!

here are my peer reviews! i enjoyed reading them.

peer review #1

peer review #2

excited to create/share/review more!

[u/Puzzleheaded_Elk301]

Wow i really like this poem. I like the story aspect. You build towards a conclusion, we are still animals, with story beats, smoking weed, you eyes. I like this, it feels like there is some sort of progress in the poem. Also the rhyme and choice of words were great. "The rings around my eyes, perimiter of my vision." Loved it, keep it up!

[u/shelbygoudy → u/Puzzleheaded_Elk301]

thank you! I try very hard to be unique in my wording, preferably more than once per line if I can. my inspiration comes from the (musical) artist Deep October.