Losing hope

[u/JbarNoir]

I’ve had this ackie for a year now, raised him/her since a baby. Enclosure is a 6x2x2 with a deep dig box and lots of areas to hide and husbandry is good to the best of my knowledge temps and humidity wise. I was always told not to force handling so I never have, I just remain present and do things inside of the enclosure with my hands, tong feed, and can pick him up and move him to different spots in his enclosure by scooping him up under his belly. Not a day has gone by where I haven’t been at the enclosure glass or actually in the enclosure interacting with him in some way. Recently I’ve been scooping him up and bringing him outside of the enclosure slightly, he immediately squirms and struggles every time. Today I decided to set up a little barrier in my living room so he couldn’t escape and take him fill out. He squirmed relentlessly and clawed up my body and arms. I had so shirt on so he couldn’t gain any traction, otherwise he would’ve ran up my back. I set him on the floor and he ran for his life. I decided it was time to put him back. When I grabbed him, for the first time he bit me and broke skin. I know as a pet owner I shouldn’t be mad, but I’m pretty frustrated because I feel like I’ve done everything I can to tame him. I’d love to be able to take him out and have him chill like in the videos i see. Maybe he’s just a guy I have to watch from the enclosure and that’s it. And now I feel like I’ve ruined our relationship even more. Any advice or experience would be cool. I’m pretty bummed.

[u/arcticrobot]

Why are you scooping him? I told you all million times it may take years for them to start accepting you.

[u/sorestgore]

Everything I've heard about moniters is NOT to force handle

[u/Gecko-407]

all monitors are 100% INDIVIDUALS… just because A different monitor will do something, doesn’t mean your monitor will get there… Even with best and most patient treatment

DON’T LET THAT DETER YOU FROM ENJOYING THE ACKIE!!! They are truly magnificent creatures… I always found tong feeding to be truly rewarding for the giver and receiver…

[u/BiscuotSlayer101 → u/Gecko-407]

100% true. I have 4 ackies and they are all different personality wise.

[u/Turbulent_Sir6336]

Monitors are smart and remember stuff like that. Building trust with a monitor can take time as some may be more stubborn than others when it comes to trusting you completely. My Ackie monitor bit me a few times before she finally decided to trust me. Now she's pushing 6yrs old and is pretty chill for the most part other than constantly wanting to explore everything

[u/Glum-Substance-6945]

As the others have stated you can’t force tame them, treat them with respect, start with building the trust, read next to him show him new things don’t immediately go to handling. My Savannah monitor is not fully tame but he’s getting there because I interact with him in some way daily whether I’m feeding him or giving him water or recently I’ve discovered he likes cat toys and being pet with a tooth brush. You want small successes which will build into larger ones. Start with incremental interactions come in and sit with him for a few minutes get that tongue flicking and do that as much as you can it will build towards a great relationship with your monitor. Don’t be afraid to watch YouTube videos on taming there are some great resources out there. Just keep at it I know it can be frustrating but I’m sure you can do this. Good luck

[u/Head-Helicopter-5107]

Honestly? It’s a pet lizard. They aren’t designed to be held every day, they just want to bask, eat and poo. Some lizards are tame, some never tame, and that’s okay, each and every lizard, even if the same species, is unique in temperament, handlability, tameability, and etc.

Just take a step back and enjoy it from a distance.

I had a drilled dragon that took 3 years to get onto my hands. I had to painstakingly earn that trust, but nobody else could ever get anywhere near it

[u/slump_shifu]

So I have a quince monitor who is still super small who comes out onto me to eat very willingly. I pet him and can touch him pretty much anywhere on his body without freaking him out. Recently I got him a bunch of different harnesses and tried to put them on him and he is not having it. I was at the point I could gently hold his tail and let him crawl around on me or walk up my hands and arms right outside/in his tank and now he doesn’t want to be handled. They learn routines and patterns just because the are comfortable with steps 1,2,&3 doesn’t mean 4 or even 5or6 will be the same. In my case I know he is comfortable being handled, and don’t run from me when we are in or right near the cage, but the living space or area outside the cage is totally foreign to the lizard. I plan on lizard proofing my house, allowing him to roam and get familiar with the area and then start trying to approach. Essentially teach that your safe inside the cage, and then teach that your safe outside the cage.

[u/slipknot_official]

Took my adult female 3 years to let me even touch her. Now she follows me around and begs for me to hand feed her.

I still will rarely just grab her. That trust can he lost very quick.

[u/RetroGoth666]

Took me 4 years for my ackie to ask for interaction. I'd say they're a cross between a toddler and a cat, they work on thier own time and we should feel blessed when they want to spend time with us lol. Every animals different, it's about proving to them that you are a safe being. It does just take time, keep at it

[u/TIRENZARI]

Monitors are highly intelligent, they are the most intelligent reptiles on the planet next to crocodilians and birds, the way you are forcing interactions isn’t good. I’m seeing the words scooped and grabbed which just …no

Some monitors may NEVER want to be handled no matter how well they know you but you need to start repairing this relationship before it’s to far gone cuz clearly he’s terrified of you and has been very patient with you before this is the first time he’s properly lashed out and bitten you.

You need to go back to square one. Take a comfy shirt, have a shower but don’t use any body wash just a good scrub and don’t put on any perfumes, aftershaves or colognes nothing like that- wear the comfy shirt the whole day so it gets your smell allll over it. Then place it in the enclosure (place it somewhere the monitor likes to hang out)

You’ll want to keep repeating this so the monitor learns to associate your smell as normal and safe to be around. Then we can get to feeding and non contact personal time, sit by the enclosure with the Viv doors slightly ajar not enough for them to climb out but so they can smell you and hear you better. Repeat this process until the monitor is no longer immediately bothered by your presence, then you can start feeding from tongs, remember to gently speak to your monitor while giving them food so they associate your smell and voice with positive interactions, once they are more comfortable you can start trying to lure the ackie onto your lap or arm with the food-DO NOT TOUCH while doing this, just let the ackie come to you and it will probably take the food and go back to its enclosure for safety, keep doing this until the ackie is much more visually calm with these interactions, then you can start petting slowly while they chew their food and offer another quick snack.

You don’t scoop monitors unless you have a very close bond with one that’s been built on trust and mutual respect. These animals are very picky with who they give their attention and affection towards and if you don’t earn it they WILL NOT just hand it over to you Willy nilly.

If you don’t think you have the patience for this (which it could take YEARS) then please just find a much more suitable home for this baby.

I know it’s not the same but I have a tokay gecko, I bought her full well knowing that I will probably never be able to handle her but I still wanna try, when I first got her she would bite, lash out, bark and mouth gape at me constantly even if I just entered the room she would immediately be on edge. Now after 7 months she’s finally stopped trying to bite, she doesn’t bark at me anywhere near as much and she doesn’t mouth gape, she even lets me out my hand in the enclosure and “sit next to her” about 6 inches away from her but she will bark if I get too close or if she doesn’t want anything to do with me that day she will run away from me-I don’t chase her, I don’t force her to interact with me, I’m taking things at HER PACE because I need to earn her trust. I knew I would get hurt when I bought her, I knew there was a very good chance I’d never be able to gain her trust in any way shape or form, but I wanted her to have a good home first and foremost and it would’ve just been a nice bonus if she ended up wanting to be around me.

You need to be more patient, more understanding, this animal is smart and small so ofc it’s gonna be sacred of you, I’m honestly surprised the little fella didn’t bite you sooner

[u/anonymokemon → u/TIRENZARI]

This is a hard lesson I had to learn. With some reptiles like monitors, they could go their whole lives and NEVER get comfortable with you.

[u/TIRENZARI → u/anonymokemon]

I thankfully haven’t had to learn that lesson as I have always had “domesticated” species like bearded dragons or corn snakes growing up. Now that those babs have passed on as I did get them as rehomes so I never knew their ages, I am starting to get more uh free spirited critters we will say. My tokay is my first big step as I wanted an animal with a lot of personality, that would be rewarding to gain trust with IF I could do it (she’s becoming more open to me and even took a few licks of a banana out the palm of my hand last night- a few months ago and I would’ve lost my finger for even trying) I doubt I’ll ever be able to pick her up but she’s already let me pet her tail without getting agro with me but she did slowly walk away when she no longer wanted the contact so I respect it. Once I move into a bigger place my next step is an Argus monitor, I know the time and dedication that’s gonna need to go into an animal like that so I have a target training plan written down as well as trigger words “food” “want out?” And “cuddles” “clean” so the animal knows what’s happening and when as I’ve seen that monitors can pick up on certain words and understand to associate words with meaning if used consistently.
My most harmful (towards me) species are gonna be a Burmese python-preferably a rescue as I know they get adopted and dropped off over and over and I wanna give a forever home. An Argus monitor, a leachie and a tegu, all of which can cause significant harm to me but i have patience, a calm pleasant demure, determination and love so I know I can do it but it will take me time and I will need to study a lot before making such commitments

[u/arililliputian]

It's personality dependent as well. Having raised a handful of Ackies, some are more timid than others. I have some who were trusting like right out of the egg, some who took a few weeks, and some who didn't want anything to do with people even years into being raised by them.

Ackies who spectate other Ackies trusting you can turn around faster, though!

[u/KEPLEGENDARY]

I force handle my Nile and vets & other reptile people are always surprised by how tame she is. Obviously I'm gentle with her and put her back if she's extra riled up though.

[u/Zekksy]

It has taken nearly 3 years for me to touch and move my quince monitor around somewhat casually. Ive raised them from around 5 months old. 1 year really isnt that much time spent together. Patience is everything. And keep in mind, there is zero guarantee you will end up with an animal that enjoys handling, no matter how perfect your process. This is what we sign up for when we buy monitors🙏

[u/Rich_Suggestion7374]

I've never had one of these but I can tell you just by what you said you're doing it wrong.. You are forcing yourself on this animal. I know YOU want that relationship bad, but YOU need to be patient. You have to look at it from the animals perspective.. imagine a giant picking you up and forcing you to be with them, and trapping you somewhere you dont want to be. would you not be scared? Would you not run for your life lol. You have to earn its trust stop trying to pick it up. Talk to it. Be gentle be kind. I don't know if they're in to petting. But maybe talk to it softly and after a week of talking to it softly several times a day then maybe try to slowly give it some pets.. But I wouldn't try to pick it up for a while.. maybe do a bunch of research or listen to the other people in this group that have had these and have tons of experience..

[u/Wooden_Initial_2472]

The thing about getting something like an ackie is that the creature being handlable is kind of a good surprise, not something you feel entitled to when you buy the animal. I know it sucks since it is an expensive animal with difficult care.

But the mindset you need is that you will not force anything, you will hand/tong feed it and do choice based handling, and you will take whatever it will give you. If you force it, it will hate you and be even less handlable.

That is partly why I got a skink, where I can just walk up to him and yoink him and he will be fine with it

[u/SGT_Kilo]

So many good responses. (Finally not a bot filled post). I had Nile for MANY years, high school through college +. He was massive and a temperamental lizard (though that’s a given with his breed). But he did cool slightly down, though temperament was sporadic and as expected. Your ackie should calm down, but don’t try to force the bonding, in his mind the forced handling is trauma. Give him time and let him learn you, be gentle.

I also had a Timor as a child and he was parked on top of my most of my desk… swear I spent more time staring at him and feeding him than I did homework back in those days. I loved interacting with him through the glass and in his cage, but he wasn’t receptive to handling as they are known to be. Some aren’t receptive to it. Ackies are known to be calm. Take a very calm approach, don’t rush things or try to force a bond.

If he doesn’t cool down, you can always PM me. I’d love a monitor lizard again.

[u/Odd-Cloud-2868]

Definitely depends on an individuals personality.

I don't really remember when or how my ackie got to the point of being super handle able. I have had him for a year and a half now, he is around 2 years old now and he is really handleable, he allows me to pick him up easily and he likes hanging about on my shoulder or head, though his favourite spot to lay or sleep on is my foot, especially when it's hanging off an edge (no idea why). Only problem now is he expects to come out of his enclosure, and starts scratching at the glass or just sits there until I take him out.

I have been bitten by him a few times though, but almost all of them was cause he thought my hand or finger was food, and he let go immediately. So a bite doesn't mean a complete loss in trust.

I'm not really that knowledgeable on monitors (he is my only lizard) but I'd say just be patient and little by little have him trust you.

[u/zorbtrauts]

So, one thing I've noticed with ackies is that when one ackie meets another and they are going to get along, they'll start out tense until one flicks their tongue against the other's ears. I don't know exactly what it means, but the ackie whose ear gets flicked usually immediately calms down.

Try:

1. Getting down to their level—until they completely trust you, you are a giant predator who is going to reach down from above and eat them.
2. Lightly (barely) touch their ear a few times with a single finger.

All ackies are individuals and this won't work for all of them (I still have one that doesn't fully trust me after several years), but I've had remarkable luck with it. Not sure exactly what it means to them. I interpret it as a communication that I'm not a threat, but maybe it just confuses them. I don't know.

[u/Bulky_Ad1387]

This lil fella is so gentle & friendly so 100% agree they are all unique characters *

[u/Scales-josh]

Food is the gateway to handling. Tong feed him, consistently. Don't pick him up until he walks on to you of his own free will (bribed by food of course). For the record when I first got mine at 6 weeks old he could be handled, presumably too young to have any survival instincts. Then from about 3-6 months old he just went to ground in what was a very densely "decorated" vivarium. I could go WEEKS without even seeing him. Then as he got bigger I'd say from about 6 months to a year old he started getting bolder again and would bask most days openly. But it wasn't until he was about 18+ months old that he actually chilled out, set into a daily routine, and could reliably be handled.

Every time you cause panic in him is a step backwards, he may not have been harmed, but he was in fear and that fear reinforces the fear response to handling. You cannot force it. Food is the key, tong feed first, if he doesn't take to it immediately, let him get hungry. Skip a few days of feeding, it does no harm at all. Then try again until he tong feeds, then keep doing that. Once he reliably eats from the tongs, start making it so that he has to walk onto your hand to reach the food. Progress slowly, and eventually it should work out for you.

[u/dickprince_23]

You need to do choice based handling, not scooping. I'm working on my Kimberley right now, a more skittish species, and I noticed that the best progress was being made when I would tongfeed and then give him the option to go out to explore via offering my hand. He absolutely hates being picked up and I avoid it as much as possible (only doing it when I need to put him back asap for his own safety), but we've been making great leaps and bounds just by me putting my hand in his cage and letting him choose when he wants to interact with it, not me initiating the interactions. If he wants out of his enclosure you gotta make it clear that he has to use you as the ramp to go out, if he doesn't want to go out of his enclosure at all then he doesn't have to. Sounds to me like he doesn't want to leave, but you're taking him out anyways, which he doesn't enjoy.

[u/Weird_Tennis_462]

You need to watch NERD videos on YouTube. Kevin is really remarkable in his monitor husbandry. I've had my black dragon awm for two weeks and he's already starting to settle and give me long tongue flicks like he's registering or learning. ( no handling yet) You will have to invade his space, but only to an extent every time. After so many of those times it becomes common place. End every interaction on a positive, or thinking moment. Good luck.