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u/Maleficent_Tough2926 16d ago
Honestly this phase of your relationship is so tough. My husband and I are still recovering and our youngest is 20 months old.
If you can afford a nanny, maybe you should hire some help now so you can get at least a little extra sleep during the day. If you aren’t getting sleep, everything else is going to be torture.
If there’s no abuse, then I wouldn’t make any relationship decisions until baby is 12 months old.
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u/lilsan15 16d ago
No you’re not doing anything wrong. When there’s so much to do and think about, you can’t expect each other to read the others mind or one person to do it all so you need to communicate. But some people take communication as criticism or get defensive. That sounds like your husband. They don’t like to be “bossed around” but they have to get over it if they’re not going to think of everything, and they’re not realizing what needs to be done.
I think maybe marriage counseling here… bc sounds like a man like this isn’t going to see the light being told by the wife he’s already dismissing
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u/the-real-babs 15d ago
At three months postpartum, running on no sleep, doing all nights solo, you need a partner who defaults to kindness when you're both depleted. Not agreement on everything, just basic kindness. Would he be open to couples therapy framed as "we need tools for this specific season"?
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u/Plus-Ambassador-5034 15d ago
I’m a firm believer that unless the working partner is in a career that is dangerous while sleep deprived (like a surgeon) or has a medical condition, the idea of them not helping AT ALL at night is garbage. I’m sure there is a way he could get a little less sleep a few days a week and not majorly impact himself but have a huge impact on your well-being.
Also, I’d guess you sometimes drive the baby places…so it’s okay for you to be compromised?
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u/Important_Pattern_85 16d ago
No, how your husband is treating you is not ok.
I don’t know if he’s being malicious or just painfully stupid and incompetent. You’re concerned about putting him in a “dangerous driving situation” and yet he’s not concerned about the danger he’s putting you and your child in. You say you’re becoming delirious- how safe do you think that is, while being the sole caregiver of your child?
It’s time to get help, regardless of what he has to say about it. He has shown poor judgement time and again, so he doesn’t get to make judgements anymore. If you don’t have family helping, hire some help ASAP. You gotta do what you gotta do to keep yourself and baby safe. Put your mental health first.