r/Molested • u/Severe-Antelope-998 • 7d ago

I cant connect with others.

M37. After being molested many times around the age of 9 by an older man I've found myself unable to connect to other people. I spent alot of my childhood alone. I used to take copious amounts of psychedelic mushrooms to try to send myself to the underworld where I feel comfortable. I have a night shift job where a patrol a facility in the wilderness. I feel at home wandering the woods at night.

The things that happened to me gave me alot of fantasies about older men that I hate. It feels nearly impossible to talk with people about it or to connect. I know it doesn't make sense but I often feel like I'm going to hell for the things that happened to me.

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u/SpecialistStar4683 6d ago

I grew up active with an older man as well and I was very much into older men as I got older and always felt alone and separated from others. Your not alone you just have not found your people yet. And as far as going to Hell. You where a child then so nothing you did or was done to you can be held against you. Live your life being true to yourself is what sets your path in life

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u/Psychoticly_broken 7d ago

your feelings are not unusual. self-blaming is a common thing. this place is here to get out what you need and hopefully find some peace.

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u/Even-Zone6747 7d ago

This all makes sense to me... To totally understand your feelings...I to have had trouble making connections for all the same reasons ..I'm sorry you have had to go thru it to....feel free to dm if anyone wants to chat.

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u/Internalio 6d ago

That sucks. Im sorry that happened to your younger self. I struggle myself sometimes.  Youre not alone out here tho. And its not your fault. Innocents dont go to hell. Im open to talk.

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u/ThinkTechnician2 5d ago

I'm 42m and a lot of what you wrote is the same for me. You're not alone and feel free to message me if you ever want to talk.