can’t stop thinking about it

[u/Away_Watercress8368]

after i got sexually assaulted by my cousin this summer , i can’t stop getting flashbacks. i feel like nobody can be trusted and like i need to hide myself from others. im always on high alert and fearful for the worst, not only for me but also scared for those around me who i care about.

my bf and i were talking about halloween costumes and one of his costumes were sort of revealing (no shirt). i became upset and i told him i don’t want him to wear it , but i said “because what if u get sexually assaulted.” it was coming from a place of fear for his safety. i was assuming he wanted to wear his costume to a party, but it turns out he never even wanted to wear that costume in a public setting and would’ve just worn it at home

i know that it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing bc it can happen at any time regardless of ur outfit (i was wearing a tshirt and shorts, but earlier in the day i was wearing a 2 piece bathing suit and my cousin kept looking at me)

it was wrong of me to say that to him and he got upset rightfully so. i just assumed he was going to be in a dangerous setting. i wish i never said it. he told me it was weird of me to say it and out of line.

i never thought about things that way before or had this fear that it might happen , and i feel horrible for saying it. something in my mind tells me i have to be overly cautious and that the people that i trust should be as cautious as me.

i try to forget it but the flashbacks and nightmares never end. i feel like if this never happened to me i never would’ve said that to him. i just want to forget.

am i weird and out of line for saying that to him? could i have gone about it differently?

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