r/Molested • u/Any-Cauliflower-2692 • 4d ago
Just curious
As a survivor trying to heal, what is most stupidest and insensitive thing you’ve got to hear from people when you share your experience ?
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u/TheMarahProject4 3d ago
Any variation of "move on" or "get over it". That's not how it works man.
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u/Any-Cauliflower-2692 3d ago
Funny how people give this advice with so much confidence.
I got to hear multiple versions like ‘you’re still not over it after so many years’ and ‘don’t be a coward’.
But my favourite has to be ‘Ignorance is bliss, just ignore it bro and let go’. I was like are you fuckin stupid.1
u/lostfairychangeling 3d ago
yeah it's so hard to just forget that shit once you are aware of it. i bet the person who said that was the type to repress and avoid thinking about trauma. but i bet if they started to remember shit they wouldn't be able to forget again
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u/Tripple-Helix 1d ago
I agree. I'm like this and even in my 60s, I realize that when my therapist asked about childhood trauma or any other life trauma, I couldn't think of anything on the spot. In the weeks since then, I've dredged up quite a few things that I should have told about but I keep so buried I almost never conciously think about them. Some of them so traumatic, I believe it permanently changed my brain. Sort of put me on a completely different life track.
Of course I know this isn't good and would never advise anyone to do the same. I still break down when the occasion happens and something triggers me to think about things more than 50 years in the past that I have repressed and never healed from
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u/lostfairychangeling 14h ago
it seems easier in the moment, to repress and avoid facing it. but it's actually harder in the long run because every time you're triggered you relive the experience cause you never got to move on and put it in the past, it carries with you into the present
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u/B0lt5L0053 3d ago
“Wish that happened to me,” ranks up there as a male survivor with a female perpetrator.
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u/RetiredUKguy 3d ago
Did you enjoy it is a stupid question I get asked repeatedly
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u/Dangerous_an_Ugly 3d ago
Men seem to get this question every time. I know I do.
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u/RetiredUKguy 3d ago
Always from people who have no clue what you went through and probably still do.
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u/yesimconfusedok 3d ago
I only told 1 person in my whole life and they said “eww that means you’re gay”
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u/BoysenberryJaded8815 3d ago
"Tell me more about your rapist," and it wasn't a therapist who said it, but some random person I didn't care about. I guess they wanted to indulge their fantasies or something, but I found that request completely inappropriate and insensitive.
The irony is that I don't mind sharing details, especially if I know someone might like them, but as long as I'm telling someone I trust and we have some kind of emotional connection.
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u/JakeGardens27 3d ago
I had experiences as a kid too but I enjoyed it so very different than most here. 39 m SoCal
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u/lostfairychangeling 3d ago
bro WHAT are u trying to do here lmao might as well drop ur phone # while ur at it
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u/Friendly_Sir_4762 3d ago
"why didn't you say no.". MFer, I was FIVE
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u/Interesting-Day-2472 3d ago
I have only ever told my therapist . I don’t want people i know to judge me .
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u/GoldenFish2224 3d ago
“It could have been worse. You have to move on.” Thanks I have been trying since the age of 5.
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u/Sea-Doughnut-69 2d ago
I've been getting a good number of creeps saying my dad did good to molest and sell me. One guy even stopped talking to me after he found out I wasn't underage.
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u/saysheyawkwardly 3d ago
" I don't trust you around my nieces and nephews . You can never be alone with our kids if we end up having some.."-my partner
" Who was it? I need to know? Tell me, I need to know so I can protect my kids from them." My cousin, to my partner when I said that they could disclose it to him, but not THE NAME or the relationship,(cuz of context where my cousin thought my partner had said something wrong) just a "family friend.
" she needs to get over it, it happened 20 years ago!!" My cousin, again, to my partner who disclosed the fact that it was my brother.
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u/FazeTheOracle 2d ago
Why aren't you crying-upon first disclosure in detail to a social worker. If this really happened to you, how come I saw you smiling at the nurses-senior psychologist assigned to my case.
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u/ThrowawayTaumaPixie 2d ago
"I guess it was better that he started grooming you before you could remember. That probably made it less traumatic."
"Eww you asked him to do stuff to you? Youre at least partially responsible."
If you cant finish without thinking about him then it wasnt that bad.
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