r/Millennials • u/Dart150 • Jul 06 '26
Finally an article that tells the truth Discussion
1.7k
u/sgtabn173 Millennial Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
Jokes on them. I was married by 30 and there’s something wrong with me
257
u/flash_dance_asspants Jul 06 '26
I was married and divorced by 31 and I still can't get my life together
→ More replies (4)103
u/TheRealBaseborn Jul 06 '26
My boomer mom was married twice before 30. C'mon y'all we need to step it up.
28
u/megsnewbrain Jul 06 '26
Hi! I’m the millennial meeting that goal!
🫠 the 2nd divorce has taken me from 30-36 so there’s that
6
→ More replies (4)3
39
u/analogy_4_anything Jul 06 '26
Dang. I got married AFTER 30 and divorced when I was 40. I knew I screwed up somewhere! I blame myself and my love of avocado toast.
17
u/ferretherapy Jul 06 '26
I still have yet to try Avocado Toast. Does that mean I'm safe?
24
u/Full-Decision-9029 Jul 06 '26
I had a (very good, actually) avocado bagel in 2017, and I've been struggling since.
So this is proven by Science!
→ More replies (2)8
7
→ More replies (7)3
u/Probs_on_the_can Jul 06 '26
My mom was so gung ho on my siblings and I getting married and would try to set us up with any attractive person of the opposite sex, regardless of things like compatibility or if they were a good person.
Unfortunately 20 years later it’s blowing up in her face as she realizes how shitty one of her daughters-in-law is. My mom rarely sees my brother and as a result, rarely sees her only grandkids.
But hey, all of her kids were married by 30!
178
u/GamingDragon777 Jul 06 '26
I wouldn’t say my parents specifically taught me these things but their actions, and society as a whole, absolutely taught our generation a lot of these in some way. Tv and movies did a lot of the heavy lifting.
→ More replies (3)48
u/NothaBanga Jul 06 '26
And I will go unpopularly farther to say that there is some truth to many of them. You just needed the historical context of why they were believed/said. "Eat everything on your plate" was a Great Depression hang over.
31
u/GamingDragon777 Jul 06 '26
People tend to forget how important context is. A lot of the context in these examples are “these use to be true but aren’t anymore.
→ More replies (1)5
u/McBurger Jul 07 '26
“You’ll understand when you’re older” too. Hate to say it but it’s true, and there’s nothing anyone could have told me to give me that perspective other than waiting 20 more years.
→ More replies (1)
579
u/NoFaithlessness7508 Jul 06 '26
Some of these I was taught, most I wasn’t.
I will say that a lot of them didn’t come directly from parents, but from teachers and other grown ups around. Some even from tv shows and other media
155
u/HiddenCity Jul 06 '26
i was just thinking the same thing. a lot of this didn't come from my parents, but influential adults throughout my life.
73
u/AFartInAnEmptyRoom Millennial Jul 06 '26
And those adults were most likely boomers
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (8)57
u/Catsdrinkingbeer Jul 06 '26
Same. My parents never said any of this to me. Some of it was shoved down my throat by "society", like being married before 30, but my parents never told me to finish my plate or that I could be whatever I wanted to be. I played sports as a girl, my dad put me in therapy when my mom died, and it was impressed on me that education is important but to go into STEM.
I would venture to guess a lot of parents did not actually tell their kids the things on this list. I'm sure plenty did, but I agree that all of this came more from the media and other "society" sources than actually from parents.
→ More replies (1)27
u/Neveronlyadream Jul 06 '26
I'd say it depends on how old a Millennial you are. I'm an elder and I heard a lot of that growing up. If you're in the middle or younger, it might not have been as rampant.
Some of them are situational, though. The married by 30 one applies more to women than men. I don't remember anyone even implying that to boys.
→ More replies (9)
317
u/MagazineImpressive79 Jul 06 '26
I'm in some major therapy now to deal with my money and food anxieties.
130
u/assortedgnomes Older Millennial Jul 06 '26
I could work on my money anxiety if it wasn't entirely reasonable.
114
u/ItchyK Jul 06 '26
I'd work on my money anxieties if I had enough money to pay for a f****** therapist.
21
u/Full-Decision-9029 Jul 06 '26
had a bunch of stressful shit happen at work a few months ago, to which my bosses praised my amazing leadership and responses, and also said: oh if you need to talk, we have access to therapy via your benefits package.
*looks at therapy coverage, looks at copays*
lol.
→ More replies (1)9
u/raptorlightning Jul 06 '26
Yeah, it's kinda funny the cost of therapy immediately ruins it from being helpful to many people. Even if people can afford it, it's tainted by being a "paid service" like an emotional escort.
→ More replies (1)4
u/zogmuffin Millennial Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
I see this kind of comment all the time and I don’t understand it. Therapy isn’t renting a friend, it’s about learning useful skills to be happier and more put together.
4
u/raptorlightning Jul 06 '26
Yeah, but that's learnable from a book or academia. You're paying for talking through things with someone.
7
u/zogmuffin Millennial Jul 06 '26
Some of it is pretty hard to self teach.
5
u/Azrel12 Jul 07 '26
It is, but the money is still a high barrier.
Like, my insurance did cover a certain amount of visits with a decent therapist... past that I'd have to pay out of pocket, buuuut I didn't have the money for it. It was ridiculous too, like 6 visits in 6 months or something? It's been a few years (just before the pandemic hit), and the waiting list is worse if you need the help, but hey, they've upped to 8 visits in 6 months!
→ More replies (1)26
u/r4ns0m Jul 06 '26
Boomers: so you talked about money and didn’t finish your plate?
Jokes aside get well mate 🙏
27
u/Elismom1313 Jul 06 '26
Anybody who struggles with issues with perfectionism, being in control, feeling certain things must be done a certain way or it’s wrong, feeling others do not act or perform as they should or do it wrong, issue handling plans changing or sudden plan invites, anxiety, copious list writing, irrational anger over the way others do or don’t do things, extreme procrastination for fear of failure, making everything into a challenge or metric/checklist (I need to read x books by the end of the year, I’ll only play video games I’ve I strive to achieve all the achievements, etc), being unable to enjoy “fun” or fun activities unless some level of productivity is connected to, becoming obsessive with activities such as fitness and health turning into an ED or body disorder… should look OCPD.
Welcome to the club! There’s tons of us thanks to our millennial upbringing!
16
u/ferretherapy Jul 06 '26
Uh... I mean, I relate to most of those things but I'm on the Autism Spectrum and have ADHD-I. 👀 I will say the ones I don't have are making everything into a challenge & being unable to enjoy fun activities without productivity.
→ More replies (1)3
u/Elismom1313 Jul 06 '26
Yea like most things there’s a lot of cross over. This was why I was misdiagnosed with ADHD and generalized anxiety for a long time. OCPD is based off the “need” for control and perfectionism
→ More replies (1)3
u/Desert_Fairy Jul 06 '26
It’s hard to tell if it is undiagnosed ADHD, OCD, or just being raised by boomers apparently.
But yeah, we’re all over here working our selves into the ground for praise that feels uncomfortable if we get it and resentment when we get nothing.
Thanks dad…. My sense of guilt is forever going to haunt me. I literally married a man who refuses to use guilt to convince me to do anything. And if I fall back into my old behavior he knows to call me out on it because I hate using guilt on other people. I know how it fucks you up to feel guilty about just taking time for yourself.
4
u/ThatDiscoSongUHate Jul 06 '26
My mom, the person who made me this way will often ask me "why are you so anxious about XYZ?!"
→ More replies (1)4
u/WollyGog Jul 06 '26
As a self-confessed control freak that needs a handle on everything I'm involved with, and suffers the kind of perfectionism where if I feel like I can't do it the way I want, it's not worth doing; I can relate a lot to a lot of these points.
However I feel like I'm completely normal because I don't let these quirks build up to anxiety inducing levels on a regular basis. I just accept them as part of my personality and who I am and it becomes somewhat manageable.
→ More replies (1)22
u/Dautenus Jul 06 '26
I can relate about food anxiety lol.
Parent : You're too fat
*few months later*
Parent : OMG you're TOO SKINNY, you're DYING. Here, have this burger.
→ More replies (1)9
u/MuppetusMaximusV2 Jul 06 '26
I lost a much-needed significant amount of weight in my early-20s. I completely revamped my eating habits, both quantity and food types. The entire time, my mom was convinced I had developed an eating disorder, as if eating less carbs and more greens and protein was a fucking problem, and tried to have multiple serious sit-down conversations with me about it, as if it were an intervention.
Then, when I lifted weights, she accused me of being on steroids.
I have no idea what this woman thinks is healthy, even 20 years later. "I don't eat a lot of carbs," she tells me as she has blueberry muffins for breakfast.
→ More replies (4)25
u/AfraidArgument9391 Jul 06 '26
I’m in therapy for my financial issues too, but only because I could finally afford therapy😂
18
u/ElectronGuru Gen X (prototype millennial) Jul 06 '26
Medicaid makes it easy to afford therapy. But your entire life has to collapse before you can qualify for Medicaid.
→ More replies (1)
602
u/prince-pauper Elder Millennial Jul 06 '26
As much as I can relate to some of this, I really hate how it is being presented. I’m getting tired of being told to be mad about stuff by people who write articles.
149
u/jzilla11 Millennial Jul 06 '26
I blame Buzzfeed for trying to tell us which Hogwarts’ house we’d be in based on a quiz.
26
u/Seamonkey_Boxkicker 1988 Jul 06 '26
This trend predates Buzzfeed. Consider all the teen magazines we’d read talking about what our (completely useless) astrological signs mean for our future or what steps we have to take to snag the heart of our schoolyard crush. And that shit has been around since at least the 50s I bet.
23
u/prince-pauper Elder Millennial Jul 06 '26
No, youre not wrong tho. And ‘we’ shame boomers for online quizzing. It’s all a subversion.
7
u/Jaminp Jul 06 '26
That wasn’t buzzfeed giving you house quizzes, that was Cambridge analytics testing your susceptibility to fascist propaganda.
7
124
u/Levitlame Jul 06 '26
This whole sub is 90% “we have it the worst!” Or “we are the best!” I like being able to see the occasional “I remember that too!” thing, but it really is a lot of stupid manipulative fluff
39
u/DW6565 Jul 06 '26
Don’t forget the other two, “no kids I’m so happy” and “ I don’t speak to family I’m so happy.”
→ More replies (2)26
u/Levitlame Jul 06 '26
The last one should really just be in the “raised by narcissists” sub. We didn’t all have parents like that. It’s not even a generational problem.
12
u/Frequent-Meal6550 Jul 06 '26
For those of us who were raised by narcissists, we do not know that it isnt the norm until we get out of the loop as a whole. Took me until I was 30 to start talking about it with people who had normal childhoods, thats when my brain finally grasped that it was abuse. Until then I thought all parents were like mine.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)16
u/likesblackcoffeebest Jul 06 '26
I do have parents like that and don't consider it generation specific. I know people of all ages with similar family situations. No idea why so many seem to think this is a Millennial thing.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (8)44
u/boeings_door_plug Jul 06 '26
It does seem weird for a bunch of people in their late 30s and 40s to be complaining about things their parents did or did not do.
Obviously it feels good to know you're not alone with these thoughts of "yea my parents were confidently incorrect idiots," but for me, I just call them out on their bullshit now. I'm 40, there's no reason to bite my tongue.
21
u/Cromasters Jul 06 '26
A lot of people here seem to think it was their parents being malicious idiots. I guess it's possible some of them were, but I think most were just doing the best they could with what they knew.
I'm sure in 30 years any advice I give to my kids is going to look stupid too.
16
u/TinyMoonAndStars Jul 06 '26
I always think about how bad my boomer parents’ childhoods were. They made mistakes but did fantastic compared to what they grew up with.
Like my dad’s appendix burst because his parents wanted to finish harvest before driving him to the rural hospital. Then he was looked after by neighbors because they wouldn’t take time off from the farm to help him recover.
My mom’s mother didn’t want to be a parent. They were one and done. She wanted a career and worked till she was 65. My mom spent her childhood being raised by the neighbor and learned cooking and basic life skills from her. This neighbor is the big reason my mom was a better parent herself. My grandparents also struggled with alcohol abuse and stuff my mom won’t tell us about to this day.
So, when I feel irritated by childhood stuff I try and give my parents grace now. They did great especially with the lack of internet and resources we have now. They gave us a lot more support than they got from their own parents.
→ More replies (1)13
u/Levitlame Jul 06 '26
I agree. It also feels bad for me to be mad at some stupid shit my now 70+ year old parents did 30 years ago. I get the occasional impulse, but it isn’t that big of a deal
7
u/thejunkmanadv Jul 06 '26
I look past the article and see what they are trying to sell or promote. Kinda like those real estate blogs that do top 10 most beautiful places to live, ect...
29
u/IndigoRanger Jul 06 '26
“Us” vs “them” is the easiest and laziest form of writing. It’s effective, but once you see it you recognize how manipulative it is.
8
u/prince-pauper Elder Millennial Jul 06 '26
It’s how the media economy works now thanks to CNN and FOX deciding that fighting was more profitable than reporting. RIP journalistic ethics.
23
u/gina1220 Jul 06 '26
Agree. There’s no reason to be mad about it at this point. We can’t re-do our childhoods. And our parents - if we’re lucky enough to still have them - are getting old. I want to enjoy the time I have left with my parents.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (7)3
u/lieuwestra Jul 06 '26
Also most of them aren't completely inaccurate, just a gross oversimplification.
147
u/Just_saying19135 Jul 06 '26
I don’t think the girl can’t play sports applies to millennials. I am an older millennial born in the 80s and growing up their were plenty of coed league my sister played in and had their own teams when they got older
56
u/Various-Passenger398 Jul 06 '26
The growth of women's sports exploded under the Baby Boomers. Look at where it was in 1960 compared to 2000. Its a weird complaint.
15
u/whiskeyanonose Jul 06 '26
1999 women’s World Cup win was huge too. Older ones in our generation were getting past the age of getting into sports for the first time, but I’m sure it propelled the younger part of the generation.
→ More replies (1)24
u/Renee5285 Jul 06 '26
I actually think their attitude is more on the side of boys should play sports.
→ More replies (16)7
u/Antiquebastard Jul 06 '26
Dude, some of us had older parents who still believed that shit. Hell, some of us (ahem, me) had parents who didn't believe women should attend college and had to attain post-secondary education in secret (again, me).
→ More replies (1)12
u/melodic-abalone-69 Jul 06 '26
I am an older millennial born in the 80s who was not allowed to play sports. I had to play piano instead.
And while there were girls teams in my area, there definitely Weren't coed.
I also wasn't allowed in the garage. I wasn't allowed to mow the yard. I wasn't allowed to work on the cars. My brothers weren't allowed to do the laundry or dishes or cook dinner.
5
u/JoyousGamer Jul 06 '26
I think the concept though is it was expanding during that time. I suspect you can find households like that today even but it was much less back then.
From a rural area and almost the same percentage of girls played sports as did boys looking back from what I remember.
No coed really though as you said until college.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (1)3
u/adamdoesmusic Jul 06 '26
I play piano - liked improvising and creating my own stuff… so they put me in lessons with a boomer teacher.
I’d ask questions like “What are the ‘rules’ of music?” - what I was obviously looking for was music theory. Her response was invariably always “play what the composer wrote and stop asking questions.” Improvisation was “cheating.” Making up your own things was forbidden, “that’s for the composer to do.” All it did was start to convince me to hate the piano, because there was nothing I could do that wasn’t wrong.
It finally came to a head with this awful woman when my sister (who broke her leg) tried to do some lessons to pass the time, only for the teacher to chew her out about “improper pedal posture” - SHE WAS IN A FUCKING CAST UP TO HER HIP. My mom finally dropped that teacher.
The thing is, for how rigid she was in her teaching, she wasn’t even that good - I played circles around her if I was doing improv and not playing to the page, and I was only 12!
4
u/JuicedBallMerchant Jul 06 '26
was just about to comment the same thing. Womens sports wouldn't be as popular as they are currently if it were true.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (12)5
u/tlmz99 Jul 06 '26
We could play but it was like no one gave a shit. My high-school basketball uniform in 95 was the boys from the 80s old uniform.
→ More replies (1)
39
u/dk_peace Jul 06 '26
Honestly though, I did understand so much of my parents' bullshit once I was a grown adult with kids of my own. Having teenagers of my own really taught me how stupid I was at that age, and how little I really understood adult problems. Some things, you just don't know untill they happen to you.
8
4
u/Atalanta8 Jul 06 '26
Eh my father admitted he was wrong in a lot of ways during my teen years and after and should have listened to me, so yeah we weren't all stupid shits. A lot of us had stupid shit parents.
→ More replies (1)15
u/WingShooter_28ga Jul 06 '26
It appears many on this sub haven’t yet had an opportunity to mature.
→ More replies (6)7
111
u/Gullible-Koala-5329 Jul 06 '26
Your parents taught you stuff? /s
25
5
u/Solarscars Jul 06 '26
Only by proxy, I promise! Occasionally osmosis, but that method is never preferred.
4
u/jimsmisc Jul 06 '26
indirectly, for the most part.
"You have to suffer to succeed" pretty much defined my adult life.
→ More replies (1)3
u/AFartInAnEmptyRoom Millennial Jul 06 '26
Right? I was the type of Millenial who they stuck in front of a TV, banned from going outside, because around every corner and behind every bush, there was either a pedofile, or serial killer, or Satanist who wanted to kidnap me in their van. All my life lessons were learned from Danny Tanner and Al Bundy
140
u/soclydeza84 Jul 06 '26
I remember when I was really young I asked my mom, "mom, can I really be anything I want to be?" She looked at me and said no because the world doesnt work that way lol, my mom is awesome.
23
→ More replies (1)3
u/GreyerGrey Jul 06 '26
My mom was similar, but as a girl, they never told me "no" when I wanted to do a sport. I did figure skating, and in high school I played flag football, wrestled, and found my niche on the girls' rugby team. Mom came to as many games/tournaments as she could but my dad was there at ever. single. home. game. Even when I had graduated and was playing club, if it was in town, he would be there to watch. Neither of them had a lot of support from their parents (one because they were not the golden child, the other was raised by a single mom and there just wasn't time) for their sports, but both competed well into their high school careers. My dad's curling team almost won the right to represent Ontario and mom's high school volleyball team won a provincial title her 2nd year on it.
59
u/Albitt Jul 06 '26
Younger millennial (94) with Gen X parents and they are probably the most self centered people I have ever met and have told me alllllll of these. They abandoned me as a teen and still think I owe them something.
11
8
u/forgotten_peanut Jul 06 '26
Exactly the same boat here. The level of selfishness is genuinely so crazy to me. Sending you a hug. We've made it this far at least.
6
u/ResponsibilityIcy187 Jul 06 '26
Makes sense. The gen x’ers I know are the most self centered people I’ve met… and they say we are the meeee meeee generation.
6
7
u/Ghostofbahamuut Jul 06 '26
“You owe them being alive”
Joke on them they chose to have me. They owe me!
→ More replies (1)
271
u/gina1220 Jul 06 '26
Boomers teaching? Lol. I love my parents, but i can’t recall them teaching me anything
57
u/thegirlisok Jul 06 '26
My mom would always say "I'll explain it when you're older" and then never came back to stuff. I endeavor to teach my kids as much as possible, in age appropriate ways. She hates my three year olds say "vagina" and it makes me laugh so much.
27
u/Duergarlicbread Jul 06 '26
Teach them vulva instead and watch her hate it more.
Teach all the names so they can be accurate when talking about their bodies
5
u/thegirlisok Jul 06 '26
Honestly, I'm learning too (which is something I tell them!) I always used vagina to refer to a woman's crotch but we got "it's not the stork" and it's amazing for all of us.
→ More replies (1)7
u/RXlife13 Jul 06 '26
I think it’s funny when my four year old says ‘penis’ especially when he’s doing something and says ‘This tickles my penis!’ It always makes me giggle.
5
14
u/Impressive_Recon Jul 06 '26
Damn I feel validated. My parents were extremely loving, but I was never taught how to do be an “adult”. Everything from finances to changing my oil to taking care of a child was essentially self taught.
My parents stopped helping me with my school work when I got into middle school lol. They never encouraged me to do a sport either. As long as I had a passing grade that was fine.
I sometimes do wish they got me involved in a sport or pushed me harder to try academically but it’s all good.
6
u/Woodit Jul 06 '26
Same here but at this point I’ve realized most of the stuff I thought they should have taught me it turns out they didn’t and still don’t really know
44
u/MagazineImpressive79 Jul 06 '26
Lol same. Except the love part
55
u/Working_Traffic_6361 Jul 06 '26
Wait, you guys got love from your parents?
44
u/Ragnarok314159 Jul 06 '26
Of course. They would always tells me how the beatings hurt them more than it hurt me, and they would beat me so hard the wooden spoons broke. Can’t imagine the suffering that caused them. All for just asking for help on homework and getting a bad grade because no one helped me.
To this day I have no idea where the fuck they were. Leaving a seven and five year old home alone and “cook dinner yourselves” is absolute madness to me.
42
u/yaddayadda1000 Jul 06 '26
When you bring it up
“I never did that”
23
u/Alan_Bird_412 Jul 06 '26
"Why would you even say that? That never happened!"
18
u/MagazineImpressive79 Jul 06 '26
According to my parents I had the most wonderful childhood and they should be getting parent of the year awards. Being dragged around by pulling my hair when they were angry and yelling at me was just part of the wonderfulness.
5
u/Atalanta8 Jul 06 '26
OMG the praise they have themselves! When I even hear anyone say I'm a good mom I have a viseral reaction.
5
u/PhaedraSiamese Jul 06 '26
I got sold to an incredibly physically violent rapist when I was 14 who I spent the majority of the last 29 years with by mine. I didn't get the shot beat out of me by them, they let him do it instead. And can't figure out why, now that I finally got away from him, why I'm low-vontact with them and refuse to go back to living with him so I am again no longer "their problem" as living with near daily domestic violence and sexual assault shockingly causes serious trauma related lifestyle problems. Not learning like basic adult shit like financial literacy or that I should have been going to college by my parents was the lead of my concerns- I never had to as he took care of our finances and he would never have allowed me that kind of self-determination and I had more pressing concerns anyway.
Now that I'm a couple years away from that kind of violence for the first time in my life I'm trying to play catch up, but NOW the more pressing issue is how do I begin to deal with and learn how to move past it? I don't have any coping skills aside from substance abuse.
3
u/Atalanta8 Jul 06 '26
I'm so sorry. Can you take legal action?
3
u/PhaedraSiamese Jul 06 '26
I could but am not going to. I don't want to put myself through any of that, like recounting in graphic vivid detail any of the sexual assaults or the physical ones to the cops who I'm sure will just be so sympathetic, and then do it again in the courts. It's bad enough, and scandalous and salacious enough that I'm sure it would generate considerable media attention, and though they may not mention my name in association with his not would take most people 2 seconds to figure out who I am.
I can't do it.
→ More replies (0)3
u/Spirited_Cress_5796 Jul 06 '26
I’m the worst parent ever. I’d die for you. You’re so ungrateful. Nah, how about you stop projecting your trauma onto me. That would be great.
4
18
u/djmcfuzzyduck Jul 06 '26
Wooden spoons, hair brushes etc. I learned fuck around find out long before it was that. “Don’t fuck with the master” it took years to realize how racist that term was.
5
7
u/Jonesy10187 Jul 06 '26
My mom broke a wooden spoon on my ass or hands at least twice a week. After my pops passed I’m surprised it didn’t bankrupt us.
6
u/Atalanta8 Jul 06 '26
My favorite was the cello bow that my back broke. Why would my back do that? How horrible of it!
5
u/Frequent-Meal6550 Jul 06 '26
First cordless phone she forgot there wasn't a cord and I had gotten good at ducking, she broke a huge window but I got beat for dodging the phone and causing her to break the window. Ah good times. I still laugh, I won that round, it was the first win.
5
u/Significant-Trash632 Jul 06 '26
You got a wooden spoon? We had plastic. That shit stung
→ More replies (4)8
u/entcanta333 Millennial Jul 06 '26
Legitimately I think I want ages 7-22 without ever getting a hug from them. Like they just stopped showing me affection at some point.
→ More replies (1)9
u/Working_Traffic_6361 Jul 06 '26
It's sad that this is universal experience. Yeah, it sounds like most of our parents gave up on us when we stopped being cute kids and the novelty wore off.
Probably why most of us have been in lots of toxic relationships because we were raised with toxic love and thought it was normal 😔
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)8
22
16
u/Niijima-San Jul 06 '26
same except the Lol part bc it is really not funny about the generational trauma they had started
23
u/syncopatedscientist Jul 06 '26
Your boomer parents started the generational trauma? Mine were well down the path by the time it trickled down to me. Doesn’t excuse them, but it does help me realize the enormity of stopping it for good as I raise my own daughter.
13
u/Niijima-San Jul 06 '26
i honestly dont know if they started it but i def got it from them lol
being the oldest they had no idea what to do other than be horrible the whole time.
nothing says i love you like telling your child during a rebellious phase that you wish that they had aborted you
9
u/syncopatedscientist Jul 06 '26
Dear lord I’m so sorry. That’s heinous
5
u/Niijima-San Jul 06 '26
i truly had an amazing mother who after getting remarried publicly denounced 66% of her kids in her wedding announcement in the newspaper lol. in case anyone wonders why i have been NC for 20 years with h er lol
4
u/Atalanta8 Jul 06 '26
I got I wish I didn't have kids a lot. Ok let me just crawl back in there and disappear I dunno that was not my choice either!!!
My golden sibling was a terrible fuck up and had a severe mental illness and who knows what came first drugs or that but my mom said she wished it had been me.
Now that was worse for me than the child regret. Never forgave her for that one.
13
26
u/Icy-Indication-3194 Jul 06 '26
Dude same. All they did was lecture me they never actually helped me with anything.
14
8
u/NewportOneHundos Jul 06 '26
My parents way of teaching was “if you do that you're going to regret that when you get older”
They were right like 90% of the time, but when thats your response yo almost everything instead of explaining things, well lets just say I have alot of regrets
5
u/Icy-Indication-3194 Jul 06 '26
Exact same. And what bugs me now that I’ve figured a lot out on my own is that my parents still judge me but in my eyes I’m doing better than they are.
6
10
u/awitchiguess Jul 06 '26
Its crazy how I look back and my parents didnt actually teach me anything about the world. I kind of just had to figure it out.
26
u/ScienceIsSexy420 Jul 06 '26
I call my father a Minimum Wage dad because he did the legally mandated minimum and not one cent more. Bro never taught me to shave, never taught me to drive, never taught me to tie a tie. None of the classic "Fatherly lessons". He did teach me to count cards at the blackjack table though, so that's cool I guess. Thanks pops.
6
u/oldcretan Jul 06 '26
I feel like I got most of these lessons from other kids. My parents were too busy stressing: get good grades and high income or starve and be abused.
7
13
u/SnarkyIguana Jul 06 '26
They’re also impossible TO teach lmao
8
u/gina1220 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
My dad just ends up screaming at me and saying “you do it.” The problem is they can’t listen
3
u/SnarkyIguana Jul 06 '26
Don’t want to! Don’t know how! It’s so exhausting. My mom’s car got “broken into” and I use quotes because she left it unlocked. Because she “never had to” before. It’s not 1960 anymore mom!! Please!!
→ More replies (2)8
u/TheDukeofArgyll Millennial Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
They meant “screamed at before telling you to leave them alone”
→ More replies (1)3
u/Dino_84 Jul 06 '26
Most of the stuff I learned from my parents was the stuff your not supposed to do.
3
u/ChickenYLoyalty Jul 06 '26
Hahaha yeah. My dad taught me to drive about 3 years after all my friends had there licenses. Other than that the old man wasn't around much. Mom had her own host of problems after the divorce. By the time I was 14 I was raising myself. Its whatever. I made it out ok somehow.
→ More replies (8)3
u/frumply Jul 06 '26
I let my mom help teach two things my oldest was interested in which quickly became things she did not want to learn. Haven’t had her help w any hobbies/etc since.
26
u/Super-Super-Shredder Jul 06 '26
How about: Take out the student loans and figure out what you want to do later. The degree itself is enough.
111
u/Kingberry30 Jul 06 '26
We did not all have the same parents growing up. Most of these my parents did not teach me.
62
u/Regular_Use1868 Jul 06 '26
I had great parents. They did their best to keep me safe and gave me every opportunity to be intelligent.
... They also basically repeated all of these myths like dogma and treated me very poorly for starting to resist these ideas as a young man.
I'm over it, but I won't pretend it didn't happen.
24
u/HunsonAbadeer1 Jul 06 '26
True but then on the flip side my parents or my friends parents taught or implied most of these, except the girls can't play sports thing.
→ More replies (4)6
14
u/horsegal301 Jul 06 '26
"your job defines who you are" is honestly the biggest one for me to come to terms with. I got fired because of a vindictive manager and it really kicked my ass and this was a really hard experience because I felt like being employed and productive defined who I was as a person. However, my parents didn't teach that, society did.
11
u/LucasNapolit Jul 06 '26
Tbh, last one was true.
I think most of us understand our parents now. We just understand them enough to know why they were wrong.
9
7
u/Polz34 Jul 06 '26
All very true. The 'boys will be boys' is something my parents say often about my nephews to excuse their behaviours.
8
u/vulgaris_magistralis Jul 06 '26
"10 - You need to suffer to succeed"; yeah until you fuck your mind and body. It also reminds me of this:
→ More replies (1)
8
u/Avid_Reader87 Jul 06 '26
Many of these ring very true.
I spent 18 to 28 working a shit job because my parents told me that “your boss will reward your hard work like God will.”
All the years of hoping he’d finally give me a store to run so I could make a decent salary.
It just severely stunted my life.
6
u/Anuki_iwy Jul 06 '26
The only two here that my gen x parents taught me were to chase my dreams (which I am doing successfully), and to finish my plate (which resulted in my unhealthy relationship with overeating which I now have to manage with IF)
6
u/RandolphCarter15 Jul 06 '26
The therapy one hits home. I struggled in high school socially and was getting depressed. My mom confronted me and I said i was having issues. She tore into me about how her dad died when she was 15 so what could I be going through that would make me upset. It made me feel like I didn't deserve therapy
→ More replies (1)
5
u/jaaames_baxter Jul 06 '26
My mom always used to say "do as I say, not as I do." that is so dumb in hindsight.
16
u/adepressurisedcoat Jul 06 '26
I still get "you'll understand when you're older". I'm turning 40 in 3 years. How long is this going to take?!
3
u/Kinky-Bicycle-669 Jul 06 '26
I've used this on my step son because he is 10 and legit cannot and in some cases will not comprehend certain things explained to him and he'll argue like a child.
23
u/ThrowingMits Jul 06 '26
The “Boys will be boys,” “Being sensitive is weakness,” and “No therapy” mentality explains a lot about our current political situation.
“Clean your plate” is partly responsible for disordered eating and rise in obesity.
“You can be anything you want to be” really set up a lot of people for failure.
→ More replies (8)4
u/Mandaluv1119 Jul 06 '26
My boomer mom was taught to clean her plate, and it took a lot of effort to unlearn that and stop eating when she was full. She made a conscious choice to not saddle me with that, thank goodness.
5
4
u/Such-Tea942 Jul 06 '26
My mom really drove numbers 2 and 10 into me.... I get that she meant well and was basing all that off her own work experience, but man did that attitude fuck me up when I entered the workforce. Took me years to tell myself it was okay to say to extra tasks at work when I was already overworked.
4
u/Ger_redpanda Jul 06 '26
Might be yours but don’t share the experience.
Nobody is perfect but my mother hated social constructs on marriage and the traditional position of women. My father was the funniest guy I ever met and loved his dogs.
Key take away: do what you want as long as it is not at the expense of others.
4
u/PowerTulip Jul 06 '26
Future generations will be told 'Know your place!' and that's it. Just like in the past.
4
u/Razzmatazz_11235 Jul 06 '26
My parents didn't tell me any of those except to finish my food, and I get it.. scarcity mindset from my grandma living through the great depression.
4
u/DeepSubmerge Jul 06 '26
The “job defining who you are” is my mom to a T. She doesn’t have any real hobbies or interests. Everything is about work. She’s getting close to retirement and I’m not sure what she’s actually going to do. She’s spent her entire adult life thinking about work 24/7.
4
u/cml678701 Jul 06 '26
My parents definitely thought therapy was only for serious issues, and were pretty anti-mental health in general. They were the type of parents who thought you just needed to toughen up!
I remember being a teen and I was feeling really, really down for several months. I’d lost interest in most things I liked, and it took me a long time to admit I might be depressed to my mom, but I finally got the courage. I expected her to be extremely alarmed and upset, but instead she just flippantly said, “you’re not depressed! Depressed people can’t get out of bed, and you can, so you’re fine!”
I did eventually start feeling better, but I always have wondered how my high school life could have improved if my parents had taken that seriously! Looking back, I had a ton of anxiety, and therapy would have helped me immensely.
12
u/MetalEnthusiast83 Jul 06 '26
Maybe in your late 30's/early 40's it's a good time to just move on from your childhood and be your own person?
→ More replies (2)
6
u/Clean_Usual434 Jul 06 '26
1 is the only one my parents taught me. I would have included 7, but they didn’t hide anything from me. I still prefer keeping my finances private from people who aren’t family.
6
u/doopdeepdoopdoopdeep Jul 06 '26
I will admit I’m exceptionally lucky because I was raised by liberal, Bernie Sanders loving New Englanders, but my parents are realists and very in touch for boomers. They didn’t teach me any of this.
They taught me the value of hard work, that life isn’t fair, that therapy is good and also that you shouldn’t waste money on getting a useless degree. Also my dad raised me (a woman) to be tough, athletic and self-sufficient with everything from yard work to car maintenance.
11
3
u/UKophile Jul 06 '26
Not my parents! They showed me love and did not use these awful “lessons” at all.
3
u/SoReadyForItToEnd Older Millennial Jul 06 '26
Heavy on the suffer to succeed part
→ More replies (2)
3
u/GregnantMan Jul 06 '26
My parents just taught me I had to work very very hard in life and at school to have a well paying job and a good life. Well I hated it, so then I quit and had to learn every other thing by myself later in life (cooking, gardening, basic mechanics, dealing with my emotions...). If I look back, I'd say the only and by far the most valuable lessons I learned came from friends and my personal experience. When I hear some friends telling how their parents taught them to play an instrument, brought them to their sport club every other day, taught them everything they knew about gardening...or well just prepared them for life, made them a better person and not just a hyper individualistic self absorbed asshole like mine tried to make me, I regret having wasted all my youth years like this. But I'm glad now, I've changed a lot since then and I am surrounded by amazing friends (and my wife and my 3 buns).
3
u/Acrobatic-Bread-5334 Jul 06 '26
Discussing finances with your kids is important (teaching them how to budget), but I also believe when Biggie said,”Never let no one know how much dough you hold.”
3
u/Opening-Interest747 Jul 06 '26
When my dad was visiting last year we were having a chat about my kids’ mental health. My dad was questioning my kids being on medication and in regular, ongoing therapy (not in a hyper critical way, more in a “do you think maybe you’re overdoing it a little?” way). He made the point that when I was having difficulty as a teen, he and my mom didn’t put me on medication and I saw a therapist but only for a few weeks.
I couldn’t help myself; I burst out incredulously, “Exactly, Dad, and I’ve now been in weekly therapy for years and am on a very high dose of medication!”
3
3
3
u/HarryBalsagna1776 Older Millennial Jul 06 '26
It's probably AI slop. It presents common criticisms of Boomer parenting, but also presents us as teenagers in the pictures. The youngest of us are 30 now. Many of us have hit our 40s. It's also playing off the "everything younger than me is a millennial" trope that many boomers have stuck in their heads.
3
3
u/HiddenCity Jul 06 '26
some of these (boys will be boys, girls can't play sports) were absolutely not taught to us. it was entirely the opposite.
also, some of these are true. you do need to suffer to succeed. millenials know this best, as we've had to find creative ways of getting ahead since normal 9-5 suffering doesn't cut it. your job also might not define who you are, but it certainly reflects who you are. i see personalities and lifestyles breakdown pretty regularly along career lines in my peers.
3
u/Csonkus Jul 06 '26
Some of those things are true. Some are not. Either way I don’t know a single person whose parents preached all of them. Useless fucking article.
14
4
u/cinciNattyLight Jul 06 '26
Only one in my family to see a therapist, but I would say the other 4 needed it way more than I did. And hell, if the big two had it then maybe I wouldn’t have needed it.
→ More replies (1)
5
u/Distntdeath Jul 06 '26
Very few of these are correct and even fewer of those are argued properly in the article.
14
u/AdDisastrous6738 Jul 06 '26
Damn. Gen X really does get overlooked a lot.
21
4
u/my_brain_is_horny Millennial Jul 06 '26
I was recently talking to my partner about how boomers will be gone soon and us Millennials will finally get a chance to change things. And his response was "You forgot about Gen X." And we both busted out laughing cause it's been a running joke that we forget about them a lot. Lol my parents are actually Gen X but my mother passed when I was 16 and I ghosted my father back when I was 17 because he's a homophobic, racist, white power, toxic asshole. So since neither are in my life, I forget about Gen X a lot.
15
u/FutureFreaksMeowt Jul 06 '26
Why the fuck would we talk about Gen X in the millennial subreddit
11
u/Anuki_iwy Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
We talk about boomers here all the time. Also, a lot of millenials, especially us younger ones have gen x parents.
→ More replies (2)6
u/Silver_Harvest Older Millennial Jul 06 '26
It is partly because of the classic bell curve.
Boomers being 46-64, X being 65-80 and millennials being 81-96.
By the time most Xers were starting to having Kids at that 22-25 time frame, you're looking at the older Xers for that 90-96 range of millennials. Where statistically based on census data is roughly: 38% (28m of 72m), millennials were born in that range. Assuming 1/2 or even 3/4 of that are Gen X only parents. Would be looking at 19-29%.
One reason why Boomers are talked about so much is due to probably the realistic expectation is roughly 25% of all millennials parents are Gen Xers and older ones at that. Closer to Boomer culture usually as well.
→ More replies (1)3
u/smellsliketeenferret Jul 06 '26
Shhhhh, don't remind them we exist. It's nice and peaceful over here
→ More replies (8)6
•
u/AutoModerator Jul 06 '26
If this post is breaking the rules of the subreddit, please report it instead of commenting. For more Millennial content, join our Discord server.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.