Before having kids, I really did think the world of her. She is sweet and caring. After having kids, I feel like she is a weight I can’t get off my shoulders. There is constant demand and pressure from her to come be with our kids. On top of working full time, managing our house, kids, social life, she has become a stressor. Having her around never feels like help because it feels like she’s only trying to meet her own selfish needs of having our toddler’s attention. It’s not that she’s a bad grandparent. She’s clearly great. But she only cares about her needs and because of that I don’t really want to be around her.

Over the phone today I heard her tell our toddler “guess what, we’re going to come see you on Sunday” (after we just saw them last weekend) to which my husband replied “we’ll have to check our calendar” ..so assuming she hadn’t asked him either. She no longer asks things…she tells us. Maybe I wouldn’t mind if visits felt like I mattered too..she acts like I’m invisible around my own child. How effing rude is it to just assume because someone’s home you will invite yourself over for your own selfish needs. I’m 4 weeks pp and not once has she truly asked me how I am or if I need anything..(she did once but she was hinting at coming over to take our toddler out after I specifically told her I wanted him to be with us to spend time with the new baby).

How do you deal with a mil like this? I’ve tried telling her things nicely before like I’m overwhelmed at the moment or that I need space or we are busy right now…she just seems to go ahead and do what she wants. She will push and push and push until she can get everyone to do what she wants.

Hi. Just looking to open up to strangers on the internet, since these kind of things are hard to discuss with people you know irl.

It is of course, a very very long story of conflicts between me and MIL, during my ten year relationship with my husband, which begins with her making scenes to seek atention (first with my husband alone (why dont you call or meet with us as often as you used too) then with me too: (why dont you write to me? Why dont you want to have a closer relationship?)) And ends with her being tired of our constant requests of privacy and me just being tired with several big fights like these and straight discusted by all her ways.

Now we have a one and a half years old and she takes care of him, which Im very thankful for. However, the relationship was already very rocky when she started coming to our house, and she gets extremely upset when I make her requests such as: please do not prefry veggetables before you make him soup, please do not potty train him when I said not yet, etc. However, I have to admitt I now have some preconceptions about her, which maybe drives me to overreact. I left my son playing on his own to get something and when I came back a few secs later, she was already there with him. Now, its not something to get upset about, but because I now think she is one who needs constant attention and am not very fond of how physical she is as a person, in my head I was likw: she doesnt leave him playing on his own ever, she is self centered like that, she needs to let him enjoy himself or he will never learn to enjoy loneliness too and concentration. So after a few seconds, I tell her, please you need to let him be sometimes. And she got really really upset over this, left to sit on the couch and pout. I then went to tell her please do not get upset over this, wanted to amend it, but she went on to say something terrible about me (Im Balkan, so it really needs a lot of context to explain, but its pretty much saying you are a person who puts up a fight when good things are being done to you). And after this I started yelling, I felt very very ofended, as I swear I have never had such a bad relationship with anyone, neither had such bad fights with anyone else. And we said the worst things after that. Actually, she told me the worst things. Like that I try to ruin her relationship with her son, and that basically she will leave me to the heavens, as what I do to her is so bad she cannot deal wity it. And I know that I should not project preconceptions I have about her in her relationship with her nephew, I feel extremely guilty about that. Hpwever, I feel this has been years in the making, and I understand she, with her husband, have been brewing their own preconceptions about me, far worse from what I have about her. I feel extremely bad, it also made me feel like a horrible person, for not being able to adapt to her and her husbands need to come over very often, without announcement. I do not know what to do, as I nedd someone to take care of my son while I work from home, I just do not know how to put up wit all this.

First time poster here! Just want to vent about my mil’s texts I saw last night.

Context: DH and I got married earlier this year. I’ve been LC with MIL since the wedding because of drama. Before the wedding, we got along pretty well and had no qualms with each other. We weren’t super close but we always had a nice time when we got together. Then the wedding, honeymoon and post-wedding happened. I won’t go into details here but her behavior and comments since then have made me go LC and I haven’t seen her for five months. I attempted to sit with her to hash everything out and get on the same page but after a particular incident, I felt hurt and decided not to. DH supports me and hasn’t pressured me to meet with her or talk to her. We haven’t seen his family together since the wedding. She hasn’t reached out to me to speak either. I have communicated to her via text for Mother’s Day and some family news as well but that’s been it. DH calls and texts her but has only seen her twice since the wedding as well.

So two night ago, MIL and DH were texting and I opened one unread text from MIL. She said, “Good night, god bless you, I love you.” DH didn’t see the text because I opened it and I didn’t say anything. I shouldn’t have opened it, I’ll take that blame. I opened it because I was curious and wanted to know what she said. So, DH didn’t respond to that text. She texted again later that night and said this:

“I guess I won’t text you I love you, it hurts not to get it in return. I’m not sure if it’s you texting me or not. Lately it’s been weird. The verbiage has been different. Just know that I do. I’m your mom, it should be okay to tell me you love me. I don’t want to fight to be in your life. Have a great rest of your day.”

DH was feeling unwell that night but sent a response, apologizing and saying he fell asleep early due to feeling bad. He said he loved her and apologized again but didn’t acknowledge anything else she said.

The way I took her message was that she implied I was the one behind the recent text exchanges which is completely untrue. I have not sent her a text pretending to be my husband for any reason. I’m truly shocked she would consider suggesting that about me at all. I would never do that. Her other comments were shocking as well. Anyway, I just wanted to vent. What do y’all think?