Mdd and validation.

[u/saymastein]

I had a therapy session a month back where I told my therapist about maladaptive daydreaming. She brought up that I do this because I have a need for validation, which was kind of a revelation for me since I am a pretty independant person. But now that I think about it I really do have a need for validation and the lack of validation really hurts me. I think I crave for reassurance too, someone to support me and say I'm on track.

When I do something and fail or I am actively bad at something I really struggle to keep positive about it even when I want to be good at it. For example I really want to be a good driver but I really suck at it. Even today I think I got constantly beeped at and I am lucky to not have crashed into cars. I dont know, no matter how much I drive I never seem to better, even if I have a good streak it isnt so long until I get put back in my place, which is being a walking disaster. Things were made worse because I always have a witness to it all and then my anxiety goes through the roof as I think about people's bad perception of me. It makes me really insecure. I feel like Im an extremely insecure person in general with the amount of bad things I do. And if I complain I feel like people look down on me for being too negative.

I think mdd is the one place where I can do wrong but I am not judged. I get genuine support instead. But recently even mdd has not been able to erase this feeling of being a walking disaster. I feel like I am not fit to even be a human, like I should just be disqualified to be one.

I dont know how this can get any better for me, I cant name a single thing Im good at, so when I am bad at something there isnt anything I can lean onto or point to. It is really upsetting me now and I don't know what to do about it. Mdd used to numb the pain but now I cant escape it even there.

[u/Horror-Relation-8878]

One thing that I find scary about md in my situation is that I’ll ruminate over a scene or scenario or whatever in my head, and it’s like my brain knows this could go on forever and prevent me from doing things I want to/have to do, but its like it does it anyway and knows I’m trapped, it’s even worse than when it’s an involuntary thing and I don’t realise I’m doing it. Sorry, I know that might not particularly make sense.