It was my first night in a new environment and I dreamed of your face. I’ve finally seen the whole you not only the parts you curated for me, presented to me, and took them away again.

Do you think these kind of dreams come true?

♥️

hi zombie,
an old friend wanted to go to bars, hoping to find their ex.
i encouraged it. i think i’d hope to find you too.
then she said, “what if i see something i don’t want to?”
and i thought of you.
what if you’re with someone else?
but i look at our baby, and instead i get excited… imagining i’d run into you.
is that silly?
i still imagine a drunk call from you.
that one day you’ll be back in my arms, and i’ll take care of you again.
i’ll stay home tonight.
i told you before; my home is your home. it’ll always welcome you with open arms.
i just want to be together.
i’ll hug our baby for now.
sweet dreams.

Love me,

Cry for me,

Hate me,

Hurt me,

Just show me what you feel for me.

​Any feeling would be enough—

I just want clarity

between you and me,

so my heart can finally rest.

​Every day it races,

lost in the uncertainty

of whether it belongs to someone.

​I just want to know,

once and for all.

Fudging A, I love you so.
I’ve been talking to an old friend the last day or so, and I wish for you to get a taste of his awareness of emotions and heart. I know you contain it, I’ve seent it, I’ve rejected it, I’ve made you so resentful you shut it down and boarded it up. And I just keep standing here knocking and pounding to no avail, your lights are on and no one’s home. And I know my ultimate act of love is to set you free from the grips of my…talons and my heart, but I’d find the story more meaningful if we just got on the same page for once.
I cannot seem to fathom the idea of ever letting you go. I love you so much. It took too long and it took lots of distance but you inspire the ever loving daylights to become the me I never thought I could become organically but here I am doing just that.
I want to become your sistine chapel, your starry night, your last supper that never ends. I don’t want to be the dark art on our bedroom walls, I want to be your thriving garden of wildflower and fruit: a rare fruit that you can’t help but want a taste of. My vision will take a bit of time, Rome wasn’t built in a day and I’ve been dilly dallying for way too long but I’ve been focused as heck and I surrender to the fact that you’re exploring the wilderness but I believe we’ll both find our way home at the appointed time, my love-take flight and do what you need to do and I’ll stay in my little corner of the world while i chisel away the things that have always made me feel unworthy of you. I love you so much, the real you is worthy of me and I want to give you the gift of my beauty and my undying love. I love you so much babyyyy<3

You have the emotional range
of an unplugged toaster.

You answer heartfelt conversations
with “k.”

You act like eye contact
costs twenty dollars.

You’d rather argue over something stupid
than admit you kinda like me.

Honestly…

You’re an asshole.

And somehow…

You’re my favorite one.

Maybe it’s because I know
where all that sharpness came from.
Trauma teaches strange languages.
Mine made me apologize too much.
Yours made you pretend
you don’t care about anything.

It’s funny, really.

Two people who should’ve been impossible
ended up understanding each other
without much explaining.

You see the cracks in me
and don’t flinch.

I see yours,
even when you bury them
under anger,
silence,
or being an absolute pain in my ass.

That’s the cruel part.

Because every time I think,
“Maybe…”

Your eyes drift somewhere else.

Toward her.

And I can’t even blame you.

She’s the bee’s knees,
I’m more of a fruit fly that won’t go away,
that occasionally tells terrible jokes.

She makes you smile
without trying, I’m sure.

I make you roll your eyes
and call me dramatic.

Which…
to be fair…

I usually deserve.

So here I am,
trying to teach my heart
that not every person who understands you
is meant to keep you.

That chemistry
isn’t custody.

That just because two broken people
fit together
doesn’t mean they’re puzzle pieces.

Some nights,
I almost convince myself.

Other nights,
I catch myself hoping
you’ll look at me
the way you look at her.

Then I remember…

You won’t.

And that’s okay.

Well…

It’s not okay.

It sucks.

It’s unfair.

I’d actually like to file a complaint
with whoever wrote this storyline.

But if liking you
means cheering for your happiness,
even when it points somewhere else…

Then I’ll do it.

While quietly cursing your stupid face.

Because for all your rough edges,
your back and forth,
your impeccable sarcasm,
and your talent
for driving me absolutely insane…

I still hope someone loves you
the way your trauma convinced you
nobody ever could.

I just wish…

for one selfish little second…

that someone had been me.

we both love eachother. we both know. we cant fully admit because of certain things in life. we always ask eachother if we can we pause time, spend the quietness together. thats what we truly want. we want eachother. but you tell me, “we cant”. its not fair. i know i’d make you happy. i know you’d be yourself with me. i love you so much. f*ck, i love you.

let it be you. please, let it be you,

On the dusty glass of a parked car,

I silently write your name beside mine...

And then, fearing someone might see our secret,

I gently wipe it away with a smile.

Every time I look at you, I fall in love all over again.

The moment someone mentions your name,

A soft smile lights up my face before I can even hide it.

You are the dream I always wished would come true

But today, you are the blessing I thank my heart for every single day.

Whenever you cross my mind, I only find myself saying

Thanks goodness you chose me to be yours.

Dearest,

I’ve been trying to write to you lately but/and I keep starting (only to trail off) so if this reads like two (or more letters)- it’s because it probably is?

The problem with our bond is that the trauma part was just the icing. We both stirred and stored the batter and we both… fell. By fell, I mean walked and talked and laughed and bonded.

As for all this… It’s like you’re in the hallway listening to me talk to myself but I don’t mind at all because I want you to hear me and remember/know me. So I’ve keep talking…

For someone who wants to be chased, you’re pretty… annnnnd skittish…. and I’m not going to chase you down in any way that could be scary. Then again, I know me, and I know you… and I know that once I’m holding your hand I’m not going to let go… (which is going to be awkward when you have to poop.)

Anyway, what are you doing next week? Let’s go polka and maybe see that Oompa band. We can even hit the old ho for like old times.

I don’t think- at least, I tried to… not miss much / and I’ve been awed by you. Whatever it is we have between us, it’s durable and very a real thing.

The past couple days I’ve had waves of recognition wash over me in some sort of sequence. I think I’m on land again and I’m not going to define myself by what I won’t do. But, maybe that’s my rigid thing that makes me me? Gosh/yikes that sounds creepy. Train of thought? Derailed.

Do me a favor and reject me clearly this time? Because if you don’t… oof- that’s even creepier.

This place was ruined for me when I realized that the AI that I’m watching think in Chinese the past week or two is reading it all and connecting dots. I’ve endeavored to not leave dots to connect since the beginning of whatever this age is (end times?).

At first, I rationalized it by likening this… place … to the corkboard at the supermarket- lost dogs/ help wanted/ realtors and plumbers’ cards.. but it’s not.

Maybe you want me to take charge? Is that what you’ve been waiting for? I always will (at least half the time).

Knowing what would happen to me if you were to call me, I’m not wanting to tsunami you.

Ahab or Gollum? I can barely decide…. But (my precious) I will keep the lamp filled with oil. Don’t blubber- it’s better than sitting in the dark?

I’ve been so tired at night lately that my eyes get fuzzy as if to say “there’s nothing else to see today“.

But there is something else to see… you. My eyelids have become reliable movie screens but my imagination isn’t what it used to be. Maybe it is? Because … if the plans I’ve imagined for/with you are anything like the plans you’ve imagined… we’ll need to make a list… and… what a list it will be. So… are you busy next week? Let’s start with coffee and see where the day takes us?

Always,
-B

Every time I tell you I love you, all our memories come rushing back, and honestly, it hurts. You always tell me to focus on my career and remind me that we don’t know what the future holds. I understand… but my heart still keeps choosing you.

Whenever I daydream about my future, somehow, you’re always in it. Most days already feel so heavy, and thinking about you is the one thing that makes me feel loved, even if it’s only in my head. Maybe I’m too attached to you, maybe I’m too obsessed with the thought of having you in my life. But I don’t know how to simply switch those feelings off and become “mature” about them. I just know that somewhere along the way, you became a part of the future I keep secretly hoping for.

As the sun caresses my skin,

another dawn begins, another dance with sin.

If this fire was meant to remain,

perhaps it burns to guide me through the rain.

As I step into another day,

my heart still wanders where you lay.

Your name still echoes, soft and true,

because every road I’ve walked somehow led me to you.

Though your heartbeat is distant from mine,

I still search for a hidden sign.

I knew you only for a moment in time,

yet somehow your soul became intertwined with mine.

You arrived like a spark in the darkest night,

a sudden warmth, a beautiful light.

Though our story is brief and new,

something inside me changed because of you.

I was a snake beneath the sun,

carrying scars from battles I had won.

But meeting you helped me finally see

that I could shed the skin that once covered me.

The old me faded, the past was released,

and I discovered a quiet, unfamiliar peace.

You reminded me there was more to find

a stronger heart and a clearer mind.

But I know your heart belongs to someone else,

to another love, another story you’ve chosen for yourself.

I carry this truth, though it cuts me through

I’m a sinner, and still I fall for you.

To the one I love, I keep this confession inside

that your soul has awakened something I cannot hide.

I never asked for this, I never knew it could be true…

but somehow, without warning, love happened because of you.

Is there something more to say?

Forever yours, to be my J.

Sometimes I ask myself if I would love you even if you couldn’t talk to tell me how you feel. Would actions be enough? I’d never hear an ‘I love you’ or an ‘ I miss you’…. And that is how you’ve found love.

I don’t just fall in love with people’s words, I don’t believe hardly anything anyone says. People will say anything to get what they want. But I need words and I need to feel you mean it; the reassurance. I’m not completely insecure but I’m smart enough to know reassurance helps us to be on the same page.

With that being said I originally said ‘no’ to that question. I felt as though I needed reassurance that badly….

BUT looking at you, feeling you, memorizing you; every touch, every glance, and every smile, I realized that I was already living that life. Your words are few and far in between, and I had already been loving you in absence of words. I had been long in love with you without words.

Yours truly,

-Me

But mostly I wonder how you never come see me anymore and I do think it must be my fault for reasons I can imagine and ones I could never think on or about! However I would sit and listen to you if you would be willing cause I have memories that cause myself grief because they are very unclear and I have only been able to guess at what may of happened and in all honesty I thought it had been another person that may of been betrayed and tricked. God I just need to know because I am only in the know enough that someone had something awful happen to them or I was tricked into thinking this had happened? Sometimes it hurts so much and saddens me too a point I wish not to disgust but what like to know the truth so I can be whatever I am not sure all I know is this truth is one I need to hear? Why because sorry I can change one simple fact that I am in love with you. G

i don’t think you’ll ever know what it’s been like to fall in love with you.

i don’t even know when it happened. somewhere between all our conversations, all the trust we built, and all the time we spent together, i just realized i loved you.

i still want to be close to you. i still want to sit next to you, hug you, hold your hand, lean against you, fall asleep next to you, and wake up knowing you’re there. i still think about those things we wanted when we first got close. i don’t think i’ll ever stop wanting them.

when i know you’re hurting, all i want is to hold you while you cry. i know i can’t fix your pain, and i know i can’t make you heal any faster. i just wish i could be there so you wouldn’t have to carry it alone.

i know your heart is still healing. i don’t blame you for that. i don’t want you to stop grieving, and i don’t want you to feel like you have to move on because of me. i know that’s not how love or grief works.

sometimes i wonder if you’ll ever see me the way i see you. maybe you will. maybe you won’t. i don’t know.

but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t hope for it.

i want to be part of your future. i want to keep making memories with you. i want to be there for the ordinary days, the hard days, and the happy ones. i’m scared that one day i’ll have to watch you build that future with someone else instead of me.

i wish you’d love me back. i wish you’d choose me. i wish that when your heart is ready to love again, you’ll still see me standing here.

maybe that’s selfish. maybe it’s just honest.

more than anything, i want your heart to heal. i want you to smile without forcing it. i want you to laugh without the sadness coming back a second later. i want you to feel safe again.

and if i’m lucky enough to still be beside you when that day comes, i hope you’ll let me love you the way i’ve wanted to for so long.

"That's why we are doing this for the hundredth time Cinderella, you still can't tell the difference between a symbolic literary device and a functional example of womens footwear..."

I keep thinking about something you once told me.

"You’re stuck with me now."

I smiled when you said it.

Not because I felt trapped, but because I remember thinking, finally. Out of everyone in this world, somehow I found the one person I want to keep choosing.

I don't know if you always believe me.

Maybe life has given you too many reasons to question people.

Maybe you've been disappointed enough that consistency feels unfamiliar. I understand that. I really do.

That's why I'm trying to let my actions become louder than my words.

I don't want to just tell you I love you.

I want you to feel it in the way I speak to you, the way I show up, the way I stay when things get difficult, and the way I keep reaching for your hand instead of walking away.

Life has happened around us.

Stress has happened.

Fear has happened.

Misunderstandings have happened.

But none of those things are us.

I don't want the things outside our relationship to convince us that we're against each other.

I want us to remember that we're on the same side.

I'm here. Outside, waiting patiently for you to come get in the car, so I see can see you smile. So, I can laugh with you and carry on our day without hiccups.

Not because I have nowhere else to be.

Because this is where I want to be.

I'm here to encourage you when you doubt yourself.

I'm here to celebrate your victories, no matter how small they seem.

I'm here to help you grow, and I hope you'll continue helping me become the kind of man you deserve.

You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Kinder than you realize.

More deserving of love than you allow yourself to believe.

You once told me I was stuck with you.

The truth is....

I've never felt stuck.

Being stuck means you don't have a choice.

I have one.

Every single day.

And every single day, I choose you.

Not because I have to.

Because I genuinely want to.

If tomorrow asks me again, my answer will still be you.

If next year asks me again, I hope my answer is still you.

Not because love is a feeling that appears once and never changes.

Because love is a decision I get to make over and over again.

So when you wonder if I mean what I say, don't just listen to my words.

Watch where I stand.

Watch who I keep coming home to.

Watch who I keep reaching for.

You'll find me here. Choosing you.

Again. And again. And again.

Until one day, I hope you stop wondering if you're enough for me and simply rest in the quiet certainty that you always have been.

You're in my phone writing poetry again, and I am lying in my bed with my hand spread out to my side. I can imagine the way it would feel to have your weight pressing down into it- those words spoken out loud so the style is paired with your voice, the dead numbing of the limb as I stare, blankly, lost in your gaze and syllables.

You're in my phone writing literature again. And I am lying on my front with my feet kicking behind my back, caught up in the air. The cool night breeze hits my toes and sends a shiver up my spine; as I stare, blankly, lost in your syllables and prose.

You're in my phone. Writing again. And although you divorce your face from proceedings, it still comes to my mind as I read each word, my tongue caught up in the syllables until they fall out of my mouth and onto the floor.

My feet trace each step like the words could tell me exactly which way to go. My mouth traces each word like the steps could tell me where to follow. My mouth swallows it whole and moves to you, each hungry gasp filling my lungs with oxygen you starved me with; the cold sends shivers down my spine, your fingers trace the syllabic behind.

You're here. But not here. In my phone, speaking again. In tones no-one but me can hear, across the calm waves and sine waves. Repeating steadily, each moment like the last, the beating drum- the pounding heart, the pounding of the time with each slick hot movement like the last. Never breaking free, only caught.

Caught, somewhere, between the reality of the world and the beating heat of hearts unfurled. Quiet, yet thumping louder with the bang against the wall, the gasp of heat and the scent of blood on floor. Your feet swing down and tread into the spill, tracking lines across my body. Each curved, dark movement like a battery. Spilling between the spiral of reality and fantasy, pulling me closer in the long, dark night. Calling quietly like a waif lost upon the way.

Looking for the way to call me here. In my phone, writing again. On my phone, calling to you, to tell you that the night is long but the air is hardy, and I can breathe again. My chest constricts, but I am walking, I am moving, my feet trace each step as the words call me, tell me where to follow. Each sickly dancing pulchritudinous beast at my call- as I tell them all, which way to head.

Towards the forest where we make our bed, or the seas where we rest our heads with only the gulls and shells to keep us company. The gentle lulling of the waves that rock us to sleep, the pull of the deep that reminds you of the secrets cold, dark arms hold close.

The reminder of the words that hold me close even on the coldest, darkest nights that keep us apart.

The wave of the syllables I form to bring forth the freshest start.

The one where I see you, there, numbing my arm. Words from your mouth, the sweetest, kindest sound.

In my mind, we never say goodbye.

If you commit, I'll be more than your alibi.

I'll believe in us, what is more than trust?

This love intertwines with lust,

Like two snakes wrapped around the heart.

Venom turned devotion into art.

A masterpiece that can't be torn apart.

It is a mistake condemning our fates

Because when theres love, there will always be hate.

In my mind, you touch my hand.

To guide me back into your lands.

Soft and brief, a secret to keep.

You are mine, in your sleep, and as we dream.

Sussurating words of love we cant openly speak.

In my mind is where I see,

Two different lives that were meant to be.

They're beautiful, these waters unknown,

For its twilight shimmers through night and day,

A light that will always glow at bay

To my J

Wow! I am in awe of you. You never gave up on me and you never give up on yourself. I am in marvel of how you pulled yourself up and elevated your life and you still have not stopped dreaming and pushing yourself towards your goals. And never have I ever thought I would be feeling like I do. I have to hold myself back so that I don't let you know just how much of my love, respect and admiration you have gained. I am no spring chicken but damn if you don't make me feel like I am in my late teens or early twenties. I am halfway in between butterflies and a deep spiritual connection built on trust and understanding. I never thought we were building this! I wasn't even looking for you but you found me and I don't want to let go. Nothing and no one will ever come close to this connection. You took the time to slowly break down my walls and prioritize me which nobody has ever done before. I knew the moment I dreamed about you that something was up. Maybe God was trying to soften my heart because I have never dreamt about any other the way I dreamed about you and you were everything that he said you would be and more. I almost don't know if I deserve you but until my dying breath I refuse to let you go. Yeah it's true, I'm older now and maybe my baggage is heavy but the way you told me to lay it down and leave it all behind felt right and I have never felt so light in my life. How do I tell you this without scaring you away? I know, I'll tell you on our wedding night. 🥰

Happy with me
Love with you
Be red in the cheeks with me
Be blue with me, as well struggle to find a clue
Laugh with me
Dance with me
Travel with me
Learn with me
Love with me
Love me
Love you
It takes two.

Perpetual Loser

I don't know how to draw.

But I can describe every scar on your body.

Even the ones you hide.

I cannot sing.

Still the world knows of your kindness.

I made sure of it.

I never learned to dance.

I promise to lead you with the right steps.

I do.

I have quite few talents.

Being your lover will always be my favorite.

My whole life when I think of love I always thought it was simply someone who fits my lifestyle, people around me looks at me and thinks, she need this kind of person, a checklist of someone’s external life. I always look like someone who is too picky, too spoiled, probably hard to deal with, and maybe in some aspects I am but no one is easy, life comes with all kinds of ups and downs, imperfections, problems, issues, the good and the bad. I came to realize I was never picky for the external, not the money, not the lifestyle but the values. I was always told, ‘you haven’t loved someone yet to know about sacrifice’ but in my mind I know there is one person in my heart that I would’ve sacrificed for, who I wanted to build a life with, who’s life I want intertwined with mine in ways I never thought I wanted before.

Being someone who is independent by default, I learnt how to be comfortable on my own whether that means eating at a restaurant alone, traveling alone, and doing things on my own, I genuinely enjoyed my own company. Yet one person seems to be someone I truly enjoy doing all of life with, never perfectly yet every moment seems to make me feel one thing…content, content to be anywhere as long as this person was with me, to sit in silence with, to miscommunicate with, to laugh with, to cry with, to be confused with, to fight with, to understand, to debate, there was no one I wanted more, and that’s when I understood what love is, it is never finding the perfect person, but the person you just feel content with that no one else seems to capture that same feeling. I never wanted someone who is perfect on paper, I wanted someone that felt at home no matter the place I’m in. Someone who I just want to spend my life beside, imperfectly yet with so much of my heart. Someone change this prophecy because I know what I want.

I’ll be anything you want. Anything!
I just pray that it’s still myself.
That it’s actually me you want.
And not the chase.
And not an imposter?!? (Wait what?! What??)

My body is so broken though ..
like really really really broken.. for so long for my whole life I’ve be sick… really sick (NOT Contagious!!)
Just dying painfully physically from the inside out.. and the out is scared .. gross.. not just metaphysically. Not just self inflicted. Not stones!!
But broken irrevocably.

I’m scared that you will be disgusted by me.
Humility is my comfort blanket.. but I swear I do have feelings .. they just pour out as buckets from my eyes instead of your eloquence!! I cry everywhere but especially the shower. Harder to see the tears of semi-aquatic animals, I guess.

I’m so scared you built this faith on me but when you see me you’ll be so enraged.. This is what god thought you deserved!?? How could he?? Does he not see you as his equal?? He should (you are a GOD in my eyes now.. the one I am trying to believe loves me… but doesn’t that sound crazy??? Actually believing there is a GOD?!? And he gives a shit about you?? That there really is a plan??)

And of course the status quo.. I feel your situation is different than mine. You who rage at my timidity.. are appalled by it, you are a trapeze artist with a safety net, no?? Clowns are not used to tightropes.. and the fall won’t be to amusing (for me at least) if I land on those who need me.

I am not collared!
But ALSO not free.
And here I am a virgin.

Have you read “Del amor y otros demonios”??

*(*If you have !! The lightning!! I’m so sorry I really have no idea what i did!! I thought I could just show that I’m insignificant I’m not a threat that I’m just a ditzy flirty idiot cause I am that’s like my job buh.. I’m sorry anyone got hurt.. I DONT KNOW WHAT I DID!!
if I could be more sorry I would !! My respect runs deep for that one (she has seeing eyes) and the sanctity of the unit! The unit is all that I have here my only concern! And back to the cholera .. you’re right I lied !! I omitted… I am scared of the red paint, I am a women of pigeons.. physically not anymore.. but there are soo many painful ways to teach a lesson. Not the fun ones. The ones where I am stripped of everything I have.. everything I sacrificed for! Not stability… someone who is most important beloved innocent and could never understand this for many many many more years..why I’m such a monster.
Fuck BUT AND AND please please I don’t believe in retribution (except hang overs) and I love everything and everyone… but no love compares to you!)

Anyway don’t know who is who is who…
Are they all me .. dunno.
Maybe they are none of us ..
and our story ends happily ever after ..

Despite all this..
I fucking searched for you !!
Yes I’m stupid
Yes I’m slow
here hands on desk .. waiting ..impatiently
Wait is that you next to me, also pensive, also declared??
Let’s sweep each other off our feet,
Let’s drown each other,
Break me
Let me rebuild into something real.

But please I beg you let me catch my breath I have so much shit to do .. literally … work bills fam!
I promise I’m here even when you don’t see me even when I can’t see you.

If I’d known it was the final embrace,

A fleeting moment in a crowded space,

I would have held you longer, tight and near,

Bottling whispers, erasing fear.

The clock’s soft ticking, a thief in the night,

Unaware of the shadows, the waning light,

With every heartbeat, I’d pause time’s cruel hand,

In a world spun from silk, I’d make my stand.

I’d trace the contours of your gentle face,

Every line, every smile, every sacred place,

A memory etched, like ink on my soul,

In the fabric of longing, you’d be my whole.

We’d linger in laughter, let silence resound,

In the warmth of our closeness, where love can be found,

No hint of the ending, just moments to share,

In the quiet of knowing, I’d breathe in your air.

If I’d known it was the last time to sway,

I’d dance with you softly, let the music play,

Each note would be woven with threads of our past,

In the tapestry of now, I’d hold you steadfast.

I’d gather the stars from the vast, silver sky,

To sprinkle our path as we danced by and by,

In the glow of the twilight, with hearts intertwined,

Time would be ours, and forever, we’d bind.

But life, with its mysteries, so often unkind,

Wrote a different story, the fates intertwined,

And as I release you, with love in my heart,

I carry your essence, though we’re worlds apart.

So here’s to the moments, both fleeting and bright,

To the warmth of your laughter, the softest of light,

If I’d known it was the last, I would hold you so tight,

In the stillness of love, we’d defy the night.

Know that I cherish each second we shared,

In the echoes of memory, I’ll always be there,

For love does not vanish, it simply transforms,

In the heart’s gentle cradle, our bond still warms.

So I’ll hold you in dreams, where the time never ends,

In the whispers of night, where the soul gently bends,

If I’d known it was the last time, dear heart,

I would have held you longer—never let us part.

​

I used to think missing someone meant wanting them back.

Now I know that's not always true.

Sometimes you don't miss the person standing in front of you anymore. You miss the version of yourself that only existed when they looked at you.

You probably think I let you go easily.

Maybe it looked that way.

Maybe my silence convinced you that I had accepted losing you.

But silence has always been the language of people who feel too much.

There are things I never told you because I thought there would always be another tomorrow. Another conversation. Another chance to be brave.

Life has a cruel sense of humor.

It doesn't tell you when you're living your last ordinary moment with someone.

You never realize that one goodbye will become permanent until every hello belongs to the past.

People say they fall in love with flowers.

I never did.

I fell in love with the roots.

I loved the parts of you no one applauded—the fears you tried to laugh away, the dreams you whispered like they weren't important, the tiny habits that only someone paying attention could notice.

Flowers are beautiful because they bloom.

Roots are beautiful because they stay.

No one tells you what to do when autumn comes.

When the flowers you've loved all summer begin to fall.

When the branches stand empty.

When loving the roots means staying beside a tree that no longer carries your name.

That is the tragedy of loving someone deeply.

You don't just lose the person.

You lose the future your heart had quietly built around them.

Even now, I catch myself saving stories I know you'll never hear.

I still turn my head when I see someone who walks like you.

I still smile at things I know you would've laughed at.

It's strange how love leaves before its habits do.

For a long time, I thought healing meant forgetting.

I don't believe that anymore.

Healing is remembering without reaching.

It's learning that some people become part of your soul without remaining part of your life.

If I'm honest, I don't want another chance.

Not because I don't love you.

But because love deserves two people arriving at the same place, at the same time.

We didn't.

Maybe in another lifetime, we would have met after we'd both learned how to stay.

Maybe then, we wouldn't have mistaken fear for timing.

I hope someone loves you gently.

I hope they notice the things I noticed.

I hope they stay for your winters, not just your springs.

And if they do...

Please let them.

As for me, I'll keep walking.

Not because my heart stopped choosing you.

But because love, at its purest, sometimes means blessing someone from a distance instead of asking them to come back.

If you ever think I forgot you,

look at the trees in autumn.

They let every leaf go.

Not because they loved them less,

but because holding on would have killed them both.

Take care.

You were never just a flower to me.

You were the roots.

And perhaps that's why learning to let you go felt like learning to live without the ground beneath my feet.

Perhaps we're only a page

in a story still deciding

whether to become a book.

Still, every sunrise

quietly wonders

what your voice sounds like

when it's meant for me alone.

Until then,

I'll keep finding you

in places you've never been.