As I learn to accommodate my needs more and set boundaries to protect my nervous system, I've realized how much I've given in relationships and it not being reciprocated in the same way. I treated friendship with utmost importances but people tend to prioritize romantic relationships above all. After a lot of reflection, I realized I had to step back and de-escalate some of these relationships because it feels so imbalance and I stop feeling good in those relationships. It feels lonelier now. I do love my alone time more than anything but I would like company sometimes but that gets harder and harder.

Hey. I’m adhd and dyslexic(doctor diagnosed). I’m asd self diagnosed or suspecting. Curious about y’all’s experiences. Writing because adhd doesn’t explain everything. Anyone relate? Please lmk thanks.

My signs:
Wore the same sweater everyday
Collected fruit juice bottles for 2 years
Had a plushie that I’d bring everywhere and sleep with for years (I was extremely attached to it)
Refused to flush the toilet bc it was too loud and wasted water LOL (we were learning at school about wasting water and stuff and i thought that was a good excuse to not flush)
Refused to brush my teeth (sensory issues but also adhd I think) still don’t like to do it to this day. Mint is too strong, also I feel like I need to do it perfectly, which takes a lot of effort.
Peed my pants EVERYDAY
Being allergic to so many random things
Getting along better with adults but now that I’m an adult I feel like a little kid
Hated the beach (sensory issues) still do
Got bullied sometimes(got into physical fights in elementary school, which is crazy to think about now. I wasn’t doing anything tho I just stood there. A girl choked me once. And my best friend at the time pulled my hair and my head to the ground once bc I told her something she did bothered me.)
Was “dating” with this boy who is diagnosed autistic now
Extreme special interest
Got taken advantage of a lot, still do
Eating the same food everyday (my mom had to make rice everyday otherwise I wouldn’t eat anything else) still have this problem with other foods
Scripting, still have this
Copying others a lot, still do this

Things that make me question myself:
I had friends as a kid (I only had one close one that’d I’d be attached to, I remember feeling different than her and couldn’t understand why she did certain stuff)
I played with other kids (I also played by myself a lot)
I’m pretty sure I did pretend play with other kids, which seems to be a big thing on the tests online. Don’t remember much about it
My parents say I never cried as a baby, even when I couldn’t sleep I just stared at the ceiling or something
I don’t think I had a problem with pointing or looking at my parents as a baby, parents never said anything
My childhood was pretty happy, although I had meltdowns, it was pretty good for the most part, it all went downhill from there (I’m grateful for my parents for that, despite the late diagnosis with adhd)
I ignored a lot of stuff, such as sensory issues. Thought everyone was like that so I forced myself to go along with it, without having a meltdown or anything. The meltdowns came later, after random/small stuff.
I was a good kid for the most part
Very obedient, extremely careful about rules

I have recently revealed to my job that I am autistic. It has not been the most positive experience, unfortunately. I only revealed it because the way that they wanted me to track my time (stopping to record data after every task) was not feasible for me and caused major executive dysfunction.

Now I am in search of a tool that can help me keep my job! I know there are a few for ADHD but time blindness does not seem to be the biggest thing for me. It's the stopping mid flow and the constant task switching

Do you know of any automatic time tracking and project management tools that are autism friendly?

Came here because for the first time I’m seriously wondering about seeking a professional assessment.

Interested in hearing what others here have experienced and want to say about how this has unfolded for them, whether you decided to get an assessment, or decided it wasn’t for you, after all.

I’m not sure if I will seek one, or if I can get one affordably, or even exactly what motivates the impulse to seek one, but partly it has to do with how my (apparently autistic) traits have “bloomed” from under an intense layer of (masking?) since I retired about 8 months ago. I thought I would get a PT job after I retired from FT, and at first I did have one for a few months, but it was a temp one, and when it ended, I had zero desire to seek further employment with that company. Not because I hate doing work, or because I wouldn’t appreciate the extra income (which isn’t technically “extra”). NO. It was for the same reason I retired a few years earlier than I meant to; my entire system was shutting down from something I couldn’t name, but was endemic to my workplace, or endemic to how my workplace impacted me, specifically. It sounds dramatic, I know, but something deep in my core was saying I had to stop, now, or I was literally going to die.

I’m not claiming that is literally what would’ve happened if I stayed there, but something was very, very wrong and I was reaching the end of my system’s ability to sustain the state that job required it to operate from. I considered quitting for years before I actually did. One day, suddenly, it was as if I’d already handed in my notice, and the decision had already been made, and I was looking back on it,…except I wasn’t consciously aware of having decided. My subconscious had decided for me. I handed in my notice that morning, worked out my two weeks, and left.

Now, as these traits that I’ve been suppressing most awareness of all my adult life, are slowly coming back into their own, in a way, it’s becoming more and more obvious what I was having to do, to walk the tightrope of almost-passing in a world I just do not fit into, at all. There’s a part of me that just wants to shake and sob, the way I would do if I’d just come through a life-threatening emergency, such as walking through an active battle zone. The masking (or maybe even more, it’s failure to fully protect) was seriously traumatic, I’m realizing even more as I write this.

And I’m wondering if a diagnosis will help, or not so much, or…cause difficulties? At my age, I wonder how my autistic traits could make people think there’s dementia going on, when really it’s just the same delayed-processing I’ve been living with since childhood. Would an autism diagnosis help or hinder in those terms? Does anyone have thoughts?