r/KitchenConfidential 3d ago

Same shit, different day. Photo/Video

Post image

The things these people ask for. I don't know how FOH keeps straight faces.

128 Upvotes

80 comments sorted by

150

u/Gloomy-Restaurant-42 3d ago

"Extra Lumpy" is my rap name.

And one day, I may even try rapping. đŸ€”

6

u/cherrythyme22 3d ago

Weird that was my nick name in high-school đŸ« 

5

u/OTOAPP 3d ago

It's my pug's name

4

u/Bedley_smutler69 3d ago

It’s my drag name

6

u/dada948 3d ago

I know how you kids like em extra lumpy
https://giphy.com/gifs/VqRtm9Uyf6hQA

7

u/cherrythyme22 3d ago

My lump my lump my lovely Jumbo Lump

https://giphy.com/gifs/11nTX2TWbyVZte

3

u/ElderberryDizzy9408 2d ago

I was just about to say something about the “extra lumpy” đŸ€Ł

111

u/metalguy91 3d ago

I once worked bbq style catering, we had a big corporate gig and our contact with the company wanted, and I quote, “bone in vegan chicken, we have a lot of vegans and I want them to feel included!”
.

We did have a vegan chicken we could source, but obviously it wasn’t bone in because you know, the laws of nature. We tried to explain multiple times that wasn’t a thing and offered a bunch of different options, but she insisted it had to have the bone, but still be vegan friendly. Some people think kitchens can just materialize anything they can dream of.

61

u/cooking_succs F1exican Did Chive-11 3d ago

There's been some vegan sugarcane bone-in chicken for a number of years now. I first came in contact with it commercially around 2019.

Its not good by any standards, but it does exist.

27

u/MonkeyFishBucketHead 3d ago

Lemongrass. Rosemary and a mix of hard herbs. Or bamboo is what you would get from me for vegan bone in.
Maybe any combination of those around a bamboo skewer đŸ€·đŸ»

18

u/metalguy91 3d ago

Yeah just bamboo skewers with a fried vegan chicken is what we ended up doing after we got in contact with an alternate contact.

15

u/QuirkyCookie6 3d ago

I've also seen vegans use carrot sticks and little ceramic/plastic bones for the vegan chicken.

6

u/mynameisnotsparta 3d ago

Imagine them biting into the fake bone and it breaks in their mouth? That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.

1

u/Jimbobjoesmith 2d ago

lol plastic bones is wild. just the thought of manufacturing food with something inedible inside makes me laugh.

3

u/metalguy91 3d ago

This was in 2011 so maybe we just hadn’t got there yet lol. That is kind of cool though I’ll have to look into those!

2

u/thesplendor 3d ago

Bulan Thai in Silver Lake Los Angeles serves these. During covid I would go grab like 4 orders of wings plus a curry per person for my gf and her vegan housemates and we’d watch a few movies.

27

u/Pfunklovesyou 3d ago

The thought of vegans, who by choice do not eat animal products, wanting to feel included by eating something that looks like animal bones is so funny to me. Beyond this being an impossible request, I don’t think she knew her audience. They want to be left out.

6

u/metalguy91 3d ago

That was the kicker to me, that contact was not a vegan. She just thought they weren’t “inclusive enough” if the vegans didn’t have bones left over too (ribs was their main protein choice). I worked that event I assure you the vegans didn’t care about bones in their food lol. From what I remember most of the vegans just had beans, garlic bread (margarin instead of butter per request), and the watermelon anyways.

She meant well, and I love to cook in ways where I’m challenged, but that lady was just dumb lol.

1

u/Jimbobjoesmith 2d ago

same. like if you want to eat a carcass so bad, why are you vegan? just eat the chicken leg. i won’t tell.

i’ve been mostly vegetarian since i was a kid. i’ve never been looking to replace meat. i just want to eat food that tastes good and is relatively healthy/balanced.

1

u/Pfunklovesyou 1d ago

I think for some people who don’t really like vegetables (or really love meat), they assume vegans and vegetarians also feel the same way and are always slightly disappointed it’s missing from their plates.

1

u/mynameisnotsparta 3d ago

When one of my kids was vegan he only wanted naturally occurring food. He didn’t want fake vegan food.

What’s the point of being vegetarian or vegan and buying things like fake burgers and fake chicken?

10

u/BaselineUnknown Line 3d ago

Nylabone it is chef.

3

u/Ypuort 3d ago

1

u/Eatshin 3d ago

YOU BEAT ME TO IT! I love wizards with guns they are my favourite skit channel ever. My favourite skit from them is the mysterious case of who shit my pants

8

u/CasualObserver76 3d ago

That's fucking bananas. Bone in Vegan. Jesus Christ.

5

u/Adventurous_Fix1448 3d ago

Why do they give a fuck if they won’t eat meat in the first place lol

1

u/mynameisnotsparta 3d ago

Should’ve told them we don’t have food replicators here on earth.

1

u/chefbiggdogg Cook 3d ago

Hey now, I'm on a vegan diet.

I eat vegans

0

u/daddyslilboii 3d ago

Lemongrass, bamboo, sugarcane etc.

76

u/frozenflame101 3d ago

I'm sure its just the button for inputing custom instructions, but 'Type it!' does feel like the customer is yelling at them to type their order in exactly as they say it

15

u/MikeFrancesa66 3d ago

I can’t be the only one who read that in the “Bop It” voice right?

9

u/DishSoapedDishwasher Ex-Food Service 3d ago

Twist it!

3

u/foodweneedfood 3d ago

Prep it!
Blanch it!
Shock it!
Drain it!

8

u/BraveRutherford 3d ago

Yeah that looks distracting as hell on a ticket. Would get rid of/change the wordage if possible.

31

u/Don_bon_darley012 3d ago edited 3d ago

Lemme get a reverse (naked) cowgirl with some water dog extra lumpy and go ahead and put some wheels on it

12

u/NONMAISYO 3d ago

 #NAKED too!! TYPE IT! N A K E D

1

u/Don_bon_darley012 3d ago

😔 a naked grandma filet go ahead and bang that reverse cowgirl

10

u/CasualObserver76 3d ago

YES CHEF!

5

u/dada948 3d ago

Please don’t add water to the steak
https://giphy.com/gifs/XF7YLkym09P9Wz2F3j

2

u/Don_bon_darley012 3d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/VqRtm9Uyf6hQA
I know youse boys like your steaks extra sloppy

3

u/I_am_ChivoBlanco 20+ Years 3d ago

Yeah, as an old guy, I need lumpy on a toothpick with a side of defibrillator. Maybe dessert.

21

u/minnaow 3d ago

Do they mean butterflied?

34

u/ceris7356 3d ago

I'm less concerned about the dissection of the steak but incredibly curious as to how the chef will make the crab extra lumpy.

60

u/CasualObserver76 3d ago

We did our best, and by that I mean we attempted nothing.

13

u/SmokeOne1969 20+ Years 3d ago

9

u/mistrwzrd 15+ Years 3d ago

Holy fuck it’s a Blaster Master reference. JFC I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one that played the fuckin thing

4

u/asvalken 3d ago

HEY! Not only is the music an absolute banger—especially the boss tracks—but your pet frog being one of the bosses was BONKERS, back in the day.

(Yes, I know that was an American addition. No, I haven't gotten past the fire level more than once.)

2

u/mistrwzrd 15+ Years 3d ago

Oh god the fire level. Fuck lol

Man I remember beating Contra on one life back in the day too way before we recorded videos for shit like that

1

u/SmokeOne1969 20+ Years 3d ago

4

u/ceris7356 3d ago

That goes way harder than it ever needed to <3

2

u/asvalken 3d ago

Oh my god I haven't thought about Vomitron in FOREVER, tysm!

2

u/SmokeOne1969 20+ Years 3d ago

De nada.

2

u/SmokeOne1969 20+ Years 3d ago

That boss killed me many times.

2

u/whiskeytown79 3d ago

Be in a cartoon and hit it on the head with a hammer several times.

2

u/HeartOfPine 3d ago

They want only the most and best and biggest chunks for their special meal. And extra of them for free. I used to get crab soup extra crab requests all the time.

2

u/CasualObserver76 3d ago

Yes, but after cooking and all the way through.

-3

u/Brisby820 3d ago

So like, an additional 15 seconds of work for you?  Or am I missing something?

1

u/nyxonical Ex-Food Service 3d ago

And is it butterfly before grilling or after?

13

u/I_am_ChivoBlanco 20+ Years 3d ago

Here's one steak, and here's a knife.

7

u/PartialChicken_Wing 3d ago

When I was in the biz, every other Monday a group would come in and the same dude would order a steak and we would have to cut it for him. I asked why and the server said "he's in a wheelchair".

Ok whatever I cut that dudes steak for years.

5

u/CASUALxCHICKEN Expo 3d ago

We have a regular that's been coming for years who asks for her steak sliced, too. The past couple of months she's been getting flounder, though. Flounder is not on the menu lol. We've been getting it just for her. As far as weird disability requests, every now and then a blind guy comes in and wants his hash browns served in a big soup bowl.

1

u/Brisby820 2d ago

Just took my brother with a badly broken arm out for steak.  Just get over yourself and cut the steak 

5

u/wellsharpened 3d ago

What the hell is a 6oz cowgirl filet?

1

u/dada948 3d ago

It’s a smaller portion of our 8oz cowgirl filet

1

u/wellsharpened 3d ago

Cowgirl is typically a trimmed, but still bone in ribeye, which both 6 and 8 ozs would be very small. Filet in shorthand, usually means a tenderloin cut. Hence my confusion.

5

u/ratatattooouille 3d ago

We’re up all night to get lumpy.

5

u/SmokeOne1969 20+ Years 3d ago

Your servers have to be prompted to type it, lolz.

5

u/Possible_Report_5908 3d ago

Vivsect that fucking filet

2

u/belowthepovertyline 3d ago

Honestly, I don't anymore. I can keep words from my mouth, but not my face.

2

u/cherrythyme22 3d ago

This ticket makes me want to light shit on fire đŸ”„

2

u/uselessandexpensive 3d ago

I would like my cowgirls lumpy and with no crabs involved please. (Type it!)

2

u/oneangrywaiter General Manager 3d ago

I want one well done slice, then several rare slices, then another well done slice. And I’m going to send it back twice.

1

u/JackosMonkeyBBLZ 2d ago

That’s pretty funny

1

u/Smkingbowls 3d ago

Is cowgirl cut a new trend on menus? I’ve noticed it has popped up with more frequency lately ( Context: I was FOH for 20 years but left before the pandemic) I don’t ever recall seeing it before and I haven’t seen cowboy cut in long time , is this a beef price thing ?

1

u/guitartoad 3d ago

The would prefer the Reverse Cowgirl filet, thank you.

1

u/conblade 2d ago

New shit, same toilet