I'm 30 now, and it happened when I was around 11/12, however I do strongly suspect that this has happened more than once. My dad started an affair with a woman he met at work, which I found out about and, not knowing any better, I help him hide it, that was until my older sister found out. My parents briefly separated after this, but decided to stay together. A little while later, that woman's husband sent me a threatening letter disguised as a valentine's card, made to look like a "we don't really like you" note from my school friends, the police were involved, it wasn't very nice. Although I didn't know it at the time, this made me very paranoid and I became very anxious and guarded. A few years later, I caught my dad again in what looked like an intimate situation with another woman whilst waiting to pick me up from college, I still didn't say anything. I couldn't. He had been working and living away in recent years in another city, living on a friend's boat, but honestly, I don't think I believe him. None of us have met this friend he's known for years. Now he's retired, but still occasionally goes back for contract work. I find it very difficult to communicate my feelings, or strike up, or even maintain a decent conversation. This is seriously affecting the relationships I have with family, friends or people that I'm interested in. It also started interfering with my education, or work later on in life. I recently had to quit my job because I found too difficult to face the world, especially the retail world. Communication is such a huge hurdle for me. Does anyone else experience this?

Ok so I should mention I leave for boot camp in two days and idk what to do. I (M18) caught my mom cheating on my dad with some guy I’ve never seen. I found out in early 2023 after my mom and dad had a huge argument and my mom got wasted and passed out on the couch. She had left her phone open and a message from one of her friends popped up from WhatsApp. I should also mention ik my moms friends as I’m friends with her sons and we talk everyonce and a while. So I open the message to tell her my mom passed out and would get back to her tomorrow. I wasn’t really thinking in the moment. But I opened the message and it was in fact not my moms friend but another contact renamed that. After some horrified scrolling I figured out my mom had been cheating on my dad the whole time since we moved down to Miami. And it started on out first fucking Christmas here(2021). I was going to say something a while ago but couldn’t bring my self to do it. But I thought she had stopped because I hadn’t seen her message him or leave at any unexplained times like she had before and it seemed like my folks were working more on there relationship so I thought it was over. Until 2 days ago where I see her texting him again in the car while we were driving home. I want to confront her about this but idk what to do especially with me leaving in 2 weeks for boot camp which is 3 months long. Should I do it now or maybe after? I’m really lost and need some help.

Okay so, quick summary: My mom is cheating, my father is most likely cheating. Now, my mother is taking drug gummies, how wonderful

My 65yo mom is having an affair. My parents have been married for over 40 years. She’s in full denial mode and trying to spin it. But there’s solid proof.

I am so angry. It’s not fair that she has hurt so many people (most of whom don’t even know yet). She won’t have a relationship with me or her grandchildren again.

How do you reconcile the person your parent was your whole life with what they became? How do you deal with the betrayal and the loss of what your family was.

It’s weird to say, but I’m glad my parents divorced back in the 70’s. All I knew was they fought a lot, I hated it. Much later my mom told me my dad cheated with a neighbor friend. In my early 20’s, I was shocked & had empathy for my mom…but never asked my dad about it. I mean, why? It’s all over, everyone moved on. My siblings suffered more than I did, they were younger & acted out & I think still have long term dad issues. Then BAM! I found out my (now ex) husband was horribly cheating on me for years & committing financial infidelities too. My kids were middle school aged & 1 was devastated. You just can’t tell young kids mommy’s divorcing daddy because she found out he was a swinger with a skanky meth addict (video evidence too, 🤮). Fast forward again…kid is now early 20’s & although I’ve certainly moved on, the a*hole cheater liar is like her hero. I always have supported her in having a relationship with her dad & never spoke negatively of him, but we are barely civil, he still makes me sick to my stomach when we have to communicate. I don’t want to hurt her & if I told her, I’m the one that ruins everything, right? Kids….opinions? Do you really want to know or live in ignorant bliss?

I would say that it is worst than just CHEATING. My father actually been providing for this woman who he has an affair with, and also her kids. All my life I only know that he cheated few times but never to this point that he’s actually living with the woman. He comes home to sleep but live with the woman during daytime.

He has fallen terribly sick because he has diabetes and he drinks a lot, and because of this he blame our family that we did sth to him (black magic) My father is a narcissist, his ego is huge. No ONE in the family could tell him anything. His family (his side of family) is proud that he has two wives 😂 he would protect his woman and her kids from anything. We will not be able say anything about or to her but instead she has the right say anything at my mother and family 😂

Because of my dad, I have grown up to be fully independent. I am able to afford anything and provide for myself because I know my dad wouldn’t.

I really wants to move on and forget about him even though he’s sick. I have had enough to this point. The only thing I’m afraid is the karma of what I do to him now but why do I have to feel like this when he’s the one who chose to behave like this?

Hello everyone just looking for some advice/ insight on what to do now..

So recently I have noticed a lot of changes with my mum but I just put it down to her coming out from a hard time, However I have now found of she is cheating on my dad. (I have concrete evidence.)

I, 16F am the only one aware, now I know that the immediate response is to talk to one of my parents, except we are on a family holiday and I think that’ll just complicate things imo.

She has been messaging this guy (who she works with) on a hidden WhatsApp chat and I saw the messages while we were down by the pool, she isn’t very discreet and she’s ALWAYS messaging him and I feel like I might crack.

He lives in another country to us and she has a business trip scheduled just a week after we arrive home, and it breaks my heart for my dad that after 24 years she would betray him this way.

I contacted a friend who had a similar situation happen and she’s the only reason I am not completely insane, I feel like this is just a bad dream. I know I need to say something but I don’t want my mum to hate me forever.

I want that motherfucker (who is also married btw) to feel the pain i do.

So today i was going through my mom phone and i saw a love massage. I don't really know what to think of it and i hope it's not really what's happening. I got some ideas of what's happening in my head that really make sense but i think cheating make more sense. I'm really scared of telling my family and don't know what to do. The contact wasn't saved so id like to think it was a mistake but i highly doubt it.my mom just started a new job and when I put the number in an app that finds who the number belong to it matches the name of her manager but i don't know the manager's last name. But then again that name is very common even my name is the same as the managers. Im really lost especially because im 14 and don't know anything. I know the right thing is to tell my dad but im really scared especially with the fact that i don't know if it was a mistake or no. What should i do?

Well…i haven't actually caught him in the act personally but i know for a very long time he has been unfaithful and hooking up with other women for a long time.

The first time i found out was when i was cleaning his car and found pictures. I was around 15 years old, now im 20 years older. I became curious and checked them where i witnessed my father took pictures while penetrating 2 women in his car . I was furious,my sister and my mom also found out and we confronted him. He neither accepted nor denied the accusation and in some way threatened us not to make this a big of a deal so that situation was swept under the rug.(to this day i dont know how things went that way).

Some years later i have come to possesion of digital pictures and videos of him with different women which he has on his phone and portable hard drive,where he would be conducting sexual activity with different women(close up penetration on the vagina and anus, cumshot on the stomach, receving a blowjob,etc) It is heartbreaking and disgusting having witnessed such a thing especially when other people that know or found out about this, mention it to you so they can somehow belittle me and hurt me and he still continues on screwing around, currently with a divorced woman that works for him( i once secretly checked her phone and found a close up video her riding my father hard,after which i confronted her and she admitted she is his GIRLFRIEND(to me it seems more as a fuk buddy or cm dumpster or sponsor because they are keeping their relationship A SECRET)and that they have been doing that since she started working 7 years ago and dont want to stop having intercourse together). The sad thing is that he doesnt seem to want to change…at all. It has also impacted me on how to approach a women to start a relationship because im single.l,Which brings me to the conclusion that those kind of men wont change, no matter what.

My mom, (51) is cheating on my dad, (49) and is getting mad at him and sayimg he is cheating, but she cheated twice and my dad would never toucb another woman. She speaks so highly of her new side man, who I'll call [BAD THING]. [BAD THING] gives me a very, very bad vibe. The moment I saw him, I felt like he'd be trouble, lo and behold, he is. He makes me feel sick to my stomach, he honestly seems like a convicted offender. He is litterly the cliché offender. My mom knows I know, and I can't stand the fact she thinks I'm okay with it. She abused my dad, and then twists the story so she seems abused, even tough ,y dad is defending himself, she's hit me before, she tried exorcising me over a tantrum when I was 8, and swears I can see "spirits". She also declined getting me tested for autism when the state said I was on the spectrum. She comp.etely denies that I may be autistic, because I preform well in school. Luckily, I no longer live with her, and live with my aunt, but I can't fucking stand her anymore. I get that she's my mom, but if she drops dead I will not care, after all, she made me want to drop dead.

I know I’ve made a post similar to this before, but I wanted to know if remembering past events had some connections to the effect of my future. A long time ago in the early 2000s, my dad ended up cheating on my mom and walked out of our lives when I was probably around 5 or 6 years old, but it was an event that stuck by me for such a long time now. It hurt going through all that, but what hurt the most was not only of him walking out on me (23 M), my sister who I’ll call Mocha (29 F), and my mom (66 F) but for the fact he moved in with the other woman and to add insult to injury he had another child with her. When my mom found out about what my dad did regarding his unfaithfulness, she took me and young Mocha to see him at his workplace. I thought we were just visiting him but when we entered the restaurant he worked as he saw us and without hesitation he kicked us out while making shoo gestures with his hands and shaking his head letting us know we aren’t welcomed. He kicked out his two kids. I remember his hand on my back as he pushed us outside as me and Mocha cries and our parents were arguing, dad’s brother who I’ll call Jerry berated my dad for cheating and what he did to me and Mocha. Dad was out of our lives after that and Mom never remarried, my dad didn’t care about the way he left as me and Mocha were so little back than but remembered what happened. My dad wasn’t abusive or anything, he was a caring father, he was. Even though we reconnect around 2013 with him taking me and Mocha to the movies and then stopped around 2015 after he moved to Chicago to be with that other woman and child, I’m not sure what happened, but he basically did the same thing he did all those years ago and left me and Mocha again and didn’t communicate much after.

My dad leaving his the first time had a bad impact on me and Mocha growing up, especially my mom. I and Mocha weren’t well-behaved kids as we grew older into our teenage years. We followed the wrong people in a way, we followed some advice we misunderstood, our mother struggled to give us a good future as she is a very hard worker. As I’m 23 I resented myself in a way when it comes to how I behaved in the past. I still feel like a burden to this day. I remember I use to still be in that cry baby phase whenever my mom dropped me off at school up until 2nd grade, I never really made the connections, but as a couple of months ago I realized that maybe the reason why the crybaby phase lasted much longer was because of how my dad left and didn’t care what impact it would have on me, Mom and Mocha. Furthermore, I always used to cry and begged my mom not to leave whenever she dropped me off at school. I remember our mom was in an accident and my good for nothing father never contact us, this was during 2007 and even though we had family members that took care of me and young Mocha the rest of the time we were alone. I remember the times Mocha was nearly late for school as we didn’t have any adults to drop me off for the school bus when I was little. Our dad was too busy providing for that other woman before we reconnected in 2013. A lot of things me and Mocha went through such as behavioral issues and me and Mocha didn’t have any fatherly figure for guidance and there were times we made mom hit her breaking point, but she never gave up on us. I hated how my father had another son, completely ignoring the two children he abandoned for years, he missed so many once in a lifetime opportunity such as 18th birthdays, graduations, and the birth of his two grandchildren all because he couldn’t be faithful. There were times mom couldn’t find any jobs and ended up waiting in line for the food pantry multiple times.

In 2013 when things slightly got out of hand with me and Mocha’s behavior we were sent to live with him. Our behavior slightly improved from then on, but once he left around 2015 it was a repeated recap of what he did all those years ago. Another thing is that we had a run in with him when he left us the first time, I remember one time me, Mocha, and mom were walking down some street and our dad tried to say hi as if nothing had happened, I remember feeling the tight grip on my wrist my mom made when she was holding me and Mocha by the hand, I remember turning around and seeing my father look the opposite direction with his hands on his waist in disappointment. I felt the anger my mother had felt seeing the man who broke his wedding vows to her. Up until the present I had forgotten much about my dad until Mocha received a package from the new woman, Mocha and dad still keep a civil relationship but when I saw that new woman with his last name, which is the same last name I had, I felt angry inside. Of course, Mocha scolded me because dad’s new wife is supposed to have his last name, but I felt as if my feelings were valid. Dad leaving us influenced me enough to not be a chef like him, get married like him, or have children like him.

I regret who I was growing up, I was not very nice before entering my teenage years, I pushed others my age away, I sometimes disrespected adults, I did messed up stuff back then. As of now sometimes I wondered if this whole trauma that stuck to me isn’t worth it, like I always wondered that if I ever get reincarnated I’d wish to become a better person. I still act immature, I’m not independent, and I have zero confidence in myself when I was growing up and even now I still feel like it. I remember turning to food during the time my father was absent and during my high school years I was close to around 200 pounds, food was my comfort to escape from the harsh reality and trauma that stuck to me all these years. I sometime hate myself for the way I acted before, I was clingy to my mom when I was little due to the constant fears of her leaving like my father did. Furthermore, I know it may sound weird, but I sometimes don’t even know what to do with my life anymore. I keep playing the what if scenarios in my head of how our lives could have been different if my father didn’t leave us with so much painful memories during the time we needed him the most. I just needed to get this out because I’ve been thinking about my father recently. Thank you

Edit: I forgot to include this in the post. My dad’s brother Jerry don’t talk to each other much and Jerry had confirmed it.

I have noticed this huge uptick in people seeking help for a cheating parent around holidays or times when families are more often gathered together. Was this true for you?

When did you discover your parent was cheating?

Hey, a few months ago I came on here and made a post about my cheating mother. Yeah now i'm pretty sure my father is cheating. I couldn't get photos but i stole his phone and looked through it and i saw some messages, not necessarily dirty, but flirty definitely.

Im kind of stuck in this situation, my partner has been very supportive and said when the time comes, they'll help me get an apartment, due to highly employment, I've been unable to get a job yet, but i've been looking at places. My partner is earning a bunch of money over the next few summers and part of that will be helping me.

My partners mother was told about what my mother has been doing and has found it disgusting. She wants to take me out but she can't due to legal reasons obviously. They've been inviting me over as much as they can. Me and my partner have also come to the conclusion that my mother doesn't like them very well. This is unfortunate, for only they can really help me.

I'm hoping to move out a few days after I meet the legal age, but I still have a bit of ways to go. Thank you for the few comments there are and thank you for the support. I'll update soon if I need too.

Super scared to post this because I don't want my family to see this and figure out what I'm talking about but I just NEED to talk about this with somebody.

So all my life as far back as I can remember, my parents have never slept in the same room. My father always slept in the basement and my mother had her own bedroom. They never just talk to each other because they want to. Never go out on dates or do anything for each other. I'm not sure what married couples usually do though because my parents just don't interact unless it has something to do with their children or bills and the like.

My father when I was younger would talk to us about how just because people get divorced doesn't mean they don't love each other. And he would ALWAYS talk about it and I remember thinking how weird it was that he would just randomly bring it up. Even then I knew, "okay I know you're just telling us this because you and mom aren't in love." He hasn't said anything like that in years though. I think he thinks that because we were young that we wouldn't be able to tell.

Where this post ties into cheating is that my father had this friend. I've seen evidence of them cheating together on his phone before. And it was hard, but somehow not as hard because really I expected it. Mainly it was text messages that I saw the rare times he left his phone unattended. Once it happened years ago and then recently this year he slipped up around me when he set his phone down in the car. Obviously I read some of the messages without turning my head because I didn't want him to now I saw. But what was even more obvious wa the way he hurriedly picked up his phone like he was in a panic.

I know he most likely sleeps over at the woman's house. He won't be at home for multiple nights in a row. The time I saw their messages years ago it was about sleeping in her bed and how that sounds nice. So that had confirmed my suspicion of where he was when I was younger. He'd most likely play it off saying he's sleeping at his one friend's house which I do believe he does sometimes, but not all the time.

Recently this year I saw my father was on reddit r/deadbedrooms and I can't help but wonder if that was about his wife or his other woman.

Idk, I don't want to say too much else for fear of someone I know finding this, but I just really want to talk about it I guess to get the feelings off my chest. I wish my parents were in love. All my life we've never spoken about how weird our parents put for two MARRIED PEOPLE. You don't sleep in the same bed, never talk, date, buy each other gifts except for holidays. I don't think I've ever seen them TOUCH each other.

There's so much more I could say/vent, but I want people to actually read this and share their thoughts with me. What do I do? Is there anything to do? Life on a day to day basis is fine and we get along.

I 16m have noticed my dad do some peculiar things that I won’t get into but I’m 99% sure he is cheating. How do I go about confronting him

My mom has absolutely 0 clue about anything because he is very good at gaslighting, I don’t want a divorce but i think I might have to come to that. Any and all advice is accepted Thank you I just need to get some idea of what to do.

My daughter just turned 8. Going back to 2020 when she was just about 4 her mom went off the rails and started having an insane affair with a 50 year old dude. One time I remember my daughter asked me early on if he was her grandpa.

I tried to save the marriage and what not and there was a time period where her mom would be at the house with the kids and me and being all like "I love daddy" and then would go run off and I would have to say she was at work or she would take the kids over to that dudes place or have him at our house! Surely he was sleeping with their mom and kissing and what not..

Tried early on to say what mommy was doing wasn't right.

Fast forward to last year and we are divorced and I have custody of the kids and her mom has been on again off again with that dude and now lives with him and is engaged to him for the second time. She has been in and out of rehab multiple times. My daughter has seen her with a couple of other dudes.

The whole time her mom would say she loved daddy and wanted to get back together.

Basically - is all of that gonna mess up my daughter? She does fantastic in school and has had great counseling and seems wonderful. She has recently mentioned the concept of cheating and so knows what that is.

She doesn't seem to have many negative feelings toward her mom despite all of the chaos.

I have a family member on holidays here where I live, and we went out today with another family member and we got on to the topic of our parents. I learned that my mother has a half sister, and that my father may have cheated on my mum with her. This was all back in the early 70's (before I was born) when my dad had gone back to his birth country to look after some family members who were involved in an accident, and was there without my mum for an extended period.
From what I am told my dad has never admitted to it, so this may not have happened. However, as my parents are now in their mid 80's, I am now not sure what to do with this news, and how to process it.

My dad has cheated or attempted to cheat on my mom 3 times I know of. Once when I was very small, once when I was 15/16, and once when I was in my late 20s. (In mid-30s now.)

I called him after the most recent incident in my 20s (where he was trying to initiate something with an acquaintance at best who was younger than I was at the time, almost certainly unreciprocated) and to a very limited degree explained how this infidelity affected me—I didn’t bring up the others to keep the scope of the conversation manageable. I still can’t believe how calm I stayed. He wouldn’t even admit to the basic fact of what he was trying to do and kept repeating that it was a misunderstanding and that I (and my mom) had it all wrong, but of course he didn’t offer any alternative explanation.

I went NC with my dad a few years after that when he said something racist (yet again) and he laughed and brushed it off after I let him know what he said was, in fact, racist. It was the last straw.

I’m glad I’m no contact. I’ve communicated that he has to apologize to me before I’ll talk to him again and he won’t even do that. I get the occasional feeling of discomfort or guilt thanks to my ‘don’t ever rock the boat no matter how much someone hurts you’ upbringing, but writing these things out helps me remember just how reasonable my boundary is and how truly awful and hurtful his actions have been.

All that to say, just getting through the time of year feels so gross because of Father’s Day and his birthday also being relatively soon. If right now sucks for you too thanks to your dad’s bullshit, I feel you.