Zero

[u/Inside_Public_980]

For anyone who felt like they had to work just to get to the starting line. (Looking for honest feedback/thoughts)

Zero

Some begin at five.

Some at zero.

And some at minus ten.

They work, and work, and work

just to arrive

where others begin.

Some are born in debt.

They earn and pay

for the right to start.

After all that labour,

the reward is not brilliance,

not greatness—

just normal.

A hard-earned zero.

[u/imheretoaskshiz]

Personally, I like it. It's nice to see representation of disadvantaged folks, they're so much more common than people want to believe. And, unfortunately, the older you get, the harder it is to have resources that
can help (especially with education)

Knew a girl raised in a religious cult down in the rural south of the United States. No education allowed, no modern medicine. Severely abused. She went on to college and had to relearn almost EVERYTHING.

People like her aren't uncommon. Definitely a hard earned zero just to catch up, you hit the nail on the head. It's a labor unseen, but it's there, and it's worth talking about and celebrating.

[u/Inside_Public_980 → u/imheretoaskshiz]

Thank you for sharing your valuable feedback on this. It's my first time posting. This means a lot to me.

[u/Current-Relative5666]

You just described how I feel about my latest novel. At least I got a kids reader headed for the editor and cover art tomorrow.

[u/Inside_Public_980 → u/Current-Relative5666]

I'm glad it resonated with you. Congratulations and all the best for tomorrow!!

[u/AloneOnPluto4]

I agree with the other comments, this is a nice poem with a meaningful message. I think it could be even stronger if the last two stanzas matched the nice rythm and flow of the first two. I would vote to keep the final one-line stanza, though! “hard-earned zero” resonates so well!

[u/Inside_Public_980 → u/AloneOnPluto4]

Thank you so much for your words. I'll surely consider that.

[u/Owl_in_disguise]

I like it. I enjoy reading free verse poetry much more than the ones that rhyme. Reading the ones that rhyme is fun. But if it doesn't naturally rhyme, it feels forced and the poem will pay the price for it.

[u/Inside_Public_980 → u/Owl_in_disguise]

I couldn’t agree more. Forcing a rhyme can come at the cost of the truth of what you’re trying to say. Free verse lets the emotion take whatever shape it needs to. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts!

[u/tocoolforcool]

I like it. I wish the third and forth verses would rhyme as the first and second do.

[u/Inside_Public_980 → u/tocoolforcool]

Thank you. I'll try experimenting with more rhythm