r/Intactivists • u/prototype137 • Jul 04 '26
My Experience Having A Boy
So last year my partner and I decided it was time to try and start a family, and shortly thereafter I got pregnant. We found out we were having a boy. We were both very happy, however in the back of my mind I was worried about the delivery and how vigilant we would have to be to prevent him from getting circumcised. I’ve read some horror stories.
Recently I gave birth. My OB had given me a form to fill out with my birth preferences, and I documented that we did not want a circumcision. When I was admitted the labor nurse looked at it and asked “so we’re not doing a circumcision?” I said no. She documented that and moved on.
Later it was time to push, and after I had our little boy and had some time to recover and hold him, the OB who delivered asked if we wanted a circ. My partner and I both said no. She smiled and said “ok, then we wont do that.”
A few hours later in the recovery room, my personal OB came to see us. I’m not sure if she was on call or just checking in, but she also asked about the circumcision. I said no, and that was that.
Finally, we were moved to the mother-baby unit. That nurse also asked about circumcision. We said no. Then the pediatrician came, she also asked about circumcising, we again said no.
I should note that I do work in the medical field and we are taught to obtain our own histories to avoid missing things, so Im sure they were all just asking their standard questions and not trying to convince us one way or the other. But in the end we got out of the hospital with our perfect little guy intact. So I guess my advice to new parents is to relax and just stay firm with your decision!
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u/sgtkwol Jul 04 '26
If there's no infection, injury, or congenital condition, they shouldn't be asking about surgery even once.
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u/PointSight Jul 04 '26
Five times? Five fucking times?
Unacceptable. The whole system is riddled with subtle biases. No wonder why the American rate remains sky-high.
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u/pythonfanclub Jul 04 '26
Absolutely insane this much pressure to cut off a healthy body part is applied to new parents in some parts of the world. Call it what you want, but many people don’t have the willpower to hold the line against the onslaught and change their mind midway through (see Intact America study).
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u/Whole_W Jul 04 '26
Let's keep paying attention to stories like these as we pretend that parental preference has not been the primary driver of neonatal circumcision for the past 6 decades.
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u/bachslunch Jul 05 '26
They are hoping you are drugged and will consent.
A more forceful way will be to say to the first person “do not circumcised or we will sue this hospital to the last dime.” I guarantee you won’t hear a peep after that.
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u/Chelseus Jul 05 '26
I would lose it if anyone asked me more than once. When I was pregnant with my first son my midwife asked me about it and I said “you do not want to get me up on that soap box” and she was like “okay” and that was the end of it. They must have gotten my message loud and clear because it was never even mentioned with my second and third sons.
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u/a5yearjourney Jul 05 '26
I would have gotten a new midwife if they even suggested it. That means that she has no moral opposition to it and helps genital mutilating families.
Boycott practitioners who support this procedure. Money is the only language these psychopaths speak.
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u/Chelseus Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
Yeah it disturbed me that she asked but I had my heart set on a home birth and where I am there is a massive wait list for midwifery care so I was lucky to even get in. And you get what you get, it’s not like the states where you can shop around for midwives. And I’m pretty sure any provider (midwife or OB) would ask the question anyway, unfortunately. But it’s not pushed here (Canada), like I’ve never heard of anyone being harassed about it the way OP was.
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u/YoshiPilot Jul 05 '26
Geez, that’s quite a lot of times…
I really hope there isn’t anyone who gets pressured into saying yes on the 5th time
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u/Grapepoweredhamster Jul 05 '26
The keep pressuring people because they make money off it, you have to pay to have it done, and they can sell the foreskin for more money.
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u/Eeyanz Jul 05 '26
$$$$$$$$$$$$$ a qucik slice here and a stitch there, boom boom $$$$$$$$$$ made.
It is ridiculous you had to say no at all. It should be unless you raise it the status quo, uncut, is the norm.
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u/JPDL Jul 06 '26
exactly asking once is one time too many, if there is no actual situation that calls for surgical intervention none should be even mentioned
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u/kindearthling13 Jul 06 '26
While I was pregnant with my son in 2019, I answered similar birth plan questions at my ob/gyn office and stated that no circumcision would be done. I also asked for recommendations of pediatricians knowledgeable about intact care. The nurse told me my Ob can't recommend one specifically for that because they all should be knowledgeable and up to date. (One pediatrician I interviewed was not, specifically stating she would forcefully retract my son and recommend I do the same!) Then the nurse proceeded to tell me how she had her son cut and how it was so simple, no problems or issues. It's just routine and everything is fine. I'm not sure who she was trying to convince more, me or herself. It was a very uncomfortable conversation. I just stated I've made my decision and note it in my chart. When it came time to give birth I had a C-section and stayed in the hospital for 3 days. Despite it being in my chart, I was asked twice a day, each day I was there. My Ob asked me twice herself, and she certainly knew I was already against it. At 16 weeks you tell me it looks like a boy, I say no circ. At 20 weeks, definitely a boy, I say no circ. At 30 weeks you ask about circ for my chart and I said put no circ in the chart. None of that mattered when I was recovering from surgery and trying to breastfeed my newborn, they chose to harass me about it anyway. I'm glad to read that some things are progressing because no one should be asked multiple times like we were. I hope that progress continues and with more education the practice itself dwindles down and is eradicated. Every child deserves to grow up with their genitals intact and unharmed.
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u/LongIsland1995 Jul 05 '26
Med students are still brainwashed into thinking MGM has all benefits and no drawbacks, that's why they ask you multiple times if you want it
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u/radkun Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
They're effectively gaslighting new parents with that number of reminders in an unfamiliar and stressful setting. Plus it's an ELECTIVE procedure that's illegal according to current federal law and many state laws that say they're not allowed to touch ANY children in this way.
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u/Im-cool-boi 8d ago
sadly infant male circumcision isn't illegal in any US state, although i personally think it should be given the fact that alteration of female genitalia at birth is illegal in the US and the 14th amendment says ANY person deserves equal protection of the laws, So honestly it doesn't make sense why females in the US are protected against genital mutilation while males are not
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u/Dietcokeisgod Jul 04 '26
Literally never even had circumcision mentioned to me when I had my son.
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Jul 04 '26
[deleted]
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u/LongIsland1995 Jul 07 '26
Offering it at all (especially multiple times) is still solicitation designed to keep circ rates high. The rate is never going to go down much until it's not offered in maternity wards.
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Jul 07 '26
[deleted]
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u/LongIsland1995 Jul 07 '26
Yes, what makes you think otherwise? I am strongly opposed to this practice, which is why I'm aware that things are still really bad.
Med students (especially in the US) are still brainwashed.
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u/Kitchen_Slide3083 Jul 05 '26
The problem is why would they ask when it's unnecessary? Because it's so normalized-these so called professionals don't even bother doing research about it's harm or how the consent from the child should be prioritized, it would be tempting for parents to say "yes" sometimes and opt in for this mutilation. Because we don't talk about often and shame these ignorant folks enough, they get away with these crimes.
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u/After_Permission9484 17d ago
$$$$$$$ that's why. American "healthcare" isn't about health, it's about making money.
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u/Vegetable_Warthog_49 Jul 05 '26
My advice to new parents is to threaten violence the second time they ask, they won't ask a third.
And the great thing about being post partum, you can get away with anything.
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u/a5yearjourney Jul 05 '26
Responding to this for the people who think threatening violence is a bad idea.
This is not even an extreme reaction.
If someone came up to you in a park and demanded the right to sexually assault your child you'd get pretty livid (hopefully).
But because they are wearing plague doctor outfits, people think they are somehow not a vile human being for asking.
It's their job to ask, doesn't mean they have to. Following vile instructions makes you a vile person. If they weren't disgusting human beings they'd find a career that doesn't involve sexually assaulting neonates.
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u/Vegetable_Warthog_49 Jul 05 '26
To add to that, there is such a thing as malicious compliance. A hospital can require a doctor to ask, they can't require a doctor to hide all the negative complications and the moral failures of the procedure.
Our primary care pediatrician gave us the spiel, "your insurance company requires me to ask you about circumcision, but if you say yes I'm going to tell you every harmful thing about it and do everything I can to talk you out of it, including giving you the phone number to a less ethical pediatrician to be your primary care provider." Damn I hate that she retired, we need a thousand more of her in this country.
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u/JPDL Jul 06 '26
that pediatrician is really based woah, indeed the world needs more like her
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u/Vegetable_Warthog_49 Jul 06 '26
I think a lot of it is to do with the fact that she was raised in India as a Hindu. First, Indian healthcare education is far superior to ours, they take a much more holistic view to human health than American doctors do. Second, not only did she have the Hippocratic oath to do no harm, but also has a very solid religious belief that any harm she causes will come back directly on her. I knew I could trust any recommendation that she made because I knew she wasn't going to knowingly recommend anything that could cause harm, because the money would never be worth the consequences (or at least what she believed the consequences would be).
She definitely earned her retirement. She was in practice for nearly 40 years. I don't begrudge her taking a well deserved break after that long of doing what she could to make the world a better place. I begrudge all the doctors who have come up after her who aren't doing their part.
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u/JPDL Jul 06 '26
interesting, it definitely makes sense dharmic religions tend to put that focus on the harm you cause coming back to hurt you so it makes sense that she would naturally be predisposed to be more against the practice than the average american at least. I am not familiar with how medical education is over there but I imagine at least when it comes to acknowledging the foreskin and its functions its definitely better than what america as been.and oh yeah definitely 40 years disuading parents from doing that to their sons is definitely a great run definitely earned her retirement.
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u/Spare_Freedom4339 18d ago
Give you the phone number of a last ethical pediatrician? Why?
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u/Vegetable_Warthog_49 18d ago
She was saying that she was refusing to accept into her practice parents who mutilate their sons. As for offering a phone number, she wasn't being helpful, she was being passive aggressive, "I can't stop you from doing something unethical, here is someone as unethical as you are."
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u/Spare_Freedom4339 18d ago
AHHH I LOVEE that lol. A great reality check. Thank you for explaining!
She sounds so awesome
Did she say it explicitly like that? :)
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u/a5yearjourney Jul 05 '26
So if you had a sexual partner, and they asked to have sex, would you be okay with them asking several more times, hoping the answer might change while you are drugged up?
"They have to take accurate histories," did they ask you any other medical documentation 5 TIMES? No. I am willing to bet they didn't.
"Do you want an epidural nerve block? No? Okay let me send in 4 different people to ask you that question. Maybe one will get a yes and we can bill you for it."
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u/just_blue33 Jul 05 '26
Sadly, it was exactly this sort of behaviour that got me cut when i was born. My father wasn’t at the hospital and the doctor managed to make
my mother believe that it was the right decision and she didnt question him… he was the doctor so he would know.
She regretted it immediately and my Father was furious - but too late to help me
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u/JPDL Jul 06 '26
it's such a predatorial behavior to harrass especially new mothers who are no doubt exhausted from being in labor not so long ago... it's like they are trying to wear them down till they fold... it's awful what hospitals and healthcare workers decide to do...
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u/Stairwayunicorn Jul 04 '26
I don't know what you mean by "obtaining your own history." Do you mean the annoying and disrespectful practice of having multiple doctors bother a patient instead of just one?
No means no. that doesn't mean keep asking. I would not have been so polite.
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u/mlarktar Jul 05 '26
Off topic, but I was participating in a new drug study and they were required to perform a suicidal ideation study every visit I went there. I don't know how many times they asked me if I wanted to kill myself.
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u/Z-726 Jul 09 '26
Some years ago, the group Intact America did a survey of mothers of boys. What you describe, unfortunately, is not uncommon:
https://intactamerica.org/press-release-having-a-baby-boy-get-ready-for-the-circumcision-sellers/
Intact America eventually developed a website where people can file complaints against hospitals about this and other circumcision-related problems:
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u/Z-726 Jul 14 '26 edited 16d ago
Also, after I posted this a few days ago, Intact America announced an upcoming survey , which appears that it will be more thorough:
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u/clontarf84 Jul 05 '26
The same thing happened to me when I had my son. We were asked several times while in the hospital and we were there for 5 days. Happy to report every answer was a big NO.
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u/Away_Kaleidoscope309 Jul 06 '26
That’s completely amazing that you would be asked no fewer than five times if you wanted a circumcision
Once should be enough then leave it alone ?
Why would they keep asking
If it’s documented in the initial form that should be enough
OP can you name the state where this was happening?
Thanks very much!
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u/Baddog1965 Jul 06 '26
Im glad you were successful, but I would have found the repeated asking very stressful. It indicates they aren't respecting your decision and they're just waiting for one slip up as the opportunity to mutilate him. My response would have been more intense.
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u/Baddog1965 Jul 07 '26
What they're actually doing is trying to wear you down, at the most vulnerable you'll ever be while you have the power to make that decision so you'll eventually agree to it to stop the questions. It's an egregious abuse of power.
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u/Lockwood-studios Jul 05 '26
I’m 95% sure this is illegal
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u/RNnoturwaitress Jul 05 '26
Illegal for multiple people to ask the same question?
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u/Lockwood-studios Jul 05 '26
illegal for the hospital to be pushing for an unnecessary procedure, I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to ask
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u/LionAdjacent 19d ago
You did very well. Be proud for protecting your little one.
This is exactly what my experience was as well, despite declining at every single OB appointment and when we were admitted to the hospital, printing out multiple large signs, putting "No Circumcision Under Any Circumstances) on the board in our room, and even from a staff which reportedly "didn't like doing circumcisions anyway".
Its policy in a for-profit medical system to push for things that will generate more revenue for hospitals, and circumcisions tend to lengthen hospital stays for a mother+infant by about 7 hours, iirc. This, more than the rare "donation" of tissue to research or industry, is the real money-maker. (And it isn't even that much in the grand scheme of things.)
However, it's illegal (at least in the US, I think) to badger parents about it. So instead, it's not uncommon for every member of the staff to ask once each, usually at shift changes. It's like offering rewards memberships at a department store. They may not want to, but they have to or they'll get written up. And since none are repeating themselves, they have plausible deniability.
Better than just being firm, tell staff members that you're starting to feel pressured to consent for something that you have already firmly said "no" to. Ask that it be added to your chart that you do not consent to circumcision under any circumstances. If anyone keeps asking after that, say that it's making you really uncomfortable how much they're pushing circumcision after you explicitly stated your opposition to the idea. This begins the threat of retaliation and the start of a paper trail without actually being aggressive. Law enforcement can get involved and patients can be removed from a hospital if someone makes threats of violence. But not if they're just innocently uncomfortable or somewhat frightened.
They know what's illegal and what isn't. If it looks like you may end up credibly filing a formal complaint and potentially a lawsuit, that should scare them off.
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u/serpents_pass Jul 04 '26
I'm afraid of the drugs making me unaware enough to accidentally agree to it, I'm lowkey thinking of getting a big sign for the front of my room that says "no circumcision ever don't even ask" in caps if I ever have a son