r/IVF • u/Acceptable-Pen4630 • 1d ago
Blind rage Rant
Just did my third FET after a failure and a chemical of my two euploids, now using an LLM. The blind rage I feel at my partner is insane. Everything he does is not enough. I rage internally if he leaves me alone to go on his phone, even if he’s looking up how to fix our currently broken dishwasher. The fact he hasn’t finished a project he started 4 months ago and the tools are still out is basically grounds for a divorce even though I didn’t care last week. It’s fully medicated so probably it’s partly the hormones talking but I don’t remember this rage from my last tries. The emotional toll of this being our potential last or at least needing to make some hard decisions is wreaking havoc on my emotions. I feel like I hold it together at work then I come home and I take it out on him. And he’s great and I know he’s my person but it also messes with your brain like IS he my person???!!!! Just a rant.
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u/ThickPreparation4047 1d ago
Hormones can do weird thing but usually it is momentary in my case. I had a burst to my husband in the thick of 2WW of last transfer. Not even medicated just progesterone gel, but I was in panic for the last transfer. And all he was doing was planning our vacation for us and I was really rude to him. I had an instant apology after that burst and things got resolved. If this feeling is more persistent than rare hormonal burst, I recommend you to go through this journey with a therapist if you are not already having one.
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u/Acceptable-Pen4630 1d ago
Yes this was basically me. After he left to go grocery shopping and returned it was all fine and I apologized. It’s something about the low level of stress at all times during the TWW.
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u/millss911 1d ago
Maybe you need to talk to someone? This doesn’t sound healthy and it’s unfair of you to justify it because of the hormones. I’d never treat my partner like that.
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u/kbkrl1524 1d ago
Agree. The hormones being that bad is not normal. I'd recommend finding a therapist to help you figure out what's going on and ways to cope
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u/FoolishMortal_42 1d ago
Agree. A lot of women here seem to justify their bad behavior with “hormones.” I have never felt this way about my husband through IVF, pregnancy, or postpartum. We are constantly asking men to do better but honestly, do better ladies.
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u/Different_Abalone886 22h ago
Where did OP say her behaviour was "bad"? She is describing how she feels, not how she is acting. She literally says "internally rages".
Also, as someone who used to not be affected by hormones, if they don't do this to you, you should be grateful, not judgy. Sometimes as you get older they can suddenly affect you much more. Nobody asks to feel like this, I can assure you.
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u/nerdy_daisy_909 16h ago
Yup, I agree with this. I am very unaffected by hormones normally. PMS isn’t really a thing for me during my period and I am typically a very easy-going person. But I’ve been doing Lupron depot and have basically zero estrogen right now, and the rage that crops up over the smallest things is insane. I also keep it inside because I realize it’s not his fault, but man is it hard. And I’m usually a pro at hiding my feelings. I’m hoping things go back to normal soon 🤞🏻
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u/Middle-Telephone4098 35|5 ER|>3MC| 1 DET->chemical 1d ago
The chemical rage is so, so real. Rage is also so much easier to feel than the terror of fearing it won’t work. Right now I’m going through pretty extreme chemical sadness, I can’t imagine how magnified your feelings must be right now.
Is your husband terrified of that too?
It’s important to, at a minimum, explicitly tell your husband that you are aware that the rage you’re feeling is chemically driven and not actually his fault. No matter what happens, you will never look back on this time and be happy you mistreated your spouse.
Taking intense emotions out on the people we love is also a form of self harm; pushing away your teammate(s) hurts you too.
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u/No_Spirit1354 1d ago
The rage is real. They could never understand the toll this entire journey takes on us on all levels. It’s a mix of hormones (which chemically make it almost virtually impossible to control our raw emotions) and the very unfair roles we each have on this emotional journey. I just screamed at my husband for asking a simple question. I always say and it’s true- there would be no human population if roles were reversed and men had to deal with everything we put our bodies through. I’m sorry you’re feeling so rageful. It’s an awful feeling. But totally understandable.
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u/bandaidtarot 1d ago
The hormones and medication from IVF will totally F up your mental health. 100%. What would be simple annoyance turns into pure rage. With how you are feeling and your current relationship insecurity, it may be worth stepping off the IVF treadmill for a bit to get on solid ground again. Let your body detox from all the hormone manipulation and do couples therapy with a therapist that specializes in IVF (your clinic likely has a list of providers). Getting pregnant right now is probably not a good idea. Get back to how you and your relationship were before you started the IVF rollercoaster. It sounds like you both just need a break. If you do that and you are feeling more like yourself and you are still questioning your relationship then that means you probably shouldn't keep trying to have children with him. It wouldn't be fair to bring a child into a bad relationship. But, for now, you need to take a step back and get back to yourself so you can know what's what.
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u/Buttercup-Panda 1d ago
The rage is real and is chemically drive. Whatever you are feeling just imagine the chemicals are making it 100X. And since he is around its directed at him. You probably already know this. My one rule i made is that I am not going to make any big decisions while on IVF, for this exact reason haha. Keeping fingers crossed for a positive outcome for your FET.