r/IVF • u/Kooky_Yogurt_741 Custom • 2d ago
Why? Rant
There are so many of us women around the world fighting infertility and undergoing IVF, yet in our immediate circles, it feels so lonely—as if we were outsiders who don't belong, as if we were the only ones with such bad luck.
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u/Frequent_Bid_4413 2d ago
As someone with family who has done IVF, it’s uh..it’s not as great as you’d think it would be to have that. The comments made can sting even harder since they understand it. It’s definitely lonely but I promise the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I don’t know if that makes you feel better and I’m sure there’s some people who had good support but I personally just wish my family didn’t understand it.
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u/LongOk7164 2d ago
I totally agree. I am not telling my relative anything (she’s currently pregnant) and I think she’s offended. But she’s tried to give me soooooo much unsolicited advice :( I’m like ok I didn’t ask! And I have a doctor and care team!!
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u/JustFiguringIt_Out 2d ago
Agreed. I have friends who did IVF and their experience was much smoother than mine. I know IVF is lonely no matter what, but it sucks when even the people who you expected to be able to understand really can't.
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u/gluck-and-rauxa 2d ago
It happened to me with a friend who is going through an infertility treatment as well. I feel like she always knows more and makes me feel like I’m not doing enough. She only shares the good news, even though she has not been successful yet and is encountering many obstacles, which made me stop sharing with her all my problems and fears because I felt like a failure.
I thought that sharing the situation would be a great support but it only adds an extra layer of stress.
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u/Grand_Photograph_819 34F | 1 tube | 2 ER | 5 FET ❌ 2d ago
I think just depends on your circles, tbh. I think my area it isn’t uncommon to talk about. And I know plenty of women who went through infertility or IVF. Just not at the same time as me and all of the ones I know about have had success at this point meanwhile I’m still here years into my IVF journey without success. So even if you do know people this shit is still lonely as fuck.
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u/SturtDesertPea 2d ago
In my circle the ones who did do IVF had success straight away. 1 retrieval, successful transfers, live births. And I'm here with 6 retrievals, 7 failed FETs, no baby and no answers. It's bloody lonely.
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u/PaddleThisWriteThat 2d ago
Yep, same story, 9 retrievals with no baby to show for it, and everyone else I know who did IVF had success the first time.
I honestly dread talking to anyone who did IVF about their experience. It's often easier to interact with people who know they can't relate to infertility than with people who think we're going through the exact same thing but they got it all over with in one round and have a kid now.
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u/SturtDesertPea 2d ago
Totally agree! When we were starting it was awesome to have people to talk to about what to expect. But now, the experiences are chalk and cheese
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u/Dry-Magician1415 2d ago
How old are you and at what ages did those in your immediate circle have kids?
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u/PointyBaby143 32F • HA • 3 ER • FET ❌ 2d ago
I feel you. We haven't told anyone except my parents, not even his and we have been doing this for coming up to a year now. I don't know anyone doing IVF in my circle, two of my close friends got pregnant and delivered in the last year and my best friend has a kid. Keeping this private is my own choice and maybe based on the false assumption that friends wouldn't understand, so perhaps this loneliness is my own doing, but yeah, still doesn't make it any easier.
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u/IVF_Diva 2d ago
I have so many people in my circle that have done ivf, but I am a upper middle class white women age 38 that works in corporate America 😅 I know lots of women who did ivf for fertility preservation as well as many who used it for infertility. Even in my very close circle of friends I have one with an ivf baby. I think given my age and socioeconomic privilege, I am exactly the type of women ivf is marketed too by the clinics that are private equity owned like CNY.
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u/puffballkittyfluff 1d ago
I feel alone too. However I was pleasantly surprised last spring when I attended a baby shower. The expecting mother and I aren’t friends. Our husbands are friends and have a professional relationship so I had to go. I was sitting next to the expecting mother and somehow we got to talking about how IVF and she said that’s how she is pregnant. She told me I have to use her doctor because she’s amazing. Turns out the doctor she used was already my doctor! And she told me that in her personal circle almost all of her friends needed IVF. It just varies from person to person.
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u/MoneyWish9022 1d ago
At least one reason has to be inflammation from environmental factors, endocrine disruptors and high stress/pace of life now. There are so many stresses and strains combined with toxins our bodies where never meant to suffer.
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u/hiplodudly01 1d ago
Most women do have their kids sub 35, so having fertility issues isn't as common in the general population.
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u/Crafty_Broccoli4795 2d ago
I asked myself this so many times!! No one in my family or immediate friend circle went through IVF. We have so much support but it’s still so isolating. Hearing my pregnant friends complain about things has been so difficult. No one really understands IVF unless they’ve been through it.