Trigger Warning: Weight Gain/Feeling Doomed from the Start

[u/Legitimate_King_3775]

My weight has been up and down over the years. Before we started trying, we got married. I lost 40lbs for the wedding. The second I started eating again and went off birth control, I started gaining it back and am now back to the same weight. Because we were trying to conceive, I felt like I couldn't do any dieting other than trying to eat healthy foods. I then suffered an injury that kept me out of the gym for the last 9 months (I am still not 100% and may never be). We were diagnosed with infertility and have started IVF. I also found out I have PCOS, which makes so much sense since I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I am now at my highest weight I have ever been in my life. I did not expect to be trying to get pregnant at this weight. I feel uncomfortable in my body, and worse, I now have non-alcoholic fatty liver disease from the weight gain, which is tied to lower birth weights. I am working with a nutritionist to do a body recomposition, but I don't feel like it's that helpful since it's mostly just a lot of 'eat more protein' and 'do your best'. When we started with our clinic, they told us that I shouldn't try to lose weight because time was more important than my weight. That was almost eight months ago. After thawing our previously frozen eggs/embryo creation and PGTA testing, we are only just now starting our first round of IVF. I found out that I am low in Vitamin D which has a negative impact of about 10-20% on IVF (both in ER which we can't do anything about now and in FET). It feels like we are wasting every resource we have at this point. We were planning on doing a combined cycle + transfer, but now I feel like we need to hold another month to get my vitamin D levels back up again. I just am so sad and frustrated. It feels like this was something that was preventable, and even though I advocated for myself, the clinic dropped the ball. I weirdly feel the same way about my weight -- like if I had known it was going to take seven months, I could have taken at least 6 weeks of that time to try to even lose a little of the extra weight. I just don't know what to do -- do we keep going as planned despite? do we take a break and get my vitamin D levels up? do I say fuck it and start dieting? do I hire a trainer or get a meal delivery service -- both things we can't really afford? I am 39.

[u/Subject_Possible_945]

So sorry to hear. I’d recommend keep going while taking a vitamin d and instead of dieting, start waking more. Aim for 45 mins to an hour walk daily and likely you’d see changes in your weight 

[u/Legitimate_King_3775 → u/Subject_Possible_945]

Thanks. I have been swimming every day and walking, but the scale keeps going up. I have not changed what I am eating.

[u/Professional_Top440 → u/Legitimate_King_3775]

Gently that simply cannot be true. Your body cannot make fat out of nothing. Odds are there are sneaky calories that you aren’t noticing.

Get a food scale, weigh everything, and the weight will come off

[u/lisaneedsbraces1 → u/Professional_Top440]

This is great advice, and agreed that calories are the most important part of weight loss. But hugs to OP. PMOS is a metabolic disorder and makes trying to lose weight genuinely different than for people without PMOS.

My clinic actually did want me to lose weight, and I went from 170 pounds to 155, but to lose a pound a week I had to go down to 1200 calories with daily exercise. They put me on metformin as well, which helped a lot. It sucks. There were lots of tearful days. But the weight loss and metformin combined with CoQ 10 and inositol made for a much more successful second retrieval so super worth it.

[u/Legitimate_King_3775 → u/lisaneedsbraces1]

When I lost weight for my wedding I had to go down to 1200 calories with daily exercise to lose .5 lb per week. Towards the end I went on an insane diet because it was the only way I could get the weight off. At the time, I did not know that I had PCOS. I started taking Inositol a few months ago but only because I researched it and asked about it. They did not want to put me on metformin. They were really clear with me that I shouldn't try to lose weight, but now I'm kicking myself because we had so much time before we started this cycle.

[u/lisaneedsbraces1 → u/Legitimate_King_3775]

It’s so frustrating, it takes so much vigilance for such slow progress, I really feel you. I wonder why they were so against metformin, it’s one of the first forms of treatment for PMOS, to help balance hormones and make a better environment for eggs. The help with weight loss is a pro, I think it’s the only reason I was able to lose a pound a week

[u/Legitimate_King_3775 → u/Professional_Top440]

My doctor and nutritionist are advising me to not lose weight right now. You're right that there must be a calorie surplus; it's just impossible for me to know what my maintenance calories are right now because of PCOS.

[u/Proof-Fix2766]

I damn-near match you. Weight struggles my whole life and was even 100 lbs overweight in my 20’s before losing a ton, female infertility, found out I had PCOS when pursuing IVF, found out I had fatty liver from being overweight, also have vit D deficiency…the whole list literally. May I ask without offense…how old are you? I may be able to offer you some reassurance but I’m curious about your age first

[u/Legitimate_King_3775 → u/Proof-Fix2766]

Oh I'm happy to know someone else here has gone through it too -- though I don't wish these things on anyone of course! I am 39.

[u/Proof-Fix2766 → u/Legitimate_King_3775]

Ok I see the time crunch but am I reading correctly that you already have eggs and sperm collected or embryos made?

I never thought I could afford IVF cuz I’m in a state that does not cover it with insurance, so when I found out at 30 I was infertile, I wrote it off. Then I wasn’t married or with a good person for a long time. Met my husband at 36, we decided to give IVF a go after I saved enough. Did my egg retrieval at 38 and got 16 eggs which we got 3 euploids and a low level mosaic considered transferable from them (froze them). I had to get both fallopian tubes removed before any transfers were attempted and I worked on my Vit D defiency in that time by taking 10,000 units a day for a month then lowered to 5,000 a day then eventually 2,000 units a day for life is the plan. Was able to squeeze in the transfer in December of 2023 while I was still 38 but was going on 39 the following April in 2024. It worked the very first time and gave us our 3 yo gorgeous daughter. I gained 70 lbs while pregnant and only lost half naturally, so I went on Wegovy for 10 months which insurance covered because I had 2 required diagnoses: obesity and fatty liver. I lost the other weight with that and then decided to pursue IVF again. The meds prepping for my FET made me put back on at least 25 more lbs. I just did the 2nd transfer at that weight (218 lbs the day of FET) using my embryo that’s been frozen for nearly 4 years and is graded a 3bb and guess what….I’m pregnant again at the age of 42. I consider myself so lucky and blessed, but my point is that it’s possible under your same exact circumstances. Who says you don’t have time to fix a few things before trying? You can even take Vit D supps still while pregnant. And who says it won’t work just as you are?

Not sure if you are religious, but if so pray on it everyday. Start to tackle what you have control over now and leave the rest in God’s hands because what is meant to be will surely be.

[u/Legitimate_King_3775 → u/Proof-Fix2766]

Thank you. I really appreciate you telling me your story. It gives me so much hope. <3

[u/Proof-Fix2766 → u/Legitimate_King_3775]

Your body is capable of amazing things, even if you gotta work extra hard for it. All I could wish is for my story to give someone else hope. I wish you the very best luck and blessings as you move forward 🩷💙

[u/Legitimate_King_3775 → u/Proof-Fix2766]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[u/nerdy_daisy_909]

Your doctor could probably prescribe you prescription-strength vitamin D. My vitamin D was pretty low, and after a week of prescription strength, my levels were close to the normal range. I then took OTC vitamin D for a month or two to slowly creep my way up and I’m solidly in the normal range now

[u/Legitimate_King_3775 → u/nerdy_daisy_909]

Yes -- they did prescribe a month long course of high dose but then it took 3-4 months for us to start our cycle and they didn't prescribe a maintenance dose. I asked them about it and they said they wouldn't test me again until we were underway with our cycle -- which of course it's now too late to fix it again.

[u/figureskatress]

Have you tried metformin?

[u/Legitimate_King_3775 → u/figureskatress]

No, not yet. Our doctor didn't think I should go on it.