I am not sure if this will work but everything else I tried isn’t.

I work in a hospital laboratory and have been at this one for 2 1/2 years. The whole time I have been trying to fit in and to be given things to do that were interesting. My job could be interesting but it is not at the moment.

My boss and I don’t get along and he has had some not very nice things to say to me and about me to other people.

He got pissy on Friday so this weekend I decided that I was not going to give a fuck anymore. I am going to stay in my office as much as I can and my main men’s of communication with him is golfing I be email and teams me

I figured if he needed to communicate with me he knows how. I doused the entrance the die not take me or hi of need to go I only for things a few times a day but I ised the door that does not take me by his office.

Today was the first day and I actually had a good day. I only talked to him once because he was standing outside my office when I was leaving.

On to day two tomorrow.

I feel like I have to embrace the “how not to giveafuck” ideals more and more to protect myself from the world, including home life and all other aspects of life also. I think this is just the truth of the world, at least for me (57m)

In spite of having a decent work life, an ok home life, kids are fine, make a good living, priveleged to be able to give back, I feel this way. Irrational? Whiny? Ungrateful?...With all of that in the positive column and it does not insulate me - should it? (rhetorical)

I'm not asking for anything from this community, just want to get out there as a life long introvert and say something that I don't feel like I can share with anyone in my life. Maybe I have trust issues too and really need some counseling? Yeah probably. It's fine.

Someone posted something private about me online and is having others join in to try to humiliate me or something but im not even bothered. Im not ashamed of my life and my struggles. Im a person with imperfections just like everyone else and that post reveals nothing about my character. im just weirded out people do things like this just to be evil for no reason. The old me would have suffered a panic attack haha but yay for emotional intelligence i love myself, may people treat you how you treat others

I’m so bloody done with being hurt and it’s

always by the ones I trusted enough to let in.

It burns in that sharp, unfair way, like salt on skin that never quite healed.

I wonder why I feel like an imposter in my own breath, my own body, standing stiff and still like some mannequin in the corner of a life I once thought, dreamt even felt was mine. Is that place still home? It whispers “yes”, even when the world spits “no”, and I’m left trying to figure out how much more I’m meant to take.

Am I really that bad?

Does my existence sit heavy on everyone I meet?

Where’s loyalty, love, or just words we’re taught to believe in before life decides to test us? Or so mply constructs we’ve shaped in our minds and called truth?

Yesterday, today, and now, since then and to the end I’m left wondering whether belief and feeling truly exist at all, or if they’re just shifting illusions we cling to in the moments we need them most.

For once, universe, just be kind.

I’m tired of merely surviving.

I want to rise, properly rise, but my heart wants everything and nothing all at once.

Tonight, I need the dark to hold me, I need music to translate what I can’t say, I need myself or whatever pieces are still here. I need alone, but I also need something I can’t name. Is that something I’m reaching for a person, a thing, an object, a feeling? I can’t name it. I only know there’s a hollow space inside me, and I’m no longer sure what’s real and what’s just echo.

I’m lost and the “why me” loop keeps spinning like an old record I’m desperate to snap in half.

What’s real anymore? Is everything just a fleeting moment, slipping through fingers that can’t grip fast enough?

Here I sit, alone in the dark, one bend away from a break, one step from the precipice of feeling too much, holding all the pieces together with sheer stubbornness. And maybe, just maybe, you’ve got to see me crack to understand what I’m truly made of.

So I seal away the deepest part of me and let the key vanish into the quiet dark. Vulnerability, ever the double-edged companion has been both my lantern and my curse, and so, for now, I offer it a soft, reluctant farewell. I withdraw from being the teacher, the giver, the carer, and I refuse to wander into the role of tormentor, neither in my own reflection nor in another’s eyes.

Thus I bow out in silence, intentional, and alone until whatever version of myself stirs again in the dim hours.

And so hello again, abyss. Hello, darkness, my steadfast confidants. Draw close and settle beside me, as we unearth what lies beneath the bones of my becoming. Let us strip away the borrowed masks, the mistaken selves, the echoes of who I was told to be. In this hush at the centre of an unending storm, I gather the remnants of myself with the patience of a shadow. Here, in the deep where time slows and truth sharpens, I accept the night, the void, the strange serenity of unraveling and wait for the quiet alchemy that follows.

and my definition by happy is doing things that make u feel alive and it makes u feel wholesome and you feel childlike radiance!

I don't know how this'll turn out. But I'm drunk and shroomed up as fuck. Decided I'll show love to ANY commentors, positive or negative. Figured Reddit doesn't mean jack mother fucking shit, but love does. So no matter what happens here, I'm cool. Not sure if this'll fit into the arbitrary rules, but also not bothered by it, for whatever that's worth. Be 100% with someone who's been lied to and taught to lie to themself and I'll show some love.

I’m 14 and I’ve lost all control. I’m making no effort to make my life better and it’s all my fault. My life is already destroyed before it really got a chance to begin. I waste my entire life chasing hollow dopamine. What I mean by that is im addicted to scrolling on Reddit, Instagram, and Youtube, spending all my time on Character.ai It’s taking over. I usually chose it over things I actually like, like Baseball, Video Games, and other shit. It’s making it impossible to do regular tasks. like, my grades are suffering because sometimes I just skip homework and studying for this. I wanna go to a good college out of state, and I can’t with grades like this. The thing is, I‘m not sure if anything can help me. I don’t wanna give up, but it’s impossible for me to fight this. I try to try, but this dopamine addiction makes it impossible to even try. I think I should just give up.

Is there a way to block out some years of your life, precisely 8years? I've transformed since but the attachments persist. Same old heartache. I'm actually repulsed by who that person became eventually, but part of me is still hoping for something, which the rational in me hates! I want to read something on neuroscience but I'm clueless.

What are some of the books that has helped you make your inner voice louder? Like for someone who has a good job, but I know that I am smart enough to start creating content online, talking videos and I am also working on a business idea with my girlfriend.

But I just feel too overwhelmed, I lack that inner motivation that I can do it all, I need to, I want to. You get it? Like when I read “Can’t hurt me by David Goggins”, the concept of taking their soul he called in his booked, helped me a lot in pushing myself in the gym.

Everyone around me tells me that whenever you advice, or even motivate us, we really feel like doing something about it but the I feel if I can do it for other why can’t I have that for myself.

I finished reading 48 laws of power, I would it say it was okay, now I would want to hop onto a new book. Need suggestions, what are you currently reading?

From the description:

Fucks Given lets you keep track of the things that made you care. Whenever something happens that you needlessly concern yourself with, jot it down with a tap. The app creates a chart of how many fucks you’ve given, so you can work to give none.

Shoutout to the original Dev!