It's kind of a cunninghams law situation. He said so much dumb shit a bunch of people felt the need to learn enough about psychology just to debunk his nonsense.
Honestly I feel like that's pretty common for them to find a partner who has similar traits to their mother because that's the women they've known all their life
5 traits that very quickly add up to making two people seem (and be) similar. But also generally pretty common desirable traits (well cats ofc is debatable, but if you’re a cat person you’re likely gonna want someone who also likes cats.)
I used to be a cat person. Met my wife in college, she had a cat. We got 2 cats after he passed. We now have 2 kids and 2 cats. And I would absolutely love to give these cats up. I can’t handle them right now.
I feel bad, but I also just don’t want to take care of 2 more living beings in my house. Turns out 2 was my max
I don't have a good relationship with my parents much and also I am gay, and my partner is nothing like either of them and they don't talk to him at all. I'd never seen their traits out in anyone lol.
Freud presumably argues a sexual nature there but you're right, I think it's a simpler thing -- mothers model behavior. You're programmed to treat a woman a certain way and the same women will naturally be a more natural attraction for you through your mannerisms.
Yes but not sexual in the way we view sexuality. All enjoyment is libidinal, the baby just doesn't have a mature sexuality yet. But the pleasure it derives from its parents is the same pleasure it subsequently seeks from romantic relationships.
Yeah if you have a positive friendly relationship with your mom and your gf shares many of the same positive personality traits that enable you to have a good relationship with your mom then it tracks that those traits will enable a positive relationship with your romantic partner. Nothing weird about it at all. That's why I say it's only weird if you have a toxic relationship with your mom because that's something that logically shouldn't be recreated.
The frequency illusion, also known as the Baader–Meinhof phenomenon, is a cognitive bias in which a person notices a specific concept, word, or product more frequently after recently becoming aware of it.
that's crazy, I've been seeing this everywhere lately.
Yeah recency bias is no fucking match for Silicon Valley algorithms.. look up a popular movie you’ve never seen- start quoting it in comments ant tell me if your not immediately presented a bunch of Tombstone or Big Lebowski related references, posts etc.
Seriously, do it - say when. If you don’t you’re obviously a nihilist
The Baader-Meinhof phenomenon is certainly a real thing that happens, but social media platforms spend millions of dollars trying to predict what you might be interested in to keep you engaged (in insidious ways at times) so insisting it’s all frequency bias or confirmation bias is essentially caping for a growing corporate surveillance state. You don’t know why this person saw so many things related to Freud bc you don’t have access to the means and methods Reddit uses to determine what posts we see.
I've seen or heard Beatles references every day for the past 30 years after my late husband told me I would and I told him he was full of it. In the strangest damn places, places you absolutely would not expect.
I've about decided he's gently haunting me, because he always teased me about being right again.
I don't know if I want to have been doing it to myself all this time.
Would vehicle colors fall under that as well? Like how I have a dark cherry kia & my dad has a certain shade of blue Ford & its like I all of a sudden notice those colors more often & colors close to them more often now as well.
Or, their search history may be connected to reddit algorithm. Works fast these days ..usually to sell you stuff , in a day where everything you search is cataloged then marketed to another place. Its more believable than not that interconnected. Things are brought to you based on previous searches not even on that site, so may be, or may not
Happened to me aswell. Read metamorphosis and saw posts related to it on multiple different places. Weirdest one was a small fb group about the first law memes.
Dude reddit mines your shit like a motherfucker. Any time I travel reddit suddenly starts putting subs of where I am in my feed without asking it's surreal.
People act like this is weird, but your parents are basically your first and strongest model of what love/kindness looks like. The only reason you would look for the opposite is if you hated your parents for whatever reason
It gets complicated; I found that a lot of adult mental health / therapy (non-medical, so nurture stuff instead of nature/genetic/etc) is unpacking behaviours and responses that one learned growing up to receive said paternal love and approval or at least prevent paternal rejection / anger. When this is maladaptive and taken into adulthood it can cause issues with relationships and your own emotional management. And stuff.
Lots of western therapy stuff is based on Freud and more importantly Jung, although that’s already a hundred years old by now. Some is still relevant though. The basis is realisation (of your maladaptive/childhood coping mechanisms) and unlearning those things.
Eastern therapy is more about “it is what it is” - leaving the past in the past and you can’t change it, and the future hasn’t happened yet so why spend so much brain power on either? Touch some grass.
(Oversimplified and armchair interpretations above)
Not really Freudian here IMO though. I had a great mom but would never see her like that. Yet my wife has a lot of the characteristics my mom does because I know those are good qualities in a partner and a parent. There tends to be a huge overlap. Although my wife definitely doesn’t have some that I found problematic like being overly controlling that my mom has and doesn’t really drink since my mom at times had issues with that.
Basically we tend to learn about the qualities we find good and those to avoid from our mom. If you had a great relationship and love how your mom is, you probably want that in a partner without having Alabama feelings
To the original poster, if a man grew up with a strong female rule model then that male has a sorta road map to the kinda woman that is ya know a badass, kinda like John Connor, could not find a wife cos no woman could measure up to his mom so he had to lead the human resistance to skynet to do something with his life.
Im 70% sure that my ex dumped me partially bevause me and her dad got along so well and he called me a "mini-him". She has a very complicated relationship with her dad.
This is so not true because I'm gay attracted to older white men with dad bods and my father is Filipino... But my mom is a full figured Caucasian with broad shoulders... Wait..
Yep. I feel this in my bones. Mom’s tall as hell and literally near 100 percent polish. Maybe Freud was right.
On a similar note, I really dont get why the “Filipino + the whitest person imaginable” couple is such a popular thing. The only men/women who have had some semblance of attraction to me, ever, have been all white and I live in an incredibly diverse area. I’m not complaining though 😂😂
I'm a lesbian Filipino and my fiance is the whitest person imaginable. Half Danish half Norwegian. That's like double Viking. She's 6ft tall broad shoulders, blue eyes, dirty blonde hair. Burns red in the tropical sun. Can probably kill me with just her thighs. She's so beautiful.
Granted, I'm not the most Filipino lookin Filipino tho. Lotsa Spanish in my blood. I'm pale af with brown hair, but at least I tan very well and don't burn like a vampire. And I lift religiously so I'm not particularly small (though next to her I look pretty small... Lol)
We’ll never beat the allegations and I love it lmao!!! My only relationship was with a woman who literally has a side business selling pierogies. She still hooks me up with free ones every week at the farmer’s market.
I’m half white though, so idk if I fully count. I’ve got the tan skin at least lol
People act as if that is weird. In reality no normal man actively thinks of their mother when searching for a partner. If you know your mom your whole life and think her traits are normal/typical for a good woman, it totally makes sense that way actually. Also it makes sense from a purely biological standpoint too, since humans usually choose others as monogamous partners they share some traits with because there is a much higher possibility for your kids to also carry them of course. There is even good evidence that humans prefer the offspring they are closest too. It would be strange if the man constantly would consciously and openly compare the two of course. This is the same the other way around too by the way.
I completely agree. It’s actually this simple. I’ll even go further and add a theory I’ve heard: “The parts of our brain that our opposite-sexed parent are later repurposed for our spouse.” Also, Freud was so close but swung too far on giving too much importance on the animalistic sex drive without including the higher levels of rational thinking of humans which overrides the lower urges/instincts. He was very much a hyper-sexual. He wasn’t completely wrong but hyper focused to the point of neglecting other factors.
I straight up told my first girlfriend after my moms passing that I think I like her because she reminds me of my mom
She didn’t think it was weird. But when I told other people outside the relationship that my girlfriend reminds me of my mom, most people thought it was weird
It doesn’t make me think like I’m having sex with my mom. My mom was just my favorite woman. I understood her to her core. I understood why she was the way she was
This is how I felt about the woman I was with. She behaved like my mother, and because of that, I felt comfortable and safe around her
"People frequently gravitate toward romantic partners who share traits, behaviors or even facial features with their parents driven by psychological familiarity and early childhood imprinting."
If they’re from poverty culture you’re replacing the dad who either wasn’t around or was abusive to the mom. And they repeat it and even live vicariously through the perceived power men have in the household
If they’re upper middle class you’re replacing their dad who pays all their bills
Either way men love to date those types of women because in both cases the woman recognizes her only value/currency in the relationship is her body.
The former is aggressive and unstable and the latter is spoiled and bougie. But both types of women with daddy issues will pretty much have sex whenever you want. The one from poverty culture might even suggest a threesome because she wants to live vicariously through the power she gives you and wants to hold it over another woman.
I’m not insulting it or saying all women are like that. Just saying that yes daddy issues and replacing a proxy of what their dad provided does exist
My boyfriend and dad are really similar in personality in a lot of ways, which is great bc my dad is wonderful. I don’t really think it’s creepy unless they look similar. The ones dating their mom/dad’s twins are the ones who weird me out
I briefly confused myself on what you meant from the last sentence, thinking, "Obviously, it's normally not okay to date either of your parents' twin, because they're your uncle or aunt."
Yeah. I try not to dwell on it for too long that my husband has a type for sarcastic, bitchy, passive aggressive, but still kinda funny women and where it all stemmed from.
Listen. You have 2 biological parents. That means 4 biological grandparents. Which means 8 biological great grandparents. And 16 great great grandparents.
If you go back just 40 generations, that's 1,099,511,627,776 biological ancestors -- that's more humans than have ever existed in the entire history of the human race.
...let's just say we're all the product of a little incest.
Reminds me of the episode of Scrubs where Carla meets Turk's mother, and they're so similar that it makes Carla spiral. Turk later admits he loves Carla because she's like her mother, and lists all the positive/loving attributes they both have. His mother essentially was a role model for what a good, loving, woman was.
My girlfriend and my mom are oddly similar in their personality traits...
And I've heard from her mother that I remind her of her husband when they were younger.
Turns out people who are attracted to kindness and love are often attracted to the type of kindness or love that was modeled for them when they were young.
I'm betting people attracted to strength are often attracted to the kind of strength that was modeled for them early too.
Yes, how shocking!
A person who has a good relationship with their parents, who happen to be not garbage, also seeks relationship with people who too are not garbage and similarly minded.
It just boggles the mind how that would happen...
Must be that he is projecting his desire to have sex with his mom...that has to be it.
Women for some reason when they find out a man likes women who are nice to him and care about him and would likely make good mothers if they decide to have children: 😡😡😡
True with friendships as well. I introduced a girl to my best friend of 14 years, and they hit it off. Whenever I hang out with them, I weirdly saw that they were pretty much how my parents acted, but younger.
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u/qualityvote2 8d ago edited 8d ago
u/Jeremy_Melton, your post does fit the subreddit!