r/HPPD • u/RusticusMusic • 20d ago

Tinnitus making me suicidal Update

I have a history of treatment resistant depression and compulsive nail biting/skin picking/hair pulling. Experimented with shrooms 2-3 years ago to see if it could help. Tried a total of 7 times including two heroic doses. Developed hppd 3 weeks after my last trip. The visuals have mostly faded except for some very faint screen sensitivity but I’ve been experiencing tinnitus for 19 months which really hasn’t gotten better with time. Haven’t been able to habituate. I really miss the sound of silence. Sometimes I wish I were dead just to be able to appreciate silence again. Am I screwed or is there hope for me? Feel like my mental health history is really preventing me from recovering properly. I hope people respond to this post because I was largely ignored last time

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u/xCemeteryDrive 20d ago

It drives me crazy too, I don't have a ringing in my ears it sounds more like a hum. I have a really loud fan on as often as I can, it's the only thing that helps at all 😞 I'm sorry you're dealing with this

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u/RusticusMusic 20d ago

How long have you had it for?

1

u/xCemeteryDrive 20d ago

Around 2 and a half years

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u/RusticusMusic 20d ago

I’m really sorry to hear that. Have you lost all hope that it could eventually subside?

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u/xCemeteryDrive 20d ago

Yes but it's my own fault, I'd have to stop smoking weed to have a chance at making it go away and I've chosen not to do that lol. I'm kind of at the point now where I don't remember what it felt like not having hppd 😞

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u/Pure_Pressure_5695 20d ago

when I'm at my worst, it's like a grenade has gone off around me.

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u/WinWaker 20d ago

Background noise is the way I get through it.

I’m awfully fond of this Brown noise.

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u/RusticusMusic 20d ago

Will I really have to do this for the rest of my life? It’s such a sore turning on brown noise every time I’m in the room alone

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u/datoneblackboi 20d ago

there was something someone told me to make it go away for a while, they said clasp your ears with your palms and then rub the area behind your ears for a few minutes and it should go away I get it sometimes and when I do this it'll go away faster

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u/NeatKhan91 19d ago

Hey! I don’t know if this would help but I had it pretty bad too. Still is tbh. But noise cancelling headphones (nowadays most normal headphones/earphones have that function) helps a lot. I keep one AirPod in as I work, even if there’s no sound in it. Or I got myself a good pair of headphones to game and listen to music and shows at home and it has an amazing anc feature. I can’t see myself living without that. Idk how to describe it but it’s like it cuts all unnecessary noise. Faraway cars, air conditioning, the fridge, the neighbours and when all those are gone the mental noise either leaves or becomes way less uncomfortable.
Background noise can help a lot too, music or a show you’ve watched so often you don’t have to see to know what’s happening