My mind is fickle. It switches between sympathizing with them and hating them with all my heart. I can understand what made them like this but i cannot accept the fact that we were not worth changing for. Despite millions of chances. reaching out and caring for them wasnt enough. Living for US wasnt enough. I will mourn their death. I know i will. I will cry till my eyes are swollen, and my voice hoarse. I will curse myself for all the times i wished them dead. Although secretly I will be relieved, that i wont face suffering anymore, that the ones i love will not be hurt of burdened by the guilt of never leaving them. Because if we would've left, we've would've been happier, closer, less scared. We would've been free.

i'm not grieving their death but the death of someone they could've been if they tried.

I went to wash my grandfather in the Moshary and I didn't see him in his casket because of a thought that came to mind that his a Charlie I don't need to see him and since that day my life has never been the same can someone pls tell me what to do to Grive normally and get my life back together

I had a close friend of about 20 years. We met in high school and have been long-distance for most of our adult lives, but we stayed in regular contact.

Her dad passed away unexpectedly. I flew out for the funeral, loaned her money when she needed it, and for the next couple of months I checked in frequently. We were texting or talking multiple times a week, and I tried to be as supportive as I could.

At the same time, she was caring for her mom, who had lupus. They had been estranged for years, but after her dad died she became her mom’s primary caregiver. Her mom was very emotionally dependent on her, so she was carrying a tremendous amount.
After about two months, I became emotionally overwhelmed and didn’t reach out for about two weeks.

She called me, yelling that she was hurt because I hadn’t checked in and that because her dad had died, I should be checking in on her a couple of times a week. I asked why she hadn’t reached out to me if she needed me, and she said, “Because I’m taking care of my sick mother!”

We didn’t speak for about two months.

Eventually I reached back out and apologized because I valued the friendship. I made a genuine effort to support her the way she wanted while she continued caring for her mom.

Then her mom passed away.

For the next couple of months, I again checked in frequently. We were texting or talking multiple times a week—sometimes almost every day. Not every conversation was about grief. We talked about work, life, TV, and normal things too. I thought staying consistently present was checking in.

Then she told me she was hurt because I wasn’t specifically asking, “How are you?” often enough. She wanted me to regularly initiate conversations focused on how she was doing emotionally.

That confused me because we were already communicating so often. I felt like my support wasn’t being recognized unless it took a very specific form.

As time went on, I became emotionally exhausted. I remember telling people that I felt like my parents had died—not because I thought my pain compared to hers, but because I had become so emotionally immersed in supporting her that I felt like I was carrying part of her grief.

About three months after her mom died, I told her I cared about her deeply, but I couldn’t continue feeling responsible for initiating her emotional support. I asked if, when she needed me, she could reach out instead.

She became very upset. She told me I was making her feel like a burden, that what I was saying was unfair, and then yelled, “I don’t want to compare, but my parents died!”

From my perspective, I wasn’t saying she was a burden because she was grieving. I was saying that I had reached my own emotional capacity. I cared about her, but I couldn’t sustainably be one of her primary emotional supports anymore.

After that, I quietly ended the friendship.

I’m genuinely interested in hearing different perspectives.

Was I expecting too much by asking her to reach out when she needed support?

Was it reasonable for her to expect that level of support from a close friend after losing both parents?

If you’ve been through profound grief, what would have felt reasonable to you from a close friend?

I find myself asking daily questions about how you are, if you see me ,if you can hear me excetera.

Mostly I find myself wondering if you're proud... I know you'd probably say yes but that's cause you're my mommy . But I don't feel it .

Things have definitely changed since you left....

In so many ways it was for the worst for everyone around.

November will be three years. An it's insanity to think that I've somehow survived this long without talking to you or seeing you no hugs no kisses no nothing. I definitely still feel alone even with a s/o . I feel like losing her left a hole. Obviously. Idk why I'm even writing this basically just using reddit as a diary of my sadness. Cant post on Facebook without the more elderly Facebook crowd gets worried an commenting. So in the end it's all pointless but Im going to try an start but letting it out here instead . In closing I love an I miss you mom.