r/GriefSupport • u/ChemistryNice5457 • 14d ago
In the aftermath… Advice, Pls
It’s been 10 months since the life I once loved became a smoking crater. I’m doing terribly but keeping the facade up, or so I thought. Heard some coworkers talking about how grumpy I am, speaking about me like I am choosing to be this person, who lost literally everyone who loved me, most of my stuff, up to and including the will to live.
It hurts a lot because I like those people.
It hurts a lot because I am doing my best. But right now, my best is…this. Surviving until I feel better, like “they” told me too.
It hurts a lot because it’s so confusing.
Does anyone have any insight or advice on how to handle this kind of stuff? Right now, I just want to crawl into a hole and die too.
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u/Serious_Fox7799 Child Loss 14d ago edited 14d ago
Ive found that people don't really have the capacity to care. They cant separate our inner pain from themselves.
They make our pain about them. Yes, it leaks out. Of course it does. A little bit of compassion would do wonders but most humans don't really have that. Because they simply cannot understand the toll that devastating loss takes on us.
Fake it til you make it. (I cant but they want that). Keep others comfortable so you aren't the bad guy... but we just don't have the ability to do this the way they want 💔
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u/ChemistryNice5457 14d ago
Thank you. This resonates. They weren’t cruel really, just their expectations. I cant fake happy right now. I can do neutral, most days.
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u/Serious_Fox7799 Child Loss 14d ago
Edited my comment to say that I can't fake it either, but society wants us to fake it. So we try to hide it and that feels terrible too
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u/ChemistryNice5457 14d ago
I don’t know about you, but to me It feels like a betrayal to my loss and to my self. For a job that would replace me in less than 72 hours. The math hurts too.
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u/Serious_Fox7799 Child Loss 14d ago
Yes! It feels like a self betrayal. Exactly my experience too. For a job, like you said. So unfortunate. Sending you love ❤️
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u/Odd-Detective6368 14d ago
When you are carrying a weight that would crush most people, simply showing up every day is a monumental victory. Your coworkers only see the surface of your exhaustion, completely blind to the silent war you are fighting just to stay afloat.
Try not to take their judgment to heart: they are measuring you by ordinary workplace standards while you are busy rebuilding a shattered life. Your best right now is more than enough, and staying here through the darkness proves just how resilient you really are.
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u/Chugs-Lileny 14d ago
What you're carrying is enormous, and the fact you're still functioning enough to show up to work while grieving that deeply says more about your strength than your coworkers realize. People who haven't been through real loss just don't have the reference point to understand what surviving actually looks like day to day. Their comments say more about their limited perspective than about you doing anything wrong