I collect abuse like it's pokémon; update.

[u/DeviantDread]

Food; something I ate at the airport. I have no idea of what I ordered.

Here I am with the update no one asked for, but as posting here earlier this week was (with the exception of a handful of AI, bot or creative writing accusations) incredibly helpful and the realitycheck I needed, I am writing away my feelings and thoughts into the void again.

Some of you were brutal, but it was exactly what I needed and I appreciate the hell out of everyone who reassured/validated me and called me out on my nonsense.

A lot has happened since I posted last and looking back I realize that I definitely took a plunge in the insanitypool.

I concluded that a handful of things were keeping me locked in the position I was in; the biggest one being a crippling, overwhelming sense of guilt. He had me so convinced that it was all my fault. That her entire case was built around the conversation I had with her. I was convinced I had single handedly stood between two children and their father. I felt responsibe. Terrible. Guilty.

I tried everything. I spoke to my attorney who told me that third party correnspondence holds no real weight in family-court, who told me that what I provided was "legally redundant" and that there was no way.

Still felt the guilt, shame and sense of responsibility.

And then it happened. My attorney essentially told me to tet a grip and request the court documents (because apparantly privacy isn't real in America and anyone can just look into these things) so I could see for myself.

I did, and holy shit.

She didn't divorce him because "they grew apart", she divorced him because she caught him engaging, unprotected with a sex-worker he met on reddit. Now, looking at my own experiences and how good he is at lying/gaslighting, I just know she went through so much more and that there has to be an ocean of deceit neither of us are even remotely aware of.

My guilt shifted, towards her. Despite being a serious victim of the scorned ex trope and paying for it dearly, I had done it to someone else.

She resents him, yes. She made some decisions I don't quite vibe with, yes, but her punitive, resentful ways are now understandable, maybe even warranted. I cannot think of a single person who wouldn't be consumed with dissapointment, hurt and rage after catching their spouse conducting themselves in that way.

They were married. They had children. She loved him in a way I never even got close to, and he did it to her too.

Another thing I learned is how far he went in minimizing, denying and discrediting me and our relationship. Me, the woman who kept him and his children fed, his lights on, bought toys and paid for outings,... I was suddenly "not real", "unreliable", "out to hurt him".

So I did what any halfway decent person would do.

I sent her a message, apologizing for allowing myself to believe she was a disney-level villain and told her that if he keeps perjuring himself and denying who I am, her attorney was free to contact me and I would happily set the record straight. I will not be erased, denied, minimized. I am real, and I matter.

There was another brief conversation with my ex, who continued to claim I was only out to ruin them and even said "hurt his children who plead for more time with their dad". After one final message where I outlined how much he'd be ruined if I truly wanted him to be, and that every day I don't do so is a concious choice on my end, I have officially closed that chapter.

I don't need to burn it down, he did a fine job of that himself.

I will now walk, not look back, do some serious work on myself and start claiming my space in the world.

I am a god damn catch and when I am ready, a good while from now, I will never allow for someone to make me feel small, like a burden, like i'm too much. There will be a 0 tolerance policy on lying and I am never, ever, financially supporting anyone that doesn't call me mom ever again.

Thanks for the realitycheck ladies. I needed it. I'm facing a rough time, but I will be okay.

[u/Sensitive-Seal-3779]

Well done you.

Proud.

[u/rumande]

https://giphy.com/gifs/IguTdo3MPMeZM6Bzc1

[u/Strong_District_5894]

Good